LEANNA MAE .ORG
  • Home
  • About Leanna
  • My books
    • where to purchase
    • Happily Frugal
    • The Subject of Salvation >
      • bible study
      • Bible reading schedules
    • Lactation Lessons From Leanna
    • Lessons on the Author Life
  • My blogs
    • blog topical directory
    • blog timeline directory
    • the scroll
  • Maternal Infant Wellness Education
  • Classes I teach
  • Birth & Breastfeeding Support
  • Christian Birth and Breastfeeding Professionals
  • Recommended reading
    • request a book review
  • Contact
  • Donate
 

My modesty standards as an Apostolic Pentecostal woman

2/8/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture

Welcome

Hello, ladies. Is modesty a topic that’s been weighing on your mind lately? Are you new(ish) to church or starting to question some of your outfits? Let’s talk about what modesty means and how we can set up guidelines for ourselves to live out our values. This conversation is in gentleness; many of us converts have come to navigate this topic as adults. I know it is not easy to make changes or figure out where to draw the line. Seek the Lord on the matter.


Disclaimer

Friendly note to say these views are my own. I’m not officially representing my church’s views here or a denomination (my church is WPF). Though my convictions are in line with what most Apostolic Pentecostal churches teach on modesty, some of my personal choices may be more conservative. If you have questions about modesty standards, I encourage you to talk to your pastor’s wife.


Scripture

Let’s look at the scriptures first.
 
1 Timothy 2:9-10
In like manner, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefastness and sobriety; not with braided hair, and gold or pearls or costly raiment; but (which becometh women professing godliness) through good works.
 
1 Peter 3:1-5
In like manner, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, even if any obey not the word, they may without the word be gained by the behavior of their wives; beholding your chaste behavior coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner aforetime the holy women also, who hoped in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands:
 
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Or know ye not that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have from God? and ye are not your own; for ye were bought with a price: glorify God therefore in your body.
 
Romans 12:1-2
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service. And be not fashioned according to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
 
(All scripture taken from the American Standard Version)


What it means to be modest

To be modest is to be decently covered, be a person of discretion, be pure, and be proper for a person professing to live a godly life. It’s not about shame or negative perspectives on the body. It’s valuing what you’re keeping covered. It’s discretion. It’s to behave and appear in a manner aligned with holiness. It’s to not dress or appear in a way that seeks sexual attention from anyone other than your spouse.
 
Whether woman or man, modest dress and behavior prevents lust and temptation to fornication, adultery, and other sins. No one is responsible for another person’s sins, but we can put up a guardrail against such unwanted attention with the way we present ourselves. A heart after God is a heart that does not desire to lead others into sin or temptation.
 
If our hearts are in a place that we desire to obey the biblical instruction to glorify God with our bodies and to be holy, we will desire modesty. We don’t desire to indulge in sin or lead others into sin. We don’t desire to draw attention to our bodies for a type of attention that should only take place within marriage. Modesty is aligning our behavior and appearance with our principles based on scripture, guidance from our churches, and personal conviction. In these modern times, we may be more conservative in our standards than what the church a person goes to teaches – as so many churches no longer teach on the matter. So, let’s talk about how we live out our values on modesty.


My modesty journey

I did not grow up in church. Modesty wasn’t something I considered until after I became a Christian in 2005. I didn’t truly start to dress modestly until I became Apostolic Pentecostal in 2011. You wouldn’t believe it if you know me now, but I used to be that woman in short shorts, tank-tops, low-cut shirts, and tight clothing who did not care how much skin showed or what people thought of it. For years I kept some old jean shorts to turn into a purse; you wouldn’t even need to cut the legs off because they were that short. I thought modesty rules were oppressive.
 
After becoming Christian, the concept of modesty was something that grew on me with time. Less shorts, more regular jeans. Less strapless or sleeveless, more tee-shirts. There were no standards though. I never sat down and thought about where to draw the line or what my values were. At the time, modesty was something I associated with a shamefulness of being immodest. I never heard churches talk about it and I rarely heard Christians talk about it.
 
I remember being brand-new to the Apostolic Pentecostal church. Most everyone was dressed modestly (at least in church). I had never been in a room full of people where the women wore dresses or skirts all the time. It was the first time I’d ever been around gender distinction like that. It felt so old-fashioned at first. There was a purity to it. I thought it was beautiful in its own way. Since childhood, I had always admired women in modest dresses or long skirts. I thought it was beautiful. I had a few long skirts, and I always felt so feminine in them. This felt right to me. In a way, I had always been drawn to that lifestyle. It just wasn’t the way I lived.
 
This was also the first I’d ever heard of “holiness standards”. This is where I developed my modesty standards. They’ve grown over time. It was a transition. I felt convicted to stop wearing pants shortly after beginning there. No one told me to. It was something I wanted. The remainder of my modesty standards followed. Most of the changes I made were out of personal conviction. Some of the changes I made were with guidance from my church at the time when I couldn’t figure out where to lay a boundary.
 
Over the years, I settled into my own style of modesty. You can absolutely still have your own style. You may be more feminine and like to dress up. You may be a woman who is more Plain Jane, and there’s nothing wrong with that. T-shirts and maxi skirts are modest too. You don’t have to wear high heels and be all dolled up. You can be tie-dye, boho, or basic. It’s not all lace and frills. Find your genuine style.


Addressing the heart

The heart leads the behavior and the attire. What does your heart desire? How do you want to live? How do you want to appear? Firstly, I want to avoid sexual sin and avoid leading others into such temptation. Secondly, I want to appear in a way that is consistent with my profession of faith. If an outfit were to ever be able to hurt my witness, that outfit needs to go.
 
If ever I feel that the way I want to dress is different than how God wants me to put together my attire, then I need to remember I lay down my flesh to follow after Christ. My pursuit of holiness is more important than any cute outfit or color lip gloss I like.
 
My heart’s desire is for holiness and a modest presentation Jesus would approve of. I came to realize the world’s perspective of modesty is not the same as God’s perspective. I refined my choices.


Behaving modestly

What good is it to dress appropriately if we behave promiscuously or in a way that seeks bodily attention outside of marriage? Proper behavior is an often-forgotten aspect of modesty. Let your actions align with the values you profess.


Clothing standards

What is a standard?
Definition: standard
Noun
  • A level of quality or attainment
  • An idea or thing used as a measure, norm, or model used in comparative evaluations
Adjective
  • Used or accepted as normal or average
 
If you’re new to the term “holiness standards”, this may be something to stop and think about. What are standards for ourselves as Christians? How we live? How we treat others? How we witness? How we look?
 
What are we comparing ourselves to? The members of the body of Christ are supposed to live differently than the world (the sinful lifestyle of those who live to please the flesh). We are supposed to be set apart from sin. We often look different than the secular world. Yet even the secular world has standards of appearance in certain places. Go to public school or private school and there will be a dress code. Go to work for almost any employer and there will be a dress code. That is widely accepted as professionalism. Yet many oppose the idea of God’s people having standards of appropriate appearance when they profess to be working the harvest fields. Are we not representing Jesus at all times? Does it not hinder our witness to be dressed immodestly or ungodly? Standards will be on topics that we are often different on compared to the secular world or, perhaps, mainstream Christianity.
 
The instruction to be modest is a biblical instruction. One thing that I struggled with is the bible doesn’t specify what is considered modest and what is considered inappropriate. There are no instructions on sleeve length or skirt length etc. In our American culture, it’s only in recent years that people have revealed so much skin. It actually used to be illegal to go out dressed the way people do nowadays. These are things we have to seek the Lord on through prayer. If we seek his will on the matter, we’ll receive his guidance. These are matters of personal conviction. Depending on the type of church you go to, your church may (or may not) offer guidance. If your church does, there may be what we call “platform standards” for people who choose to be in leadership and be involved in things that represent the church. That is one place to look for guidance. The people involved in leadership and ministries should be modeling what the church teaches. I’d venture to say most of my modesty standards are in line with the traditional Apostolic Pentecostal teaching. A few may be more conservative. These are the standards that I have developed for myself to live out through personal conviction.
 
  1. Shirts need to have sleeves. They need to have enough of a sleeve to cover the armpits. I don’t wear sleeveless. If a dress is sleeveless, I will wear a shirt under it or wear a cardigan that can be buttoned over it. Of course, sleeves need to be enough coverage that bras are kept hidden and straps of dress slips do not show.  
  2. As far as sleeve length, I prefer it to reach at least halfway between my shoulder and my elbow. If I were to sew my own clothes, I’d prefer the sleeves to be closer to the elbow if not covering the elbow. That’s just my personal preference.
  3. Shirts need to not be low-cut or loose enough to fall open and reveal anything. I choose shirts that are approximately within a hand width of my collarbone or higher. No cleavage or breast shows. If a shirt is borderline questionable, I wear a cami under it just in case.
  4. I don’t want my belly or back showing. If I raise my hands straight up, my shirts need to be long enough to not show that skin.  
  5. I choose to wear skirts or dresses. I do not wear pants anymore. The exception to that is pajama pants I will wear at home. Unless something cannot be done safely or modestly in a skirt, I’m not wearing pants. You can do pretty much everything in a skirt. For cold weather or situations where modesty is of concern, I will wear leggings under my skirts. To me, leggings are undergarments. That’s not a negotiating piece to change my hemline. It’s more for cold weather, but can also be for exercise or more physical work. I do think a woman can be modest in pants, but that is challenging when women’s clothes are made to be form-fitting.
  6. I don’t let my knees show. I prefer my skirts and dresses to be ankle-length. I can do below-the-knee as long as my knees stay covered.
  7. I prefer my skirts to not have a slit. I’m okay if there is a slit as long as my standards would still be met if you cut the skirt off at the top of the slit.
  8. The above standards mentioned need to be met when standing, sitting, legs crossed, kneeling, or bending over.
  9. It is not okay for my clothes to be see-through. I will not buy clothes that you can see right through. If something is a little thinner than I’m comfortable with, I layer.
  10. Nothing should be clinging to my body or form-fitting. I typically avoid pencil skirts and athletic skirts for this reason. Clothes should not be tight!
  11.  Nothing should be drawing attention to my body. So, I’m not going to wear a shirt with a ton of jewels or anything like that. If it’s the kind of outfit that can catch your attention from across the room, it might be a bit much. I’m all for glitter. I don’t mind sequins. I like to sparkle. Things like that I think we can still be modest even with a little shimmer or brighter colors. I like tie-dye. I don’t have anything against certain colors or patterns. I just don’t want to be having an attitude that I want to be noticed by everyone in the room. This also goes for clothing accessories. For example, there are some pantyhose that are a covering and others that are eye-catching. A pair of sweater tights is a covering that increases modesty. A pair of fishnet tights is eye-catching. I won’t wear any stockings that draw attention to my legs. That kind of thing not only draws attention to the leg, but right up to the hemline potentially leading the mind above the hemline.  
  12.  Nothing about my attire should be flashy or showy in a way that insinuates status or riches. We can see that adorning ourselves in expensive-looking ways is not proper for women professing godliness.
 
Overall, my outfit needs to be covering what needs covered, not clinging, not tight, not see-through or too thin, and a presentation that does not draw attention to my body.
 
Over the years, women’s clothes have become tighter and thinner. Shopping for new clothes is increasingly challenging. Jean skirts and tee-shirts are a good place to start if you’re looking to transition to similar standards.
 
Outfit check: If you’re not sure on an outfit, go through some questions like these.
  1. Is everything covered that needs to be covered? Knees? The 3 B’s: Back, belly, and boobs? Upper arms?
  2. Is anything see-through? If so, should I layer or let this garment go?
  3. Is this too form-fitting? Is it loose enough to look like a lady, but not so loose it will fall open?
  4. Am I trying to draw attention or be showy?
 
