the scroll

What I actually do as a doula

22/9/2023

You’ve heard that a doula is a professional support person for birth, but maybe you’re not sure what that means exactly. Here is a breakdown of the things that I do prenatally, at the birth, and postpartum.

I serve the Dayton, Ohio area as a birth doula.

Prenatally

We have a couple of prenatal appointments.

Our first appointment includes the intake. This is where I get to know the family and more about what they want for their birth. I ask about learning styles, preferences on a lot of things, and go through a list of things they may want more information about.
We talk about birth plans! I want to know what is important to them. Things don’t always go as planned, but it always matters to me to know what matters to them. I want to know what’s most important, what they are looking forward to most, what they fear, and how they feel on different things such as pain management or interventions.
We also talk about their experience so far in the healthcare system with their maternity care. I ask them how they feel about their care, how they are being treated, how communication is going, etc.
We talk about patient rights.
We also talk about navigating communication in the healthcare system.
If they are not happy with their care, I offer insight on birth locations and providers that may align more with the care they are looking for.
My favorite appointment is the class on coping with contractions. We talk about a lot and really focus on learning the different options for preparing to labor.
I assist the dad in learning how to take care of his wife during birth.
If momma wants to have other family members or friends support her birth, they are invited to the prenatal on coping with contractions. I will teach them how to support birth as well.
If they need it, we can go over the basics of childbirth education. In that, we also talk about ways to help labor progress and what kinds of things I can do that may help them have a shorter labor and smoother birth.
If needed, I also have a breastfeeding basics class we can do an additional appointment for.
If requested, I can attend one prenatal appointment with their provider.

Outside of those appointments, we keep in touch.

I’m available by phone whenever they need me. That’s not just for the birth. If they have questions prenatally, they can text me anytime.
The client may give me a quick update after prenatal appointments with their provider.
I check in by text every now and then to see how everything is going.
I am always available for education and support related to their pregnancy, birth, postpartum, or healthcare. Ask me anything.
I share resources in the community or online that they have asked for or I think may be helpful to them.
I email or text educational links and videos.
I write handouts and blogs by request.
I can also research questions for them so they don’t have to take the time to do so. Want to know the top-rated car seat? I’ll do that research for you. Looking for statistics on something? Let me hunt that down for you. This saves the parents time, and I enjoy research.
As we reach the end of the pregnancy, I double check my list of the topics they wanted more information on.
I also send emails/resources to prepare for postpartum.
Of course, I send breastfeeding education as needed.
My goal is to get mothers and their husbands as prepared for birth educationally, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as I can.
I also pray for my clients to have healthy babies and healthy pregnancies + births.

Throughout the pregnancy, we communicate regularly. I get to know them better and that allows me to serve them better at the birth.

At the birth

When it’s time for the birth, I come as soon as they want me to. Some want me right away. Others want to let things pick up for a bit first. Some want me to meet them at home. Others want me to meet them at the hospital. If she goes into labor naturally, it tends to be at night. There’s something about going out to my van in the middle of the night carrying all my bags in the cool air under the stars that I absolutely love. It’s invigorating. I’m a night owl to the core, and am more than happy to head out to work at 2am.

Support looks different depending on where she is at in labor. This is also highly individual. In early labor, things are generally pretty casual. I may be fairly hands-off because she doesn’t need any hands-on support yet. As things get more intense, I get more hands-on. There’s a stereotype that women don’t like to be touched during transition. For some, that’s true. For others, they get clingy during transition (which is actually my preference). What support looks like is going to vary a lot from person to person and birth to birth. I always tell my mommas what I need most from them is to be comfortable communicating with me. Don’t hesitate to tell me what you want and don’t want. I am here to serve you.

LABOR
Here are some things that I typically do during labor. What needs done when is a very intuitive process.

Physical support:

Hip squeezes for days. I do a lot of counter-pressure.
Prenatally, we talk about and practice different coping techniques. I take notes on what they like and what they don’t. When it comes time, I gently remind them of the things they can do. I never tell them what to do. I always word it as options and there are always alternatives. It’s 100% okay to say you don’t want to try that right now. We’ve got plenty of things to choose from.
I offer suggestions on coping if they seem like they need it.
I offer suggestions on positioning.
I get out the support supplies I bring. I also get out the supplies in the hospital room such as birth balls, peanut balls, squat bars, etc. I’ll give a quick reminder how to use them. In labor, I won’t go over all the options with each support tool. I’ll give one or two and see how she feels about it.
Throughout labor, I will offer different support supplies or bring them near if we need them. I find some support tools are better at different points in labor. What we do in early labor is different than what we do in transition. Typically, people pick a few tools and those are what they prefer. No one uses all the tools in the bag, and that’s okay. We’ll find what works best for her specifically.
I come with my walking shoes on. We walk the halls a lot. We also squat in the halls, do counter-pressure in the halls, and smile at the other mommas doing the same. As we are walking, I carry whatever she needs me to. If she’s on a wireless monitor that has a box and strap, I’ll carry it for her. If she has an IV, I’ll roll it. And I might fan her with the hand fan I keep in my front pocket as she labors. One of the things I usually have in my pockets is a hand fan.
This one might sound weird, but I pay attention to how long it’s been since she peed. A full bladder can hinder the uterus from contracting. If I notice their contractions are spacing out, I’ll ask if they need to pee. Sometimes they have a hard time knowing if they have a full bladder because there is increasing pressure from the baby moving down.
If they get nauseas, I keep alcohol swabs in my pocket. I can dodge for an emesis bag quickly. If they throw up, I clean them up (and the floor or whatever it hit).
Bloody show can happen before labor or not. It can be a little bit or a lot. Sometimes it’s drip drops. Other times it runs down their leg a bit. If they get messy, I glove up and wipe them off. If it’s on their thighs, I always ask if they’re comfortable if I clean their thighs off before I touch them.
I am big on consent. I check in with her often to see what she wants, how she’s feeling about it, what she’s okay with, if she’s comfortable, and seek feedback from her. We talk about this prenatally as well. I always want people to feel safe with me. For example, in my class on coping with contractions I teach hip squeezes for counter-pressure. I will ask if she’s comfortable if I squeeze her hips. Anything that might be personal space for them, I want to check in and make sure they are comfortable with that kind of touch. I know for me birth is normal life and I’m both aware and comfortable, but for them this type of care is vulnerable and they may not know what to expect.
If they want to get in the shower, I help them with that. I will get the water going, help them into the tub/shower, and stay by their side. Sometimes I will take the showerhead and spray hot water on their back. Other times, I will do counter-pressure while they are in the shower. If they want to actually shower and get cleaned up, I can help with that. They may want a full shower especially if they’ve been in labor a while or they may just want hot water on their back. The shower is a great option when active labor is getting intense.
If the exercise of labor is making her warm, I’ll grab a cool washcloth. These are great on the forehead or neck. I also have ice packs I can fill up with ice or cold water for her to hold onto or put on.
On the other hand, if she’s cold I’ll go get her a warm blanket and try to keep her cozy. Sometimes people will go back and forth between hot and cold with all the hormones.
Another way I support them physically is by bringing a drink of water to them. Depending on the hospital, I may be the one to go refill the water or it may be a nurse.
I also bring them their snacks. If she needs me to open it and/or hand it to her, I’m right here.
I do whatever I can to comfort the laboring mother and help her cope with the process.
If she needs a hand to hold, I’m here. If she needs to lean on me, feel welcome. Whatever you need, let me know or just go ahead and we’ll roll with it.
The mother leads how hands-on or hands-off she wants people to be. If she wants hands-on support, I’m right there. If she wants to lay down and rest a few minutes, I’m either on the couch or sitting on the chair by her side. If she needs some space, I totally understand.

If she gets an epidural, I sit by her while she rests. I keep watch. We can chit-chat if she’s up for it. I can help the nurses reposition her, but I won’t reposition a patient with an epidural by myself. If there are two nurses in the room, they may do it. If there’s one, I help. Whether or not they want help varies by the individual nurse. Even with an epidural, I am still helping with peanut ball positions.

Emotional support and mindset:

I encourage.
I also listen and validate. I hear you. If you tell me your back hurts, I’m not going to say something like “You’re doing great!” I’m going to ask if you want to try the TENS machine or get in the shower or whatever I can suggest to actually help you. I hear you.
I pay attention to how they are coping. When the mind hits its limits, the body may need something else for relief.
I talk to them in between contractions. I try not to talk to someone during a contraction while they are focusing.
I follow her lead on how talkative we are. In early labor, we chat more. As things progress, we get more quiet and calm. We go more inward and intuitive with the process. There is a quietness to labor. There’s a lot of in between moments.
I hold space for her. I’m here. Whatever you need, I’m here to support you. Sometimes that looks like companionship coming alongside someone in moments that they are coping well on their own.
Labor is a process to get their baby from their womb to their chest. I occasionally direct their mindset to be focused on the purpose here by talking about the baby. How much do you think she’ll weigh? He’ll be here soon. If they have a name picked out, I think it helps to use their name and talk about the person that is joining their family.
We can talk through things and process things. If she has a decision to make and she wants to talk through it, we do that. If she needs help processing how things are going, we can talk about it.

Spiritually:
I run a Christian business. My classes and doula services are faith-based. In the coping with contractions class, we talk about trusting in Jesus, having scriptures to remind us of truth, and we have faith-based affirmations.

If they’ve got flashcards made with scriptures, we can hang them up in the birth space if they want to.
If they have affirmations made, we can hang those as well.
I do have flashcards and pens in my doula bag if they want to make them. I also have tape.
I have several playlists of worship music. I encourage them to make a playlist with the kind of worship music they like. If they don’t get time to do that, we can either pick something as we go or we can use my playlists. Worship is the thing that changes the atmosphere more than anything else. They may prefer things to be quieter, but if they are up for music let’s worship during labor.
If they want to, we can pray. I pray for my clients prenatally and pray on the way to them or the hospital as well. Some want to pray together and others don’t. It’s totally up to them.
We also talk about God throughout care. I try to keep things Christ-centered.

Environmentally:
The environment of the birth space is also something I work on.

I want to nurture a calm environment.
I can dim the lights for them or go turn them off.
I can put up string lights. I adore these!
If we are at home, we can light candles. If we are in the hospital, I can put out electric candles or battery-operated tealights.
If they brought anything that comforts them, I may ask them if they want that item. Sometimes they’ll bring their own blankets because hospital blankets aren’t very cozy.
If mom is up for it, we can play worship music or nature music. I have plenty of playlists with worship music. I also have a whole bunch of playlists with nature music, rain sounds, ocean sounds, soft piano, and other soothing sounds. All of those playlists are publicly available on YouTube.
I strive to cultivate the birth space to be how she wants it to be.

Socially:

I will ask prenatally who they want there at the birth. I can help them facilitate communication on this.
I’ll usually hit the call button for them. Sometimes they get nervous or are hesitant to hit the button. Let me know what you need and I’ll let them know.
Depending on the topic, I can talk to the staff about what they want. The patient has to answer any medical questions and anything they have to consent to, but if it’s things like “She wants to know if she can have Zofran.” or “Are there any more pillows available?” I’m more than happy to talk to the staff for the momma in labor.
We can navigate communicating with the staff. If there’s something that’s bothering the mom, let’s talk about how we can address it. If she has questions but doesn’t know quite how to ask about something, I can offer suggestions for communication. If there’s an issue with a lack of consent, I will direct attention to the patient by saying things like “Are you okay with ____?” politely and very much in front of the healthcare worker who did not get consent as they should. Or if it’s something like her wanting to emphasize part of her birth plan, I can aid in communication with the staff and we can talk about what that looks like first.

Progress:

One of the things I do in addition to support is help aid labor progress. We’ll do lots of movement. A natural birth is an active birth. I’ll help the birthing mother be calm and relaxed as much as possible. We’ll use things like dim lighting to help melatonin kick up the oxytocin. We’ll get on the birth ball. We may use a peanut ball. I’ll ask what station baby is at with each exam, and I’ll recommend positions based on fetal station to help them through that section of the pelvis. Doulas do more than support birth. We help labor go faster and smoother as well.

Education:
I am passionate about education. I love to teach. I continue teaching in the birth.

I answer whatever questions I can.
If it’s a question their provider or nurse needs to answer, I can use the call button for them or remind them about the question next time they come in the room.
I explain what things are and what they are for.
If something is being done and I can tell momma doesn’t know what’s going on but the staff isn’t explaining it, I’ll explain what they’re doing (or ask mom if she has any questions).

Also:

I take a thousand pictures. I don’t have a professional camera. I have an iPhone and I will literally take hundreds of pictures.
I support the dad as well. I help him help her. I guide him in coping techniques and supporting birth. I check in to make sure he is staying hydrated and has eaten something.
I guide the other support people in how they can support this momma.
I get to stay at the bedside. That is unique to doula work. The nurses spend little time at the bedside. Even if they are in the room, they have to focus on meds and monitors and charting. They don’t get to help very much with labor support. One of my favorite things about doula work vs considering going into nursing is that I genuinely get to be at the bedside taking care of people.
I’m a steady person that doesn’t clock out or trade out. That brings them comfort to have someone consistent. In the hospital, they see the doctor very little before delivery. The nurses pop in and out, but may have more than one patient. They do shift work. You will go through several nurses during your time in L&D. There are techs and other workers who make their way in and out of the room as well. Then there are baby nurses and sometimes NICU. That doesn’t count postpartum nurses and lactation consultants. There may also be residents and students that all trade out with shift work. I stay. You will have the same doula your whole pregnancy, your whole labor no matter how many days it is, during delivery, and after birth. After so many hours, I may need to run home to tend to my family or take a shower. I try really hard not to need to leave people though. If that means I’m there for 20some or 30some or even 40some hours straight, that’s why I pack a bag. When the hours pass and it seems like it’s shift change already, I’m not leaving you.

DELIVERY

Sometimes delivery comes quickly and other times we have more time to work with. If there’s time before we start pushing, I like to have a couple things ready. I want to make sure her water is full. I like a freshly cold washcloth ready. Lip balm needs to be out and quickly accessible because all that breathing baby down can cause chapped lips. I also like to put peppermint oil on cotton balls inside a sandwich bag she can sniff if she gets nauseas. That’s what I like to have set up.
Prenatally we go over options for delivery positions. Sometimes those plans change. Before we get to that point, I’m going to ask if she still wants such and such. A good provider will try different positions and different pushing techniques to find what works best for that person. What works well for one doesn’t always work well for another. It can be a good thing to try different positions.
Depending on the provider and staff, I may help coach pushing. This is more likely with midwives.
I may be the one (or one of the people) counting if that is the style of pushing they are doing.
I am at the bedside right next to her during delivery. If she is delivering on her back with her legs in stirrups/leg rests, I am likely holding a leg (if she is okay with this position).
I’ve got sips of water to give, lip balm to put on as needed, and I may be putting a cool washcloth on her.
I give reassurance that things are going normally (when they are). It can be overwhelming to deliver a baby, especially when things are taking a while and surely feels far longer than it is.
I check on Dad and any support people to see if they are doing okay. I also want to make sure in advance (if there’s time) that Daddy and any support people have had something to eat in recent hours and have water to sip on. Delivery can actually take a few hours. Especially first-time mommas, they may be pushing for 2 or 3 or sometimes even 4 hours.
One of my goals during delivery is to calm and steady. Sometimes daddies and lay support people can get panicky when it comes time to push.
I take pictures as able. Sometimes I will hand my phone off to one of the staff so they can get some great shots of the delivery. If the mom wants me to, I can focus on pictures and step back a bit to get photos of the delivery. We talk about in advance what kinds of pictures she wants and doesn’t want.

What if she has a c-section?
In a c-section, I can come in the OR and sit by the mother for delivery. I’m a hand to hold and someone to talk with the momma. We can play music if she wants. I can take pictures. Doulas are for c-sections too. The OR can be a scary place, and I believe the attitude of the people around her make a difference in her birth experience.

What if there are complications?
It depends on what’s going on. In most cases, I am able stay right by her side. In some cases, I may need to step back if it’s an emergency. Or I may be right there if it’s an emergency. It depends on what’s going on and largely depends on how the provider + staff responds. Really more than anything else it depends on if that hospital and that particular provider and those particular nurses are comfortable working with a doula at the bedside during the specific event. In cases where I do have to step back, I will return to her side as quickly as possible.

One of my biggest goals in a medical complication or an emergency is to be the calm presence. I want to stay by their side and comfort them. If they know something is going on and they don’t understand what is happening, I don’t want them to look up at me and see fear or panic. No matter what, God is in the room. There’s a whole team in here to take care of this. They train for this. If I’m able to stay at the bedside, I will be talking to the momma during the complication and trying to offer comfort or distraction (if distraction is appropriate). I want to be calm and comforting during complications. I think that makes a big difference in experiencing complications. If the people around freak out, that’s a drastically different birth experience than if the people surrounding her stay calm.

RIGHT AFTER BIRTH

I take as many pictures as I can. I know those first moments after birth the memory can become a blur. I want to photograph every little detail, the wrinkles on the baby’s toes, the vernix on their skin, their parent’s hands on them, all the things. I will try to take videos too. I want the parents to have a clip of their baby’s cry on their first day here.
I stay by Mom’s side during stage 3 (delivery of the placenta).
If able (and this depends on the staff) we can show the parents the placenta.
I encourage skin to skin during the golden hour.
I stay on typically an hour or two after delivery. I sometimes stay longer than that. It depends on their needs. I want to get them settled in and comfortable before I go.

Postpartum

We schedule our postpartum follow-up appointment whenever the mother wants to. It can be a week later or 2 months later. Whatever works for her. That postpartum appointment is to discuss the birth, process through things if need be, ask about her healing physically, make sure the baby is doing well, assess breastfeeding, and ask how the whole family is doing.
I check up on mental health again about 2 months postpartum.
I personally end services at 12 weeks instead of 6 weeks because I want to make sure they are stable and well-adjusted.
If they have any questions about newborn care, they are welcome to ask. I can text info, send videos, share resources, or refer to the appropriate source.
In the early postpartum days, we may continue to talk/text fairly often. As the weeks go on, they settle into their new family and we talk less.
At 3 months postpartum, I formally close services. I’m still here though if they need to contact me.

Breastfeeding support

The level of breastfeeding support a doula provides is going to depend on the additional credentials she has gained. Some have lactation training and some do not. I am a certified breastfeeding specialist. I am able to help with establishing breastfeeding and uncomplicated cases. If there are issues with lactation or the baby’s ability to eat, I may need to refer to pediatricians or IBCLCs.
I teach breastfeeding positions.
I teach how to get a proper latch.
I answer their questions.
If they haven’t breastfed before, we’ll go over the basics.
After the birth and again at the postpartum appointment, I will check on baby’s latch.
I’ll check in via text and ask how breastfeeding is going. I want to make sure baby is gaining weight well and diapers are what they should be for a healthy breastfed baby.
We can do additional appointments for lactation support if needed.

Overall

Overall, it is my job to help a woman and her husband/partner prepare for the birth physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
I want to improve outcomes. Doulas make a difference. Read this blog to learn more about how doulas improve outcomes.
I want to improve their birth experience. I want you to feel safe, respected, and honored during your birth experience. I want you to feel well-cared for. I want you to be empowered. I want you to be supported. That’s why privately hired doulas that don’t work for the hospitals are such a great asset.
I take the time during each pregnancy to really get to know that family and think on how I can best support them.
I stay with you. I don’t clock out. After so many hours, I may need to go home for a break to check in with my family, feed my pets, take a shower, get something to eat, etc. I try really hard not to need to leave. Sometimes labor can last a few days. I do have pets that have to be fed. I need to eat as well. Usually, my family can take care of things at home and I can stay with the momma as many hours as she needs. Typically, I am able to stay even if that means working 40 hours straight (after about 30-35 hours awake I need a little nap). I don’t want to clock in and clock out. I want to genuinely come alongside families and journey with them.
I continue to check-in with families postpartum.
And I pray for my clients and students.

This is what I do as a doula.

As Christians, we are each called to serve others. I love that God called me to serve in this way. It’s a beautiful career. If you want to be supported by a doula or you are seeking education, I’d love to hear from you. I serve within about an hour and a half of Dayton, Ohio.

Here is my doula page.

If you had a doula at your birth(s), what was your favorite thing she did for you?

0 Comments

Extremely low budget foods

23/6/2023

0 Comments

We all have times that money is extra tight and the food budget is crunched. Here is a list of extremely low budget foods.

This is from chapter 12 in the book
Happily Frugal.

Learn more about Happily Frugal

Breakfast

Eggs
Oatmeal from steel cut oats
Pancakes
Muffins

Lunch or dinner

Peanut butter sandwich
Grilled cheese sandwich
Tuna sandwich
Egg salad sandwich
Mayo, lettuce, and tomato sandwich
Pantry dump casserole
Veggie stew (potatoes, carrots, green beans, top with sour cream)
Vegetarian chili
Tuna noodles
Any pasta that is noodles with sauce and veggies or beans, but no meat or expensive cheese
Boxed mac and cheese
Spanish rice casserole
Bean burritos
Spaghettios

Side dishes

Biscuits
Hashbrowns
Homemade bread
Bread and butter
Potatoes any way you like them
Green beans
Corn
Cornbread
Stuffing
Beans
Rice (white, brown, Spanish, packets of flavored rice)

Snacks

Hard boiled eggs
Crackers and peanut butter
Cheese and crackers
Toast with butter or jelly

Dessert

Popcorn
Gelatin dessert
Pudding
Cake that is homemade – even from a box it’s cheap per serving
Muffin bread

Others

Anything from the garden

What else can you think of? Comment below.

Get Happily Frugal Here

0 Comments

Birth support from family and friends

17/3/2023

0 Comments

If you'd like to easily print this, here is a free PDF you can download and save to your phone or computer and print.

This handout is for comfort measures from family and friends as birth support. For coping methods the woman can use and her support people can help with, see the coping with contractions handout.

Come into the birth space with reverence and respect. Listen to the birthing mother. Communicate on how she wants to be cared for. Wholeheartedly support her choices that she decides are right for her. Birth is a sacred space. Supporting birth is to work on sacred grounds.

Support what she wants for her healthcare and her body throughout maternity care especially birth. Genuinely support her preferences for her birth and her baby.

Refrain from talking about yourself or your preferences and the choices you would make. Stay focused on supporting her. Be careful not to pressure someone to make different choices based on what you feel is best. Do not downplay someone’s birth plan or breastfeeding goals due to your own experiences not following plan. Support her and if you can’t help her through something find resources for her.

Encourage her. Believe in her. Meet her emotional needs. Speak her affirmations and remind her of the scriptures that comfort her.