 
***If you’re wondering what my modesty standards are for men, it’s quite similar. No knees showing so no shorts. No sleeveless. They also need to have sleeves approximately halfway between shoulders and elbows. Definitely no going shirtless outside their own house. Modesty is for men too. Fortunately, when shopping for men we don’t have the obstacles of form-fitting clothing and shirts being see-through. Their clothes are also cheaper!
 
One other thing related to clothing choices is brand representation. A lot of companies speak out on controversial issues. There are some clothing companies that go against my religious beliefs or values. I choose not to purchase their products and try to not unintentionally represent their brand. I’m cautious about wearing things that outwardly show the company it’s made by. In general, I don’t like brand representation unless it is a wholesome company or cause I intentionally want to represent. Jerseys and sports are another thing to think about. When you’re shopping, think about any large labels that you’re wearing and what you’re representing with that.


Decency

We don’t want to dress in a way that is indecent any more than we want to behave indecently. Modest clothing represents decency in how we cover ourselves. Some other things to think about are cosmetics and accessories. Our overall appearance should be decent, modest, not flashy or extravagant, and proper for women professing godliness. All of these things used to be the norm. As our society changes and accepts more and more immodesty, those who follow modesty standards will be set apart from the mainstream.


Our measuring stick

Our current secular culture cannot be our measuring stick for what is appropriate. Our church culture cannot be the measuring stick for what is acceptable. We have to seek God on the matter.
 
Our culture has changed so much in the last few decades. It wasn’t that many years ago that modesty was the norm. What was once normal is now considered extreme. Some even say legalistic. God tells us to be modest, but many Christians will tell you that modesty standards are rooted in shame and oppression. I beg to differ. It’s rooted in valuing what’s covered. It’s rooted in adorning ourselves appropriately as women who profess to be godly. It’s setting a standard of the minimum acceptable to represent the quality of our declared faith. It’s respecting ourselves enough to not chase after attention the way that worldly women do. It’s decent and proper. It’s also a biblical instruction to be modest.
 
We’d be wise not to use the mainstream secular culture as our measuring stick for what we should look like. Scanty clothing, shorts, crop tops, tanks that show off so much of a bra, skin-tight leggings, and form-fitting jeans are the attire of the world. Is that proper for us? It may feel natural if that’s what we come from, but is that how God wants his daughters to dress?
 
Seek the Lord on the matter. Be open to conviction. If your desire is to live holy, you will establish modesty standards.
0 Comments

What I want people to know about salvation

15/3/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture

This is the final blog in the series on my faith journey. I hope that this series has been a lighthouse to someone and will point the way to Jesus. This is what I want you to know about salvation.
 
It’s available to you. Jesus died for all. Salvation is available to all those who believe and choose to follow.
 
This isn’t something people earn by being good enough. This is a gift. You may feel as if you’re not deserving. You may think he wouldn’t want you. Don’t let any thoughts like that keep you away from Jesus. He does want you. He loves you. His arms are open for you.
 
This a topic worth studying. You need to study this. You need to ask the question, “What does the bible say about salvation?” Knowing who God is, who we are to God, how to be saved, and how we are supposed to live are foundational pillars of walking the Christian faith.
 
Know that there are controversies on this topic. There are individuals who teach what feels right to them and call it Christian beliefs. There are churches that teach pieces of scripture and not fullness of truth. You will be told different things by different people.
 
I want to encourage you to attend church and bible studies, but I also want to caution you about trusting blindly. Get to know the bible well enough that you can fact check anything you’re taught. Stay close to God and consistent in prayer. He will lead you.
 
You need to study this for yourself. You need to seek out truth. Read the bible. Use a concordance to search key terms. Use topical bible studies. Read my book The Subject of Salvation. You can also use the book to teach bible studies.
 
Belief is only the beginning. Obey Acts 2:38. Live for the Lord and walk in His ways. Then go disciple. Teach people who Jesus is. Teach them how to be saved. Teach them how to follow Jesus and how to live. Be an example.
0 Comments

Lies people told me about salvation

15/3/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture

This is a delicate subject. Our faith is something that is near and dear to our hearts, and I want to be intentional with approaching this gently. I also want to be intentional with encouraging each one of us to examine the scriptures for truth and equipping the saints to teach it as well. We are living in times that many label themselves Christian, but do not follow the teachings of the Christian church. We are living in a day that new age and prosperity preachers are under the same label. The bible isn’t preached in some churches anymore. In some places, sermons are all feel-good motivation and no compass for the Christian walk. And we are all under the label of Christian.
 
As a convert from atheism to Christianity (November 2005), I did not know how to study the bible. I did not know there were disagreements on salvation matters. I did not know how to test a person’s statement for truth. There were cliches that were taught to me I thought were bible verses. There were manmade acronyms and prayers that were taught to me I thought was based in scripture. I trusted the long-time Christians, especially those who grew up in church, to teach me whatever truth was. A few years later, I started reading the bible. It was 5 years into being Christian that I did a bible study including salvation. It was then I realized the difference between salvation based on the word of God versus salvation found in manmade sayings and opinions. I ask that you examine this topic with an open mind and an open heart testing each perspective against the scripture. We can agree that the bible is the source of truth. We can agree that the bible teaches us how to be saved and we hold those scriptures to be truth. Let us each examine what we have been taught and also what we teach.
 
Salvation… is it taboo? It’s the most important conversation we need to have. It is the eternal decision. Yet we skirt around it avoiding our great commission out of fear. We fear others taking offense more than we fear what will happen to them if they don’t receive the message.
 
Some water it down. Make the message more worldly so people will want it. Make it easier. Take out the sacrifice. Take out the transformation. Take out the requirements. Ignore the commands. Simplify until it’s something else, something so far removed that people don’t recognize the biblical salvation. Dilute it more with each generation. Rip out pieces until one day it’s only believe God is real, do nothing, make no changes, and live the same as the unbelievers. Truth gets cut, hidden, silenced, disagreed with straight from the word of God.
 
The word of God is pure truth. It is sharp and able to divide. It is also a weapon against falsehood. What happens when the gospel message is being shared with someone who the bible is foreign to? Will they know how and where to check for accuracy? Will they know how to test with fire? Of course not. They will most likely take your word for it. Your word… is it aligned with the word of God?
 
I’m going to share some things I was taught in my first few years of Christian faith. These statements are about salvation, and I believed it as truth.
 
*****
 
“Accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, and you’ll be saved.”
 
“Ask Jesus to come into your heart.”
 
Or some combination of those two popular sayings such as, “Accept Jesus in your heart and ask him to be your savior.”
 
“Just believe and you are saved.”
 
Say the Sinner’s Prayer and you are saved forever.
 
Once saved, always saved
 
*****
 
I assumed “accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior” was a bible verse. I heard this repeatedly. I took these things to heart and I lived by them as a Christian. I believed in Jesus, I followed him, and I loved him.
 
When I got in church in 2009, I was going to a Southern Baptist church. I accepted the invitation and answered “yes” when the pastor asked me if I was secure in my salvation. I did get baptized although they taught baptism was not necessary for salvation. They actually directly taught against the necessity of baptism. What if you go to get baptized and you get hit by a bus when you’re crossing the street? Would God send you to hell? Of course not. He loves you. Once saved, always saved. It’s like having a child; they are always your child. We’ve been adopted by the Lord. These are the things I was taught. I didn’t question it. It made sense. It never occurred to me that no scripture was being referenced for most of the things I had been taught about salvation. I remember volunteering with Vacation Bible School. There was a little handout called the ABCs of salvation. It said “Admit, Believe, Confess”.
  • Admit to God that you are a sinner.
  • Believe that Jesus is God’s son, accept forgiveness.
  • Confess your faith.
I stared at that, and I remember thinking it seemed backwards. You don’t admit something before you believe. I suppose BAC wouldn’t be a catchy saying. It also said “If you have trusted Jesus to be your Savior and Lord, you can be sure that … your sins are forgiven… you will go to heaven when you die.” In the top left corner, it asked the question, “Is it time for you to become a Christian?” It mentioned inviting Jesus into your life. Then it gave a sample prayer of what we often call the Sinner’s Prayer. In the bottom left corner, it said “If I ever wonder if I am a Christian, I can open this book and remember this special day when Jesus came into my life to stay!”
 
Fast-forward to early 2011 and I had begun attending an Apostolic Pentecostal church. I was taught a bible study, and that was the first time I’d ever studied the bible on salvation. There were a lot of verses I’d never heard taught before and admit I hadn’t taken particular notice of in my reading. This church taught things differently. They did not teach only believe in God and you’ll be saved forever. They did not teach a sinner’s prayer. They did not teach any of the cliches above. They taught scripture.
 
  • We must repent. (Matthew 3:2, Mark 6:12, Luke 13:5, Acts 2:38, Acts 11:18, Acts 17:30, 1 John 1:8-10, Revelation 3:19)
  • We must be baptized. (Mark 16:16, Acts 2:38, Acts 10:44-48, Acts 22:16, Romans 6:3-8) 
  • We must receive the Holy Spirit. (John 3:3-8, Acts 19:1-7, Romans 8:5-17)  
 
I went over these verses again and again. This was something that really got to me because I questioned my own salvation and I worried about the salvation of many believers I love. This was also when I started to feel like I had been lied to with the well-intended cliches. My Southern Baptist church had directly told me baptism was not necessary. Yet the bible is clear it’s a command to obey. I had been taught once saved always saved. The bible told the disciples to endure to the end. It says we can shipwreck our faith. It says we can be grafted in and broken off (John 15:1-17, Romans 11:17-21). Why had people told me things like “Ask Jesus to come into your heart” or “Accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior” when these sayings are not in the bible? None of the common sayings above are in the bible. I went searching for them thinking they were bible verses, but this message is nowhere to be found. That bothered me quite a bit. I did not want a catchy message to tagline my Christian label. I wanted to know truth and I wanted to follow it. Why had people given me cliches instead of giving me scripture? I needed to study this deeply. I needed to pray for understanding. I needed to know.
 
It seemed the early church in the book of Acts paints a different picture than the message of so many churches today. These people believed and they’d repent of their ways. They’d turn to the Lord. They’d follow Jesus. They obeyed the command to get baptized. They took the time to pray to receive the Holy Spirit. They gathered together. They had prayer meetings. They changed their ways. They dedicated their lives. They lived right. They pursued holiness. They were set apart. They were all in. When did the church today become only partially in first step in the water of faith and then done? I wanted the narrow path. I wanted to pursue the Lord and walk in his ways. I wanted to understand the full picture. Aren’t we supposed to be following the same ways of the early church? Isn’t this what Jesus wants for his people?

At this point, I felt confused on what seemed like conflicting messages. On the one hand, there’s the message to believe and you are saved. On the other hand, there’s the message that we have to repent and we have to be baptized and we have to be born again receiving the Spirit and we have to stay connected to the vine. I know the bible never contradicts itself. I knew I was missing something here. We can’t pick out random verses that we like and ignore the verses that don’t fit what we want to promote.
 
So, I began asking myself the question “What does it mean to believe?” I don’t think this is a casual belief. I don’t think this is the same thing as “Yeah, I agree that’s true.” and eh nothing more. What do we do when we believe in something – I mean really believe in something? We live by it, right? If I were to promote recycling but turn around and litter, do you think I really believe in the cause of recycling? (I’ve never littered. I will pick up trash though.) That’s just an example of a cause people believe in that’s supposed to be something that changes the way they do things. If you know me, you know I’m big on being frugal and sustainable. I’m a ditch-the-disposables kind of person. Less in the landfill is better for the planet; less to buy at the store is better for the budget. I do not buy paper plates or plastic cups. I avoid buying plastic for the kitchen. I use dish rags, cloth napkins, hankies, etc. That’s my lifestyle. I like to be green. If I were to tell you that I believe in being green like that but then turn around and do nothing to live by the principles of what I claim to believe in, would you consider me to be a frugal and sustainable person? Of course not. Why? Because if you really believe in something as a way to live then you follow the values of what you profess to believe in. If we can get behind a non-religious cause to the point that we make changes in our lifestyle and day-to-day living even when it’s not convenient and even when it’s a sacrifice, shouldn’t we be even more dedicated to living for the Lord if we are true believers? What is the greatest commandment? Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind.
 