Listen to what she’s saying. Hear her. We need to find balance between statements of encouragement and statements of validation. For example, if she says “My back really hurts!” and her support partner says “You’re doing great!” that doesn’t really help her. Eventually, she will feel her statements are being dismissed and no one is really listening. Acknowledge that you hear her saying her back hurts. Ask how you can help or try a few suggestions for her back pain. Encouraging statements mean a lot coming from someone you love, but we need to use active listening skills too.

Offer guidance on different things y’all can try. It may be better to discuss an option in between contractions rather than during. Use suggestions rather than commands. Instead of “Do this.” or “Try this.” think about saying things like “Do you want to try ____?” or “I wonder if it would help if we _____.” or “How do you feel about doing ____?” We want to speak in a way that respects autonomy and has the patient leading their care.

Ask for consent before trying something for the first time especially if it’s an intimate technique. For example, hip squeezes are loved by many women but if they’re not familiar with that technique it may catch them off guard to have someone come up behind them and grab them. If possible, explain or demonstrate on yourself where you’ll put your hands for a method.

Use the coping techniques that provide her with some relief or comfort. Communicate about what those things are. Read the handout on coping with contractions.

Invite feedback on your support. Is she comfortable? Welcome communication such as “Let me know if anything is uncomfortable” or “Please be comfortable telling me what you like and don’t like or if you want me to adjust anything.” Pregnancy has its discomforts and sometimes what is fine non-pregnant can be uncomfortable during pregnancy especially towards the end. Also communicate that you are here to support her and please let you know if there’s anything specific she wants. Remind her to not hesitate to ask to be served. This is her time to be catered to.

Help her get into her rhythm and work through each contraction.

Nurture her.

Meet and match. Then guide her in the right direction. Meet her where she is at. If she needs guidance in breathing better or vocalizing in a more open way, match what she is doing. Breathe/vocalize with her. Then guide her.

Influence the environment to be calm and comfortable for her.

Pray over her and the baby. Pray together (when she’s up for talking).

Worship together. Help her build worship playlists to prepare for birth. You can play worship music during labor (if she’s up for music). You can also worship without music if she prefers the room to be quieter.

Simply love on her. Be by her side. Be a companion of support and comfort.

Pamper her. Make her feel special. A birthing woman should be pampered just as much as a bride.

Sometimes family members and friends struggle seeing their loved one in pain. It can be tempting to want her to have pain relief. If she does not want an epidural, don’t push her to get an epidural. Make peace with this pain having a purpose – to bring forth life. This is something her body is designed to do. Trust in that. If she feels like she failed at her goals, this will impact how she views her birth experience for the rest of her life. On the flip side, it’s okay if she genuinely changes her mind on her own. Support her in however the journey goes.

As labor intensifies, the support she needs will change. This is normal. If you have a doula with the birth team, the doula will guide you in support throughout the process. Remember your presence and emotional involvement is the greatest support. Love her through it.

Know that we never really know how a woman will feel during labor. Some want to isolate; others want to stick close to their comfort people. Some want to hug on you; others don’t want to be touched. Some are quiet; some are loud. All of these things are normal and okay. Don’t take it as rejection if a laboring woman gets to a point that she doesn’t want to be touched. Her body can get overwhelmed with stimulation as it comes closer to delivering.

Throughout pregnancy, discuss birth preparation. Try out the different coping techniques and comfort measures. Practice with her. Let her guide you in how support feels best to her.

What did your family and friends do to support you? Comment below.

0 Comments

Birth support from husbands

17/3/2023

0 Comments

If you'd like to easily print this, here is a free PDF you can download and save to your phone or computer and print.

This blog is for comfort measures from husbands/partners supporting their wives during labor and delivery. For coping methods the woman can use and her partner can help with, see the coping with contractions handout.

Support is going to be unique to each person. What’s her love language? How do you comfort her outside of pregnancy and birth?

Your presence and emotional involvement matters most.

Above all, it is daddy’s job to be her safe space and protect her birth space.

Guard the boundaries with visitors and contacts (cell phones going off) so she can focus on what her body needs to do.

Support what she wants for her healthcare and her body throughout maternity care especially birth.

Be her advocate.

Encourage her. Believe in her. Meet her emotional needs. Speak her affirmations and remind her of the scriptures that comfort her.

Listen to what she’s saying. Hear her. We need to find balance between statements of encouragement and statements of validation. For example, if she says “My back really hurts!” and her support partner says “You’re doing great!” that doesn’t really help her. Eventually, she will feel her statements are being dismissed and no one is really listening. Acknowledge that you hear her saying her back hurts. Ask how you can help or try a few suggestions for her back pain. Encouraging statements mean a lot coming from someone you love, but we need to use active listening skills too.

Offer guidance on different things y’all can try. It may be better to discuss an option in between contractions rather than during. Use suggestions rather than commands. Instead of “Do this.” or “Try this.” think about saying things like “Do you want to try ____?” or “I wonder if it would help if we _____.” or “How do you feel about doing ____?” We want to speak in a way that respects autonomy and has the patient leading their care.

Use the coping techniques that provide her with some relief or comfort. Communicate about what those things are. Read the handout on coping with contractions.

Invite feedback on your support. Is she comfortable? Welcome communication such as “Let me know if anything is uncomfortable” or “Please be comfortable telling me what you like and don’t like or if you want me to adjust anything.” Pregnancy has its discomforts and sometimes what is fine non-pregnant can be uncomfortable during pregnancy especially towards the end. Also communicate that you are here to support her and please let you know if there’s anything specific she wants. Remind her to not hesitate to ask to be served. This is her time to be catered to.

Help her get into her rhythm and work through each contraction.

Nurture her.

Meet and match. Then guide her in the right direction. Meet her where she is at. If she needs guidance in breathing better or vocalizing in a more open way, match what she is doing. Breathe/vocalize with her. Then guide her.

Influence the environment to be calm and comfortable for her.

Pray over her and your baby. Pray together (when she’s up for talking).

Worship together. Help her build worship playlists to prepare for birth. You can play worship music during labor (if she’s up for music). You can also worship without music if she prefers the room to be quieter.

Simply love on her. Be by her side.

Pamper her.

Sometimes daddies struggle seeing their wives in pain. It can be tempting to want her to have pain relief. If she does not want an epidural, don’t push her to get an epidural. Make peace with this pain having a purpose – to bring forth life. This is something her body is designed to do. Trust in that. If she feels like she failed at her goals, this will impact how she views her birth experience for the rest of her life. On the flip side, it’s okay if she genuinely changes her mind on her own. Support her in however the journey goes.

As labor intensifies, the support she needs will change. This is normal. If you have a doula, the doula will guide you in support throughout the process. Remember your presence and emotional involvement is the greatest support. Love her through it.

Know that we never really know how a woman will feel during labor. Some want to isolate; others want to stick close to their comfort people. Some want to hug on you; others don’t want to be touched. Some are quiet; some are loud. All of these things are normal and okay. Don’t take it as rejection if a laboring woman gets to a point that she doesn’t want to be touched. Her body can get overwhelmed with stimulation as it comes closer to delivering.

Throughout pregnancy, discuss birth preparation. Try out the different coping techniques and comfort measures. Practice with her. Let her guide you in how support feels best to her.

What did your husband do to support you? Comment below.

0 Comments

Leanna Mae's birth plan fill-in form

17/3/2023

0 Comments

Hi there. I’m Leanna Mae. I’m an author, maternal-infant wellness educator, birth doula, and lactation specialist. I’m also a big fan of birth plans because they are an excellent tool to have notes on what my students/clients want for their birth experience and maternity care. This is the birth plan fill-in form that I use with my doula clients and give to my students. Download the form below.

birth plan fill-in form

$0.00

Add to cart

In the blog, I will explain what I want to know and sometimes why I want to know that under each section. Those notes will be written in gray to make it a little easier to see what’s on the actual form (black ink).

The birth plan fill-in form

Write your overall birth goals in this section.
This is something I like having on the first page. As soon as I look at your birth plan, I want to be reminded of what your goals are. I think this paragraph is a good introduction, at least for me as a doula.

What are you looking forward to the most? What are you most excited about?
I love to know what families are most excited about. It’s helpful to me to know what those really special things are for them so I can do my best in a support role to help them get that, and also take pictures of those moments for them.

How can your care team help you have the health care and birth experience that you want?
I really want to know what you want from your care team. What kind of care are you looking for?

If you will, share any fears you have. You can communicate these with your care team.
This is something that is so helpful to me. It helps me know what to watch for to prevent those fears or help you navigate them with additional support. It gives me a better idea of what kind of support people need.

Write any notes of special importance in this section.
If someone is a survivor of domestic violence or assault or any kind of trauma, if they’re comfortable sharing that with me here is a place to note that. If a birthing woman does not want any males in the room, let me know here. If this is a rainbow baby or it took a long journey of infertility to get here, these are things to note.

STAGE 1: Labor

Induction –
How do you feel about induction? It is commonly recommended. Make a note of your preferences on it.

Induction method if we do induce –
Do you have a preference for what you want or don’t want if you do go the induction route? If you have strong feelings about this, let me know.

Pain management –
What are your pain management plans and how strongly do you feel about that?

Movement and positioning –
Do you have anything specific in mind that you want to make sure is offered or supported?

Augmentation –
How do you feel about speeding labor up? Naturally? With medicine or interventions? Is there anything you definitely don’t want? Is there an approach you would prefer?

Monitoring and assessing progress –
Are you okay with continuous electronic fetal monitoring or do you prefer doppler if heart tones are good? Or do you prefer fetoscope if this is a home birth?

Medications –
What are your thoughts on routine medications and IV fluids?

Food and drink –
How do you feel about hospital policies that don’t support eating in labor? Do you plan to bring your own snacks and drinks?

Environment –
This one is important to me as a doula because part of what a doula does is try to nurture the environment the birthing mother wants.

STAGE 2: Delivery of the baby

Intended place of delivery –
Do you want a waterbirth? Do you think you’ll be most comfortable in bed? Do you want to try a cub or birthing stool?

Position –
Every provider has their standard preference and it’s often mom on her back with legs up. Are you okay with that? Do you want to deliver in an upright position? Do you want to birth how your body leads you?

Pushing –
Do you want the staff to direct your pushing or leave you be?

Episiotomy –
Is this something you are okay with at your provider’s discretion without consent or do you require consent? Or are you not okay with this intervention at all?

Instrument assistance –
Do you have any preferences on this?

Who catches –
Would you like your husband to catch? Would you like assistance in pulling your baby out yourself?

Other notes on delivery –
If there’s anything else you have plans on for delivery, let me know!

STAGE 3: Delivery of the placenta (afterbirth)

Medication –
Sometimes mommas don’t want the standard meds given routinely for stage 3. If you don’t, this is something you need to make known.

Cord clamping and cutting –
What is your stance on delayed cord cutting? How long do you want to wait?

Placenta –
Are you planning to do anything with the placenta afterwards?

Other notes on stage 3 –
Is there anything you want or don’t want regarding the delivery of the placenta?

Neonatal care

Skin to skin –
Skin to skin is often a goal. Do you want your baby to stay on you as much as possible?

Golden hour –
Have you thought about visitor restrictions in the first hour or so after birth?

Feeding –
Are you planning on breastfeeding? How long? Are you planning on formula feeding? Do you have a plan for which formula to use?

Separation –
If you don’t want baby to be taken out of the room without a parent, let them know. It’s common to take baby to a separate room for things like the hearing test.

Bathing –
Delaying the newborn bath is becoming common practice. How long do you want to delay? Do you want the nurse to bathe or one of the parents?

Testing –
Is there anything you want to do differently with the standard testing such as the metabolic screening?

Medications –
Any notes on this? For example, if you don’t want to do the eye ointment or certain shots, note that here.

Circumcision –
What are your plans for circumcision if you are having a son? Note: This generally only applies to American readers. The U.S. is the only country in the world that does routine infant circumcision. It’s actually illegal in some countries.

Other special instructions regarding baby care –
Things that could go here would be things like plans to cloth diaper in the hospital.

In case of c-section
No matter how much a momma wants a natural birth, I do want her to have some back-up plans in case birth takes a different route.

OTHER NOTES
Is there anything else you want to note for your care team? It could be things like “no students” or letting them know you have a birth photographer.

There you have it. That’s a quick run down of the fill-in birth plan I give my students and clients. Download your copy today.

0 Comments

Lifeline to a Soul by John K McLaughlin (BOOK REVIEW)

9/3/2023

0 Comments

Imagine being inside a classroom that is inside a prison, and it’s your job to teach the inmates how they can start a business when they get out. What do you think? How do you feel about your students? What kind of potential do you think they have?

In the memoir, Lifeline to a Soul, John McLaughlin tells of his years teaching entrepreneurship to prisoners. As a teacher through a community college, John had the opportunity to reach students most of the world doesn’t have access to. Going behind the gates and through the guards, he found aspiring business owners and former business owners with real-world experience in a surprising place.

He shares his experiences – both good and bad – working with the prison system and trying to inspire and prepare his students. He shares stories and lessons learned as well as good business advice. If you are interested in small business, this book will be helpful to you. If you are a teacher of any kind, you’ll benefit from the wisdom he shares that applies to all types of classrooms. As an independent teacher myself, I found myself nodding a lot to the things he learned and the challenges he faced. We truly do grow from our students. His passion for teaching is evident. His perseverance is impressive.

I have to say I was impressed with the business aspirations of his students. It was heartwarming to hear some of their success stories. I’d like readers to also examine their assumptions about felons and learn some of the things that led people down that path. He even weaves in addressing social issues, risk factors for prison, and ways we can do better at supporting re-entry.

Author, John McLaughlin, takes us along his journey painting a well-written picture of his unique time inside a prison, how it affected his students, the success stories, how it affected him, how it grew him as a teacher, and the lessons he learned in his memoir, Lifeline to a Soul.

The book releases 2023 April 4th.

You can learn more about what John is doing these days to foster inmates turned entrepreneurs at www.LifelineToASoul.com

As a teacher and a small business owner myself, I enjoyed this book. I didn’t want to put it down. I was drawn into his story from the first chapter. He details his experience so well I could visualize it in my head and feel the ups and downs I often found myself relating to. Anyone who is interested in teaching or investing in the re-entry population would benefit from reading this book.

Click here for the Amazon link.

0 Comments

Social media this childbirth educator recommends pregnant mommas should follow

12/2/2023

0 Comments

We are living in the era of shared information. Social media offers an abundance of professionals and experts who share their wisdom to help others. I am thankful for these people and what they freely offer the world. If you have any more accounts you recommend that offer education on women’s health or infant care, comment on the blog. These are some of the accounts that I subscribe to that I find the most helpful for my students/clients.

Right click to open in a new window.

Midwives

North Texas Birth Experiences, Angie Heffner
Ohio Midwife, Emily Schultz

Labor and delivery nurses

Labor Nurse Mama, Trish
Mommy Labor Nurse, Liesel Teen

Mother/baby (postpartum) nurses

Kara the baby nurse
- Insta: https://www.instagram.com/karathebabynurse/

Childbirth educators

Built to Birth, Bridget Teyler
The Baby Academy US

Doulas

Knitted Together Birth Services, Sarah and Kelly
Jackie Woodfin
Growing Your Nest Birth Services – Kimberly Williams RN

Baby’s optimal positioning and exercises for an easier birth

Spinning Babies
Body Ready Method

Postpartum exercise

4th Trimester Fitness Method, Emily Wannenburg

Birth photographers

Lactation Pros

Babywearing

Moby Wrap
- www.mobywrap.com
- FB: https://www.facebook.com/MobyWrap
- Insta: https://www.instagram.com/mobywrap/
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@mobywrap/featured
Solly Baby

Others

Best Start Parenting Center
- FB: https://www.facebook.com/babiesbeststart

And, of course, say hello on my socials at FB: https://www.facebook.com/MaternalinfantWellnessEducation and Insta: https://www.instagram.com/education_with_leanna_mae/ 😊

0 Comments

The B.R.A.I.N. acronym for medical decisions

23/1/2023

0 Comments

If you'd like to easily print this, here is a free PDF you can download and save to your phone or computer and print.

B.R.A.I.N. acronym

$0.00

add to cart

Doctors and medical providers have recommendations. You have options. If you’ve been presented with a recommendation that you’re not sure on, here is an acronym you can use to help you make a decision.

B.R.A.I.N.

B stands for benefits.
What benefits are there to what is being offered? If it’s a medication or intervention, why is it being recommended? If you decide yes on an issue, what are the potential benefits to going that route?

R stands for risks.
What are the risks of doing this? All medications have side effects and risks. Most interventions and some testing do as well. Is this relatively safe or does it come with considerable risk? It is important to weigh the risks against each other when weighing multiple options.

A stands for alternatives.
Are there any alternatives to this option?

I stands for information or intuition.
Do you need more information? What does your intuition tell you?

N stands for nothing.
What happens if you do nothing?

I will also add mention of prayer in your decision-making process.

You can apply this acronym to interventions and you can also apply this thought process to considering the route of no meds or treatment.

If your current situation is not an emergency, there should always be time for the patient to make a decision. Only the patient is the rightful decision-maker over what kind of care they receive. Even in an emergency, there should be communication from/with your healthcare team. If you feel you need it, you have the right to take time to think over the decision.

What are some situations you have used this in?

0 Comments

Is Halloween holy? Should Christians partake in it?

29/10/2022

1 Comment

Halloween seems to be growing as a hot issue dividing Christians over abstaining or partaking. More and more are choosing to stop celebrating it or attending any related events. I am a former atheist who became a Christian in November of 2005. When the following October came around, I realized I had no desire to have anything to do with my lifelong Halloween traditions. Though I grew up with the average 80s babies Halloween costumes and candy traditions, I had come to associate the holiday with the pagan Samhain I celebrated as a Wiccan. I went through a Wiccan/Pagan phase as a teenager before going back to atheist. Because of that, I knew the history and what it’s really all about. When I became a Christian, I wanted nothing to do with such darkness or anything even related to paganism, witchcraft, evil spirits or ghosts, etc. Yet, at the time, I knew very few Christians who felt the same. I walked away from darkness to follow Jesus. It baffled me that so many who claimed to walk in the light played in darkness for several weeks this time of year. I realize they almost never know the depths of it like someone who was previously on the other side. Let’s dive in. Shall we?

I remember having fun dressing up as a kid. When I was in 4th grade, I dressed up as a Christmas tree because I was ready for Christmas. The candy was great. We had fun going trick-or-treating. It seemed innocent. I had no idea it was anything religious. It wasn’t until I was introduced to Wicca at age 14 that I first heard of Samhain. Originally, this was a pagan religious festival with Celtic roots. They celebrated the harvest and prepared for the winter. They also had spiritual beliefs about the veil between the world of the living and the dead/spirits being thin at this time. They had rituals, sacrifices, and offerings. They feared angering their gods if they did not participate in the holiday. They would sometimes dress up as monsters or scary things. Over the years, traditions expanded. Jack-o-lanterns were a Samhain practice. Spirits would be invited and entertained. In the religion of Wicca, Samhain is a big holiday. It’s considered the witch’s New Year. For Wiccans, this holiday is actually part of their religion and something they celebrate. I’ve heard people who identify as witches say this is a sacred holiday for them. At this point, I hope it is clear that Samhain is a spiritual/religious practice and a pagan holiday.

So, how does that tie in to Halloween? As Christianity grew, church leaders tried to overtake paganism. One of the ways they did that was by ‘overriding’ their holidays. In the 9th century, the pope of the Catholic church declared All Saints’ Day (also known as All Hallows Day) on November 1st and November 2nd for All Souls’ Day (also known as the Day of the Dead). All Saints’ Day is about celebrating the saints of the Catholic church. This religious practice included praying for the dead and visiting cemeteries. All Souls’ Day is about remembering and honoring the faithful who have died. This includes praying for the dead so they may be lifted out of purgatory into heaven. The pagan practices remained the same despite the introduction of these holidays attempting to switch the time of year’s focus to practices of the Catholic church. With the attempt to make this pagan holiday more Christian, October 31st became All Hallows Eve which later became known as Halloween. Heavily practiced in Ireland and Scotland, immigrants brought the traditions to America. Tricks were commonly played by people who blamed it on fairies. Trick-or-treating became a tradition of dressing in costume, walking from house to house singing for the dead, and homeowner’s gifting cakes as a treat. Throughout the years, these pagan practices became part of American culture too. It’s so ingrained in our culture that many do not see it as a spiritual practice at all. It’s simply carrying on the traditions of their own childhood and having fun with their families.

It is clear that Halloween is a pagan spiritual practice regarding the dead, the mystical, the spirits, false gods, and witchcraft. The question is: Should Christians partake in pagan spiritual practices? What about just the fun stuff such as costumes, candy, and trick-or-treating without celebrating any of the spiritual beliefs that contradict the Christian faith??

Can you even do that anymore? Is it even possible to partake in the “innocent” aspects without exposure to dark things and anti-Christian practices? Every year it seems Halloween gets darker. The decorations get more and more morbid. Disturbing scenes fill the yards and houses all across America. The costumes get more wicked. The crime gets worse. The sick and twisted things they show on TV get even more gruesome. People and pets are harmed. Children are poisoned and endangered from drugs and nails and such in their candy. All things occult increase: witchcraft, spells, tarot cards, Ouija boards, mediums, divination, horoscopes, and such things. How desensitized are you to the blatant darkness of Halloween? Do you even notice anymore when blood and gore and fake dead bodies decorate your street? Have you noticed more open Satanism, Wicca, witchcraft, and pagan rituals being publicly practiced?

Satanists do not celebrate Halloween as a religious practice, but they certainly have some interesting quotes on those who do celebrate it. Their website acknowledges Halloween as embracing darkness and releasing their demonic cores. “Satanists embrace what this holiday has become, and do not feel the need to be tied to ancient practices. This night, we smile at the amateur explorers of their own inner darkness, for we know that they enjoy their brief dip into the pool of the “shadow world.”” is a quote from the holiday section of their FAQ on the Church of Satan website. More and more people who worship the devil and practice witchcraft or magick are using Halloween to celebrate their ways. In some cities, Satanic churches offer Halloween events to introduce people to their religion.

What are you entertaining yourself with? Are you decorating with things that symbolize darkness and evil? Are you watching movies about witchcraft and demons? Are you dressing up as something that would cast you into hell if you actually lived that way? What you entertain yourself with says a lot about what’s in your heart.

Many make excuses to partake in Halloween. The candy is innocent. The costumes are cute. The kids have fun going trick-or-treating. The older folks have fun passing out candy. Not participating would mean the kids are missing out. People will think you’re judgmental if you’re against it. You’ll offend people if you don’t join in.

The scripture speaks for itself. True Christians who are following Jesus should not be walking in darkness even if it’s a widely celebrated holiday.

SCRIPTURES

Sorcery and witchcraft

Deuteronomy 18:9-14 When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord; because of these same detestable practices the Lord your God will drive out those nations before you. You must be blameless before the Lord your God. The nations you will dispossess listen to those who practice sorcery or divination. But as for you, the Lord your God has not permitted you to do so. (NIV)
Revelation 21:8 But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.” (NIV)

There are many, many verses warning against witchcraft, sorcery, and such practices. That could be a blog in itself. It is clear that there is no biblical way to defend the participation of such things.

Beware the deception

2 Corinthians 11:14 And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. (NIV)

I included this verse to point out that Satan himself can appear innocent. Know the Word of God!

Darkness

Ephesians 5:8-12 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. (NIV)
1 Corinthians 10:21 Ye cannot drink the cup of the Lord, and the cup of devils: ye cannot be partakers of the Lord's table, and of the table of devils. (KJV)
1 John 1:6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. (NIV)
Isaiah 5:20 Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. (NIV)

We come out of darkness to live for the Lord! We can’t do both. We can’t walk in fellowship with Jesus and also hang out with demons at their table or feast (or holiday).

Holiness and separation

1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil. (KJV)
2 Corinthians 6:17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you. (KJV)
2 Corinthians 7:1 Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. (KJV)
1 Peter 2:9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light; (KJV)
Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (NIV)

It doesn't say it's acceptable to hang around the den of witches and demons as long as you're not really doing anything bad or that it’s fine to take part in their festivals if you're only there for the free food. If your parents warned you not to go to a certain house because it’s dangerous, is it okay if you’re in the foyer? Don’t step into it at all. Have no appearance of evil. Don’t practice evil. Don’t walk in darkness. Don’t act like it. Don’t dress up like it. Don’t talk like it. Don’t hang out in those places. Don’t dabble in it. Don’t even look like you partake in it!! If that doesn’t make you feel conviction, you need the Holy Ghost! Come out from among them and touch no unclean thing. It’s hard to wiggle your way into the fun stuff only without touching something unclean. Just a little bit of exposure… normalizing… desensitizing. The devil knows he can use fun stuff to ensnare in dark stuff. Invite you into the fun and friendly. Hook you on what you like. He knows you think you can stay away from the dark stuff, but he hooks you on what you’re willing to be entertained with.

Celebrating and partaking in the things that are against God affect your relationship with God. Yes, it does.

Is it worth it to walk away from Jesus to partake in a witch’s holiday and pagan practices that go against the truth of God… so that you can have fun? Is it worth it to risk dabbling in witchcraft and sorcery if those who practice such things go to hell? Realize there are spiritual implications to Halloween. This is not just a costume. This is more than candy. Is it worth it to teach your children to practice what the bible clearly says will send them to hell? And what message does it send if they can dress up as a witch for Halloween and it’s fun, but if they grow up to actually practice witchcraft they will be thrown into the fires of hell?

The enemy wants to take your children captive before they are even old enough to live for the Lord. He wants to plant roots in their mind that his ways are fun and the Lord’s ways of holiness are restrictive. Plant those thoughts young and it’s easy to get them to rebel against the church. Desensitize them to the occult. That way when they see these warnings from the bible right in front of their eyes, they’ll be less likely to feel conviction because they’re used to seeing it. They’ve grown up with it all around them. Their parents let it into the house. Maybe their church even let it in the parking lot (trunk or treat). Even if they feel convicted, the strength of it will fade the more it is normalized in their life. Eventually, they will probably entertain themselves with it and what they entertain is what will enter their mind and ultimately their hearts. That is one reason we must keep ourselves separate. It’s dangerous to water down our reaction to what could endanger our soul.

The devil has done well at watering down the perception of dark practices. Television has exposed us casually for decades. Children’s shows and books and toys have introduced kids to friendly and fun sorcery (Harry Potter, anyone?). Disney movies excellently portray the things of darkness to be entertaining. Animation and costumes make it lightheartedly safe for children. Spell books are now sold in mainstream stores such as Walmart to children for Halloween. People think it’s a joke. I remember being a Wiccan who had spell books. I remember casting spells. I remember practicing witchcraft. I assure you these things are not just a joke. They are of the devil!

You cannot pursue holiness and partake in Halloween at the same time.

There are many who consider themselves Christian, but they have mixed their life with the occult practices in our culture. They watch Hocus Pocus, entertain themselves with witches and demons for fun, dress up like devils, take part in the dark and spooky, dance with evil spirits, do witchy things as part of their culture like it has no impact on their religion, and many of these believers go to church. Some even lead churches. There are pastors, ministers, entire churches who practice paganism. Woe to them for giving acceptance to such things and go against God to dabble in paganism and sorcery for a season.

The devil has ensnared so many Christians into the pit of Halloween that the enemy can now boast he has Christians defending his side. Even the non-Christians know this is pagan. Even the atheists wonder why Christians partake in Halloween. Even the witches question the authenticity of their Christian friend’s faith when they join in on the witch’s big holiday. Yet Christians now boldly proclaim their offense at being judged for this wicked participation. They cry with a social media victim card clearly having no concern for the coming day that their soul is judged by the one who determines heaven or hell. And these “Christians” are out here attacking those Christians who abstain. If that’s not the schemes of the devil getting the “church folk” to pressure people to join his kingdom. Meanwhile, the other side of Christians often walks on egg shells terrified to be labeled offensive for abstaining from what they feel is wicked. They hide their convictions as much as they fear the social reaction to the word “holiness”. A few sound the alarm. There is a spiritual impact to this practice.

Is it worth the fun to partake in the witch’s holiday and pagan practices? No more than the pleasure of sin is worth condemning your soul for eternity. You should find the nature of this darkness repulsive. This practice is increasingly vile! You should be disturbed by the things of darkness. Are you?

Have nothing to do with occult practices. Don’t dabble. Don’t mingle. Don’t even have the appearance of being involved.

Come out from among them. Be separate. Repent and cleanse yourself from the defilement. Be holy.

1 Comment

How to baptize a pickle in ancient Greek

8/10/2022

0 Comments

There is a very old recipe on how to make pickles. If you’re familiar with canning, you know that pickles are cucumbers put into a solution (recipe) that turns them into pickles. What does that have to do with baptism?

In my book, The Subject of Salvation, I share the neat language lesson that the words baptize and baptism are actually transliterations. They are Greek words that have been transliterated into English.

Baptize is a transliteration of the Greek word baptizo which means to immerse. The root word is bapto which means to dip. The ‘o’ was changed to an ‘e’ to give us our verb baptize; a verb is an action word. The noun form is the Greek word baptisma which is where we get our word baptism.

In modern times, there is some controversy over whether baptism requires full immersion or whether sprinkling/pouring on water is acceptable. In the early church, they fully immersed someone in baptism. That is why we Apostolic Pentecostals still baptize by immersion. We practice what the early church did.

The New Testament was written in Greek. The Greek-speaking people understood the instruction to be baptized is an instruction to be immersed and go fully under in the water.

But did you know the word baptize used to be used in other contexts?

Around 200B.C. there was a Greek poet and physician, Nicander of Colophon (modern day Turkey), who had a recipe for making pickles. In this recipe, the instruction was to bapto (dip) the cucumber in boiling water and then baptize (immerse) it in a vinegar solution. The dip in boiling water would cleanse the outside. Immersing it in vinegar is what transforms it to a pickle.

Once these cucumbers were baptized in the solution, they became pickles. They were transformed. Their nature was changed. They could never go back to the way they were before.

Acts 2:38 (KJV)
Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

When I learned about this recipe, my thought was “Be immersed in the name of Jesus”. How powerful is that perspective? Be immersed. Be immersed in the name of the Lord. Be changed. It changes our nature when we immerse ourselves in following Jesus. Be changed. Become a new creature. Go down in the water in the name of Jesus and come up cleansed. Be transformed. Then I thought about the verses referencing the baptism of the Holy Ghost. Wow. That’s fire. What happens if a person immerses themselves in the Holy Spirit? The point of this blog is to address the controversy over whether baptism requires immersion, but I wanted to share those powerful thoughts about immersing ourselves in the name of Jesus and the Holy Ghost.

We are buried with Christ and raised with Christ when we get baptized in his name (Romans 6:3-8). We are a new creation when we are in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). We can never go back to our former ignorance. We are changed. We are transformed. Our nature is different. After baptism, let’s live in a way that we are immersed in the name of Jesus.

If you’d like to learn more about baptism, there is a bible study on my website here.

0 Comments

Adornment as a holy woman following Jesus

23/9/2022

1 Comment

Be adorned.
Be adorned appropriately for a woman professing holiness.

This message was strongly spoken to me as I was almost asleep. What did it mean? I knew the scripture laid on my heart at the time it was spoken, but I realized I didn’t have full understanding of it. I had been studying the topic of jewelry and where to draw the line with accessories. It went along with my modesty blog and the series I had planned. My plans were to study and address the specific topics. When I thought of a woman adorned, I had an image in mind. I pictured big diamonds, gold, expensive jewelry, high-cost clothes, a painted face, Hollywood name brands, riches. I felt the need to look up the definition of adorned. Doing so changed my whole perspective on this topic.

What does it mean to be adorned? As a worldly woman? As a godly woman?

1 Timothy 2:9-10 (American Standard Version)
In like manner, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefastness and sobriety; not with braided hair, and gold or pearls or costly raiment; but (which becometh women professing godliness) through good works.

1 Peter 3:3-4 (American Standard Version)
Whose adorning let it not be the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

To adorn is defined as “to make more beautiful or attractive”.
Synonyms: enhance, beautify, prettify, embellish, and bejewel. Ornament and “add ornament to” are also listed.

What is an ornament?
Noun: a thing used to make something look more attractive but usually having no practical purpose
Verb: make (something) look more attractive by adding decorative items

Are earrings an ornament??? I had never thought of it that way.

For so many years, I interpreted these two scriptures, 1 Peter 3:1-5 and 1 Timothy 2:9-10, that it was about being flashy. I thought of it as a principle of how we shouldn’t look rich or be showing off. No dripping in diamonds. No sporting gold chains like the world. No expensive jewelry. No elaborate hairstyles (I assume braided hair was somehow fancy back then?). We shouldn’t set our desires on worldly riches and symbols of status. It also could deter people from joining others at church if people seem to be of higher income status than the visitors. Be modest. Be humble in our appearance. Let’s not be all about our looks. Character matters more.

I still agree with that. I still think that’s an accurate interpretation and a guideline we should live by. I think there’s more to it though. Adornment is more than a list of items not to wear.

I had never even questioned these things before I started going to an Apostolic Pentecostal church. I’d read these verses before, but never studied them. I’d never heard them taught before. I used to wear a lot of jewelry and I always wore makeup. For years, I did not want to leave the house without makeup. I was uncomfortable with people seeing my naked skin, redness and flaws. Not having any jewelry on made me feel like I wasn’t fully dressed. I put my earrings in as part of putting my outfit on. I’d wear a wrist full of bracelets and often a necklace sometimes two at a time. It made me feel prettier. I felt more confident when I was done up.

Even after becoming Apostolic (in 2011) and starting to dress modestly, I still continued with the cosmetics and accessories. I cut back a lot. I was more natural with the makeup, less eye-catching. I took out my 2nd and 3rd earrings leaving just the first hole because I thought that was more modest. I wore jewelry a lot less than I did before (because I felt expected to not wear it at all). I considered following the traditional Apostolic way with the no jewelry or cosmetics, but I didn’t understand why they did it. I didn’t see it in scripture, and I had no conviction on it for many years.

Why

Why do Apostolic Pentecostals not wear cosmetics or jewelry? Why do the women look so different from what is mainstream in our culture? The long hair, the skirts, no pants, no makeup, no nail polish, no jewelry… Why do they look set apart this way? Let’s talk about what the scriptures say on how we should look and let’s talk about navigating boundaries. Figuring out where to draw the line on this certainly requires seeking the Lord on the matter and obeying the lead of the Holy Spirit.

Disclaimer

Friendly note to say these views are my own. I’m not officially representing my church’s views here or a denomination (my church is WPF but I am independent of denomination). If you have questions about standards, I encourage you to talk to your pastor’s wife.

Scriptures

Let’s look at the scriptures first. I want to keep it focused on New Testament here. There are plenty of verses in the Old Testament that show God’s people wearing jewelry. They wore earrings, nose rings, bracelets, and more. They wore gold. There are also stories of them using their gold to make idols. They’d draw attention to themselves (Isaiah 3:16-26). Is it the jewelry or the behavior? I could get wrapped up in trying to make heads or tails of that for years.

1 Timothy 2:9-10
In like manner, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefastness and sobriety; not with braided hair, and gold or pearls or costly raiment; but (which becometh women professing godliness) through good works.

1 Peter 3:1-5
In like manner, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, even if any obey not the word, they may without the word be gained by the behavior of their wives; beholding your chaste behavior coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner aforetime the holy women also, who hoped in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Or know ye not that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have from God? and ye are not your own; for ye were bought with a price: glorify God therefore in your body.

Romans 12:1-2
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service. And be not fashioned according to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

(All scripture taken from the American Standard Version)

Worldly adornment

What ways do we add beauty to ourselves when we are living in the world? How do we make ourselves more attractive in the secular way of life?

More skin showing equals more sex appeal. It is common in the world for women to try to be more attractive to men by showing more of their bodies.
We dress up. We add beauty with our clothing.
We dress in an attractive way. We choose jeans that make our backside look good. Many women choose revealing clothing to attract attention to her body. Those shirts are more low-cut. Those clothes are tighter.
We wear high heels because for some reason being ready to break an ankle is sexy.
Makeup is one of the first things we do to hide our flaws and make ourselves look better. We cover our skin so you can’t see any blemishes. We highlight. We add color to our lips so we look more attractive. We paint our eyes to be wanted.
We paint our nails to feel pretty.
Many women get fake nails, fake eyelashes, fake hair extensions, etc. We add artificial things to our bodies to look more enhanced in our feminine beauty.
We cut our hair and dye it to make it feel fresh.
We go tanning.
Perfume is put on to smell appealing.
We adorn ourselves with ornaments, gold, jewels, beads, whatever jewelry we like to make ourselves feel like we’ve got some sparkle to us.

In some cultures, women are very extravagant in their adornment. Their makeup, body art, gold, and jeweled decoration from head to toe is attention-grabbing enough that you don’t even see the person behind the paint and ornaments. Some drape themselves in jewelry, even connecting gold chains from ear piercing to nose piercing. Others paint their face with so many layers and colors you can’t see their real skin. We call it beautiful.

We dress to impress. We show off our bodies. We add accessories to feel more beautiful. We focus our beauty on our appearance. Have you ever noticed that? In the secular world or in the mainstream, a woman’s beauty is all about her body. She modifies it, paints it, decorates it with jewels, dresses it immodestly or extravagantly because the world tells us this is beauty. But is this what beauty is all about in God’s eyes?

Godly adornment

1 Timothy 2:9-10 says to adorn ourselves with

Modest apparel
Shamefastness
Sobriety
Through good works

And not with braided hair, gold, pearls, and costly raiment (expensive clothing)

In 1 Peter it says to let our adorning be

The hidden man of the heart
The incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit

Not the outward adorning of braiding the hair, wearing jewels of gold, or putting on apparel

Instead of focusing on beautifying the body, we should focus on beautifying who we are as a person.

The way we adorn ourselves as godly women is not to be about outward adorning. It’s not about appearance. It’s not about being beautiful by expensive clothes and fancy jewelry and elaborate hair. No, a godly beauty is much deeper than that. A godly beauty is modest, not revealed, not drawing attention to the body. It is of godly spirit and heart and character. It is a woman made more beautiful by her good works.

It's not the body that we focus on adding beauty to. It’s the way we live. It’s the way we walk by the Spirit. It’s the fruit we produce. It’s the good works we do. It’s the behavior of a woman professing holiness.

We are a temple of the Holy Spirit. We are called to be separate from the world. We present our bodies as holy, and we renew our minds to be transformed to what is acceptable in God’s ways.

Godly woman,
Do not focus on adding beauty to yourself by decorating and revealing your body. Add beauty to who you are by how you live for the Lord. Make yourself more attractive with godliness and good works.

A note to the godly men,
Looks catch attention, but be intentional with looking at who she is. Look for a godly woman living a holy lifestyle. Be attracted to godliness, good works, a meek and quiet spirit, modesty, and decent appearance.

Where to draw the line

Once my focus shifted from the list of what not to wear to the root being about adornment for holy women following Jesus, that transformed my understanding of what these verses are all about.

That also left me wondering where to draw the line. Can we still wear the things of the world that add beauty? Is jewelry okay in moderation? Are cosmetics okay if our heart is in the right place? Many would say it’s a heart matter. I think it’s primarily a holiness matter.

2 Corinthians 6:17 (American Standard Version)
Wherefore
Come ye out from among them, and be ye separate,
saith the Lord,
And touch no unclean thing;
And I will receive you,

2 Corinthians 7:1 (ASV)
Having therefore these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.

1 Peter 1:14-16 (ASV)
as children of obedience, not fashioning yourselves according to your former lusts in the time of your ignorance: but like as he who called you is holy, be ye yourselves also holy in all manner of living; because it is written, Ye shall be holy; for I am holy.

You, woman of God, be separate.
Come out from amongst them.
Cleanse yourself from all defilement.
Be holy.

Interestingly, the opposite definition of defilement is purification or sanctification. Is it impure to dip yourself in the world’s ways of adornment while also pursuing holiness and a separateness from the ways of the world?

These are the messages that I see in these scriptures.

Be modest. I have a separate blog on my personal modesty standards here.
Women of God adorn themselves differently than women of the world.
Don’t adorn yourself (add beauty) like the world does.
We need to glorify God with our bodies. We are a temple of the Holy Spirit.
We need to be holy and be separate from the ways of the world. We need to be clean from anything that is defilement or is impure.

Where do you draw the line? That’s a matter of personal conviction, and one you’ll have to seek the Lord on. Take time to think on these things:

adornment as a godly woman
adornment in the world
dressing for attention, purposely drawing attention to your body by the way you put together your appearance
modifying your body – cosmetic surgery, permanent makeup (basically tattooed makeup), tattoos, piercings, tanning
body art – henna, body painting, gluing on decorations, etc
cosmetics – hair dye, makeup for your face, nail polish, fake nails, perfume
jewelry – expensive jewelry, inexpensive jewelry
accessories – purpose vs decoration, cost of accessories, pantyhose/tights, shoes (attention-grabbing), hair accessories (moderation)

I won’t preach that I have all the answers and people need to do as I do. You need to seek this out on your own. We all grow at our own pace. Be gentle with your journey; God is patient and compassionate.

One thing that is hard with this is the “Well she does that” way of thinking. There are so many good people out there who adorn themselves in the ways of worldly beauty but they are still good Christians. There are so many sweet and kind women with glittery eyelids, colored lips, and fake nails. It’s hard to let go of thinking “well she does that” as a way to justify also doing that. She has her own walk with God. So do you. This is entirely up to you where you draw the line for your own body’s adornment. It’s not a judgment on other women if you feel convicted to stop wearing something or abstain from something that happens to be common in our culture.

There’s also a lot of “If not this, then why that?” questions I’ve grappled with. There are plenty of hypocrisies to wade through. If not fake pearl earrings, then why fake pearls in the hair? What some lack in jewelry, they make up for in hair accessories. How are earrings wrong, but a whole headband of pearls is fine? If not nail polish, then why are French manicures accepted in so many Apostolic churches? After all, dollar store nail polish is humbler than dropping $40 on fake nails. If not necklaces, why jeweled broaches on the shirt? If not bracelets, then why watches with jewels when plain watches serve a purpose just fine? If not jewels or gold or pearls, why is clothing with fake jewels or ornaments not considered too much? If not slits in the skirt so it doesn’t lead the eye up, why high heels and fishnet tights that draw attention to the legs and also lead the eye up to the hemline? What about the hypocrisy of people who don’t wear jewelry in general, but they choose to buy extremely expensive wedding rings? I understand the rings have a purpose and I fully support the wearing of wedding rings, but is it necessary to buy a ring so flashy you can see it across the room? I could go on, and these issues vary from church to church. One church in town may push the limits with every accessory they can get away with while another church in the same city is more authentic to the principles behind the standards there.

There’s also something to be said for following your pastor’s lead and the traditions of Apostolic Pentecostal people for the sake of being in alignment with what your congregation does and doesn’t do. On the one hand, there is unity in that. I’m aware the bible says to obey our pastors and submit to them because they keep watch over our souls as those who will give an account (Hebrews 13:17). On the other hand, each person has to have their own faith and they should do so genuinely. No one should be expected to deny or hide their beliefs so they can conform to someone else’s beliefs. Matters of personal conviction are between you and Jesus.

Overall appearance

Overall, it is a privilege to be set apart from the world. It is a privilege to represent Christ. As women, we are especially privileged to be more noticeably different from the world as the mainstream culture pulls in the opposite direction of traditional church teachings. How great it is for people to be able to tell just by looking at us that we are dedicated to living for the Lord.

Our adornment should be different than the secular world. We should not be seeking after beauty focused on attraction to the body. Focus on becoming a more beautiful and attractive woman by being a good and holy Christian.

Modest. Humble. Natural.
Untainted with the world’s idea of beauty.
Pure. Undefiled. Chaste.
A quiet and meek spirit.
Godliness. Good works.
This is godly beauty.

How do you want to be adorned as a holy woman following Jesus?

1 Comment

Why I quit wearing makeup

19/9/2022

0 Comments

I threw it all away. I laid it all out, looked at it for a while, and scooped it up tossing it in the trash. All of my makeup – even my once beloved lip gloss – trash, never to be worn again.

It was 2020 September 26th. It wasn’t an easy thing to do when the conviction became undeniable. Two years later, I have no regrets. I actually love not wearing makeup. It’s freeing to not be expected to paint my face and cover up what I really look like so society can approve of my beauty.

Ironically, when I think of when I quit wearing makeup my mind goes back to when I started feeling like I always needed makeup to be seen outside my house. I distinctly remember a middle school friend telling me I would actually be pretty if it weren’t for my acne. At that point, I didn’t wear makeup very often. After that, I wore it always. I was afraid of what people would say if they saw my imperfect skin.

Growing up, makeup was an expected part of womanhood. All the women in my family wear makeup. I remember being in 4th or 5th grade when the expectation started for me to wear makeup like the girls at school had started to. I wanted to do and wear what the popular girls were. (Thankfully, that phase didn’t last long because I couldn’t care less now what the popular people are role modeling.) And I remember those middle school trips to the local stores so we could buy cosmetics, standing in the aisle trying to figure out what shade my skin was for foundation and wondering if that made me too pale to be beautiful in an era of tanning salons. I had no idea there were some women who didn’t wear it at all or even some religious groups that were against it. I thought all women covered up this way. It’s beauty. It’s protection from what people might say or think. So, I caked foundation in attempts to appease the world. I colored my eyes and lips. I adorned myself in coloring not natural to me so others would say I look pretty. Secretly, I always hated it. Though I liked the purple eyeshadows and anything that glittered, I hated feeling like I couldn’t let my natural face be seen.