So, again I ask the question “What does it mean to believe?” This is not a casual belief that’s little more than an agreeance to truth. This is a wholehearted belief. This is a with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind kind of belief. This is a follow what you profess kind of belief. These messages are not contradicting each other. If you believe Jesus is Lord and you believe this with all that you are (heart, mind, and soul), obedience to the next steps is part of that. In Mark 16:16 it says those who believe and have been baptized will be saved. In Acts 2:41 it says those who received his word were baptized. This comes right after the instruction in Acts 2:38 to repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus.
 
What do we do when we wholeheartedly believe in Jesus? We follow.
 
Belief is the first step; it’s not the full picture. Teaching people that if they simply believe Jesus is God they will be saved is a fragmented gospel that leaves out obedience to what saves, what makes you born again, and what transforms you.
 
I didn’t become a Christian so I could stay the same way I was when I was atheist. Listen, following God will change your life. You can’t live to follow your flesh and live by the Spirit at the same time. Is it too much? Is it too much to ask to obey these commands? Is it too much to preach repentance? Is it too much to teach we must all be baptized? Is it too much to tell people they need to be born again? Is it too much to tell people they need the Holy Spirit living inside of them and guiding them throughout their Christian walk? All of these things are freely available to anyone. It costs no money. It requires no riches or elite status. It is equally available to the rich and the poor. It is for every nation, every people, every individual who will turn to the Lord Jesus. I don’t want to be a bare minimum Christian. I don’t want to scrape by and say I did the absolute least that was required to escape hell. I want to follow Jesus and live for Jesus. I want to obey his commands with no question on how little obedience I can get away with. If the bible says be baptized, I want to do it – not argue about if I have to do it. If the bible promises me the gift of the Holy Spirit, I want to receive it – not debate over its necessity. If the bible says we need to stay connected to the vine, I don’t want to shipwreck my faith and hope my sunken passport still counts – I want to keep on living for the Lord all of my days. If we begrudgingly approach these foundational things, what does that say about our dedication to live by the bible?
 
These things are not too much to ask, and they are not too much to teach.
 
But what happens if you don’t teach anything beyond the first step of faith? What happens when a Christian teaches a false message on salvation? Their student is given a shorted good news. They miss out on the cleansing power of repentance. They miss out on being buried with Christ in baptism and coming up out of that water with one of the best feelings we can experience. They miss out on the power of the Holy Ghost. They miss out on the fullness of transformation and the growth they could have. They could miss out on heaven. You could be held accountable for what you’ve taught (James 3:1). If you’re going to teach on the subject of salvation, make sure you’ve studied it deeply. Examine what you’ve been taught and examine what you teach.
Click here to learn more about The Subject of Salvation.

0 Comments

My experience getting the Holy Ghost

7/3/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture

I remember what it felt like the moment I prayed through, the heavenly touch as the Spirit took over. I can’t imagine living without this now. It’s crazy to me that people told me I didn’t need this.
 
Doctrine can be debated, but personal experience cannot.
 
I used to think people who did that speaking in tongues thing were out of their mind, rolling on the floor, probably foaming at the mouth. I expected them to be screaming insanity and dramatically dropping like flies in some sort of out-of-reality psychologically-induced spiritual trip. Also, I had never actually seen anybody speak in tongues until a few weeks before I experienced it for myself. I thought they were a little insane. Maybe this outlandish behavior was how they released stress. I thought it’d be entertaining to see. I had visited churches, but the Pentecostal churches I went to did not visibly have anyone speaking in tongues. I wanted to see it.
 
What is that all about anyway? Isn’t that people speaking in an actual language they hadn’t previously learned? Wasn’t the whole point of that to spread the gospel in the early days? It’s not a thing anymore, right?
 
I knew what the Holy Spirit was though. I could tell you the Holy Spirit was with us who believed in Jesus Christ. I knew sometimes I could feel a small presence of God. What a blessing and privilege to feel that presence. Anytime someone mentioned being born again I thought that meant the transformation of becoming a believer. I thought that because I was previously atheist and becoming Christian felt like a born-again experience.
 
A bible study changed my life.
 
I became a Christian in November of 2005. I started actually going to church in 2009. In January of 2011 I visited a church I fell in love with. Long story short, I started going there regularly in early 2011. This is where I was offered a bible study. The church was Apostolic Pentecostal.
 
This was also the first place I’d ever seen anybody speak in tongues. I remember who was praying with me. She took me by the hand and sweetly prayed. She spoke in tongues, but she wasn’t yelling or acting any different. Her tone was the same as normal prayer. This wasn’t what I expected. I opened my eyes and watched her. There was something peaceful and kind of beautiful about this strange thing. Every church service there, people prayed in tongues. What I once thought would entertain me, I found to intrigue me.
 
In the bible study, we talked about what it meant to be born again and we talked about what it meant to receive the Holy Ghost. The scriptures we were reviewing seemed to have a different message than what I had been taught before. I was previously told we received the Holy Spirit automatically when we become believers, but these stories in Acts show people praying to receive the Holy Spirit. That baffled me a bit. The whole speaking in tongues as evidence thing seemed a bit far-fetched. Most Christians don’t do that. How can you say that’s evidence? I went over the scriptures again and again. I’d study them day and night trying to make sense of it all. Were they insinuating that I didn’t have the Holy Spirit? What do these verses mean? I’d like to share here what some of the verses are that I was studying. (All verses are American Standard Version)
 
John 3:3-8
Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except one be born anew, he cannot see the kingdom of God. Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb, and be born? Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except one be born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born anew. The wind bloweth where it will, and thou hearest the voice thereof, but knowest not whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.
 
Acts 1:8
But ye shall receive power, when the Holy Spirit is come upon you: and ye shall be my witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea and Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth.
 
Acts 2:38
And Peter said unto them, Repent ye, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ unto the remission of your sins; and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
 
Acts 8:12-17
But when they believed Philip preaching good tidings concerning the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women. And Simon also himself believed: and being baptized, he continued with Philip; and beholding signs and great miracles wrought, he was amazed. Now when the apostles that were at Jerusalem heard that Samaria had received the word of God, they sent unto them Peter and John: who, when they were come down, prayed for them, that they might receive the Holy Spirit: for as yet it was fallen upon none of them: only they had been baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus. Then laid they their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit.
 
Acts 10:44-48
While Peter yet spake these words, the Holy Spirit fell on all them that heard the word. And they of the circumcision that believed were amazed, as many as came with Peter, because that on the Gentiles also was poured out the gift of the Holy Spirit. For they heard them speak with tongues, and magnify God. Then answered Peter, Can any man forbid the water, that these should not be baptized, who have received the Holy Spirit as well as we? And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then prayed they him to tarry certain days.
 
Acts 19:1-7
And it came to pass, that, while Apollos was at Corinth, Paul having passed through the upper country came to Ephesus, and found certain disciples: and he said unto them, Did ye receive the Holy Spirit when ye believed? And they said unto him, Nay, we did not so much as hear whether the Holy Spirit was given. And he said, Into what then were ye baptized? And they said, Into John’s baptism. And Paul said, John baptized with the baptism of repentance, saying unto the people that they should believe on him that should come after him, that is, on Jesus. And when they heard this, they were baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus. And when Paul had laid his hands upon them, the Holy Spirit came on them; and they spake with tongues, and prophesied. And they were in all about twelve men.
 
Romans 8:5-17
For they that are after the flesh mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For the mind of the flesh is death; but the mind of the Spirit is life and peace: because the mind of the flesh is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can it be: and they that are in the flesh cannot please God. But ye are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you. But if any man hath not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the spirit is life because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwelleth in you, he that raised up Christ Jesus from the dead shall give life also to your mortal bodies through his Spirit that dwelleth in you. So then, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh: for if ye live after the flesh, ye must die; but if by the Spirit ye put to death the deeds of the body, ye shall live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For ye received not the spirit of bondage again unto fear; but ye received the spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit himself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are children of God: and if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified with him.
 
1 Corinthians chapters 12 through 14 talks of speaking in tongues. Chapter 14 verse 39 in particular really jumped out at me.
 
1 Corinthians 14:39
Wherefore, my brethren, desire earnestly to prophesy, and forbid not to speak with tongues.
 
Jude 1:20-21
But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.

 
The more I went over this, the more I felt like God was pulling me towards something. I was missing something. Somehow, I knew that I had never received the Holy Spirit. No one had taught me this truth according to the scriptures.
 
I would watch them, the worshippers. I would watch people pray in tongues. I would listen, and I knew I didn’t have what they had. I would go over these verses in my bible again and again. I began to want this for myself.
 
At church, I saw people receive the Holy Spirit or what they often call “getting the Holy Ghost”. I would watch, but I wouldn’t go near. They would gather around to pray for a person. The idea of group prayer terrified me. The idea of going up front to be prayed for in front of everybody triggered my anxiety. After studying the scriptures and observing other people get the Holy Ghost in church, I decided I thought I could do this on my own. I did NOT want to be crowded around! This is next level introvert right here. I was determined to pray through when it was just me and Jesus. Besides, I didn’t know how to pray in front of other people. It made me nervous, and I would shut down. I felt like I could have deeper prayer when I was alone. I still feel that way. My deepest prayers, my breakthrough prayers, my life-changing prayers have all been when I’m alone and it’s the middle of the night.
 
It was March of 2011. I think it was around 10 o’clock at night. I had prayed for this a few times, but struggled to pray for more than a quick minute. I admit as a writer I’m not much of a talker. I had spent some time listening to worship music on my phone, and I began to pray. I was talking to Jesus about how I wanted to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I wanted to receive this. I wanted God living inside of me. I wanted to be born again. I wanted this. I kept praying. Prayer was getting deep. I knew there was more. I kept pressing. I didn’t stop praying. I lingered. I began to feel different. I began to feel the presence of the Lord. I pressed into prayer. I knew there was more. I wasn’t asking to speak in tongues or hoping it would happen. I was seeking to receive the Holy Spirit. I expected to speak in tongues because in the bible that’s the evidence given. I trusted in that. And in a moment, I felt a touch of God. My tongue felt loosed. I don’t know how else to explain that other than it felt like something was loosed. I heard words coming out of my mouth that were not English. I kept praying. This was the moment I first experienced praying in the Spirit. It felt so beautiful. It’s been 11 years since that night; I still remember how powerful the experience was. Once I experienced that, I could never deny or disagree that speaking in tongues is legitimate.
 
Since that day, I am always able to pray in tongues whenever I choose to. There are also times I feel the Spirit and begin to pray in tongues without it being an active decision. For me, this is always something during prayer. I don’t scream. There’s no yelling. I’m not rolling around or anything like that. I pray in the Spirit as a normal part of my prayer life.
 
More importantly, there was a change in my spiritual walk after this experience of receiving the Holy Spirit. I produced more fruit of the Spirit. It’s easier to discipline my flesh and follow after the Spirit. I pray better. I worship easier. I am more in tune with the voice of God. I have more direction and discernment. I feel his presence so much stronger. There have been times that his presence is so strong it’s life-changing. To me, God’s presence feels like being wrapped in warm sunshine. Sometimes it feels like a consuming fire. I never felt that way before I received the Spirit. You’ll never convince me that it’s not real. I’d argue that anyone who has experienced getting the Holy Ghost and receiving evidence (speaking in tongues) who is still living for the Lord would tell you the same. Once you’ve experienced it for yourself, you’ll testify to its validity and truth.
 
If you have experienced this, I encourage you to share your story.
 