Some women love makeup – not me. I wore it daily in middle school and high school. This was many moons ago. In my twenties, I didn’t wear it very often. It was a dress up kind of thing, not an ordinary day sort of attire. Our culture is so determined to make women look a certain way. It wasn’t uncommon for people to tell me to wear makeup. I had some people in my life that absolutely insisted I put makeup on or let them do it with hurtful mention to my facial redness. I always hated that. Makeup made me feel ugly. Anytime a ‘friend’ wanted to have fun doing my makeup I always felt so ugly. They’re covering me up because they don’t like the way I look. Some even feel you won’t get a man if you don’t wear makeup. I hated it.

Something changed in 2011. A seed was planted that didn’t come to bloom until 2020. I started going to an Apostolic Pentecostal church. The church teaches against makeup, though not much is spoken of it. I had never been in a room full of women with bare faces before. It was normal there to not wear makeup. I remember thinking there was a beauty to their simplicity. It was natural beauty. Yet my face was red and I often covered it up fearing what others might think.

As the time passed, I wore makeup less and less only giving in to a full face of makeup when friends wanted to play and do my face paint. At the same time, I am independent and rebellious. I don’t like being told what to do. I held on to some things the church teaches against because I didn’t see anything in the bible against these things and hanging on to them was a way to assert my dominance over my life. When I backslid in 2014, I started wearing makeup more. Lip gloss was my favorite. For me, it was also freedom. I liked it. It was actually the only makeup I liked wearing.

Fast-forward to fall of 2019 and I had left church claiming I would never go back. God strongly tugged me to a new church. I walked in that night wearing extra makeup and extra jewelry with two shades of purple lipstick on to make it darker. I am independent. I am not a woman to be controlled. I will never submit to rules I don’t agree with and don’t see in the bible. Don’t try to control me. I have my own beliefs and my own walk. I’m not here to follow the crowd.

Some things changed after I got back in church in November of 2019. Other things took time to grow. One thing I never understood before was the no makeup thing. It didn’t make any sense to me. Makeup made me feel ugly, but I’d wear it because I was self-conscious about my flawed and imperfect complexion. Someone might see how red I am. Someone might not like it. Someone might point it out. I typically wouldn’t even take selfies without makeup. I was afraid to be seen. At the root, I didn’t love myself enough to love raw me. But the more you see natural skin, the less you feel self-conscious about your own. The more you see other women with imperfect skin and acne and rosacea, the more you feel comfortable being yourself.

I got more comfortable with me and the way I naturally look. And I started losing desire for makeup. More and more, it became something I didn’t want. Somewhere along the way I learned to find the beauty in my imperfect face. I stopped being bothered by my flaws. I stopped wanting to look flawless like the magazines and the models and the YouTube influencers with their makeup videos. I reached a point where I could just be me. No longer did I worry about leaving the house and someone noticing my facial redness. I even lost interest in the lip gloss I used to love.

And then conviction came. I had gone several months without wearing makeup. I knew I was getting to a point that I didn’t want it anymore. The Lord had been dealing with me on it for months. I started seeing makeup differently. When I would see it on other people, it wasn’t beauty anymore. It was a covering – a mask almost – and it felt off. Spiritually, it started to feel like this was a worldly practice and I was being led away from that. I knew in the bible cosmetics were mentioned with whores, but there was nothing that specifically said not to wear cosmetics. I suppose being in my 30s I didn’t realize that for many generations it was considered inappropriate by many Christians for women to wear makeup. The customs of the people have changed. The church now looks just like the secular world in most cases. What was once separate is now blended. And we’re free, right? But something just didn’t feel right about it anymore. I knew this was conviction. It was hard to obey that at the time. I knew I needed to let it go, and I knew it wouldn’t be right to keep what I had in case I changed my mind. I gathered it all. I laid it out thinking long and hard about what I was letting go of. What would people say? What about my redness? Would I look too plain? I threw it all away.

It's funny to remember how hard it was to obey the conviction because after some time away from it my perspective changed. Not only do I have no desire for makeup, but it’s actually repulsive to me. The idea of painting my face with cosmetics makes me cringe. I have learned to fully accept my flawed face. I love the person in the mirror. To be completely honest, when I see makeup at the store I often turn my head in disgust. I have absolutely no interest in makeup at all. I won’t even wear it on my wedding day.

What’s the whole point in writing this blog? If you’re reading this, you may be searching the internet for this topic. This may be something weighing on your mind. Let me remind you of a few things. You don’t have to cover up who you are. Get comfortable with how you naturally look. Surround yourself with people who accept you without makeup. You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to. On the religious note, seek the Lord on the matter. I don’t think it’s sinful to wear makeup. Worldly? Yes. It’s one of the top ways women of the secular world adorn their bodies to be more attractive. Sinful? I have no scripture to clearly speak against it. All we can look at is the example set in the bible that painting our faces, especially in a seductive way or for sexual attention, was a practice done by whores. For some, they may find that irrelevant now as our culture has changed and makeup is the norm for all women including believers. For others, they may feel that we need to be separate from the ways of the world and not adorn ourselves with cosmetics and jewelry and such like the secular world does. If you do find yourself feeling conviction on the matter, be open to the direction the Lord is pulling you in and be obedient to his lead. You may struggle to lay it down, but after you have some time away from it the thought of putting makeup on will feel so weird. Natural is beautiful too. Natural skin, natural nails, natural hair… some consider it plain in this dolled-up society, but others of us find beauty in the simplicity.

Where do you fall on this topic? Yes to all makeup or yes to modest makeup in moderation or perhaps yes just to natural-looking makeup? Or no to all makeup? Comment down below and tell me where you’re at with this topic.

0 Comments

1 Corinthians 11 and uncut hair

14/9/2022

6 Comments

I had read it, but I didn’t process it. I didn’t study it. In the 5 years I had been Christian, I’d never heard a minister preach on hair length or even gender distinction at all. Several times I had read Corinthians without stopping to think on this issue. After all, it’s become so common in American culture for women to have short hair and men now having long hair that it’s easy to forget how many hundreds of years went by that this was unaccepted. Was the tradition of short hair for men and long hair for women cultural or biblical?

One of the first things I noticed when I was new to the Apostolic Pentecostal church was the women were all wearing skirts, dressed modestly, and their hair was usually long. Not only was it long, but it looked natural. No dye, no unnatural color, no highlights, no layers, no chopped appearance. I came to learn that for most of them their hair was uncut. Yes, they do not cut their hair. Traditionally, they do not even trim it.

I had never heard of any church or denomination teaching this. I certainly didn’t mind the look. I’ve always loved long hair. I’ve had short hair several times when I was younger, and I hated it. I prefer my hair hip length if I can get it to grow that long. All these women at church looked so beautiful. They looked so feminine, but in a different way. It wasn’t feminine in a worldly way with makeup and nails and accessories to strut a womanly look. It was deeper than that, purer than that. In a way, it fascinated me to see this whole group of people look like men and women used to. It felt like finding something of old that you don’t see often anymore.

But why did they all follow this way?

1 Corinthians 11:3-16 (NASB)

3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

4 Every man who has something on his head while praying or prophesying disgraces his head.

5 But every woman who has her head uncovered while praying or prophesying disgraces her head, for it is one and the same as the woman whose head is shaved.

6 For if a woman does not cover her head, have her also cut her hair off; however, if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, have her cover her head.

7 For a man should not have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man.

8 For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man;

9 for indeed man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake.

10 Therefore the woman should have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels.

11 However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.

12 For as the woman originated from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God.

13 Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered?

14 Does even nature itself not teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a dishonor to him,

15 but if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her? For her hair is given to her as a covering.

16 But if anyone is inclined to be contentious, we have no such practice, nor have the churches of God.

Was this cultural? Verse 16 implies that it was not. “But if anyone is inclined to be contentious, we have no such practice, nor have the churches of God.” To be contentious is to be argumentative or controversial. I take that as, ‘If you want to argue about this, we as a church don’t even have any practices.’ Of course, the churches had their practices and their way of life.

When I thought about it, hadn’t it always been tradition among Christians and Jews for there to be gender distinction with clothing and hair length? Perhaps, modern times are not the right gauge to use to measure what is acceptable to God.

I knew this was something I didn’t fully understand. I wanted to know. Was it okay that I cut my hair? Is trimming fine? Should it be uncut? Should it be natural? What do I do or what do I stop doing? I struggled to understand, especially with so little actually spoken on this topic.

To be honest, I struggled with this topic for years. My hair is thin and the ends get damaged easily. I was introduced to the idea of uncut hair in 2011, but I didn’t have conviction on it or real understanding. I grew my hair as long as I could, but would continue to trim the ends once or twice a year to make it healthier. Until recently, I spent all those years interpreting this that hair needed to be long but did not need to be uncut. Still, every time I would trim my hair I felt so conflicted on whether or not it was okay. It always bothered me so much to ‘need’ to trim my hair. I’d get all worked up about it. Every time I would revisit the issue.

Searching the internet was little help. There are so many opinion pieces out there saying things every which way. One thing that I found works for me is to look at different ways people interpret something and test that against scripture for a process of elimination. I’ve heard a lot of things when this topic comes up. Let’s take a look at 10 of them (aside from people who will distract by switching the topic).

1 Ignore
This seems to be what most people do, but this is New Testament. So, I don’t see how it’s valid to say it’s not relevant.

2 Say it was cultural at the time, but give no explanation
This seemed to be the main reaction when I would bring up the topic with non-Apostolics. They said it was cultural, but they didn’t actually talk about the culture. They just thought that it wasn’t for us anymore.

3 Men having short hair and women having long hair is still relevant and something we need to follow.
This is in line with scripture.

4 It’s disgraceful for a woman to have her head shaved or her hair cut off.
Cut off short or cut at all? I would think it’d be hard to notice a little trim. Cut short though is certainly noticeable. For countless years, this was a disgrace. In the Old Testament, when a woman was taken captive they shaved her head. Even today despite the insanity of modern times, even the secular world finds it shocking when a woman shaves her head. Even the world knows long hair is glorious and feminine. What about short hair though? Cultural norm or biblical disgrace? It’s hard to make such judgment calls when we do not desire to control or offend. We have to make these decisions for ourselves.

5 Women need to have uncut hair.
I think this is where the confusion comes in. Does it need to be uncut or does it need to not be cut off as in cut short? We’re going to get into that more.

6 Women need to have a covering. Wear a head covering at least when praying.
There are some conservative churches that teach this: Amish, conservative Mennonite, other Plain societies, Orthodox, historically Catholic churches did as well. It seems more common in the Eastern world than the Western. However, verse 15 says that if a woman has long hair her hair is given to her as a covering.

7 A covering is needed for women, but their long hair counts as a covering.
This is in line with scripture. That also begs the question: Should women with short hair wear a covering?

8 This is only about praying or prophesying uncovered.
While that does technically fit, what about where it says long hair is a woman’s glory? Shouldn’t we always be ready to pray? I wouldn’t want to have to go get a head-covering to pray with if I can have a covering with me always.

9 This is about authority in the household. The man is the head of woman, and she should have a symbol of authority on her head.
I don’t know that I understand how this is a symbol of authority, but the scriptures are there. Still, how is saying this an excuse to not be obedient to this? There are some that say this is just for wives. I can see where they get that from verse 3, but the words chosen are men and women. It doesn’t say wives only. Besides, shouldn’t unmarried women be prepared to get married and look like a wife?

10 These verses are about shrine prostitutes. Shaved heads were for prostitutes. This was an issue in Corinth. The instruction is to not look like them.
I find this response particularly interesting. I’ve heard many people try to dispute women having uncut hair or requiring long hair by saying that these verses were about prostitutes. Let’s get into this one. At that time this was written to the Corinthians, there were pagan temple prostitutes that were distinguished by their shaved heads. It’s reported that some cultures also shaved a woman’s head as a punishment for adultery. Women of God were not to look like these women living a life of sexual sin. And when these prostitutes and pagans would come to believe in Jesus and come into the church, it was quick to see they were a convert because of their hair. So, they were instructed to wear a covering over their hair because being shorned was disgraceful. However, for the women with long hair no covering was needed because their long hair was given to them as a covering. And people use this as a reason to not have distinction. Wouldn’t that mean that the women of God had long hair? Wouldn’t that mean that the people following Jesus looked different than the pagans? They lived different. They looked different. I can’t help but wonder how this relates to modern times. When we’re studying the history of the church, it’s easy to think of things as way back then. Isn’t it the same thing now? Christians often live and look different than non-Christians. How often can you immediately recognize a new member to the church? Why? Because they look like the world, right? Back then the prostitutes were distinguished by their shaved heads. Think about it today. If someone comes into church looking like a prostitute looks in modern times, you know that they are a visitor or a new convert (and it’s great that they are there!). What happens? Gradually, their looks change along with their inner transformation. Now what would you think if one of those women who resembled a person living a life of sexual sin started prophesying? Most would hesitate to listen to someone who looked like that. If we live for the Lord and walk a lifestyle of holiness, we look different than those walking a lifestyle of sin. You can look right and live wrong, but if you live right and you look like you don’t how does that affect your witness? Should a person dressed disgracefully be leading the prayer group? No. (It’s not that they can’t have a heart for God, but they haven’t matured enough to lead if they are lacking in the basic fruits of holiness.) The principle behind this is not that different. We are called to be set apart. Those who follow Jesus should not dress or put together their appearance in a way that resembles those who live a life of sexual immorality.

Another thing I learned that goes along with this is in the Jewish Encyclopedia 6th edition on page 158 it says “Among women long hair is extolled as a mark of beauty (Cant. iv. 1, vii 6). A woman’s hair was never cut except as a sign of deep mourning or of degradation (Jer. vii. 29; comp. Deut. xxi. 12).” Given this history, it appears that uncut hair would have been the norm in the early church. Aren’t we continuing the faith and practices of the early church?

I’ve heard quite a few things over the years when this topic has come up. Many ignore or say it’s not relevant in our culture. Let me ask you this. Is our culture living for God right now? Are we a holy nation? A righteous people? Abstaining from sin and impurity? No. Should current culture be our measuring stick for what’s acceptable to God? No.

Let’s test these different interpretations. What fits scripture?

It’s New Testament. It’s relevant for us. It is not cultural for the times. It’s not just the church in Corinth. If anyone wants to be argumentative about it, the churches of God have no other practice (verse 16).
Men should have short hair and women should have long hair (verses 14-15, 6).
It is a dishonor for a man to have long hair (verse 14).
Long hair is a glory for a woman (verse 15).
A woman’s long hair is a covering to her (verse 15).
It is a disgrace for a woman to be praying or prophesying when she is shorn or shaven (verse 6).

To cut off short or cut at all? That is the thing that I struggled with understanding. I will confess it was 11 years into being Apostolic before I really understood this. It wasn’t until researching for this blog that I learned more of the history and the language and finally felt like I had understanding. I’m being transparent here because this blog is about sharing my journey in coming to understand this aspect of the faith lifestyle. I don’t profess to be a professional minister. I simply share my faith and invite people to hear my faith journey.

Bible translations were a big factor in my confusion. Older translations including King James Version and the American Standard Version say “shaven” in verse 5 and “shorn or shaven” in verse 6. However, modern English translations talk about it being cut off or shaved.

King James Version
But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.
For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.

American Standard Version
But every woman praying or prophesying with her head unveiled dishonoreth her head; for it is one and the same thing as if she were shaven. For if a woman is not veiled, let her also be shorn: but if it is a shame to a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be veiled.

New American Standard Version
But every woman who has her head uncovered while praying or prophesying disgraces her head, for it is one and the same as the woman whose head is shaved. For if a woman does not cover her head, have her also cut her hair off; however, if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, have her cover her head.

NET
But any woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered disgraces her head, for it is one and the same thing as having a shaved head. For if a woman will not cover her head, she should cut off her hair. But if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, she should cover her head.

ESV
but every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head.

NIV
But every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head—it is the same as having her head shaved. For if a woman does not cover her head, she might as well have her hair cut off; but if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, then she should cover her head.

At this point, I would get confused with what translation is accurate. All the modern English ones I look at say to cut off. And I only pay attention to translations that are focused on literal translation. I avoid anything paraphrased or loosely phrase for phrase. Yet the older translations say shorn.

I am definitely a modern English gal. All these years I’ve been reading not to “cut off” our hair, and I had an image in my head of short hair that had been chopped. Perhaps, my mistake in that was the image that came to mind was an assumption more than an interpretation. The only way to cut hair is to cut some off. Cutting off an inch at the ‘dead ends’ is still cutting off.

Am I understanding what it means to be shorn? Some dictionaries list this as to cut short or nearly shave. Others define it simply as to cut. Common context is to compare is to shearing a sheep and cutting their hair short (taking off their covering). Is that an accurate comparison? How was the word used when these translations were written? To get to the bottom of a question when I feel bible translations are confusing, I go straight to the original. An interlinear bible is a great study tool. In the interlinear bible, it translates it to English as “disgraceful to a woman to be shorn or to be shaven let her cover her head”. In verse 6 when it says “to be shorn”, the Greek word is “keirasthai”. The listed Strong’s concordance 2751 lists “Keiro” as a verb defined as “to shear” with usage “I shear, cut the hair of”.

Merriam Webster defines shear as
Transitive verb
1a: to cut off the hair from
1b: to cut or clip from someone or something
1d: to cut or trim with shears or a similar instrument

Interestingly, before scissors were called scissors they were called shears.

We could certainly split hairs on the controversy over whether it is supposed to be uncut or simply be long. We could talk about the what ifs. What if somebody’s hair hits the floor? What if somebody’s hair won’t grow? What if they have health issues that make their hair fall out? What if their hair is thin? What if the ends are damaged? What if it doesn’t look as good as it would if you cut it?

Okay. Those are valid questions. Do they matter though? You need to refine your idea of beauty. The world convinces you that women need a fresh cut, a new color, a bold look. They train you to think that your hair must not have split ends (even though the ends of hair will split no matter what). A chopped straight across is beauty agenda is not the same thing as godly beauty. Natural hair is beautiful. Long hair is beautiful. There is a feminine elegance that takes years of dedication to achieve. Uncut hair has a different kind of beauty to it.

We each have to decide for ourselves how we interpret this and what we will follow. As for me, I think it’s still an instruction for us. If the bible says we aren’t to be shorned and shorn means to shear and shear means to cut, should we cut it? I won’t argue that it could mean to cut short. I agree that cutting short is disobedient to this scripture. Nevertheless, to shear technically means to cut (period) regardless of the context we usually use it in. So, I don’t want to. I want long hair. I want glorious hair. I want the covering. I want to be obedient to scripture the best I understand it. I interpret this as I, as a woman professing holiness, need to have uncut hair and however long it grows is up to the Lord.

And that is why Apostolic Pentecostal women do not cut their hair.

This is something that as women we each have to figure out what it means and what we are going to do about how we interpret it. I share this blog because it was a hard topic for me, and I know there are women searching the internet for this topic as I was for so many years. I invite you to consider these things and take time to think on it, pray about it, and genuinely seek the Lord on the matter. We all take time to grow. I feel like it’s unfortunate that it took me 11 years to understand what could have taken a day if someone had taken the time to really explain this matter. I hope this blog is enough to teach you that you don’t spend a decade feeling conflicted or going back and forth.

If you are a seasoned saint in the faith, I nudge you to bring up the topic with the newer in Christ and open a discussion on these scriptures.

If you have any questions, you are welcome to comment on the blog. Questions are always welcome; answers are always honest.

Resources:

www.biblegateway.com to look at different scriptures

https://biblehub.com/interlinear/1_corinthians/11.htm for the interlinear of 1 Corinthians 11

https://biblehub.com/greek/keirasthai_2751.htm The Greek word for “to be shorn”

https://biblehub.com/greek/2751.htm Strong’s concordance for shorn

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shear Webster’s definition of shear

https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/singular-of-scissors Scissors used to be called shears

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/97/Jewish_Encyclopedia_Volume_6.pdf Jewish encyclopedia referencing women’s uncut hair on page 158 (169 in the PDF)

6 Comments

Why I stopped wearing pants and went to skirts or dresses only

3/9/2022

20 Comments

I wore pants almost exclusively for the first 22 years of my life. I rarely wore skirts, and when I did they were short. In 2011, I made the switch to skirts or dresses exclusively. Why? Personal conviction. This has always been my own choice. I’m sharing this blog – not to persuade others to do the same – but to share my story for those who are interested in making this change in their own lives.

I had always found long skirts and dresses to be beautiful in this gently feminine way. Around 2010, I had bought a couple of plaid skirts from Kohl’s. I believe those were the first below-the-knee skirts I’d ever had. I really enjoyed wearing those. It felt womanly. I’d wondered why some religious groups have women wear dresses or skirts only, but I’d never really explored the idea. Towards the end of 2010, that was something that kept crossing my mind.

First exposure to this lifestyle

The first time I ever walked among people who had the traditional gender roles with clothing was when I started going to an Apostolic Pentecostal church in January of 2011. Sure, I had seen women from Plain churches wearing their traditional dresses. I live in Ohio and there are many Mennonites as well as some Amish families not too far north of me. I had always thought their way of dressing had a beauty to it – feminine, modest, classic in a way. They were separate though. I wasn’t in those social circles and I had no friendships with anyone of that faith-based lifestyle. This was different. I was actually going to church with people that dressed and lived set apart from the mainstream (or “normal”) ways of the secular world. I remember looking around the church thinking how beautiful it was. It felt like finding something of old that you don’t see often anymore.

My initial thoughts

The dresses were feminine and yet not showing off skin to be beautiful. The skirts were long and many were loose, wrapped around them in a way that covered a woman yet still offered dignity. It was modest. It was womanly. But was it wrong for a woman to wear pants? I’d always worn pants. Of course, it didn’t seem wrong. That’s how I was raised. The jeans tightly wrapped around my thighs were not something I had ever questioned. How could it be wrong? Women have rights. We can wear what we want. Yet there was something that intrigued me about this wardrobe choice of theirs. I felt drawn to it.

Giving consideration to the idea

I bought a few long skirts. I’d never had ankle-length skirts before. I was afraid they’d be hard to walk in. I actually found them easier to walk in than pants. They were so comfortable! It felt like a nightgown. My legs were free. The skirts were flowy and feminine, even for someone like me who was more of a tomboy. I liked it. Something about it felt right. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was specifically, but it felt right. Of course, I still wore pants. You have to, right? I mean in the winter it gets cold and sometimes pants are more practical and if you don’t wear pants people will think you’re a religious nut. I kept thinking about it though. Could I choose to stop wearing pants? It was noticed by others that I was wearing a lot of skirts.

Wondering what God wants

I was still new in church (at the Apostolic church) and, while most women wore skirts, nobody ever really talked about why. I tried finding what the bible says about it using a concordance, but found no directions for gender-based clothing. There’s Deuteronomy 22:5 that says “The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.” (KJV), but there’s nothing that says pants are for men and skirts are for women. Besides, clothing varies in different cultures and changes over time. Nowadays we have men’s pants and women’s pants, and they are not the same. The word “abomination” got to me and I wondered what God considered to be for men and for women.

Has society strayed?

I started thinking about women’s clothing and gendered expectations over the years. It’s only been in the last couple of decades that it was socially acceptable for women to wear pants. For hundreds and hundreds of years, women wore beautiful dresses and long, flowing skirts. In the 1800s some women started wearing pants – some for practicality or comfort, others as a symbol of the women’s rights movement. During World War 2, women went to work in the factories and donned factory-safe work clothes while so many men were away at war. It wasn’t until after that it became common for women to wear trousers and such. Still, it wasn’t until the 1960s and 70s that it really became socially acceptable to wear pants. Women took to wearing what was once for men as a sign of equality. I have an aunt who still remembers when she was in school and they started being allowed to wear pants to school. It has not been that many years. I was born in the 80s and just in that short time it has become odd for a woman to not wear pants. What’s right? Was this just culture? Are modern times the most progressive and righteous? Is the historical way more biblical?

I prayed for conviction and I got it

This weighed on my mind a lot. I liked skirts more and more. And I secretly struggled more and more with feeling like I didn’t want to wear pants. It felt wrong. I continued doing it because I had always done it. Also because it was expected of me to look and live like my family. I was more of a tomboy though and often wore shirts from the men’s department. I would put on a pair of pants and feel so bothered that I’d go change into a skirt. I couldn’t explain it. That’s just how I felt.

This was back in my dark days of working at Kohl’s. It was early 2011. I was a freight assistant working 3rd shift unloading the semi-trucks. I typically wore a tee-shirt, jeans, and steel-toe boots to work. It was a physically demanding job, and there was nothing womanly about it. It was very much a man’s job. There I was – the not-so-outdoorsy tomboy – who prided herself on being strong enough to do a “man’s job”. Granted, it tore my body up and left me with arthritis at a young age, but I was determined to be strong as a man. My position was usually standing at the edge of the dock with the boxes being unloaded onto a skate wheel conveyor. It would get very cold on winter nights standing in that spot for hours. Even with pants, my legs would freeze and my hands would go numb despite gloves. The idea of wearing a skirt sounded insane.

If you read my testimony blogs, you’ll know that it was at this job I met a coworker who invited me to the Apostolic church and gave me a bible study. His name is Billy. I had started going to this church, but I was still wearing pants often. I came into work one night and Billy and I had on the same outfit – same shirt, same pants. That was the night the Lord opened my eyes and I realized I was wearing men’s clothes. I wanted to stop wearing pants, but I was afraid it would upset people. I prayed for conviction. This was also the story where I learned if you pray for conviction, you will get it. Another night at work not too long after that, I wore a pair of olive-green cargo pants. They were looser so I thought they were more modest and okay. I squatted to put a box away and they ripped open at the crotch. I spent the rest of the night with a bit of a breeze and a lot of conviction. That was my last time wearing pants (until I backslid). That might all sound incredibly silly or ridiculous, but this was how I felt. I realize this isn’t an instruction given in scripture. This was and is a matter of personal conviction.

Making the switch

I had so many pants and not many skirts. I didn’t want to get rid of my pants. I wanted to turn them into skirts. My sewing skills are basic at best, but I had hopes. I really struggled with guilt! I had just gotten several pairs of pants for Christmas. I think this was February of 2011 that I made the switch. We were very poor, and if I could get new clothes they almost always came from thrift stores. Getting something brand new was a special treat. My Mom and I had gone on a shopping splurge for Christmas, and she bought me not just one but several pairs of pants. I liked them! They are cute. I wanted to wear them, but I felt like I shouldn’t. That was something I really struggled with. I still remember the pair of jeans she liked the most on me. It might have actually been a couple years since I’d gotten brand-new pants. I felt like I was wasting her money and not being appreciative of the gifts she got me.

I also had to get up the money to go and buy new clothes. This was a $9 an hour job and I didn’t have much to replace my wardrobe. It is definitely expensive to replace an entire wardrobe with modest clothing and skirts below the knee. Modest clothes are often more expensive than mainstream clothing. It was years before I had the money to buy a modest dress, the kind that Apostolic women often wear to church. I found a few thrift stores that tend to have longer skirts, and I got them as able.

I didn’t necessarily announce it publicly, but I did tell those close to me I didn’t want to wear pants anymore. The reactions were not warm and fuzzy.

People's reactions

My family thought I had joined a cult. They were very against this conviction of mine. It was mentioned often and repeatedly. They were upset. I won’t get into details or tell stories here, but I will emphasize that my family was bothered by this choice of mine. That didn’t slide by quickly. It lasted months. It took a long time for them to seem okay with my choice. They are supportive of it now.

Friends and coworkers didn’t like the changes I was making. They started teasing me often for a few weeks, then every now and then for the following few months. It took a long time for people to adjust to my new normal. I didn’t understand why the same people who complimented me on how nice I looked in a skirt when I still wore pants now thought I looked like a religious extremist in the same skirt. I also didn’t understand why they were now making fun of my long hair which was exactly the same length as it was when I wore pants and people would call it beautiful.

Church folks didn’t say much, but I did realize my sense of fashion didn’t really align with theirs. I’m more Plain Jane. I’ve become okay with that.

I was surprised that strangers treated me differently. Men started opening doors for me and treating me more like a lady. In general, I was given more respect when dressing modestly and wearing skirts. That part I did not expect.

My own reaction was one of guilt and struggle at first, but eventually peace. This was a genuine conviction and it did not waver. I loved skirts more and more. I did not miss pants. I had no desire for them.

Wearing pants again

I backslid at the end of 2014 and started wearing pants again in Spring of 2017 if memory serves me correct. Even though I had been out of church for several years, I continued to wear skirts and not wear pants out of conviction. The conviction remained no matter how far I backslid. The only reason I even started wearing pants again was because I was painting apartments with my brother and doing so in a skirt was frustrating. It’s easier to climb ladders and paint and such while wearing pants. I went with my cousin to the Salvation Army thrift store and picked out a few pairs of pants just for painting. I think I got 5 pairs. It felt so weird trying them on. Having fabric wrapped around my legs was uncomfortable, a bit smothered. It felt so revealed. It felt wrong.

Other people rejoiced that I wore pants again. My family was so glad I looked “normal again”. There were a lot of compliments. No one seemed to care that I was bothered by it. This didn’t feel right to me. Before long, I started wearing pants again all the time. Besides, who was I to look holy when I wasn’t even going to church anymore?

It never stopped bothering me. Every single time – and I do mean literally every single time – I would put pants on I thought of my conviction to wear skirts. I didn’t really like the way that I looked in pants. I do like the way I look in skirts.

Coming back to church

I came back to church in autumn of 2019. A few short weeks after coming back, I was doing laundry one day and realized there were no pants in the laundry piles. I had gone back to wearing skirts without ever making an intentional decision to do so. It felt right. I thought about it and quickly decided to return to my convictions. I threw away all my pants and my shorts. I did not care. I did not feel guilty. I was glad to purge it.

Then and now

It’s 2022. It is now 11 years after I first felt the conviction to stop wearing pants. I still feel that way. I think that I will always dress this way. I still have the same general fashion style. I just wear skirts instead of pants. It feels right to me. This feels like me. It’s something that I love. I do not miss wearing pants at all; I have zero desire for that. I love my skirts.

I do feel a strong personal conviction to wear skirts out of modesty and also out of gender distinction. While the bible doesn’t specify which kinds of clothes are okay for which gender, I do feel that gender distinction is a biblical principle. We can see in Deuteronomy 22:5 that there must have been a clear distinction between men’s and women’s clothes for cross-dressing to be an abomination. In 1 Corinthians 11 there is distinction between hair length for men and women. I don’t think that is ever going to age out or become irrelevant. Looking at current times, the lines are blurred more and more. First clothing, then hair, then gender itself has left the path of what God’s people have traditionally done. The more society blurs the two genders, the more I cling to the old-fashioned ways. I can’t help but notice those who are blurring the lines are not living for God. Therefore, I will not adhere to their principles.

Most of the people that know me have adjusted, although there are still some who are bothered by my appearance. I’ve never heard a man speak against a woman dressing modestly or in traditional gendered clothing. I have seen some women get angry over another woman choosing to not wear pants. Over the years, I’ve learned to be confident in my choices and not be upset by other people having different opinions. I used to be so afraid to offend people. I was hesitant to talk about anything to do with my faith-based lifestyle. The more you love your choices, the less you care who disapproves.

When I meet new people and they only see me wear skirts, they generally assume it’s a religious matter and they don’t expect me to wear pants. The subject doesn’t usually come up, but if it does I’m comfortable talking about it. I’m open to questions or explanations.

One thing that has changed over the years is defense to explanation. When I was younger and newer to the faith, I always felt like I had to defend my faith. I got a lot of criticism on my beliefs, especially regarding my appearance. I got to a point that I was in attack mode without realizing it. I was quick to defend my actions. Even in the blogs I would do on my religious beliefs or lifestyle, I would often start with some kind of disclaimer that I’m not trying to control anybody or tell them what to do and I don’t want to offend anyone. Yet I can tell when I go back and read the old deleted blogs that I was on the defense from the very beginning. At some point, I became confident enough that criticism does not bother me anymore. My attitude switched from declaring and defending my faith to sharing and explaining my faith. That’s something to think about if you find yourself on a similar path.

Why I do it

Wearing skirts is a choice. I love it. Here’s why I do it.

I feel personal conviction from the Lord, and I obey that.
Modesty is so much easier with a skirt or dress because they are loose and not revealing the outline of my figure.
I do believe gender distinction is a biblical principle.
It feels feminine.
They are comfortable!
It feels right to me.
It’s also easier to witness. We women are privileged to be set apart as obviously Christian when we dress this way. I can’t tell you how many times total strangers have asked me about my faith or where I go to church because of my skirts. I’ve been in stores or at work and had people randomly ask me where I go to church without me even saying a word. I’ve had so many women (that I would never expect this from) tell me they wish they could wear skirts like that all the time. Older women have told me how refreshing it is to see younger women dressing modestly and feminine. It always surprises me how many women feel drawn to this way of dressing.

If you’re considering switching to skirts only, I encourage you to try it out. Seek in prayer. Be open to revelation and conviction. If you try it and decide it’s not for you and you don’t feel convicted to do so, you can always go back to pants. You’re free to choose how you dress. If you feel drawn to dress this way, listen to the tug.

20 Comments

Ways to use a birth ball

27/8/2022

0 Comments

If you'd like to easily print this, here is a free PDF you can download and save to your phone or computer and print.

A birth ball is simply an exercise ball that can be used in labor. You can also use it for prenatal exercise and postpartum exercise. This handout is going to focus on ways to use it in labor.

While sitting on it

Sit still on it if you want to. These are a nice tool to let momma be off her feet while still letting her use motion for coping and progress.
Sway gently or rock side to side. You can do this while in an open space or in front of the bed or couch or chair so you can stabilize yourself on the furniture. If you are in the hospital, you can use the railing on the bed for stability.
Do circles (clockwise, then reverse).
Do figure 8s.
Sit on the ball in front of a chair or the bed. Have your partner or doula behind you. With this, you may also rest your arms on their legs or lean back into them for support.
You can also wrap a rebozo around the partner/doula and use that to add comfort and stability.
A partner or doula can position behind the laboring woman and do counter-pressure or massage.
You can also sit on the ball facing your husband/partner. Lean into him while you sway on the ball. You have the option of wrapping the rebozo around the mother for comfort and stability.
Put the birth ball in the shower and sit on it while the water runs.

While leaning on it

Get on the floor in hands and knees position (optional: place a pillow under your knees) and lean on the birth ball. You can rest, sway, and allow your body to get comfortable.
Place the ball on the bed or couch. Kneel comfortably with open knees on the bed/couch with your arms and head on the ball. You can even put a birth ball in the hospital bed with you to lean on.
With the ball on the bed or couch, stand next to it and lean on the ball. This is a good position to sway in.
Stand and lean against the ball while it is against the wall.

Where to put the ball

On the floor in an open space (preferably carpet over a smooth surface)
On the floor next to the bed or couch or chair to stabilize yourself
Next to the hospital bed (use the railing for stability)
On the bed (home or hospital)
On the couch
On the wall to lean against
And even in the shower

Where to get a birth ball
You can buy them on Amazon or from Premier Birth Tools. Make sure you get the right size for your height. If you are 4’8” – 5’10”, get the 65cm ball. If you are 5’11” or taller, get the 75cm ball. They do take 2 or 3 days to fully inflate.

These are excellent for pregnancy and labor. They’re nice to have around the house too.

Maternal-infant Wellness Education
with Leanna Mae

Donate

0 Comments

My modesty standards as an Apostolic Pentecostal woman

2/8/2022

2 Comments

Welcome

Hello, ladies. Is modesty a topic that’s been weighing on your mind lately? Are you new(ish) to church or starting to question some of your outfits? Let’s talk about what modesty means and how we can set up guidelines for ourselves to live out our values. This conversation is in gentleness; many of us converts have come to navigate this topic as adults. I know it is not easy to make changes or figure out where to draw the line. Seek the Lord on the matter.

Disclaimer

Friendly note to say these views are my own. I’m not officially representing my church’s views here or a denomination (my church is WPF). Though my convictions are in line with what most Apostolic Pentecostal churches teach on modesty, some of my personal choices may be more conservative. If you have questions about modesty standards, I encourage you to talk to your pastor’s wife.

Scripture

Let’s look at the scriptures first.

1 Timothy 2:9-10
In like manner, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefastness and sobriety; not with braided hair, and gold or pearls or costly raiment; but (which becometh women professing godliness) through good works.

1 Peter 3:1-5
In like manner, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, even if any obey not the word, they may without the word be gained by the behavior of their wives; beholding your chaste behavior coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner aforetime the holy women also, who hoped in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Or know ye not that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have from God? and ye are not your own; for ye were bought with a price: glorify God therefore in your body.

Romans 12:1-2
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service. And be not fashioned according to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

(All scripture taken from the American Standard Version)

What it means to be modest

To be modest is to be decently covered, be a person of discretion, be pure, and be proper for a person professing to live a godly life. It’s not about shame or negative perspectives on the body. It’s valuing what you’re keeping covered. It’s discretion. It’s to behave and appear in a manner aligned with holiness. It’s to not dress or appear in a way that seeks sexual attention from anyone other than your spouse.

Whether woman or man, modest dress and behavior prevents lust and temptation to fornication, adultery, and other sins. No one is responsible for another person’s sins, but we can put up a guardrail against such unwanted attention with the way we present ourselves. A heart after God is a heart that does not desire to lead others into sin or temptation.

If our hearts are in a place that we desire to obey the biblical instruction to glorify God with our bodies and to be holy, we will desire modesty. We don’t desire to indulge in sin or lead others into sin. We don’t desire to draw attention to our bodies for a type of attention that should only take place within marriage. Modesty is aligning our behavior and appearance with our principles based on scripture, guidance from our churches, and personal conviction. In these modern times, we may be more conservative in our standards than what the church a person goes to teaches – as so many churches no longer teach on the matter. So, let’s talk about how we live out our values on modesty.

My modesty journey

I did not grow up in church. Modesty wasn’t something I considered until after I became a Christian in 2005. I didn’t truly start to dress modestly until I became Apostolic Pentecostal in 2011. You wouldn’t believe it if you know me now, but I used to be that woman in short shorts, tank-tops, low-cut shirts, and tight clothing who did not care how much skin showed or what people thought of it. For years I kept some old jean shorts to turn into a purse; you wouldn’t even need to cut the legs off because they were that short. I thought modesty rules were oppressive.

After becoming Christian, the concept of modesty was something that grew on me with time. Less shorts, more regular jeans. Less strapless or sleeveless, more tee-shirts. There were no standards though. I never sat down and thought about where to draw the line or what my values were. At the time, modesty was something I associated with a shamefulness of being immodest. I never heard churches talk about it and I rarely heard Christians talk about it.

I remember being brand-new to the Apostolic Pentecostal church. Most everyone was dressed modestly (at least in church). I had never been in a room full of people where the women wore dresses or skirts all the time. It was the first time I’d ever been around gender distinction like that. It felt so old-fashioned at first. There was a purity to it. I thought it was beautiful in its own way. Since childhood, I had always admired women in modest dresses or long skirts. I thought it was beautiful. I had a few long skirts, and I always felt so feminine in them. This felt right to me. In a way, I had always been drawn to that lifestyle. It just wasn’t the way I lived.

This was also the first I’d ever heard of “holiness standards”. This is where I developed my modesty standards. They’ve grown over time. It was a transition. I felt convicted to stop wearing pants shortly after beginning there. No one told me to. It was something I wanted. The remainder of my modesty standards followed. Most of the changes I made were out of personal conviction. Some of the changes I made were with guidance from my church at the time when I couldn’t figure out where to lay a boundary.

Over the years, I settled into my own style of modesty. You can absolutely still have your own style. You may be more feminine and like to dress up. You may be a woman who is more Plain Jane, and there’s nothing wrong with that. T-shirts and maxi skirts are modest too. You don’t have to wear high heels and be all dolled up. You can be tie-dye, boho, or basic. It’s not all lace and frills. Find your genuine style.

Addressing the heart

The heart leads the behavior and the attire. What does your heart desire? How do you want to live? How do you want to appear? Firstly, I want to avoid sexual sin and avoid leading others into such temptation. Secondly, I want to appear in a way that is consistent with my profession of faith. If an outfit were to ever be able to hurt my witness, that outfit needs to go.

If ever I feel that the way I want to dress is different than how God wants me to put together my attire, then I need to remember I lay down my flesh to follow after Christ. My pursuit of holiness is more important than any cute outfit or color lip gloss I like.

My heart’s desire is for holiness and a modest presentation Jesus would approve of. I came to realize the world’s perspective of modesty is not the same as God’s perspective. I refined my choices.

Behaving modestly

What good is it to dress appropriately if we behave promiscuously or in a way that seeks bodily attention outside of marriage? Proper behavior is an often-forgotten aspect of modesty. Let your actions align with the values you profess.

Clothing standards

What is a standard?
Definition: standard
Noun

A level of quality or attainment
An idea or thing used as a measure, norm, or model used in comparative evaluations

Adjective

Used or accepted as normal or average

If you’re new to the term “holiness standards”, this may be something to stop and think about. What are standards for ourselves as Christians? How we live? How we treat others? How we witness? How we look?

What are we comparing ourselves to? The members of the body of Christ are supposed to live differently than the world (the sinful lifestyle of those who live to please the flesh). We are supposed to be set apart from sin. We often look different than the secular world. Yet even the secular world has standards of appearance in certain places. Go to public school or private school and there will be a dress code. Go to work for almost any employer and there will be a dress code. That is widely accepted as professionalism. Yet many oppose the idea of God’s people having standards of appropriate appearance when they profess to be working the harvest fields. Are we not representing Jesus at all times? Does it not hinder our witness to be dressed immodestly or ungodly? Standards will be on topics that we are often different on compared to the secular world or, perhaps, mainstream Christianity.

The instruction to be modest is a biblical instruction. One thing that I struggled with is the bible doesn’t specify what is considered modest and what is considered inappropriate. There are no instructions on sleeve length or skirt length etc. In our American culture, it’s only in recent years that people have revealed so much skin. It actually used to be illegal to go out dressed the way people do nowadays. These are things we have to seek the Lord on through prayer. If we seek his will on the matter, we’ll receive his guidance. These are matters of personal conviction. Depending on the type of church you go to, your church may (or may not) offer guidance. If your church does, there may be what we call “platform standards” for people who choose to be in leadership and be involved in things that represent the church. That is one place to look for guidance. The people involved in leadership and ministries should be modeling what the church teaches. I’d venture to say most of my modesty standards are in line with the traditional Apostolic Pentecostal teaching. A few may be more conservative. These are the standards that I have developed for myself to live out through personal conviction.