If you are a Christian who has not experienced this, I encourage you to seek God on the matter. Study the bible. Pray about it. Press into what God has for you.
0 Comments

Why I got baptized twice

6/3/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture

My hands trembled with nervousness, but I knew I wanted to do this. I had never seen a baptism before. It had been on my mind a lot. I’d been Christian for 3 years and I’d been going to church for a couple weeks in a row for the first time in my life. I wanted God. I wanted to live for the Lord. I didn’t really understand what exactly baptism meant. I’d never heard anyone explain it. When I told my church I wanted to get baptized, we scheduled it out. There was no class. No one offered me a bible study. I wasn’t given any literature on it or references to read the bible verses about it. I thought I was stepping out to show my faith and I wanted to demonstrate my commitment. The Southern Baptist church teaches that baptism is optional and is merely symbolic. Fortunately, someone else did get baptized shortly before I was scheduled. I watched with nervous anticipation to see what I would be doing. It was 2009 May 3rd when I stepped in that water. A white robe zipped over my jeans and t-shirt, I glowed with excitement and shook a little with the jitters of doing something so important. My pastor was already in the baptism pool, and I remember how much it calmed me to take his outstretched hand as I stepped in. It was a beautiful summer day warm with the comfort of early May sunshine. I went down that day baptized in the name of the father, son, and holy spirit. I came out of that water with a smile I couldn’t contain. My family and all the people I had invited did not come, but Jesus was there. I didn’t fully understand what baptism was; I followed the gentle pull and trusted the leadership of my church.
 
In early 2011, I began attending a new church. I had visited with a godly coworker, and immediately fell in love with the church. The atmosphere in this church was like nothing I had ever experienced. I could feel the presence of the Lord every service. The worship was like nothing I had ever seen. The music was passionate. The people praised God. They prayed with power. It was amazing. This was an Apostolic Pentecostal church. My coworker offered me a bible study, and I eagerly accepted. I had never been in a bible study before. One thing we studied was baptism. This study was entirely based on scripture. It wasn’t about opinion or focused on a denominational statement. It was scripture. We were looking at the word of God.
 
It was the first time anyone taught me what baptism means straight from the word of God.
 
Romans 6:3-8
Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death? Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too may walk in newness of life. For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for the one who has died is freed from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, (NASB)
 
Acts 22:16
And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins away, calling on his name.’ (NIV)
 
Getting baptized is being buried with Christ so we can be raised with him. It washes our sins away. Wait, what? No, it can’t actually wash sins away. It’s just symbolic, right? What does this mean?
 
I would read those verses over and over.
 
Acts 10:46-48
For they heard them speak with tongues, and magnify God. Then answered Peter, Can any man forbid the water, that these should not be baptized, who have received the Holy Spirit as well as we? And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then prayed they him to tarry certain days. (ASV)
 
Command… That’s a strong word. The bible didn’t say they had the option of baptism. It doesn’t say they recommend. It doesn’t say if you feel like it or when you get around to it. They were commanded to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. We are commanded. This instruction is for us too.
 
Wait, so this is saying baptism is necessary? Am I understanding things right? I was taught baptism is not necessary for salvation at all. I was taught just believe and you’re saved. But these verses go against what I had been taught. Shift of perspective – what I had been taught went against what the bible says. This weighed on me, and I went over these verses again and again. I was baptized, but it bothered me that this seemed to be saying baptism is actually necessary. So many churches teach it is not. So many loved ones I know believe in God but are not baptized yet they think they are saved. Is this really a salvation issue?
 
Mark 16:16
He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned. (NKJV)
 
I studied again and again. I’d ask God to speak to me, explain this to me, help me understand. I was baptized, but not exactly like they did it in the bible. All of these verses that say what name they baptized in says it was the name of Jesus.
 
Acts 2:38
Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. (NIV)
 
Acts 8:12-17
But when they believed Philip as he proclaimed the good news of the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women. Simon himself believed and was baptized. And he followed Philip everywhere, astonished by the great signs and miracles he saw. When the apostles in Jerusalem heard that Samaria had accepted the word of God, they sent Peter and John to Samaria. When they arrived, they prayed for the new believers there that they might receive the Holy Spirit, because the Holy Spirit had not yet come on any of them; they had simply been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. Then Peter and John placed their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit. (NIV)
 
Acts 10:44-48
While Peter was still speaking these words, the Holy Spirit came on all who heard the message. The circumcised believers who had come with Peter were astonished that the gift of the Holy Spirit had been poured out even on Gentiles. For they heard them speaking in tongues and praising God. Then Peter said, “Surely no one can stand in the way of their being baptized with water. They have received the Holy Spirit just as we have.” So he ordered that they be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then they asked Peter to stay with them for a few days. (NIV)
 
Acts 19:1-7
While Apollos was at Corinth, Paul took the road through the interior and arrived at Ephesus. There he found some disciples and asked them, “Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed?” They answered, “No, we have not even heard that there is a Holy Spirit.” So Paul asked, “Then what baptism did you receive?” “John’s baptism,” they replied. Paul said, “John’s baptism was a baptism of repentance. He told the people to believe in the one coming after him, that is, in Jesus.” On hearing this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. When Paul placed his hands on them, the Holy Spirit came on them, and they spoke in tongues and prophesied. There were about twelve men in all. (NIV)
 
I was a little confused here. Matthew 28:19 says to go and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Yet all of these verses in Acts are saying in the name of Jesus. Actually, every verse after the Christian church began says that baptism was done in the name of Jesus. The disciples learned baptism from Jesus himself. Which instruction are we supposed to follow, Matthew or Acts?
 
My bible study teacher offered insight here. What is the name? We all know the name of the son is Jesus. I had never really thought about the name of the father or the holy spirit. Maybe the father’s name is Jehovah? My Mormon relatives all say “Heavenly Father” as if it’s the name. The Holy Spirit….does it have a name?
 
In John 5:43 Jesus says he has come in his father’s name.
 
John 14:26
But the Helper, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and remind you of all that I said to you. (NASB)
 
Acts 4:12 says there is no other name by which we must be saved (speaking of Jesus).  
 
I had been baptized in the trinitarian formula. In the Apostolic Pentecostal church, we call this being baptized in the titles. What is the name? Even Matthew 28:19 is telling us to be baptized in a NAME.
 
The name we are saved by…
The name of the God we are being buried with in baptism…
No other name by which we must be saved…
 
Baptism is supposed to be in the name of Jesus.
 
Upon having this revelation that baptism is necessary and cleansing and should be done in the name of Jesus,
I felt like my baptism hadn’t been done right. I started thinking about getting baptized again so it could be in Jesus’ name. I thought on this for a while. It wasn’t an immediate decision. This was heavily emotional. I loved my first baptism, and now I had all these emotions about whether or not it was done the biblical way. At the same time, I was navigating a lot in my faith.
 
I remember one evening after a midweek service I sat on the altar with a friend (the one I did the bible study with) looking out at the church. There’s so much revelation here. We talked about baptism and how I was thinking about doing it a second time so it would be the same as the early church. I wanted it to be done fully the same way as they did in the bible. I started talking to my family about it and they were critical of the idea. I procrastinated. I wanted my family to come this time. They didn’t.
 
And then one Sunday I couldn’t wait anymore. I went up to the altar and asked to be baptized. We did it right then. It was 2011 May 29th. Let me tell you, it felt different coming up out that water. I understood baptism now. I knew what I was doing. I knew the scriptures on it. And I went down in the name of Jesus. There was a power to it. There was a cleansing to this baptism. The moments right after my baptism were the most pure I had ever felt. I knew I had been washed clean.
 
It was worth it. It was worth it to get baptized again. It was worth it to make sure it was done the same way as the early church did it in the bible.
 
Have you been baptized by immersion in the name of Jesus?
 
If not, I invite you to obey the command. What are you waiting for? Arise, and be baptized in the name of Jesus.
0 Comments

A message to backsliders: I know, come home anyway

6/3/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture

I bet you have a mental list of all the reasons you don’t want to come back to church or feel like you can’t come back. I know you also have a mental list tucked a little deeper in your heart about the things you miss. Maybe you think about what you want to get back to. Maybe you miss where you used to be in your relationship with Jesus or maybe you miss how it used to feel during a worship service when you felt like you were so close to God.
 
I have no obligations for you. You are free. You are independent. You are welcome. You can go if you want or you can stay if you want. I’m not here to control you. I’m not here to tell you what you have to do. I’m here to save a seat for you if you’d like to join us.
 
Do something for me. Shift your perspective. Why is it when we’re backslid and we think about coming back we always make it about showing up to church? The church is the body, the people. What we need to walk back to is Jesus himself.
 
I know many who have left church have been wounded. Church hurt is real and I validate that. There are others who slipped away slowly. It happens. Life gets a hold of you and keeps you busy. It’s hard to get up and go to church once you’re out of the habit. Maybe there’s a reason you’re not in church anymore. Maybe that’s just how things unraveled. Or, perhaps, the church itself changed and you didn’t feel like you should be there anymore.
 
It started slow. And then one day you wake up and realize you’re different. You’re living differently. You make compromises. You did things you didn’t think you would. You made mistakes. You slipped up. Is this how you want to be? Sin loses its fun after a while. The world that once felt exciting and liberating leaves an emptiness. Your soul has known living waters that never end. Once you’ve known that, nothing else can satisfy for long. But it changes you to be farther and farther away from the person you used to see in the mirror.
 
I know. I’ve been there.
 
And I remember the thoughts that went through my head. The church folk will judge me if I show up. They know I’m _____. They know I’ve ______. I’m not like them. It feels stifling having to act perfect. So and so…. and then you remember how it made you feel when they said what they did. You remember how it made you feel when they looked at you like that or excluded you like that. You remember the hurt, and that overrides your desire to go to church. You wonder what people think. You worry they’ll say something. You get your guard up. You prepare yourself to go on the defense. Then you don’t want to go anymore. You get upset when you think about going to church.
 
But why do you let that stop you from seeking God?
 
If you’re feeling the tug to come back to God, don’t let people stop you. Read your bible. Try 10 days of daily bible reading. Pray. Try to get into a prayer routine. These things are just between you and God. Other people don’t need to be involved. You’ll see things start to change. Start making changes you know you need to make. Repent, and be cleansed. Start fresh. Start again. You can get back to where you were.
 
When you’re ready, we do need church. I know you have a lot of reasons you don’t want to go to church. Come home anyway. I know you have hurt. Come home anyway. I know you think sin has tainted your life. Come home anyway. Come be renewed. Come be rejuvenated. Come hear a biblical message. Come sing with the worship team. Come sit with a friend. Come fellowship. Find people you connect with. Find people that help you grow.
 
If you feel like you can’t go back to where you used to go, then go to a new church! It’s okay. It really is. I would rather you go to a new church than you not go at all. If you need to set boundaries, that’s okay. Do what you need to do to get where you need to be.
 
But don’t stay where things are empty. Don’t stay where you feel far away from God. Don’t stay in circumstances that allow sin to decay. You’ve been feeling the tug for a while now. God is trying to talk to you. He still loves you, and he wants you. Come home. You belong on the path with Jesus. You never really belonged out there with the world. You were always a little different. There are pieces of you that have roots here.
 
Come home, prodigal. Come back to God. Come back to church. Come back to where your spiritual growth is nurtured. It’s time. Get back on the right path.
 
Joel 2:12
“Even now,” declares the Lord,
“return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning.”

(New International Version)
0 Comments

Tips for Christians from a convert

5/3/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture

As a convert, there are many things Christians have taught me. Oftentimes, whether or not the message was received effectively or the attempt to teach was ineffective comes down to 2 factors: treatment and communication. The way someone treats me is strongly influential in deciding if I will sincerely listen to anything they say. The way people communicate their message makes the difference between connection or closed doors. Remember, communication is not only what is said; it is also what is heard and seen.
 
Do you want to be a witness? A disciple? A soul winner? Do you want to reach unbelievers? Do you want to do the work of adding to the kingdom?
 
Be mindful about what you represent.
Be intentional about reaching and teaching.
 
Here are a few basic tips from a former atheist.
 