Shirts need to have sleeves. They need to have enough of a sleeve to cover the armpits. I don’t wear sleeveless. If a dress is sleeveless, I will wear a shirt under it or wear a cardigan that can be buttoned over it. Of course, sleeves need to be enough coverage that bras are kept hidden and straps of dress slips do not show. As far as sleeve length, this is something that has changed for me over time. When I first went to sleeves required, I was fine with any sleeves. That was an improvement from where I had been. Eventually, I followed my church’s (at the time) guidance on sleeves reaching at least halfway between the shoulder and elbow. Basically, standard tee shirt sleeves were the boundary. I was comfortable with that. I did that for many years, but from time to time I would think about going down to elbows. No one I noticed at the church I went to had the standard of covering the elbows. I felt like that balanced out with keeping the knees covered. For years I said if I were to sew my own clothes, I’d prefer the sleeves to be closer to the elbow if not covering the elbow. When I started at the church I go to now that is WPF, I eventually noticed some women had undershirts on that covered the elbow. I really liked the way that looked. It seemed more feminine. I insisted I’d be too hot in the summer. For a few years, I’d catch myself staring thinking people would have negative things to say if I did that. In 2023, it was on my mind for a couple of months. In the summer, I started experimenting with it. I liked it and it wasn’t as hot as I expected. I prayed about it a little, but didn’t feel any strong conviction. On a Sunday in July, one of the things I prayed about during altar prayer was asking for guidance on sleeve length. The next service a nice woman from church I don’t talk to often came over to tell me she had a shirt for me (I hadn’t discussed with anyone that I was considering changing my standards). She handed it to me after service. It was a pretty pink shirt with sleeves below the elbow, and it was my style of shirt. I knew then that below the elbows was my new boundary. I still didn’t have strong feelings on it. I’ve learned that sometimes conviction is a gentle message and not always something we feel fiery about.
Shirts need to not be low-cut. I choose shirts that are approximately within a hand width of my collarbone or higher. No cleavage or breast shows.
Shirts should not be loose enough to fall open and reveal anything. If a shirt is looser, I layer with a shirt or dress underneath.
I don’t want my belly or back showing. If I raise my hands straight up, my shirts need to be long enough to not show that skin.
I choose to wear skirts or dresses. I do not wear pants anymore. The exception to that is pajama pants I will wear at home. Unless something cannot be done safely or modestly in a skirt, I’m not wearing pants. You can do pretty much everything in a skirt. For cold weather or situations where modesty is of concern, I will wear leggings under my skirts. To me, leggings are undergarments. That’s not a negotiating piece to change my hemline. It’s more for cold weather, but can also be for exercise or more physical work. I do think a woman can be modest in pants, but that is challenging when women’s clothes are made to be form-fitting.
I don’t let my knees show. I prefer my skirts and dresses to be ankle-length. I can do below-the-knee as long as my knees stay covered.
I prefer my skirts to not have a slit. I’m okay if there is a slit as long as my standards would still be met if you cut the skirt off at the top of the slit.
The above standards mentioned need to be met when standing, sitting, legs crossed, kneeling, or bending over. I also need to be able to worship freely without any issues. I want to be able to lift my hands high, bow down, kneel at the altar, jump and dance without any infractions or restrictions in movement.
It is not okay for my clothes to be see-through. I will not buy clothes that you can see right through. If something is a little thinner than I’m comfortable with, I layer. Of course, slips are needed for many dresses. Layering dresses are useful.
Nothing should be clinging to my body or form-fitting. I typically avoid pencil skirts and athletic skirts for this reason. Clothes should not be tight!
Nothing should be drawing attention to my body. So, I’m not going to wear a shirt with a ton of jewels or anything like that. If it’s the kind of outfit that can catch your attention from across the room, it might be a bit much. I’m all for glitter. I don’t mind sequins. I like to sparkle. Things like that I think we can still be modest even with a little shimmer or brighter colors. I like tie-dye. I don’t have anything against certain colors or patterns. I just don’t want to be having an attitude that I want to be noticed by everyone in the room. This also goes for clothing accessories. For example, there are some pantyhose or tights that are a covering and others that are eye-catching. A pair of sweater tights is a covering that increases modesty. A pair of fishnet tights is eye-catching. I won’t wear any stockings that draw attention to my legs. That kind of thing not only draws attention to the leg, but right up to the hemline potentially leading the mind above the hemline. This principle of not drawing attention also needs to be applied to shoes, hair accessories, any jewelry, etc… Personally, I don’t find it appropriate to wear attention-grabbing high heels. Where that line gets drawn is a heart matter. A little heel doesn’t hurt anything, but there’s definitely a line there. If it looks like it could be used on stage for an adult performance, maybe we shouldn’t be rocking the same heels in the house of the Lord.
Nothing about my attire should be flashy or showy in a way that insinuates status or riches. We can see that adorning ourselves in expensive-looking ways is not proper for women professing godliness.

Overall, my outfit needs to be covering what needs covered, not clinging, not tight, not see-through or too thin, and a presentation that does not draw attention to my body.

Over the years, women’s clothes have become tighter and thinner. Shopping for new clothes is increasingly challenging. Jean skirts and tee-shirts are a good place to start if you’re looking to transition to similar standards.

Outfit check: If you’re not sure on an outfit, go through some questions like these.

Is everything covered that needs to be covered? Knees? The 3 B’s: Back, belly, and boobs? Upper arms?
Is anything see-through? If so, should I layer or let this garment go?
Is this too form-fitting? Is it loose enough to look like a lady, but not so loose it will fall open?
Am I trying to draw attention or be showy?

***If you’re wondering what my modesty standards are for men, it’s quite similar. No knees showing so no shorts. No sleeveless. They also need to have sleeves approximately halfway between shoulders and elbows or below the elbow depending on their conviction. Definitely no going shirtless outside their own house. Modesty is for men too. Fortunately, when shopping for men we don’t have the obstacles of form-fitting clothing and shirts being see-through. Their clothes are also cheaper!

Expensive brands of clothing and accessories

As mentioned, there are some things I am more conservative on than the average Apostolic Pentecostal. This is one of them. I’ve noticed more and more Apostolic influencers on social media are refraining from jewelry yet adorning themselves with highly expensive purses such as large Louis Vuitton purses that cost $2,000. This is a stumbling block for many Apostolic women because branding or modesty with acceptable types of accessories is rarely mentioned. Remember, to abstain from gold and pearls (1 Peter 2:9-10, 1 Peter 3:1-5) is not about gold and pearls alone. It’s a principle of the matter. There has always been separation between the financial classes. Throughout time, rich people have distinguished their status from the poor by their appearance. They dress more luxuriously, represent wealth with their brands, adorn themselves in jewels, and intentionally show their riches by the way they look. The church is somewhere that we need to break that barrier. Rich and poor are all welcome. Today, and surely in the early church as well, if a poor person walks into a church filled with people who were clearly rich, they likely would feel they don’t belong there. That social divide will always exist. If you have holes in your shoes and can’t afford nice clothes, would you want to go to a church with millionaires who were dripping in diamonds and wearing a $5,000 handbag? Of course not. How would that affect that person spiritually to be socially outcasted due to poverty? I know several rich people that dress in the same clothing as the average person. Not every rich person flaunts it like that. If they do flaunt their wealth, it’s an instant barrier. We don’t want social barriers in the church.

I interpret those scriptures as an instruction to not draw attention to my body and also not pursue the type of adornment the world glorifies. I have no desire to be wearing expensive jewelry, diamond earrings, and decked out in gold. The way godly women adorn (add beauty to) themselves is different than women of the world. I have another blog on adornment. However, this matter is related to modesty in my heart because I don’t want to dress in a way that brags on riches. I find it immodest to adorn ourselves with highly expensive branding just as much as I feel we should not adorn ourselves with expensive jewelry. It’s a heart matter. I’m not rich, but that’s not the point. I don’t desire to look rich. I’m not following celebrity fashion. I’m not coveting their wealth. I’m not interested in $1,000 diamond earrings or even $100 diamond earrings. If I had that kind of money to throw around on frivolous things to enhance my look, I’d rather use that money to feed the poor. So, why are all these women professing these values choosing to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on Louis Vuitton purses? A good quality purse is not cheap. It can easily cost $100 for a purse that will last. However, spending thousands of dollars on a purse feels like it violates the whole principle here. Gold and pearls may have been the rich status symbol in the early church, but there are far more things today that boast in the same way. Some brands of purses are tens of thousands of dollars. If I won’t wear a $500 gemstone necklace because it’s too over-the-top for my values on modesty and adornment, why in the world would I want to have a $1,000+ purse? I find it to be hypocritical and in violation of modesty values how many Apostolic women would judge a $5 pair of earrings but would adorn themselves with highly expensive brands for their clothing, shoes, and purses. Remember the values behind the standards and boundaries.

As a godly woman who desires modesty in both skin coverage and overall adornment, I will not spend excessive amounts of money on my appearance. Nowadays, modest clothes are more expensive. A dress that meets my modesty standards can easily cost $80-$200. But there’s a line there. Celebrities and worldly idols dress themselves in $$$$ brands to show their status. I will never spend extreme or excessive amounts of money on my clothing like that. Nor will I purchase jewelry and purses that impresses the world with money. I find it immodest to spend that kind of money. I have no desire for those expensive brands the world glorifies because it represents wealth. I will say I have found items at thrift stores that I did not realize was a sought-after brand. If I realized there were any outward symbols or labels that insinuated wealth, I would get rid of it.

I’m not saying we can’t have nice things. It’s a matter of what the heart desires after. It’s also a matter of what we represent and how our appearance can affect our witness. To live out the principles of modesty is to not draw attention to the body whether that’s showing too much skin, acting provocatively, decorating yourself with accessories that are flashy, or adorning yourself with elite brands chased after by people whose god is money. It’s not modest to have a highly expensive appearance. That also applies to men. It’s tradition in Apostolic Pentecostal churches for men to wear suit and tie with dress shoes for church services. It’s not in the bible that you have to dress up for church; it’s simply manmade tradition. I’m not against it. Suits aren’t cheap though! I think their church suits cost more than our modest dresses. Likewise, there’s a difference between a $200 outfit for men versus a $2,000 Armani suit. That’s the only luxury suit brand I know. I just googled it and found out there are luxury suits that cost thousands of dollars. This standard of moderation in expensive attire also applies to men. No Christian should be spending $10,000 on an outfit because they covet the brand.

One other thing related to clothing choices is brand representation. A lot of companies speak out on controversial issues. There are some clothing companies that go against my religious beliefs or values. I choose not to purchase their products and try to not unintentionally represent their brand. I’m cautious about wearing things that outwardly show the company it’s made by. There are some brands that I’m fine with. I’m not saying we shouldn’t have any brands showing. I’m encouraging you to be mindful of what you brand yourself with. In general, I don’t like brand representation unless it is a wholesome company or cause I intentionally want to represent. Jerseys and sports are another thing to think about. What are you doing when you label yourself with someone else’s identity? At what point does being a sports fan cross into idolatry? When you’re shopping, think about any large labels that you’re wearing and what you’re representing with that.

Decency

We don’t want to dress in a way that is indecent any more than we want to behave indecently. Modest clothing represents decency in how we cover ourselves. Some other things to think about are cosmetics and accessories. Our overall appearance should be decent, modest, not flashy or extravagant, and proper for women professing godliness. All of these things used to be the norm. As our society changes and accepts more and more immodesty, those who follow modesty standards will be set apart from the mainstream.

Role models

When I was new to modesty, I was influenced by modest women at church simply by their example. I didn’t ask people what to wear and rarely asked where to draw a boundary. I noticed the women my age (early twenties at the time) who pushed the limits with standards and I noticed the women (mainly in their thirties it seemed) who noticeably had the principles of modesty in their heart. I noticed their skirt lengths, tightness of their clothes, the way they layered, and the way they behaved. They were my silent inspiration to dress in a holy manner (and learn how to get away from my previously unholy looks).

I asked a lot of women where they shop at. The gals at church told me the best thrift stores around to get skirts at. There aren’t a lot of stores who sell modest skirts locally. Thrift stores were my best success. In the summertime, I used to be able to find maxi skirts in regular stores. Now, many are thin and clingy. The only local store I ever see carry ankle-length jean skirts is Cato’s. Sometimes I can find them on Amazon or even Walmart’s website. There are a growing number of online stores that specialize in modesty. Some of them, such as Dainty Jewells, are Apostolic-owned and meet all of my modesty standards. I hesitate to buy clothes online, especially if they are not elastic at the waist, because sizing can vary. If you’re shopping for modest clothes that are new, you may need to order online.

Our measuring stick

Our current secular culture cannot be our measuring stick for what is appropriate. Our church culture cannot be the measuring stick for what is acceptable. We have to seek God on the matter.

Our culture has changed so much in the last few decades. It wasn’t that many years ago that modesty was the norm. What was once normal is now considered extreme. Some even say legalistic. God tells us to be modest, but many Christians will tell you that modesty standards are rooted in shame and oppression. I beg to differ. It’s rooted in valuing what’s covered. It’s rooted in adorning ourselves appropriately as women who profess to be godly. It’s setting a standard of the minimum acceptable to represent the quality of our declared faith. It’s respecting ourselves enough to not chase after attention the way that worldly women do. It’s decent and proper. It’s also a biblical instruction to be modest.

We’d be wise not to use the mainstream secular culture as our measuring stick for what we should look like. Scanty clothing, shorts, crop tops, tanks that show off so much of a bra, skin-tight leggings, and form-fitting jeans are the attire of the world. Is that proper for us? It may feel natural if that’s what we come from, but is that how God wants his daughters to dress?

Seek the Lord on the matter. Be open to conviction. If your desire is to live holy, you will establish modesty standards.

2 Comments

What I want people to know about salvation

15/3/2022

1 Comment

This is the final blog in the series on my faith journey. I hope that this series has been a lighthouse to someone and will point the way to Jesus. This is what I want you to know about salvation.

It’s available to you. Jesus died for all. Salvation is available to all those who believe and choose to follow.

This isn’t something people earn by being good enough. This is a gift. You may feel as if you’re not deserving. You may think he wouldn’t want you. Don’t let any thoughts like that keep you away from Jesus. He does want you. He loves you. His arms are open for you.

This a topic worth studying. You need to study this. You need to ask the question, “What does the bible say about salvation?” Knowing who God is, who we are to God, how to be saved, and how we are supposed to live are foundational pillars of walking the Christian faith.

Know that there are controversies on this topic. There are individuals who teach what feels right to them and call it Christian beliefs. There are churches that teach pieces of scripture and not fullness of truth. You will be told different things by different people.

I want to encourage you to attend church and bible studies, but I also want to caution you about trusting blindly. Get to know the bible well enough that you can fact check anything you’re taught. Stay close to God and consistent in prayer. He will lead you.

You need to study this for yourself. You need to seek out truth. Read the bible. Use a concordance to search key terms. Use topical bible studies. Read my book The Subject of Salvation. You can also use the book to teach bible studies.

Belief is only the beginning. Obey Acts 2:38. Live for the Lord and walk in His ways. Then go disciple. Teach people who Jesus is. Teach them how to be saved. Teach them how to follow Jesus and how to live. Be an example.

1 Comment

Lies people told me about salvation

15/3/2022

0 Comments

This is a delicate subject. Our faith is something that is near and dear to our hearts, and I want to be intentional with approaching this gently. I also want to be intentional with encouraging each one of us to examine the scriptures for truth and equipping the saints to teach it as well. We are living in times that many label themselves Christian, but do not follow the teachings of the Christian church. We are living in a day that new age and prosperity preachers are under the same label. The bible isn’t preached in some churches anymore. In some places, sermons are all feel-good motivation and no compass for the Christian walk. And we are all under the label of Christian.

As a convert from atheism to Christianity (November 2005), I did not know how to study the bible. I did not know there were disagreements on salvation matters. I did not know how to test a person’s statement for truth. There were cliches that were taught to me I thought were bible verses. There were manmade acronyms and prayers that were taught to me I thought was based in scripture. I trusted the long-time Christians, especially those who grew up in church, to teach me whatever truth was. A few years later, I started reading the bible. It was 5 years into being Christian that I did a bible study including salvation. It was then I realized the difference between salvation based on the word of God versus salvation found in manmade sayings and opinions. I ask that you examine this topic with an open mind and an open heart testing each perspective against the scripture. We can agree that the bible is the source of truth. We can agree that the bible teaches us how to be saved and we hold those scriptures to be truth. Let us each examine what we have been taught and also what we teach.

Salvation… is it taboo? It’s the most important conversation we need to have. It is the eternal decision. Yet we skirt around it avoiding our great commission out of fear. We fear others taking offense more than we fear what will happen to them if they don’t receive the message.

Some water it down. Make the message more worldly so people will want it. Make it easier. Take out the sacrifice. Take out the transformation. Take out the requirements. Ignore the commands. Simplify until it’s something else, something so far removed that people don’t recognize the biblical salvation. Dilute it more with each generation. Rip out pieces until one day it’s only believe God is real, do nothing, make no changes, and live the same as the unbelievers. Truth gets cut, hidden, silenced, disagreed with straight from the word of God.

The word of God is pure truth. It is sharp and able to divide. It is also a weapon against falsehood. What happens when the gospel message is being shared with someone who the bible is foreign to? Will they know how and where to check for accuracy? Will they know how to test with fire? Of course not. They will most likely take your word for it. Your word… is it aligned with the word of God?

I’m going to share some things I was taught in my first few years of Christian faith. These statements are about salvation, and I believed it as truth.

*****

“Accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, and you’ll be saved.”

“Ask Jesus to come into your heart.”

Or some combination of those two popular sayings such as, “Accept Jesus in your heart and ask him to be your savior.”

“Just believe and you are saved.”

Say the Sinner’s Prayer and you are saved forever.

Once saved, always saved

*****

I assumed “accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior” was a bible verse. I heard this repeatedly. I took these things to heart and I lived by them as a Christian. I believed in Jesus, I followed him, and I loved him.

When I got in church in 2009, I was going to a Southern Baptist church. I accepted the invitation and answered “yes” when the pastor asked me if I was secure in my salvation. I did get baptized although they taught baptism was not necessary for salvation. They actually directly taught against the necessity of baptism. What if you go to get baptized and you get hit by a bus when you’re crossing the street? Would God send you to hell? Of course not. He loves you. Once saved, always saved. It’s like having a child; they are always your child. We’ve been adopted by the Lord. These are the things I was taught. I didn’t question it. It made sense. It never occurred to me that no scripture was being referenced for most of the things I had been taught about salvation. I remember volunteering with Vacation Bible School. There was a little handout called the ABCs of salvation. It said “Admit, Believe, Confess”.

Admit to God that you are a sinner.
Believe that Jesus is God’s son, accept forgiveness.
Confess your faith.

I stared at that, and I remember thinking it seemed backwards. You don’t admit something before you believe. I suppose BAC wouldn’t be a catchy saying. It also said “If you have trusted Jesus to be your Savior and Lord, you can be sure that … your sins are forgiven… you will go to heaven when you die.” In the top left corner, it asked the question, “Is it time for you to become a Christian?” It mentioned inviting Jesus into your life. Then it gave a sample prayer of what we often call the Sinner’s Prayer. In the bottom left corner, it said “If I ever wonder if I am a Christian, I can open this book and remember this special day when Jesus came into my life to stay!”

Fast-forward to early 2011 and I had begun attending an Apostolic Pentecostal church. I was taught a bible study, and that was the first time I’d ever studied the bible on salvation. There were a lot of verses I’d never heard taught before and admit I hadn’t taken particular notice of in my reading. This church taught things differently. They did not teach only believe in God and you’ll be saved forever. They did not teach a sinner’s prayer. They did not teach any of the cliches above. They taught scripture.

We must repent. (Matthew 3:2, Mark 6:12, Luke 13:5, Acts 2:38, Acts 11:18, Acts 17:30, 1 John 1:8-10, Revelation 3:19)
We must be baptized. (Mark 16:16, Acts 2:38, Acts 10:44-48, Acts 22:16, Romans 6:3-8)
We must receive the Holy Spirit. (John 3:3-8, Acts 19:1-7, Romans 8:5-17)

I went over these verses again and again. This was something that really got to me because I questioned my own salvation and I worried about the salvation of many believers I love. This was also when I started to feel like I had been lied to with the well-intended cliches. My Southern Baptist church had directly told me baptism was not necessary. Yet the bible is clear it’s a command to obey. I had been taught once saved always saved. The bible told the disciples to endure to the end. It says we can shipwreck our faith. It says we can be grafted in and broken off (John 15:1-17, Romans 11:17-21). Why had people told me things like “Ask Jesus to come into your heart” or “Accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior” when these sayings are not in the bible? None of the common sayings above are in the bible. I went searching for them thinking they were bible verses, but this message is nowhere to be found. That bothered me quite a bit. I did not want a catchy message to tagline my Christian label. I wanted to know truth and I wanted to follow it. Why had people given me cliches instead of giving me scripture? I needed to study this deeply. I needed to pray for understanding. I needed to know.

It seemed the early church in the book of Acts paints a different picture than the message of so many churches today. These people believed and they’d repent of their ways. They’d turn to the Lord. They’d follow Jesus. They obeyed the command to get baptized. They took the time to pray to receive the Holy Spirit. They gathered together. They had prayer meetings. They changed their ways. They dedicated their lives. They lived right. They pursued holiness. They were set apart. They were all in. When did the church today become only partially in first step in the water of faith and then done? I wanted the narrow path. I wanted to pursue the Lord and walk in his ways. I wanted to understand the full picture. Aren’t we supposed to be following the same ways of the early church? Isn’t this what Jesus wants for his people?

At this point, I felt confused on what seemed like conflicting messages. On the one hand, there’s the message to believe and you are saved. On the other hand, there’s the message that we have to repent and we have to be baptized and we have to be born again receiving the Spirit and we have to stay connected to the vine. I know the bible never contradicts itself. I knew I was missing something here. We can’t pick out random verses that we like and ignore the verses that don’t fit what we want to promote.

So, I began asking myself the question “What does it mean to believe?” I don’t think this is a casual belief. I don’t think this is the same thing as “Yeah, I agree that’s true.” and eh nothing more. What do we do when we believe in something – I mean really believe in something? We live by it, right? If I were to promote recycling but turn around and litter, do you think I really believe in the cause of recycling? (I’ve never littered. I will pick up trash though.) That’s just an example of a cause people believe in that’s supposed to be something that changes the way they do things. If you know me, you know I’m big on being frugal and sustainable. I’m a ditch-the-disposables kind of person. Less in the landfill is better for the planet; less to buy at the store is better for the budget. I do not buy paper plates or plastic cups. I avoid buying plastic for the kitchen. I use dish rags, cloth napkins, hankies, etc. That’s my lifestyle. I like to be green. If I were to tell you that I believe in being green like that but then turn around and do nothing to live by the principles of what I claim to believe in, would you consider me to be a frugal and sustainable person? Of course not. Why? Because if you really believe in something as a way to live then you follow the values of what you profess to believe in. If we can get behind a non-religious cause to the point that we make changes in our lifestyle and day-to-day living even when it’s not convenient and even when it’s a sacrifice, shouldn’t we be even more dedicated to living for the Lord if we are true believers? What is the greatest commandment? Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind.

So, again I ask the question “What does it mean to believe?” This is not a casual belief that’s little more than an agreeance to truth. This is a wholehearted belief. This is a with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind kind of belief. This is a follow what you profess kind of belief. These messages are not contradicting each other. If you believe Jesus is Lord and you believe this with all that you are (heart, mind, and soul), obedience to the next steps is part of that. In Mark 16:16 it says those who believe and have been baptized will be saved. In Acts 2:41 it says those who received his word were baptized. This comes right after the instruction in Acts 2:38 to repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus.

What do we do when we wholeheartedly believe in Jesus? We follow.

Belief is the first step; it’s not the full picture. Teaching people that if they simply believe Jesus is God they will be saved is a fragmented gospel that leaves out obedience to what saves, what makes you born again, and what transforms you.

I didn’t become a Christian so I could stay the same way I was when I was atheist. Listen, following God will change your life. You can’t live to follow your flesh and live by the Spirit at the same time. Is it too much? Is it too much to ask to obey these commands? Is it too much to preach repentance? Is it too much to teach we must all be baptized? Is it too much to tell people they need to be born again? Is it too much to tell people they need the Holy Spirit living inside of them and guiding them throughout their Christian walk? All of these things are freely available to anyone. It costs no money. It requires no riches or elite status. It is equally available to the rich and the poor. It is for every nation, every people, every individual who will turn to the Lord Jesus. I don’t want to be a bare minimum Christian. I don’t want to scrape by and say I did the absolute least that was required to escape hell. I want to follow Jesus and live for Jesus. I want to obey his commands with no question on how little obedience I can get away with. If the bible says be baptized, I want to do it – not argue about if I have to do it. If the bible promises me the gift of the Holy Spirit, I want to receive it – not debate over its necessity. If the bible says we need to stay connected to the vine, I don’t want to shipwreck my faith and hope my sunken passport still counts – I want to keep on living for the Lord all of my days. If we begrudgingly approach these foundational things, what does that say about our dedication to live by the bible?