 
Laying an approachable and friendly foundation  
 
Be kind. I know you hear that a lot. You see it on tee shirts. Maybe a bumper sticker here and there offers the reminder. Think about what if you’re not though. If you’re unkind, if you’re mean, if you’re condescending, if you’re making fun of people, if you’re hurting people….. and people see you as a representative of the Christian faith, how does that affect their interest in Christ based on what they see in you? So, be kind.
 
Respect others. You’ll hear me say this a thousand times. They deserve respect. And if you don’t give them basic respect, you’ll build walls where you want to be building bridges. You can’t argue people into heaven. You can’t condemn them and make them feel inferior until they agree with you. Don’t treat people bad for having different beliefs.
 
Bite your tongue when you need to. We all have negative thoughts towards things we disagree with, but be cautious about voicing those negative opinions around people that you’re trying to win. If you’re criticizing the church, do you think you can convince them to come? If you’re bashing the beliefs of other Christians you disagree with, do you think that non-believer is comfortable asking you questions?
 
Serve people in Jesus’ name. You can do this through churches or on your own. Serving people that need help is a big way to share God’s love.
 
Love people. The bible says people will know we are his disciples because we love one another. Nonbelievers and other Christians should be able to see a godly love in us through our actions.
 
Fellowship with people even if they believe differently than you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being friends with people of different denominations and different religions.
 
We are called to be set apart. The way you live should be different than the world. Nonbelievers should be able to see something in you that is different than secular society because you live out your faith.
 
 
When the conversation comes around
 
Get in the habit of talking about Jesus. Bring the subject up.
 
Talk about why you love God and why you choose to follow Him.
 
Share any testimony you have of healings, provision, and prayers being answered. You can also share testimonies of people you know.
 
Offer to take prayer requests. People know who to go to when they are in need of prayer. Be that person they think of.
 
Pray with people.
 
Invite people to church services, revivals, and events.
 
Teach bible studies. Or you can attend a bible study and invite your friends to join you.
 
 
Navigating communication on religion
 
Be able to summarize the gospel message and give an answer for the faith that you have. That applies to every matter of faith, every doctrine, every church teaching, every practice. If you can’t give an answer, tell them you need some time to gather scriptures or resources. It’s okay to say you can’t remember the exact verse or you need to look into something. Get back with them. Actually respond. Never ignore a religious question. All seasoned Christians should know the faith well enough to teach it. If you don’t know something well enough to explain it, then you don’t know the topic well enough. Grow yourself spiritually so you can nurture the growth of others.
 
You shouldn’t preach sin without first preaching who the Savior is. You may understand who God is and your sinful condition, but a nonbeliever may not even know who God is. Focus on explaining who Jesus is and that he loves them. If they decide they want to follow Jesus, then teach the elementary things and so on.
 
Genuinely and respectfully ask other people what they think about religious topics. Get to know their perspectives.
 
When communicating with other people on any topic, it is better to explain your views than it is to correct theirs. That tip can make or break whether you shut down communication or cast a light that shows truth. Imagine talking to someone about your beliefs and they put their finger up and tell you “No” like you’re a child. Do you want to keep talking to them? Imagine if that person corrects you…. about your own beliefs and experiences. How much do you want to talk to them about this topic anymore? You don’t. So, don’t be that person that says no and speaks to people like they are correcting a child. Listen to what other people believe. If the timing is appropriate, share what you believe and why (with scripture references).
 
Unity over division is a motto of mine. I always look for common ground. Use that to build with.
 
Be honest and transparent. Do not theologically catfish people by misleading what your church teaches so they’ll like it more. Do not hide your beliefs in hopes people will want what you have. It feels like being baited for someone to manipulate you like that. People appreciate honesty. Anything that feels like deception will push somebody out of church quicker than an honest disagreement.
 
Stand firm in your faith. No wish-wash unsteady. No excuses. No watering down. No lying or denying or cutting things out. You can be rock solid and unwavering without being defensive. Be gentle in your responses.
 
 
If you are a convert, what advice would you give?
0 Comments

Did I ever go to church before becoming Christian?

1/3/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture

Many Christians assume that non-believers are simply unfamiliar with the good news of Christianity. In actuality, many atheists and agnostics and even people of other religions are former Christians. Many people have grown up in church. Many people have left. Quite often, they’ve experienced what we call “church hurt” and more than we care to admit they’ve experienced abuse or the covering up of abuse. You may be walking on wounded ground here. Don’t assume they know nothing. Don’t talk down to them as if they need an elementary lesson. There are atheists that went to bible college. There are pastors and ministers that have left the faith. I wanted to do this blog to hopefully help clear up some misconceptions about non-Christians and offer guidance on how you can reach someone.
 
Did I ever go to church before becoming a Christian? Yes. Several times actually. Both of my parents are Christian and my entire extended family is. My parents are different denominations and did not go to church together. My Dad’s side is a mix of mainstream Protestant. My Mom’s side is almost entirely Mormon.
 
As a child, I was taken to the Mormon church a few times. I was very young and have hardly any memories of this. I do remember being moved from one Sunday school class to another because of my age. I remember what the rooms looked like and the piano in the corner. I remember making Christmas crafts with a group. I don’t actually remember what was taught. Everyone was very friendly there. Even at a young age, I could tell there was tension in the family over the church matter. Everyone else went to church. All my aunts and uncles were raised in church. All my cousins (regularly in my life) were in church weekly. We were the ones not raised in church.
 
In my early teens, I went to church with a friend. I was around 13. At that point, I was calling myself atheist. I only went to church with her once or twice because I was spending the night with her and her grandma said we had to go to church. It was charismatic. I did not enjoy it. I think I only went twice.
 
In my mid-teens, I went to a few youth group services with a friend. I just went to hang out. I don’t remember what they said, but I do remember how they lived. I knew some of the people from school. Even though I was not Christian, I felt comfortable there. I felt welcomed. Several years later this would be the Southern Baptist church I became a member at. Going to youth events was a reason I was okay with going to church there.
 
Even though I was staunchly atheist, I was willing to go to secular events or social events if invited by a friend. I absolutely would have gone to free classes if people were nice. I think there was always that expectation for Christians to take issue with anyone not like them and that fear that someone would be confrontational, but if people were kind I wouldn’t have minded being in a church building. Remember that. You can spend time with and genuinely be friends with people of different faiths. There’s nothing to be afraid of about being friends with non-Christians. Don’t be one-sided.  
 
When I did become a Christian in 2005, I never went exploring. I didn’t go to church for over a year after becoming a believer. In hindsight, I wonder why that is. Why didn’t I go to church? Especially after becoming Christian, why didn’t I find a church right away?
 
I realized in writing this blog that the most obvious answer is my parents were not in church. Parental influence is arguably the strongest factor for a young person going to church. No one else stepped in to be the spiritual ‘parent’ and see to it that I knew the Lord.
 
People weren’t inviting. I get it. You don’t want to invite an atheist to church. Offer it anyway. You don’t know if they’re interested. People weren’t showing me Christ. Nobody ever shared the gospel with me. Nobody ever talked about who Jesus is. I was vaguely familiar with Christianity, but I didn’t know the basics.
 
I wasn’t hearing testimonies. The stories of what God has done for people is a powerful tool that can draw the attention of even the unbeliever. I know some of the testimonies I’ve seen and known today absolutely would have caught my attention especially if I’d been hearing them repeatedly. Glorify God in all things! People are listening. I didn’t see why they had their faith. I didn’t understand why they went to church so much. Be talking about your why. Be talking about what you love about church.
 
What could have changed my willingness to go to church despite my lack of belief? There are a couple things I thought of here that I know for me personally would have made a difference.
  • Respect and friendliness, you’re welcome here, come as you are, you’re loved
  • Invitation
  • Testimonies
  • Events
  • Classes especially for practical things like sewing or canning
  • Friendships with believers (most Christian youth avoided those of us non-Christians)
  • Love lived out, faith in action, serving those in need, seeing the way people lived out their faith – Serving others with a group is something I would have gladly gotten involved in.
 
What can you do to reach someone not in church?
  • Respect them! Show respect to their beliefs.
  • Respect their level of interest.
  • Have a two-way conversation. Talk with people, not at people.
  • Have a ‘come as you are’ approach. Don’t try to change people. Let God do the transformation.
  • Be inviting.
  • Testify! Share your testimonies. Share the testimonies of others that have touched your heart.
  • Make it about God. Share what he’s done for you and others. Share what going to church does for you. Share your why.
  • Share sermon messages or Sunday school lessons in casual conversation. This includes social media. You can even share quotes from preachers on social media.
  • Instead of correcting people, share what you believe and why (with scripture references). It is always better to explain what you believe than it is to tell someone else why you think they are wrong. Effective communication is key.
  • Pray. God changes hearts.
  • Also be open to taking prayer requests. They’ll know who to come to when they need prayer.
  • Go looking for opportunities to invite. Look for opportunities to reach somebody.
 
 
I invite you to take a little time to reflect on this topic. How have you approached it in the past when you know someone doesn’t go to church? Is there anything you will do differently now? 
0 Comments

The benefits of doula support

9/2/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture

Doulas make a difference. Did you know dozens of studies have been done on doulas? Having a doula actually has a significant statistical impact on things such as c-section rates, epidural use, and breastfeeding initiation.
 

What difference does it make?

All studies and resources are referenced at the bottom of the blog. Here is a summary.
  • Doulas lower c-section rates. There are quite a few studies that have found this benefit. Check out the resources for specific stats with each study.
  • Women who have a supportive partner and a professional doula have significantly lower c-section rates.
  • Women who use doulas have lower preterm birth rates.
  • Patients using a doula are less likely to need the use of forceps or vacuum delivery.
  • Patients with a doula are less likely to need artificial augmentation.
  • Women with doulas are more likely to achieve a vaginal delivery.
  • Women with doulas are more likely to achieve birthing without an epidural.
  • Multiple studies have shown laboring with a support person leads to shorter labor.
  • They have less anxiety when supported by a doula.  
  • Mothers are more likely to report satisfaction with their birth experience and feel they had a positive experience when they were cared for by a doula.
  • They have increased self-esteem.
  • They are less likely to suffer postpartum depression.
  • They have higher rates of initiating breastfeeding.
  • They are more likely to still be breastfeeding at 6 weeks.
 
Think about that. Having a doula increases your chances of having the natural, vaginal delivery many women want. It’s a worthy investment. It’s also an investment that can prevent you having to pay for surgery. Doulas improve outcomes. Doulas also improve the birth experience. Here are some other benefits of doula support.
  • Women without a partner or whose partner is not involved can still have support.
  • Women whose partner wants to be supportive but isn’t sure how can both be guided by a doula.
  • A doula can aid in a couple bonding during birth.
  • Couples with challenging family members can benefit from having a doula help with boundaries and nurturing the birth space.
  • Doulas help you navigate unexpected situations.
  • Doulas help you get as close as you can to your ideal birth.
  • Those who have a fear of hospitals have a familiar person to stay with them throughout labor and delivery.
  • Anyone with anxiety benefits from having a support person.
  • Those with a history of substance abuse can be supported to give birth without medication.
  • A doula is a consistent person who takes time to get to know you prenatally. There will be many workers you’ll see during your hospital stay. A doula is someone you’re familiar with and comfortable with who can help you navigate your maternity care.
  • A doula helps a new mother get connected to resources and support in her community.
  • Any woman who wants to be served by a doula can partner with a professional doula to receive support.
  • A woman with a doula is more likely to be educated.
  • A woman with a doula knows her options.
  • A woman with a doula is empowered.
  • A woman with a doula is a woman who is supported.
  • A woman with a doula is a woman who is not alone. A doula walks the journey with you.
Professional organizations for obstetricians and nurses are also in support of doulas. 
 
“Evidence suggests that, in addition to regular nursing care, continuous one-to-one emotional support provided by support personnel, such as a doula, is associated with improved outcomes for women in labor. Benefits described in randomized trials include shortened labor, decreased need for analgesia, fewer operative deliveries, and fewer reports of dissatisfaction with the experience of labor.”
Approaches to limit intervention during labor and birth. ACOG Committee Opinion No. 766. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Obstet Gynecol 2019;133:e164–73.
 
“Published data indicate that one of the most effective tools to improve labor and delivery outcomes is the continuous presence of support personnel, such as a doula. A Cochrane meta-analysis of 12 trials and more than 15,000 women demonstrated that the presence of continuous one-on-one support during labor and delivery was associated with improved patient satisfaction and a statistically significant reduction in the rate of cesarean delivery. Given that there are no associated measurable harms, this resource is probably underutilized.”
Safe prevention of the primary cesarean delivery. Obstetric Care Consensus No. 1. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Obstet Gynecol 2014;123:693–711.
 
“AWHONN recognizes that childbirth education and doula services contribute to the woman’s preparation for and support during childbirth and supports consideration of these services as a covered benefit in public and private health insurance plans.”
Association of Women's Health, Obstetric and Neonatal Nurses
AWHONN position statement: Nursing support for laboring women.
Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic, & Neonatal Nursing. 2010; 40: 665-666 https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1552-6909.2011.01288.x
Picture
Did you have a doula? What benefits did you experience from professional support? Share your story in the comments below.
 
Are you considering hiring a doula? Did you know about all these benefits? How can doula support benefit you in your birth?


Citations


https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10643833/
Scott, K. D., Klaus, P. H., & Klaus, M. H. (1999). The obstetrical and postpartum benefits of continuous support during childbirth. Journal of women's health & gender-based medicine, 8(10), 1257–1264. https://doi.org/10.1089/jwh.1.1999.8.1257

McGrath, S. K., & Kennell, J. H. (2008). A randomized controlled trial of continuous labor support for middle-class couples: effect on cesarean delivery rates. Birth (Berkeley, Calif.), 35(2), 92–97. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1523-536X.2008.00221.x
 
Mottl-Santiago, J., Walker, C., Ewan, J., Vragovic, O., Winder, S., & Stubblefield, P. (2008). A hospital-based doula program and childbirth outcomes in an urban, multicultural setting. Maternal and child health journal, 12(3), 372–377. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10995-007-0245-9

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23857334/
Hodnett, E. D., Gates, S., Hofmeyr, G. J., & Sakala, C. (2013). Continuous support for women during childbirth. The Cochrane database of systematic reviews, 7, CD003766. https://doi.org/10.1002/14651858.CD003766.pub5
 
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23409910/
Kozhimannil, K. B., Hardeman, R. R., Attanasio, L. B., Blauer-Peterson, C., & O'Brien, M. (2013). Doula care, birth outcomes, and costs among Medicaid beneficiaries. American journal of public health, 103(4), e113–e121. https://doi.org/10.2105/AJPH.2012.301201
 
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26762249/
Kozhimannil, K. B., Hardeman, R. R., Alarid-Escudero, F., Vogelsang, C. A., Blauer-Peterson, C., & Howell, E. A. (2016). Modeling the Cost-Effectiveness of Doula Care Associated with Reductions in Preterm Birth and Cesarean Delivery. Birth (Berkeley, Calif.), 43(1), 20–27. https://doi.org/10.1111/birt.12218

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28681500/
Bohren, M. A., Hofmeyr, G. J., Sakala, C., Fukuzawa, R. K., & Cuthbert, A. (2017). Continuous support for women during childbirth. The Cochrane database of systematic reviews, 7(7), CD003766. https://doi.org/10.1002/14651858.CD003766.pub6
 

Evidence Based Birth has a good article on the benefits of doula support.
https://evidencebasedbirth.com/the-evidence-for-doulas/

0 Comments

Erasing women in women's health

4/2/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture

Unseen, uncelebrated, identity smothered, silenced, erased. We no longer celebrate womanhood in maternity. We no longer openly celebrate and cherish motherhood like we did. A small portion of people want to do the same thing without identifying with the language we’ve always used so they are attempting to erase womanhood as we know it. 
 
Imagine for a moment if we approached race as we do gender inclusive language. Imagine if it was no longer deemed appropriate to talk about race or ethnicity because it’s not inclusive of all people. Imagine if one person talking about their own race sparked outrage by others who identify differently for not being included. What if a person couldn’t say they were white or black or Hispanic? What if they were corrected in their language every time they made a post or comment on Facebook? Would they feel unseen? Would they feel they couldn’t openly celebrate their heritage and what it means to them? What if we heard their concerns over the erasure and people responded with statements like “It’s not erasure; it’s inclusion.” or “You are included when we say person. You are a person, aren’t you?” It’s erasure. 
 
Womanhood is something to celebrate. Women are amazing. Women are strong. So much has been done in recent decades to fight for women and give us our rights. Many women in the world are still fighting for fair treatment and equal rights. We trash that effort when we strip the gender of an entire group. Women are given unique roles different from men. God saw fit to allow women to carry life inside them and bring children into this world. Women are gifted with motherhood. 
 
We spend years dreaming of the day we’ll become a wife and dreaming of becoming a mother. From the time we are young girls, we think on these things. We grow up looking forward to that season. We wait for it. We pray for it. And when it comes, we celebrate the unique gifts of womanhood. We walk in tradition. We closely carry our family values. Generations of women come together to share their wisdom. We have bridal showers and baby showers. These things are deeply meaningful to us. We invest so much into who we will grow into as a wife and a mother. These are joyous passages, a passage and role offered only to women.  
 
And then there are the thieves of such rites of passage. In recent years, we’ve been pressured to change our language. Say spouse instead of husband and wife. Say partner because not everyone is married. But the real fire has been taken to mothers. Women get pregnant. Women give birth. Women breastfeed. Albeit challenging, women cherish these privileges of motherhood. We celebrate these things. This is the only thing that has always been the woman’s domain. Traditionally, men lead and they are the head of the household still in many places. But this space – this is a woman’s sacred space. All things maternity have been torched by the destructive flames of relabeling womanhood with broader human terms, new words that are inclusive to females that do not identify as a woman. “Pregnant woman” has been erased and replaced with “pregnant person”. A “person with a uterus” replaces woman. The act of breastfeeding has been renamed “chest-feeding” because not everyone identifies with breastfeeding. Now some say we should call it “body-feeding” because not everyone identifies with chest-feeding. It is literally breastfeeding. The chest is behind the breast. The word breast is an anatomical term. It is an appropriate clinical term. It is not a nickname. Whether or not someone wants to call it a breast is up to them, but telling other people not to use clinical terms because they don’t identify with that language is insane. Some are even forgoing the term “mother” in favor of the term “parent” because not every female identifies as a mother. They call it inclusiveness as they cover up traditional womanhood and make it available to anyone who wants the unique gifts of being a woman when they do not identify as a woman. They’ve stripped women of birth too. Instead of saying “birthing woman” or “laboring mom” they’ve introduced and made mainstream terms like “birthing parent” and “birther”. They have stripped the identity of the birthing woman down to a mere act. It sounds like something from The Handmaid’s Tale in which a woman is dehumanized into nothing more than a “birther”. I’ve even seen some extremists use the term “gestational parent” because not every “pregnant person” identifies as pregnant. Again, pregnancy and birth are not nicknames. These are the proper terms.
 
To recap the growing insanity, here are the words they want us to replace so everyone feels included.
  • Woman = person
  • Pregnant woman = pregnant person, gestational parent
  • Birthing woman = birthing person, birther, birthing body/bodies, birthing people, birthing folks
  • Laboring mom = person in labor
  • Breastfeeding = chest-feeding, body-feeding
  • Breastfeeding mother = lactating parent  
  • Mother’s milk = human milk
  • Mother = parent
  • Ladies = highly offensive
 
Husband is a wrong assumption. Partner is best. Although birth partner is better because that way you’re not assuming their relationship status. Other suggest saying support person is ideal because they may not be in a relationship. Brothers and sisters are siblings unless otherwise identified. A person’s nieces and nephews are niblings.
 
And let’s not forget pronouns: she/her, he/him, they/them, and then there are some alternative made-up words that start with z and have no gender. It is encouraged to use they/them until you know someone’s pronouns.
 
They’re not going to stop there. Anatomy is deemed offensive too because not everyone identifies with the clinical terms. Words like vagina and uterus or penis now have alternative terms that are not the proper clinical terms so that people can identify with a vaguer term that is not specific to the actual body part. Some suggestions from this crowd include saying external genitals instead of penis, internal genitals instead of vagina, external gonads for testicles, internal gonads for ovaries, internal reproductive organs for female reproductive organs, opening of the genitals instead of opening of the vagina, external genital area instead of vulva, anyone who has a cervix instead of women or females getting their pap, and the insanity spirals on. Because healthcare is an area that you want to be vague in and not actually make sure patients have understanding of their health? To be even more extreme, it is suggested that “women’s health” is not inclusive of females across the gender spectrum.
 
Sadly, multiple organizations for women’s health are now requiring gender inclusive language in their literature. Even organizations for lactation consultants have banned the use of words like breastfeeding or woman because it’s not inclusive. It blows my mind that people who have an entire career for help with breastfeeding are not actually supposed to use the word breastfeeding.
 
Gender dysphoria is a mental illness. Biological sex is gender. There are two: males/men and females/women. God created them male and female. The gender identity spectrum introduced by feminists less than 50 years ago is of the devil. This is not science. This is sociology. These people now say that there are over 100 genders. They expand it every few years. They’re not very clear on it because everything is unclear in this snare of Satan. The nature of sin is confusion and destruction. This is their agenda: normalize and accept sin and force people to glorify the works of demons because they are offended by the things of God. The Lord Jesus made gender and he made gender roles in the family structure that he designed. It is not God’s design for men to try to be women. Nor is it love to affirm such destruction. Godly love and worldly love are not the same. If a child wants to touch a hot stove, does their mother let them because they don’t want to upset them? Of course, not! You wouldn’t encourage a person to do something physically harmful. Why demand approval of something psychologically harmful? Love does not lie. Love offers truth with gentleness. Love gives clarity. It is not loving others to play into delusions of mental illness that desperately need counseling. Nor is it love to affirm such things as normal or acceptable. As for me, I will not be using the devil’s language as a way of pacifying bondage and mental torment.
 
Men cannot get pregnant. Men cannot give birth. Men cannot breastfeed. There is no such thing as chest-feeding. Men cannot be a mother. God gave those gifts to women and it’s not a man’s place to pretend it’s his role.
 
If you can get pregnant, you are a woman. If you are a female, you are a woman. You may not be a girly-girl and that’s perfectly fine. High heels and hairspray may not be your thing. That’s not what makes you a woman. Your clothing, your appearance, your interests do not define your womanhood. You were uniquely created by God. You are uniquely gifted to do the things that only a woman can do. It doesn’t matter what gender roles look like to someone else. If it’s different for you, that doesn’t invalidate your gender as a woman. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You are still a woman.
 
What do we do about this erasure?
 
Do not fear. Do not be afraid of what people will think. Do not worry about what people will say. This is not an attack on trans people. This is a defense of women. The liberals who push such agenda are quick to anger. They are quick to label things hateful. They call every non-affirming space unsafe. Having no respect for people with conservative views, they shout labels of phobia as a way to silence conservatives. Too many are afraid to be accused of not being inclusive or affirming. Why do you fear not being liked by the world? Shouldn’t you be more afraid to be going against God?
 
Take back womanhood and motherhood. Use the language we’ve always used. Make no apologies for holding dear your identity or traditions. Refuse to use the alternative language. Leave the spaces that do twist gender. Those spaces are not for you. Cherish womanhood. Cherish women experiencing the gift of pregnancy and birth and breastfeeding. Cherish motherhood. Celebrate these women and their blessings. Value what mothers do. Let no lie come out of your mouth to appease what is destruction. Speak truth. Defend truth. Stand with God. Use biblical language. Embrace gender as God designed it.
 
There is a time to be friendly and walk away from confrontation, and there is a time to take a stand. It’s time to defend womanhood. It’s time to push back against the erasure of women in women’s health, maternity, and motherhood.
 