These things are not too much to ask, and they are not too much to teach.

But what happens if you don’t teach anything beyond the first step of faith? What happens when a Christian teaches a false message on salvation? Their student is given a shorted good news. They miss out on the cleansing power of repentance. They miss out on being buried with Christ in baptism and coming up out of that water with one of the best feelings we can experience. They miss out on the power of the Holy Ghost. They miss out on the fullness of transformation and the growth they could have. They could miss out on heaven. You could be held accountable for what you’ve taught (James 3:1). If you’re going to teach on the subject of salvation, make sure you’ve studied it deeply. Examine what you’ve been taught and examine what you teach.

Click here to learn more about The Subject of Salvation.

0 Comments

My experience getting the Holy Ghost

7/3/2022

2 Comments

I remember what it felt like the moment I prayed through, the heavenly touch as the Spirit took over. I can’t imagine living without this now. It’s crazy to me that people told me I didn’t need this.

Doctrine can be debated, but personal experience cannot.

I used to think people who did that speaking in tongues thing were out of their mind, rolling on the floor, probably foaming at the mouth. I expected them to be screaming insanity and dramatically dropping like flies in some sort of out-of-reality psychologically-induced spiritual trip. Also, I had never actually seen anybody speak in tongues until a few weeks before I experienced it for myself. I thought they were a little insane. Maybe this outlandish behavior was how they released stress. I thought it’d be entertaining to see. I had visited churches, but the Pentecostal churches I went to did not visibly have anyone speaking in tongues. I wanted to see it.

What is that all about anyway? Isn’t that people speaking in an actual language they hadn’t previously learned? Wasn’t the whole point of that to spread the gospel in the early days? It’s not a thing anymore, right?

I knew what the Holy Spirit was though. I could tell you the Holy Spirit was with us who believed in Jesus Christ. I knew sometimes I could feel a small presence of God. What a blessing and privilege to feel that presence. Anytime someone mentioned being born again I thought that meant the transformation of becoming a believer. I thought that because I was previously atheist and becoming Christian felt like a born-again experience.

A bible study changed my life.

I became a Christian in November of 2005. I started actually going to church in 2009. In January of 2011 I visited a church I fell in love with. Long story short, I started going there regularly in early 2011. This is where I was offered a bible study. The church was Apostolic Pentecostal.

This was also the first place I’d ever seen anybody speak in tongues. I remember who was praying with me. She took me by the hand and sweetly prayed. She spoke in tongues, but she wasn’t yelling or acting any different. Her tone was the same as normal prayer. This wasn’t what I expected. I opened my eyes and watched her. There was something peaceful and kind of beautiful about this strange thing. Every church service there, people prayed in tongues. What I once thought would entertain me, I found to intrigue me.

In the bible study, we talked about what it meant to be born again and we talked about what it meant to receive the Holy Ghost. The scriptures we were reviewing seemed to have a different message than what I had been taught before. I was previously told we received the Holy Spirit automatically when we become believers, but these stories in Acts show people praying to receive the Holy Spirit. That baffled me a bit. The whole speaking in tongues as evidence thing seemed a bit far-fetched. Most Christians don’t do that. How can you say that’s evidence? I went over the scriptures again and again. I’d study them day and night trying to make sense of it all. Were they insinuating that I didn’t have the Holy Spirit? What do these verses mean? I’d like to share here what some of the verses are that I was studying. (All verses are American Standard Version)

John 3:3-8
Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except one be born anew, he cannot see the kingdom of God. Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb, and be born? Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except one be born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born anew. The wind bloweth where it will, and thou hearest the voice thereof, but knowest not whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.

Acts 1:8
But ye shall receive power, when the Holy Spirit is come upon you: and ye shall be my witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea and Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth.

Acts 2:38
And Peter said unto them, Repent ye, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ unto the remission of your sins; and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Acts 8:12-17
But when they believed Philip preaching good tidings concerning the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women. And Simon also himself believed: and being baptized, he continued with Philip; and beholding signs and great miracles wrought, he was amazed. Now when the apostles that were at Jerusalem heard that Samaria had received the word of God, they sent unto them Peter and John: who, when they were come down, prayed for them, that they might receive the Holy Spirit: for as yet it was fallen upon none of them: only they had been baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus. Then laid they their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit.

Acts 10:44-48
While Peter yet spake these words, the Holy Spirit fell on all them that heard the word. And they of the circumcision that believed were amazed, as many as came with Peter, because that on the Gentiles also was poured out the gift of the Holy Spirit. For they heard them speak with tongues, and magnify God. Then answered Peter, Can any man forbid the water, that these should not be baptized, who have received the Holy Spirit as well as we? And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then prayed they him to tarry certain days.

Acts 19:1-7
And it came to pass, that, while Apollos was at Corinth, Paul having passed through the upper country came to Ephesus, and found certain disciples: and he said unto them, Did ye receive the Holy Spirit when ye believed? And they said unto him, Nay, we did not so much as hear whether the Holy Spirit was given. And he said, Into what then were ye baptized? And they said, Into John’s baptism. And Paul said, John baptized with the baptism of repentance, saying unto the people that they should believe on him that should come after him, that is, on Jesus. And when they heard this, they were baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus. And when Paul had laid his hands upon them, the Holy Spirit came on them; and they spake with tongues, and prophesied. And they were in all about twelve men.

Romans 8:5-17
For they that are after the flesh mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For the mind of the flesh is death; but the mind of the Spirit is life and peace: because the mind of the flesh is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can it be: and they that are in the flesh cannot please God. But ye are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you. But if any man hath not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the spirit is life because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwelleth in you, he that raised up Christ Jesus from the dead shall give life also to your mortal bodies through his Spirit that dwelleth in you. So then, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh: for if ye live after the flesh, ye must die; but if by the Spirit ye put to death the deeds of the body, ye shall live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For ye received not the spirit of bondage again unto fear; but ye received the spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit himself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are children of God: and if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified with him.

1 Corinthians chapters 12 through 14 talks of speaking in tongues. Chapter 14 verse 39 in particular really jumped out at me.

1 Corinthians 14:39
Wherefore, my brethren, desire earnestly to prophesy, and forbid not to speak with tongues.

Jude 1:20-21
But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.

The more I went over this, the more I felt like God was pulling me towards something. I was missing something. Somehow, I knew that I had never received the Holy Spirit. No one had taught me this truth according to the scriptures.

I would watch them, the worshippers. I would watch people pray in tongues. I would listen, and I knew I didn’t have what they had. I would go over these verses in my bible again and again. I began to want this for myself.

At church, I saw people receive the Holy Spirit or what they often call “getting the Holy Ghost”. I would watch, but I wouldn’t go near. They would gather around to pray for a person. The idea of group prayer terrified me. The idea of going up front to be prayed for in front of everybody triggered my anxiety. After studying the scriptures and observing other people get the Holy Ghost in church, I decided I thought I could do this on my own. I did NOT want to be crowded around! This is next level introvert right here. I was determined to pray through when it was just me and Jesus. Besides, I didn’t know how to pray in front of other people. It made me nervous, and I would shut down. I felt like I could have deeper prayer when I was alone. I still feel that way. My deepest prayers, my breakthrough prayers, my life-changing prayers have all been when I’m alone and it’s the middle of the night.

It was March of 2011. I think it was around 10 o’clock at night. I had prayed for this a few times, but struggled to pray for more than a quick minute. I admit as a writer I’m not much of a talker. I had spent some time listening to worship music on my phone, and I began to pray. I was talking to Jesus about how I wanted to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I wanted to receive this. I wanted God living inside of me. I wanted to be born again. I wanted this. I kept praying. Prayer was getting deep. I knew there was more. I kept pressing. I didn’t stop praying. I lingered. I began to feel different. I began to feel the presence of the Lord. I pressed into prayer. I knew there was more. I wasn’t asking to speak in tongues or hoping it would happen. I was seeking to receive the Holy Spirit. I expected to speak in tongues because in the bible that’s the evidence given. I trusted in that. And in a moment, I felt a touch of God. My tongue felt loosed. I don’t know how else to explain that other than it felt like something was loosed. I heard words coming out of my mouth that were not English. I kept praying. This was the moment I first experienced praying in the Spirit. It felt so beautiful. It’s been 11 years since that night; I still remember how powerful the experience was. Once I experienced that, I could never deny or disagree that speaking in tongues is legitimate.

Since that day, I am always able to pray in tongues whenever I choose to. There are also times I feel the Spirit and begin to pray in tongues without it being an active decision. For me, this is always something during prayer. I don’t scream. There’s no yelling. I’m not rolling around or anything like that. I pray in the Spirit as a normal part of my prayer life.

More importantly, there was a change in my spiritual walk after this experience of receiving the Holy Spirit. I produced more fruit of the Spirit. It’s easier to discipline my flesh and follow after the Spirit. I pray better. I worship easier. I am more in tune with the voice of God. I have more direction and discernment. I feel his presence so much stronger. There have been times that his presence is so strong it’s life-changing. To me, God’s presence feels like being wrapped in warm sunshine. Sometimes it feels like a consuming fire. I never felt that way before I received the Spirit. You’ll never convince me that it’s not real. I’d argue that anyone who has experienced getting the Holy Ghost and receiving evidence (speaking in tongues) who is still living for the Lord would tell you the same. Once you’ve experienced it for yourself, you’ll testify to its validity and truth.

If you have experienced this, I encourage you to share your story.

If you are a Christian who has not experienced this, I encourage you to seek God on the matter. Study the bible. Pray about it. Press into what God has for you.

2 Comments

Why I got baptized twice

6/3/2022

0 Comments

My hands trembled with nervousness, but I knew I wanted to do this. I had never seen a baptism before. It had been on my mind a lot. I’d been Christian for 3 years and I’d been going to church for a couple weeks in a row for the first time in my life. I wanted God. I wanted to live for the Lord. I didn’t really understand what exactly baptism meant. I’d never heard anyone explain it. When I told my church I wanted to get baptized, we scheduled it out. There was no class. No one offered me a bible study. I wasn’t given any literature on it or references to read the bible verses about it. I thought I was stepping out to show my faith and I wanted to demonstrate my commitment. The Southern Baptist church teaches that baptism is optional and is merely symbolic. Fortunately, someone else did get baptized shortly before I was scheduled. I watched with nervous anticipation to see what I would be doing. It was 2009 May 3rd when I stepped in that water. A white robe zipped over my jeans and t-shirt, I glowed with excitement and shook a little with the jitters of doing something so important. My pastor was already in the baptism pool, and I remember how much it calmed me to take his outstretched hand as I stepped in. It was a beautiful summer day warm with the comfort of early May sunshine. I went down that day baptized in the name of the father, son, and holy spirit. I came out of that water with a smile I couldn’t contain. My family and all the people I had invited did not come, but Jesus was there. I didn’t fully understand what baptism was; I followed the gentle pull and trusted the leadership of my church.

In early 2011, I began attending a new church. I had visited with a godly coworker, and immediately fell in love with the church. The atmosphere in this church was like nothing I had ever experienced. I could feel the presence of the Lord every service. The worship was like nothing I had ever seen. The music was passionate. The people praised God. They prayed with power. It was amazing. This was an Apostolic Pentecostal church. My coworker offered me a bible study, and I eagerly accepted. I had never been in a bible study before. One thing we studied was baptism. This study was entirely based on scripture. It wasn’t about opinion or focused on a denominational statement. It was scripture. We were looking at the word of God.

It was the first time anyone taught me what baptism means straight from the word of God.

Romans 6:3-8
Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death? Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too may walk in newness of life. For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for the one who has died is freed from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, (NASB)

Acts 22:16
And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins away, calling on his name.’ (NIV)

Getting baptized is being buried with Christ so we can be raised with him. It washes our sins away. Wait, what? No, it can’t actually wash sins away. It’s just symbolic, right? What does this mean?

I would read those verses over and over.

Acts 10:46-48
For they heard them speak with tongues, and magnify God. Then answered Peter, Can any man forbid the water, that these should not be baptized, who have received the Holy Spirit as well as we? And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then prayed they him to tarry certain days. (ASV)

Command… That’s a strong word. The bible didn’t say they had the option of baptism. It doesn’t say they recommend. It doesn’t say if you feel like it or when you get around to it. They were commanded to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. We are commanded. This instruction is for us too.

Wait, so this is saying baptism is necessary? Am I understanding things right? I was taught baptism is not necessary for salvation at all. I was taught just believe and you’re saved. But these verses go against what I had been taught. Shift of perspective – what I had been taught went against what the bible says. This weighed on me, and I went over these verses again and again. I was baptized, but it bothered me that this seemed to be saying baptism is actually necessary. So many churches teach it is not. So many loved ones I know believe in God but are not baptized yet they think they are saved. Is this really a salvation issue?

Mark 16:16
He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned. (NKJV)

I studied again and again. I’d ask God to speak to me, explain this to me, help me understand. I was baptized, but not exactly like they did it in the bible. All of these verses that say what name they baptized in says it was the name of Jesus.

Acts 2:38
Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. (NIV)

Acts 8:12-17
But when they believed Philip as he proclaimed the good news of the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women. Simon himself believed and was baptized. And he followed Philip everywhere, astonished by the great signs and miracles he saw. When the apostles in Jerusalem heard that Samaria had accepted the word of God, they sent Peter and John to Samaria. When they arrived, they prayed for the new believers there that they might receive the Holy Spirit, because the Holy Spirit had not yet come on any of them; they had simply been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. Then Peter and John placed their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit. (NIV)

Acts 10:44-48
While Peter was still speaking these words, the Holy Spirit came on all who heard the message. The circumcised believers who had come with Peter were astonished that the gift of the Holy Spirit had been poured out even on Gentiles. For they heard them speaking in tongues and praising God. Then Peter said, “Surely no one can stand in the way of their being baptized with water. They have received the Holy Spirit just as we have.” So he ordered that they be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then they asked Peter to stay with them for a few days. (NIV)

Acts 19:1-7
While Apollos was at Corinth, Paul took the road through the interior and arrived at Ephesus. There he found some disciples and asked them, “Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed?” They answered, “No, we have not even heard that there is a Holy Spirit.” So Paul asked, “Then what baptism did you receive?” “John’s baptism,” they replied. Paul said, “John’s baptism was a baptism of repentance. He told the people to believe in the one coming after him, that is, in Jesus.” On hearing this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. When Paul placed his hands on them, the Holy Spirit came on them, and they spoke in tongues and prophesied. There were about twelve men in all. (NIV)

I was a little confused here. Matthew 28:19 says to go and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Yet all of these verses in Acts are saying in the name of Jesus. Actually, every verse after the Christian church began says that baptism was done in the name of Jesus. The disciples learned baptism from Jesus himself. Which instruction are we supposed to follow, Matthew or Acts?

My bible study teacher offered insight here. What is the name? We all know the name of the son is Jesus. I had never really thought about the name of the father or the holy spirit. Maybe the father’s name is Jehovah? My Mormon relatives all say “Heavenly Father” as if it’s the name. The Holy Spirit….does it have a name?

In John 5:43 Jesus says he has come in his father’s name.

John 14:26
But the Helper, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and remind you of all that I said to you. (NASB)

Acts 4:12 says there is no other name by which we must be saved (speaking of Jesus).

I had been baptized in the trinitarian formula. In the Apostolic Pentecostal church, we call this being baptized in the titles. What is the name? Even Matthew 28:19 is telling us to be baptized in a NAME.

The name we are saved by…
The name of the God we are being buried with in baptism…
No other name by which we must be saved…

Baptism is supposed to be in the name of Jesus.

Upon having this revelation that baptism is necessary and cleansing and should be done in the name of Jesus,
I felt like my baptism hadn’t been done right. I started thinking about getting baptized again so it could be in Jesus’ name. I thought on this for a while. It wasn’t an immediate decision. This was heavily emotional. I loved my first baptism, and now I had all these emotions about whether or not it was done the biblical way. At the same time, I was navigating a lot in my faith.

I remember one evening after a midweek service I sat on the altar with a friend (the one I did the bible study with) looking out at the church. There’s so much revelation here. We talked about baptism and how I was thinking about doing it a second time so it would be the same as the early church. I wanted it to be done fully the same way as they did in the bible. I started talking to my family about it and they were critical of the idea. I procrastinated. I wanted my family to come this time. They didn’t.

And then one Sunday I couldn’t wait anymore. I went up to the altar and asked to be baptized. We did it right then. It was 2011 May 29th. Let me tell you, it felt different coming up out that water. I understood baptism now. I knew what I was doing. I knew the scriptures on it. And I went down in the name of Jesus. There was a power to it. There was a cleansing to this baptism. The moments right after my baptism were the most pure I had ever felt. I knew I had been washed clean.

It was worth it. It was worth it to get baptized again. It was worth it to make sure it was done the same way as the early church did it in the bible.

Have you been baptized by immersion in the name of Jesus?

If not, I invite you to obey the command. What are you waiting for? Arise, and be baptized in the name of Jesus.

0 Comments

A message to backsliders: I know, come home anyway

6/3/2022

0 Comments

I bet you have a mental list of all the reasons you don’t want to come back to church or feel like you can’t come back. I know you also have a mental list tucked a little deeper in your heart about the things you miss. Maybe you think about what you want to get back to. Maybe you miss where you used to be in your relationship with Jesus or maybe you miss how it used to feel during a worship service when you felt like you were so close to God.

I have no obligations for you. You are free. You are independent. You are welcome. You can go if you want or you can stay if you want. I’m not here to control you. I’m not here to tell you what you have to do. I’m here to save a seat for you if you’d like to join us.

Do something for me. Shift your perspective. Why is it when we’re backslid and we think about coming back we always make it about showing up to church? The church is the body, the people. What we need to walk back to is Jesus himself.

I know many who have left church have been wounded. Church hurt is real and I validate that. There are others who slipped away slowly. It happens. Life gets a hold of you and keeps you busy. It’s hard to get up and go to church once you’re out of the habit. Maybe there’s a reason you’re not in church anymore. Maybe that’s just how things unraveled. Or, perhaps, the church itself changed and you didn’t feel like you should be there anymore.

It started slow. And then one day you wake up and realize you’re different. You’re living differently. You make compromises. You did things you didn’t think you would. You made mistakes. You slipped up. Is this how you want to be? Sin loses its fun after a while. The world that once felt exciting and liberating leaves an emptiness. Your soul has known living waters that never end. Once you’ve known that, nothing else can satisfy for long. But it changes you to be farther and farther away from the person you used to see in the mirror.

I know. I’ve been there.

And I remember the thoughts that went through my head. The church folk will judge me if I show up. They know I’m _____. They know I’ve ______. I’m not like them. It feels stifling having to act perfect. So and so…. and then you remember how it made you feel when they said what they did. You remember how it made you feel when they looked at you like that or excluded you like that. You remember the hurt, and that overrides your desire to go to church. You wonder what people think. You worry they’ll say something. You get your guard up. You prepare yourself to go on the defense. Then you don’t want to go anymore. You get upset when you think about going to church.

But why do you let that stop you from seeking God?

If you’re feeling the tug to come back to God, don’t let people stop you. Read your bible. Try 10 days of daily bible reading. Pray. Try to get into a prayer routine. These things are just between you and God. Other people don’t need to be involved. You’ll see things start to change. Start making changes you know you need to make. Repent, and be cleansed. Start fresh. Start again. You can get back to where you were.

When you’re ready, we do need church. I know you have a lot of reasons you don’t want to go to church. Come home anyway. I know you have hurt. Come home anyway. I know you think sin has tainted your life. Come home anyway. Come be renewed. Come be rejuvenated. Come hear a biblical message. Come sing with the worship team. Come sit with a friend. Come fellowship. Find people you connect with. Find people that help you grow.

If you feel like you can’t go back to where you used to go, then go to a new church! It’s okay. It really is. I would rather you go to a new church than you not go at all. If you need to set boundaries, that’s okay. Do what you need to do to get where you need to be.

But don’t stay where things are empty. Don’t stay where you feel far away from God. Don’t stay in circumstances that allow sin to decay. You’ve been feeling the tug for a while now. God is trying to talk to you. He still loves you, and he wants you. Come home. You belong on the path with Jesus. You never really belonged out there with the world. You were always a little different. There are pieces of you that have roots here.

Come home, prodigal. Come back to God. Come back to church. Come back to where your spiritual growth is nurtured. It’s time. Get back on the right path.

Joel 2:12
“Even now,” declares the Lord,
“return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning.”

(New International Version)

0 Comments

Tips for Christians from a convert

5/3/2022

0 Comments

As a convert, there are many things Christians have taught me. Oftentimes, whether or not the message was received effectively or the attempt to teach was ineffective comes down to 2 factors: treatment and communication. The way someone treats me is strongly influential in deciding if I will sincerely listen to anything they say. The way people communicate their message makes the difference between connection or closed doors. Remember, communication is not only what is said; it is also what is heard and seen.

Do you want to be a witness? A disciple? A soul winner? Do you want to reach unbelievers? Do you want to do the work of adding to the kingdom?

Be mindful about what you represent.
Be intentional about reaching and teaching.

Here are a few basic tips from a former atheist.

Laying an approachable and friendly foundation

Be kind. I know you hear that a lot. You see it on tee shirts. Maybe a bumper sticker here and there offers the reminder. Think about what if you’re not though. If you’re unkind, if you’re mean, if you’re condescending, if you’re making fun of people, if you’re hurting people….. and people see you as a representative of the Christian faith, how does that affect their interest in Christ based on what they see in you? So, be kind.

Respect others. You’ll hear me say this a thousand times. They deserve respect. And if you don’t give them basic respect, you’ll build walls where you want to be building bridges. You can’t argue people into heaven. You can’t condemn them and make them feel inferior until they agree with you. Don’t treat people bad for having different beliefs.

Bite your tongue when you need to. We all have negative thoughts towards things we disagree with, but be cautious about voicing those negative opinions around people that you’re trying to win. If you’re criticizing the church, do you think you can convince them to come? If you’re bashing the beliefs of other Christians you disagree with, do you think that non-believer is comfortable asking you questions?

Serve people in Jesus’ name. You can do this through churches or on your own. Serving people that need help is a big way to share God’s love.

Love people. The bible says people will know we are his disciples because we love one another. Nonbelievers and other Christians should be able to see a godly love in us through our actions.

Fellowship with people even if they believe differently than you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being friends with people of different denominations and different religions.

We are called to be set apart. The way you live should be different than the world. Nonbelievers should be able to see something in you that is different than secular society because you live out your faith.

When the conversation comes around

Get in the habit of talking about Jesus. Bring the subject up.