0 Comments

Standing firm in favor of traditional gendered language

4/2/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture

Do you remember the first time you heard or saw somebody say not to use gendered pronouns? Wait, what? It was a confusing thing to see, but you maybe shook your head and brushed it off as that one person being a bit far out there. And then you heard it more and more. You started to see she/her listed in bios and emails. What? And then it became a growing topic on social media. Eventually it made the news and became somewhat mainstream. It’s infiltrated some schools now. At some point, there was a shift from people using inclusive language to people banning traditional gendered language. I first saw it in Facebook groups for women’s health. It was jolting and bizarre. Then in another group and another group. Then entire groups banned the use of words like women, mother, breastfeeding….in groups for women’s health. As a doula, I couldn’t wrap my head around this. These are the words we’ve used our entire lives. Since when are they offensive? Where is this coming from? It hasn’t been around that long and now the language we’ve used for thousands of years has been banned in some places.
 
What do you do when you’re presented with this issue?
 
You want to respect people. You want to be kind. You want to avoid arguments. Kindness can be hard when people on social media are angry and hateful. How do you handle it when someone tells you to change your language? Let’s talk about a couple different approaches.
 
While some choose to use the alternative terms and do not push their views on others, it has become commonplace for people to correct another person’s language or tell them they need to change it. What do you do when someone confronts you about your use of traditional language?
 
1: Refuse to be baited.
You don’t have to respond. You can carry on with the language you use. Be confident. The social media language police are not your people, not your village, and not people you are required to have this conversation with.
 
2: Disconnect from spaces that don’t align with your values.
Leave those groups. Consider your friendship with those people. Who do you want to be connected with? Clear up your surroundings.
 
3: Stand firm.
Wishy washy is nothing worth respecting. Apologizing is weak. I can respect a person I completely disagree with if they are genuine in their views. Be straightforward with what you stand for. You don’t have to give an explanation. It’s not up to anyone else to validate. You can say “I use traditional gendered language.” or “I use biblical language.” or “I don’t believe in using alternative language.” If you need to, be straightforward and say “I will not be changing the language I personally choose.” Perhaps, throw in your rights “I have the right to free speech in America and you do not have the right to dictate what I can and can’t say.” Let go of wanting people to like you. Be authentic to who you are and what you believe.
 
4: If necessary, point out any behavior that is aggressive or inappropriate.
  • “I see this is something you feel strongly about. Many of us do. However, you’re being aggressive and disrespectful.”
  • “I’m ending the conversation here because you are unable to speak in a civil manner.”
  • “Your behavior is inappropriate. The way you’re talking to people that view things differently than you says a lot about your character.”
  • “Being hateful towards people that view things differently than you is hardly an effective way to be inclusive of all people.”
  • “You’re exploding your emotions on people who have different religious beliefs than you. It’s not appropriate to try to change someone else’s deeply held beliefs to match yours. You need to respect the diversity of people.”
 
5: From time to time, we find ourselves dealing with a particularly explosive person who is angry and doesn’t control their emotions well. If you are in person with this confrontation, walk away. Document it if you need to. If this is taking place on social media, you can ignore the attacks. You also have the option of asking them some direct questions.
  • Do you realize you are trying to control people by insisting they use the language you prefer? How is that different than someone telling you that you have to use traditional language and accept it?
  • Do you respect people that hold traditional views?
  • Do you think people who follows religions such as Christianity or Judaism or Islam have the right to practice their religious beliefs on gender? Does that include using the language practiced in their religions?
  • Do you find it appropriate to pressure people to violate their religious beliefs or lifestyles?
  • Do you think everyone should have to use gender neutral language unless an individual specifies a gender?
  • Are you willing to be inclusive of people that are different than you? Doesn’t being inclusive of all include conservatives?
  • What are your goals with this conversation?
  • How do you see your behavior right now?
 
Speak gently. Stand firm. Stand with God. Don’t let today’s controversial issues hinder your walk with Jesus or your boldness to represent your faith. It’s really that simple. Refuse to partake in the push to erase gendered pronouns. Carry on speaking the language you always have. Let go of fear. Hold on to faith. Be confident. Carry on.
 
0 Comments

Reasons for and against gender inclusive language in healthcare

3/2/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture

This blog is part 1 in a 3-part series on gender inclusive language.
 
Language changes over time. Words fall out of use. New words become common. Language has always evolved. This is different. This isn’t simply changing a word. It’s changing identity. It’s changing the way we see gender. To some, it’s inclusion. To others, it’s erasure. For the lay person, they can easily choose their language freely and they choose their social circle. For those in healthcare, you’ll find yourself being faced with taking care of all types of people and trying to find the right words to make everyone feel respected. Do you keep with tradition or do you step back from personal identity to use more broad terms for all people?
 
Let’s look at the reasons people choose to be for or against this change.
 
 
Reasons for
  1. You want to show you are LGBT affirming and you are an ally to the community. 
  2. You want people who do identify differently to feel safe and comfortable with you. 
  3. You want to remove any barriers that could hinder communication with your patient/client. 
 
Reasons against
  1. Not everyone identifies with the same terms. What is appreciated by one person may be highly offensive to another. The alternative language is continuously changing. 
  2. Health professionals need to be using clinical terms. This has gone so far as some saying we should not use the clinical terms for reproductive health because not everybody identifies with those terms. Those against this practice feel it most professional to use clinical terms.
  3. Point blank asking a person their gender identity is as intrusive as asking someone their sexual orientation. It is not respectful to ask someone their pronouns. It is an intrusion on a personal matter that they may not want to share with you. Let people come out to you when they are ready. Let it be their choice and their timing. Imagine being in the closet and having someone put you on the spot by asking if you’re gay. That’s intrusive. So is asking someone their gender identity. Maybe they do identify differently. Maybe they’re trying to figure it out. Maybe they prefer to keep things private. If they want you to know, they can tell you.
  4. For the people who struggle with feeling not feminine enough or not masculine enough, the question of their gender is deeply hurtful. A traditional woman who secretly thinks her face is too boyish can be upset and self-conscious for days by the simple question of her pronouns. A man who is self-conscious about the tone of his voice not being stereo-typically manly may carry those negative thoughts for years if someone questions his gender. It is wounding to question someone’s gender.
  5. Making assumptions about people who are gay that they must not be cisgendered can be a very hurtful approach. While sexuality and gender are intertwined, they are different. Many LGB are not also part of the T or non-binary. It’s not appropriate to assume everyone in the gay community wants to be stripped of their gender pronouns. There are quite a few gay folks who are conservative on this matter.
  6. You believe gender and biological sex are one in the same. It was the late 1970s when feminists started teaching gender was a social construct and could be different than the gender traditionally associated with biological sex. After thousands of years with traditional gender, this theory on gender being a social construct has been around barely 50 years. The theory has made its way through academia in America and some of the UK while the majority of the world maintains man and woman as the only two genders. Those who follow this sociological theory continue to expand the genders now holding that there are 72 (up from 58 just a few years ago). Other sources now say there are over 100 genders. It is increasingly messy and unclear.
  7. You believe gender dysphoria is a mental illness and/or that gender identities contrary to biological sex are damaging to mental health.
  8. You also recognize many of these people de-transition and have shared how harmful it was for people to affirm that identity. The community of people who have left the LGBT lifestyle or identity are a group that is completely ignored by those on the other side of this controversy. They will be your patients too. Listen to their voice too. If they tell you it was harmful to them to affirm what they later walked away from, listen.
  9. You find it psychologically damaging to raise a child without the mainstay of gender in their identity. As a generation has infiltrated these alternative gender beliefs into their lifestyles, they are having children they choose not to assign a gender to. Babies who are neither a boy or girl are called “theybies” and young children are not given a gender identity until they decide if they want to be a boy or girl or something else or something fluid.
  10. It goes against your religious beliefs. Major religions such as Christianity, Judaism, and Islam all have religious beliefs on gender and gender roles. Telling a Christian they must violate their religious beliefs as a requirement of the job is the same as telling a Muslim they must go against their beliefs to remain employed. There are also many parts of the world where gender and gender roles have deeply held cultural beliefs.
 
The above reasons are different perspectives and it’s up to you as the healthcare professional how you approach language in your patient care. You are free to choose traditional language or gender-neutral language. What happens when it’s not your choice anymore? Is it ethical for employers to require gender neutral language knowing that it goes against the religious beliefs of some employees? What about deeply held philosophical beliefs? Respecting cultural beliefs of immigrants?
 
Is it ethical to require or expect people to use this alternative language that violates their deeply held beliefs? What impact will it have on healthcare either way?
 
I stand for freedom. People are free to label themselves as they wish. They should not infringe upon other’s freedom to their chosen speech or their freedom to practice their religion. Is it ethical to require employees to use language that violates their own beliefs? No. Is it ethical to control other people? No. Insisting others use gender inclusive language is no different than insisting others use traditional language. The root is control.
 
The agenda is to erase gender as we know it. What happens when gender changes? Gender roles change. Family structure changes. The family unit changes. The family as a core pillar of society changes. With the waves of change and uncertainty, the pillars crumble. The foundations of faith and family shatter. The fruit of this plant is bitter and destructive.
 
If you are against language that erases gender, stand firm in your faith. Continue to speak the traditional language. If you need some ideas for how to respond when confronted with this matter, click here to read part 2 in this blog series.
0 Comments

Thoughts and reflections two years after becoming an ex-gay

30/1/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture
For years I prayed God would take the sinful desire from me as I had one hand lifted towards heaven and another hand clenched holding on to my bisexual identity. I didn’t know how to lay it down. I didn’t know how to let go. I didn’t know I needed to surrender. 
 
In December of 2019 Jesus broke my chains and delivered me from my bondage. After nearly 20 years of being bisexual and that foundation being laid firm long before I became a Christian in 2005, it was an adjustment to learn my new identity. I “came out” as delivered in a blog a few weeks later in January of 2020. You can find that blog here. Over the last two years I’ve realized a few things in hindsight that I can see clearly now. I’d like to share those things with you. 
 
Most days it seems so far away now. I’ve moved on with my life. From time to time, I see or hear something that reminds me of my former struggles. I don’t want to forget what God has brought me out of or the clarity that he’s given me. If you are seeking answers on this topic or trying to navigate your own path, I hope something here offers you a lantern in the darkness.
 
These things may seem simple, but I lost sight of the basics when I was caught up in confusion. Everything became so foggy. When a matter confuses us, we need to go back to basics sometimes and check our foundation. 
 
Same-sex attraction is a normal desire of the flesh. It’s not uncommon. It’s no different than the desire for fulfilling heterosexual attraction outside of marriage. God designed sex to be within marriage. Fornication is sin. Adultery is sin. Let’s not stigmatize people who are same-sex attracted like their sin is far worse than the rest. It’s not. We should talk openly about it in the same way we teach unmarried people to refrain from fulfilling sexual desires outside of marriage. 
 
Sin ensnares. It takes you further than you thought you’d go. It pulls you away from God. It makes you question who you are and where you belong. It chains you and drags you. It takes you down a path so far from who you were that you don’t recognize yourself when you look in the mirror. The deception is that it feels like freedom at first. It feels liberating to give in. You think you’re free from the battle because you’ve given up the good fight. It is not freedom. It is a surrender to captivity. It is to become owned by what destroys your soul (even if it satisfies for flesh for a season).
 
What you feed will grow. Feed the spirit and you will grow. Feed the sin and it will grow. I’m not saying denial and self-discipline will take away the desire completely. I’m saying if you feed it then it will grow. If you are listening to LGBT affirming music, those thoughts will be in your head. If you are feeding your mind with LGBT matters, it will always be on your mind. If you embrace it, it’ll wrap itself around you. If you claim it, it’ll claim you.
 
When you claim it as your identity, you give it residence. You label it “this is me” you are labeling it a part of you. You welcome its stay. When you are identifying with sin, you’ve lost sight of your identity in Christ. 
 