Talk about why you love God and why you choose to follow Him.

Share any testimony you have of healings, provision, and prayers being answered. You can also share testimonies of people you know.

Offer to take prayer requests. People know who to go to when they are in need of prayer. Be that person they think of.

Pray with people.

Invite people to church services, revivals, and events.

Teach bible studies. Or you can attend a bible study and invite your friends to join you.

Navigating communication on religion

Be able to summarize the gospel message and give an answer for the faith that you have. That applies to every matter of faith, every doctrine, every church teaching, every practice. If you can’t give an answer, tell them you need some time to gather scriptures or resources. It’s okay to say you can’t remember the exact verse or you need to look into something. Get back with them. Actually respond. Never ignore a religious question. All seasoned Christians should know the faith well enough to teach it. If you don’t know something well enough to explain it, then you don’t know the topic well enough. Grow yourself spiritually so you can nurture the growth of others.

You shouldn’t preach sin without first preaching who the Savior is. You may understand who God is and your sinful condition, but a nonbeliever may not even know who God is. Focus on explaining who Jesus is and that he loves them. If they decide they want to follow Jesus, then teach the elementary things and so on.

Genuinely and respectfully ask other people what they think about religious topics. Get to know their perspectives.

When communicating with other people on any topic, it is better to explain your views than it is to correct theirs. That tip can make or break whether you shut down communication or cast a light that shows truth. Imagine talking to someone about your beliefs and they put their finger up and tell you “No” like you’re a child. Do you want to keep talking to them? Imagine if that person corrects you…. about your own beliefs and experiences. How much do you want to talk to them about this topic anymore? You don’t. So, don’t be that person that says no and speaks to people like they are correcting a child. Listen to what other people believe. If the timing is appropriate, share what you believe and why (with scripture references).

Unity over division is a motto of mine. I always look for common ground. Use that to build with.

Be honest and transparent. Do not theologically catfish people by misleading what your church teaches so they’ll like it more. Do not hide your beliefs in hopes people will want what you have. It feels like being baited for someone to manipulate you like that. People appreciate honesty. Anything that feels like deception will push somebody out of church quicker than an honest disagreement.

Stand firm in your faith. No wish-wash unsteady. No excuses. No watering down. No lying or denying or cutting things out. You can be rock solid and unwavering without being defensive. Be gentle in your responses.

If you are a convert, what advice would you give?

0 Comments

Did I ever go to church before becoming Christian?

1/3/2022

0 Comments

Many Christians assume that non-believers are simply unfamiliar with the good news of Christianity. In actuality, many atheists and agnostics and even people of other religions are former Christians. Many people have grown up in church. Many people have left. Quite often, they’ve experienced what we call “church hurt” and more than we care to admit they’ve experienced abuse or the covering up of abuse. You may be walking on wounded ground here. Don’t assume they know nothing. Don’t talk down to them as if they need an elementary lesson. There are atheists that went to bible college. There are pastors and ministers that have left the faith. I wanted to do this blog to hopefully help clear up some misconceptions about non-Christians and offer guidance on how you can reach someone.

Did I ever go to church before becoming a Christian? Yes. Several times actually. Both of my parents are Christian and my entire extended family is. My parents are different denominations and did not go to church together. My Dad’s side is a mix of mainstream Protestant. My Mom’s side is almost entirely Mormon.

As a child, I was taken to the Mormon church a few times. I was very young and have hardly any memories of this. I do remember being moved from one Sunday school class to another because of my age. I remember what the rooms looked like and the piano in the corner. I remember making Christmas crafts with a group. I don’t actually remember what was taught. Everyone was very friendly there. Even at a young age, I could tell there was tension in the family over the church matter. Everyone else went to church. All my aunts and uncles were raised in church. All my cousins (regularly in my life) were in church weekly. We were the ones not raised in church.

In my early teens, I went to church with a friend. I was around 13. At that point, I was calling myself atheist. I only went to church with her once or twice because I was spending the night with her and her grandma said we had to go to church. It was charismatic. I did not enjoy it. I think I only went twice.

In my mid-teens, I went to a few youth group services with a friend. I just went to hang out. I don’t remember what they said, but I do remember how they lived. I knew some of the people from school. Even though I was not Christian, I felt comfortable there. I felt welcomed. Several years later this would be the Southern Baptist church I became a member at. Going to youth events was a reason I was okay with going to church there.

Even though I was staunchly atheist, I was willing to go to secular events or social events if invited by a friend. I absolutely would have gone to free classes if people were nice. I think there was always that expectation for Christians to take issue with anyone not like them and that fear that someone would be confrontational, but if people were kind I wouldn’t have minded being in a church building. Remember that. You can spend time with and genuinely be friends with people of different faiths. There’s nothing to be afraid of about being friends with non-Christians. Don’t be one-sided.

When I did become a Christian in 2005, I never went exploring. I didn’t go to church for over a year after becoming a believer. In hindsight, I wonder why that is. Why didn’t I go to church? Especially after becoming Christian, why didn’t I find a church right away?

I realized in writing this blog that the most obvious answer is my parents were not in church. Parental influence is arguably the strongest factor for a young person going to church. No one else stepped in to be the spiritual ‘parent’ and see to it that I knew the Lord.

People weren’t inviting. I get it. You don’t want to invite an atheist to church. Offer it anyway. You don’t know if they’re interested. People weren’t showing me Christ. Nobody ever shared the gospel with me. Nobody ever talked about who Jesus is. I was vaguely familiar with Christianity, but I didn’t know the basics.

I wasn’t hearing testimonies. The stories of what God has done for people is a powerful tool that can draw the attention of even the unbeliever. I know some of the testimonies I’ve seen and known today absolutely would have caught my attention especially if I’d been hearing them repeatedly. Glorify God in all things! People are listening. I didn’t see why they had their faith. I didn’t understand why they went to church so much. Be talking about your why. Be talking about what you love about church.

What could have changed my willingness to go to church despite my lack of belief? There are a couple things I thought of here that I know for me personally would have made a difference.

Respect and friendliness, you’re welcome here, come as you are, you’re loved
Invitation
Testimonies
Events
Classes especially for practical things like sewing or canning
Friendships with believers (most Christian youth avoided those of us non-Christians)
Love lived out, faith in action, serving those in need, seeing the way people lived out their faith – Serving others with a group is something I would have gladly gotten involved in.

What can you do to reach someone not in church?

Respect them! Show respect to their beliefs.
Respect their level of interest.
Have a two-way conversation. Talk with people, not at people.
Have a ‘come as you are’ approach. Don’t try to change people. Let God do the transformation.
Be inviting.
Testify! Share your testimonies. Share the testimonies of others that have touched your heart.
Make it about God. Share what he’s done for you and others. Share what going to church does for you. Share your why.
Share sermon messages or Sunday school lessons in casual conversation. This includes social media. You can even share quotes from preachers on social media.
Instead of correcting people, share what you believe and why (with scripture references). It is always better to explain what you believe than it is to tell someone else why you think they are wrong. Effective communication is key.
Pray. God changes hearts.
Also be open to taking prayer requests. They’ll know who to come to when they need prayer.
Go looking for opportunities to invite. Look for opportunities to reach somebody.

I invite you to take a little time to reflect on this topic. How have you approached it in the past when you know someone doesn’t go to church? Is there anything you will do differently now?

0 Comments

The benefits of doula support

9/2/2022

0 Comments

Doulas make a difference. Did you know dozens of studies have been done on doulas? Having a doula actually has a significant statistical impact on things such as c-section rates, epidural use, and breastfeeding initiation.

What difference does it make?

All studies and resources are referenced at the bottom of the blog. Here is a summary.

Doulas lower c-section rates. There are quite a few studies that have found this benefit. Check out the resources for specific stats with each study.
Women who have a supportive partner and a professional doula have significantly lower c-section rates.
Women who use doulas have lower preterm birth rates.
Patients using a doula are less likely to need the use of forceps or vacuum delivery.
Patients with a doula are less likely to need artificial augmentation.
Women with doulas are more likely to achieve a vaginal delivery.
Women with doulas are more likely to achieve birthing without an epidural.
Multiple studies have shown laboring with a support person leads to shorter labor.
They have less anxiety when supported by a doula.
Mothers are more likely to report satisfaction with their birth experience and feel they had a positive experience when they were cared for by a doula.
They have increased self-esteem.
They are less likely to suffer postpartum depression.
They have higher rates of initiating breastfeeding.
They are more likely to still be breastfeeding at 6 weeks.

Think about that. Having a doula increases your chances of having the natural, vaginal delivery many women want. It’s a worthy investment. It’s also an investment that can prevent you having to pay for surgery. Doulas improve outcomes. Doulas also improve the birth experience. Here are some other benefits of doula support.

Women without a partner or whose partner is not involved can still have support.
Women whose partner wants to be supportive but isn’t sure how can both be guided by a doula.
A doula can aid in a couple bonding during birth.
Couples with challenging family members can benefit from having a doula help with boundaries and nurturing the birth space.
Doulas help you navigate unexpected situations.
Doulas help you get as close as you can to your ideal birth.
Those who have a fear of hospitals have a familiar person to stay with them throughout labor and delivery.
Anyone with anxiety benefits from having a support person.
Those with a history of substance abuse can be supported to give birth without medication.
A doula is a consistent person who takes time to get to know you prenatally. There will be many workers you’ll see during your hospital stay. A doula is someone you’re familiar with and comfortable with who can help you navigate your maternity care.
A doula helps a new mother get connected to resources and support in her community.
Any woman who wants to be served by a doula can partner with a professional doula to receive support.
A woman with a doula is more likely to be educated.
A woman with a doula knows her options.
A woman with a doula is empowered.
A woman with a doula is a woman who is supported.
A woman with a doula is a woman who is not alone. A doula walks the journey with you.

Professional organizations for obstetricians and nurses are also in support of doulas.

“Evidence suggests that, in addition to regular nursing care, continuous one-to-one emotional support provided by support personnel, such as a doula, is associated with improved outcomes for women in labor. Benefits described in randomized trials include shortened labor, decreased need for analgesia, fewer operative deliveries, and fewer reports of dissatisfaction with the experience of labor.”
Approaches to limit intervention during labor and birth. ACOG Committee Opinion No. 766. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Obstet Gynecol 2019;133:e164–73.

“Published data indicate that one of the most effective tools to improve labor and delivery outcomes is the continuous presence of support personnel, such as a doula. A Cochrane meta-analysis of 12 trials and more than 15,000 women demonstrated that the presence of continuous one-on-one support during labor and delivery was associated with improved patient satisfaction and a statistically significant reduction in the rate of cesarean delivery. Given that there are no associated measurable harms, this resource is probably underutilized.”
Safe prevention of the primary cesarean delivery. Obstetric Care Consensus No. 1. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Obstet Gynecol 2014;123:693–711.

“AWHONN recognizes that childbirth education and doula services contribute to the woman’s preparation for and support during childbirth and supports consideration of these services as a covered benefit in public and private health insurance plans.”
Association of Women's Health, Obstetric and Neonatal Nurses
AWHONN position statement: Nursing support for laboring women.
Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic, & Neonatal Nursing. 2010; 40: 665-666 https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1552-6909.2011.01288.x

Did you have a doula? What benefits did you experience from professional support? Share your story in the comments below.

Are you considering hiring a doula? Did you know about all these benefits? How can doula support benefit you in your birth?

Citations

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10643833/
Scott, K. D., Klaus, P. H., & Klaus, M. H. (1999). The obstetrical and postpartum benefits of continuous support during childbirth. Journal of women's health & gender-based medicine, 8(10), 1257–1264. https://doi.org/10.1089/jwh.1.1999.8.1257

McGrath, S. K., & Kennell, J. H. (2008). A randomized controlled trial of continuous labor support for middle-class couples: effect on cesarean delivery rates. Birth (Berkeley, Calif.), 35(2), 92–97. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1523-536X.2008.00221.x

Mottl-Santiago, J., Walker, C., Ewan, J., Vragovic, O., Winder, S., & Stubblefield, P. (2008). A hospital-based doula program and childbirth outcomes in an urban, multicultural setting. Maternal and child health journal, 12(3), 372–377. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10995-007-0245-9

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23857334/
Hodnett, E. D., Gates, S., Hofmeyr, G. J., & Sakala, C. (2013). Continuous support for women during childbirth. The Cochrane database of systematic reviews, 7, CD003766. https://doi.org/10.1002/14651858.CD003766.pub5

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23409910/
Kozhimannil, K. B., Hardeman, R. R., Attanasio, L. B., Blauer-Peterson, C., & O'Brien, M. (2013). Doula care, birth outcomes, and costs among Medicaid beneficiaries. American journal of public health, 103(4), e113–e121. https://doi.org/10.2105/AJPH.2012.301201

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26762249/
Kozhimannil, K. B., Hardeman, R. R., Alarid-Escudero, F., Vogelsang, C. A., Blauer-Peterson, C., & Howell, E. A. (2016). Modeling the Cost-Effectiveness of Doula Care Associated with Reductions in Preterm Birth and Cesarean Delivery. Birth (Berkeley, Calif.), 43(1), 20–27. https://doi.org/10.1111/birt.12218

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28681500/
Bohren, M. A., Hofmeyr, G. J., Sakala, C., Fukuzawa, R. K., & Cuthbert, A. (2017). Continuous support for women during childbirth. The Cochrane database of systematic reviews, 7(7), CD003766. https://doi.org/10.1002/14651858.CD003766.pub6

Evidence Based Birth has a good article on the benefits of doula support.
https://evidencebasedbirth.com/the-evidence-for-doulas/

0 Comments

Erasing women in women's health

4/2/2022

2 Comments

Unseen, uncelebrated, identity smothered, silenced, erased. We no longer celebrate womanhood in maternity. We no longer openly celebrate and cherish motherhood like we did. A small portion of people want to do the same thing without identifying with the language we’ve always used so they are attempting to erase womanhood as we know it.

Imagine for a moment if we approached race as we do gender inclusive language. Imagine if it was no longer deemed appropriate to talk about race or ethnicity because it’s not inclusive of all people. Imagine if one person talking about their own race sparked outrage by others who identify differently for not being included. What if a person couldn’t say they were white or black or Hispanic? What if they were corrected in their language every time they made a post or comment on Facebook? Would they feel unseen? Would they feel they couldn’t openly celebrate their heritage and what it means to them? What if we heard their concerns over the erasure and people responded with statements like “It’s not erasure; it’s inclusion.” or “You are included when we say person. You are a person, aren’t you?” It’s erasure.

Womanhood is something to celebrate. Women are amazing. Women are strong. So much has been done in recent decades to fight for women and give us our rights. Many women in the world are still fighting for fair treatment and equal rights. We trash that effort when we strip the gender of an entire group. Women are given unique roles different from men. God saw fit to allow women to carry life inside them and bring children into this world. Women are gifted with motherhood.

We spend years dreaming of the day we’ll become a wife and dreaming of becoming a mother. From the time we are young girls, we think on these things. We grow up looking forward to that season. We wait for it. We pray for it. And when it comes, we celebrate the unique gifts of womanhood. We walk in tradition. We closely carry our family values. Generations of women come together to share their wisdom. We have bridal showers and baby showers. These things are deeply meaningful to us. We invest so much into who we will grow into as a wife and a mother. These are joyous passages, a passage and role offered only to women.

And then there are the thieves of such rites of passage. In recent years, we’ve been pressured to change our language. Say spouse instead of husband and wife. Say partner because not everyone is married. But the real fire has been taken to mothers. Women get pregnant. Women give birth. Women breastfeed. Albeit challenging, women cherish these privileges of motherhood. We celebrate these things. This is the only thing that has always been the woman’s domain. Traditionally, men lead and they are the head of the household still in many places. But this space – this is a woman’s sacred space. All things maternity have been torched by the destructive flames of relabeling womanhood with broader human terms, new words that are inclusive to females that do not identify as a woman. “Pregnant woman” has been erased and replaced with “pregnant person”. A “person with a uterus” replaces woman. The act of breastfeeding has been renamed “chest-feeding” because not everyone identifies with breastfeeding. Now some say we should call it “body-feeding” because not everyone identifies with chest-feeding. It is literally breastfeeding. The chest is behind the breast. The word breast is an anatomical term. It is an appropriate clinical term. It is not a nickname. Whether or not someone wants to call it a breast is up to them, but telling other people not to use clinical terms because they don’t identify with that language is insane. Some are even forgoing the term “mother” in favor of the term “parent” because not every female identifies as a mother. They call it inclusiveness as they cover up traditional womanhood and make it available to anyone who wants the unique gifts of being a woman when they do not identify as a woman. They’ve stripped women of birth too. Instead of saying “birthing woman” or “laboring mom” they’ve introduced and made mainstream terms like “birthing parent” and “birther”. They have stripped the identity of the birthing woman down to a mere act. It sounds like something from The Handmaid’s Tale in which a woman is dehumanized into nothing more than a “birther”. I’ve even seen some extremists use the term “gestational parent” because not every “pregnant person” identifies as pregnant. Again, pregnancy and birth are not nicknames. These are the proper terms.

To recap the growing insanity, here are the words they want us to replace so everyone feels included.

Woman = person
Pregnant woman = pregnant person, gestational parent
Birthing woman = birthing person, birther, birthing body/bodies, birthing people, birthing folks
Laboring mom = person in labor
Breastfeeding = chest-feeding, body-feeding
Breastfeeding mother = lactating parent
Mother’s milk = human milk
Mother = parent
Ladies = highly offensive

Husband is a wrong assumption. Partner is best. Although birth partner is better because that way you’re not assuming their relationship status. Other suggest saying support person is ideal because they may not be in a relationship. Brothers and sisters are siblings unless otherwise identified. A person’s nieces and nephews are niblings.

And let’s not forget pronouns: she/her, he/him, they/them, and then there are some alternative made-up words that start with z and have no gender. It is encouraged to use they/them until you know someone’s pronouns.

They’re not going to stop there. Anatomy is deemed offensive too because not everyone identifies with the clinical terms. Words like vagina and uterus or penis now have alternative terms that are not the proper clinical terms so that people can identify with a vaguer term that is not specific to the actual body part. Some suggestions from this crowd include saying external genitals instead of penis, internal genitals instead of vagina, external gonads for testicles, internal gonads for ovaries, internal reproductive organs for female reproductive organs, opening of the genitals instead of opening of the vagina, external genital area instead of vulva, anyone who has a cervix instead of women or females getting their pap, and the insanity spirals on. Because healthcare is an area that you want to be vague in and not actually make sure patients have understanding of their health? To be even more extreme, it is suggested that “women’s health” is not inclusive of females across the gender spectrum.

Sadly, multiple organizations for women’s health are now requiring gender inclusive language in their literature. Even organizations for lactation consultants have banned the use of words like breastfeeding or woman because it’s not inclusive. It blows my mind that people who have an entire career for help with breastfeeding are not actually supposed to use the word breastfeeding.

Gender dysphoria is a mental illness. Biological sex is gender. There are two: males/men and females/women. God created them male and female. The gender identity spectrum introduced by feminists less than 50 years ago is of the devil. This is not science. This is sociology. These people now say that there are over 100 genders. They expand it every few years. They’re not very clear on it because everything is unclear in this snare of Satan. The nature of sin is confusion and destruction. This is their agenda: normalize and accept sin and force people to glorify the works of demons because they are offended by the things of God. The Lord Jesus made gender and he made gender roles in the family structure that he designed. It is not God’s design for men to try to be women. Nor is it love to affirm such destruction. Godly love and worldly love are not the same. If a child wants to touch a hot stove, does their mother let them because they don’t want to upset them? Of course, not! You wouldn’t encourage a person to do something physically harmful. Why demand approval of something psychologically harmful? Love does not lie. Love offers truth with gentleness. Love gives clarity. It is not loving others to play into delusions of mental illness that desperately need counseling. Nor is it love to affirm such things as normal or acceptable. As for me, I will not be using the devil’s language as a way of pacifying bondage and mental torment.

Men cannot get pregnant. Men cannot give birth. Men cannot breastfeed. There is no such thing as chest-feeding. Men cannot be a mother. God gave those gifts to women and it’s not a man’s place to pretend it’s his role.

If you can get pregnant, you are a woman. If you are a female, you are a woman. You may not be a girly-girl and that’s perfectly fine. High heels and hairspray may not be your thing. That’s not what makes you a woman. Your clothing, your appearance, your interests do not define your womanhood. You were uniquely created by God. You are uniquely gifted to do the things that only a woman can do. It doesn’t matter what gender roles look like to someone else. If it’s different for you, that doesn’t invalidate your gender as a woman. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You are still a woman.

What do we do about this erasure?

Do not fear. Do not be afraid of what people will think. Do not worry about what people will say. This is not an attack on trans people. This is a defense of women. The liberals who push such agenda are quick to anger. They are quick to label things hateful. They call every non-affirming space unsafe. Having no respect for people with conservative views, they shout labels of phobia as a way to silence conservatives. Too many are afraid to be accused of not being inclusive or affirming. Why do you fear not being liked by the world? Shouldn’t you be more afraid to be going against God?

Take back womanhood and motherhood. Use the language we’ve always used. Make no apologies for holding dear your identity or traditions. Refuse to use the alternative language. Leave the spaces that do twist gender. Those spaces are not for you. Cherish womanhood. Cherish women experiencing the gift of pregnancy and birth and breastfeeding. Cherish motherhood. Celebrate these women and their blessings. Value what mothers do. Let no lie come out of your mouth to appease what is destruction. Speak truth. Defend truth. Stand with God. Use biblical language. Embrace gender as God designed it.

There is a time to be friendly and walk away from confrontation, and there is a time to take a stand. It’s time to defend womanhood. It’s time to push back against the erasure of women in women’s health, maternity, and motherhood.

2 Comments

<<Previous

Prenatally

At the birth

Postpartum

Breastfeeding support

Overall

This is from chapter 12 in the bookHappily Frugal.

birth plan fill-in form

The birth plan fill-in form

B.R.A.I.N. acronym

Why

Disclaimer

Scriptures

Worldly adornment

Godly adornment

Where to draw the line

Overall appearance

First exposure to this lifestyle

My initial thoughts

Giving consideration to the idea

Wondering what God wants

Has society strayed?

I prayed for conviction and I got it

Making the switch

People's reactions

Wearing pants again

Coming back to church

Then and now

Why I do it

Maternal-infant Wellness Educationwith Leanna Mae

Welcome

Disclaimer

Scripture

What it means to be modest

My modesty journey

Addressing the heart

Behaving modestly

Clothing standards

Expensive brands of clothing and accessories

Decency

Role models

Our measuring stick

What difference does it make?

Citations

This is from chapter 12 in the book
Happily Frugal.

Maternal-infant Wellness Education
with Leanna Mae