Isolation is the devil’s way of keeping people in bondage. Keeping this struggle to yourself is a surefire way to block yourself from the power of praying friends and fellowship with those who will encourage you to stay the path of following Jesus.
 
Bondage blurs your vision. You can’t see things straight when you’re caught up in something that is destroying you. You can study the scripture and it becomes unclear. You become unsure of things you were once solid on. You question your very identity. You question your faith. You question God. You wonder if he even wants you anymore.
 
You are not outcast from Christ. Churches and Christians may outcast and stigmatize, but Jesus doesn’t trash people. He still wants you. He still loves you. Read that again. 
 
Denying the sinful desires of the flesh is part of walking the faith. The bible says other sins are committed outside the body but sexual sin is against your own body (1 Cor. 6:18). That verse is followed by a reminder that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and you were bought with a price so glorify God with your body. Maybe that’s why this area is such a hard area to discipline ourselves. We’re not hurting other people or sinning against other people with this. We’re hurting ourselves. It is a normal human desire to crave intimacy with others. We were designed for connection. It is always a great discipline to deny oneself the fulfilling of sexual desires outside of marriage. 
 
Holiness is still an instruction we must all obey. God doesn’t call us to be straight; he calls us to be holy. Choosing to walk with Jesus is choosing to obey his ways. 
 
Same-sex attraction is not sin; living out the desire is. Identifying with sin is sinful in itself. What is the nature of sin? It destroys. It crumbles. It decays. It pulls us away from Jesus. If anything is causing a wedge to be driven between you and your walk with God, don’t chase after that thing. Chase after Jesus. Walk with him. Choose His ways no matter how you feel. As long as we are on this earth, we will have to battle our fleshly desires for sin in one way or another. Don’t get so focused on your desire for sin that you lose focus on the fact that you choose to refrain from indulging in any and all sin for the sake of the faith.
 
Deliverance from bondage is real and powerful and available to those who will surrender to Jesus. Yes, it’s real. I am genuinely no longer attracted to women. I am genuinely attracted to men now. I am a changed person. Jesus still transforms lives. He still heals. He still overcomes. He still breaks the chains. He still releases people from bondage. He still sets the captive free. If this sin has ensnared you whether that be in desire alone or being caught up in living out the desire, seek deliverance. There is freedom. You may think you have to spend the rest of your life suffering with denying the desires of the flesh. For some, that is what we do as Christians for the sake of following Christ. For some, the desires remain and we have to choose not to live it out or identify with it or feed our minds with it. I want to validate those who have that thorn in their side yet carry on walking the path of holiness. I see your struggle and I see your faith. Well done, servant. You have chosen the greater path. And I want you to know that there are those of us who have come out of that struggle and been set free. Don’t ever stop seeking deliverance. More importantly, don’t ever stop chasing holiness. You are His. Let nothing else claim you. When anything tries to pull you away from God, follow Him all the more.
 
…And then…..there is the crossroads…..
What will you do with these thoughts? For me, I chose to follow Jesus. I chose to rededicate my life to Him in all areas including the areas that broke me. I made the decision to go back to walking in His ways. For the first time, I surrendered my bisexual identity. I laid down the label. I let go of the “this is me” and fixed my eyes on righteousness. It wasn’t many days after that he gave me the kindness of deliverance. I realize not everyone receives that instant breakthrough. I know not all Christians who battle this get to fully break free. For some, the struggle remains. For others, they lose the attraction but find it comes back around to consume. Will you follow the flesh or follow the faith? It’s your decision to make…but you have to make the decision. In the same way we decide every day how we will live, we must decide every day to seek purity. If you stumble as all Christians do, get back on the path. What will you do? How will you live? It’s not about how you feel. It’s about how you live. Pursue holiness. Live for the Lord.
0 Comments

Prayer precedes revival

27/11/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
Prayer precedes revival.
 
What do you think of when you hear the word revival? Maybe large gatherings cross your mind, a lot of visitors at church, a special event, a guest preacher that travels the country. Maybe you think of revival sweeping the nation and our country turning to the Lord. Do you ever think about your own revival?
 
The definition of revival is
  1. An improvement in the condition or strength of something
  2. An instance of something becoming popular, active, or important again
  3. A new production of an old play or similar work
 
The word REVIVE is a verb. A verb is an action word. To revive something means to regain life or consciousness or strength, give new strength or energy to, or improve the condition of.
Some synonyms: resuscitate, reinvigorate, revitalize, refresh, bring back, bring to life, recover, rescue, enliven, breathe new life into
 
How many of you need revival in your spiritual life? How many of us need to find the fire again? How many of us hunger for the chain-breaking, life-changing kind of breakthrough worship and prayer, but we can’t seem to press into His presence like we used to? Our prayer life feels a bit dry. We’ve been busy. We’ve been stressed. We’ve been distracted. Maybe we’ve been depressed, empty, tired deep down in our spirits.
 
How’s your prayer life?
 
How’s your bible study been lately?
 
How’s your time with the Lord each week?
 
Prayer precedes revival.
Prayer precedes restoration.
Prayer precedes deliverance.
Prayer precedes chains being broken.
Prayer precedes breakthrough.
Prayer precedes the healing.
 
If you’ve been numb and emptied and tired for a while, you may not feel much when you pray. You may feel like you can’t pray. You can’t get a hold of God like you used to. You don’t feel his presence like you did before.
 
Pray anyway.
Pray again.
Pray habitually.
And eventually things will start to change.
 
Your mindset will change. Your eyes will be fixed on what they should be. You may be in the desert right now, but I know a God that can give living water even in the desert. Surround yourself with people that know how to pray. Surround yourself in an atmosphere of worship even if you don’t feel anything right now. Go to church. Go to bible study. Get in the prayer room. Even if you just sit there and can’t find the words to say, get in the atmosphere. Jesus is in the room.
 
Pray anyway.
 
If you need revival…
If you need restoration…
If you need healing…
If you need direction…
If you need answers…
If you need deliverance…
If you need to feel the consuming fire of the Holy Spirit…
If you need to feel alive again…
If you need to get in the presence of Jesus and feel Him move in your life…
 
Pray.
 
Prayer precedes revival.
0 Comments

Low-budget meals for large family gatherings

23/10/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
Potlucks, family get-togethers, and holidays are a time of warmth, laughter, memories, and…. good food. What do you do if your budget is pennies to spare? Y’all can’t afford to eat out. You can’t afford to buy something. Groceries are increasingly expensive. Do you skip the gathering? Not host this time? Or do you think about what tasty homemade meals you can whip up without having to empty your wallet? Here are some ideas for low-budget meals with the large family gathering in mind.
 
Make sure you get your copy of my book, Happily Frugal: a wise money management workbook. It has over 700 ways to save money. If this topic is something you need, there is a chapter on feeding a family frugally.
 
BEVERAGES
So, what about drinks? Buying juice or soda for a big group is a bit pricey.
  • Water – iced water from the tap or bottled water from a pack
  • Tea from tea bags – buy a big box of black tea and make your own tea
  • Coffee – buy the big container of your main coffee and get the coffee pot going
  • Hot chocolate from a container
 
BREAKFAST
Is your crew staying over? Breakfast is the cheapest meal of the day.
  • Eggs are a healthy food that is very low-cost.
  • Oatmeal from steel cut oats or packaged instant oatmeal
  • Cream of wheat
  • Pancakes – buy the store brand of boxed pancakes and bake your pancakes in a 13X9 dish for just a few dollars
  • Waffles
  • French toast
  • Biscuits and gravy
  • Breakfast potato dish
  • Sides
    • Toast and butter, jelly, or jam
    • Biscuits
    • Hash browns  
    • Muffins
    • Bagels  
    • Hard boiled eggs
 
LUNCH OR DINNER
Need to cook for a crowd, but not spend much?
Tips:
  1. Go vegetarian.
  2. Cook from scratch.
  3. Come together and assign different dishes to each household attending.
 
These are super cheap meals that will feed a large group.
  • Soups
  • Vegetarian chili in the slow cooker
  • Goulash (use kidney beans instead of meat)
  • Spaghetti with kidney beans instead of meat
  • Any pasta that is noodles and sauce with veggies or beans
  • Slow cooker veggie stew with potatoes, carrots, green beans, and cabbage (top with sour cream)
  • Chicken and dumplings  
  • Soup casserole – cans of cream of ____ soup (I prefer celery), cans of veggies (green beans, carrots, you can add corn), and top with biscuit batter. It’s like a big pot pie. Instead of biscuit batter, you can also top this dish with Hawaiian sweet rolls.
  • Pantry dump casserole – This is where you get creative and make it work with what you’ve got
  • Spanish rice casserole  
  • Fried rice with veggies
  • Green peppers stuffed with Spanish rice and ketchup
  • Burritos
  • Fish fillets as the main dish
  • You can buy a large bag of chicken for not too much. One person buy that and have other people contribute the sides.  
 
Side dishes
  • Vegetables from the garden
  • Bread and butter is a classic budget side dish
  • Rolls
  • Stuffing from the box is one of the cheapest side dishes
  • Rice – white rice, Spanish rice, flavored rice
  • Beans – baked beans, refried beans, lima beans, there are so many kinds of beans that are very cheap
  • Mashed potatoes
  • Baked potatoes
  • Tater tots
  • Corn
  • Green beans
  • Carrots
  • Fried pickles
  • Fried tomatoes
  • Cornbread
  • Applesauce
  • Baked apples
 
DESSERT
  • A box of popcorn goes a long way for a few dollars.
  • Bake a cake from scratch. Even from a box mix, cake is cheap and feeds a lot.
  • Brownies are a good option too.
  • Apple crumble
  • Homemade pie is affordable. Apple pie and pumpkin pie are some of the cheapest.
  • Bake cookies from scratch.
  • Make pudding.
  • Fudge  
  • Bread – There are so many types of bread you can make from scratch for little money. Apple cinnamon bread, banana bread, blueberries, strawberries, pumpkin bread, zucchini bread, and more. You can also make mini bread loafs from muffin mix.
 
Whether you’re getting ready for the holidays when finances have been tough this year or you’ve been blessed with many children and have a lot of mouths to feed every day, I hope this blog helps you get more food with the money you have.

Don’t forget to grab your print copy of Happily Frugal.

0 Comments

Low-cost meals

22/10/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
This is taken from the book, Happily Frugal: a wise money management workbook. In chapter 12, I teach about feeding a family frugally. Check out that book here and get your copy today.
Here is a list of low budget foods. I hope this helps you have more to eat on a tight budget.
 
BEVERAGES
  • Water from the tap if it’s safe or use store brand bottled water bought in large cases
  • Tea from bags or loose tea
  • Powdered lemonade
  • Hot chocolate
  • Coffee, homemade
  • Homemade iced coffee 
  • Fruit smoothies from homegrown berries
 
BREAKFAST
  • Eggs 
  • Oatmeal from steel cut oats or packaged instant oatmeal
  • Cream of wheat
  • Pancakes
  • Waffles
  • French toast
  • Biscuits and gravy
  • Breakfast potato dish
  • Sides
    • Toast and butter, jelly, or jam
    • Biscuits
    • Hash browns  
    • Muffins
    • Bagels  
    • Hard boiled eggs
 
SNACKS
  • Yogurt
  • Apples
  • Bananas
  • Blueberries
  • Grapes  
  • Strawberries
  • Carrots dipped in ranch
  • Cucumbers dipped in ranch
  • Celery and peanut butter
  • Apple cinnamon chips
  • Dill pickles
  • Sliced tomato, salted
  • Some peppers can be eaten as a snack
  • Popcorn
  • Potato chips
  • Tortilla chips and dip
  • Nachos and cheese  
  • Quesadillas
  • Pretzels
  • Nuts such as honey roasted peanuts
  • Trail mix
  • Crackers and peanut butter
  • Cheese and crackers
  • Graham crackers
  • Fruit and grain bars
  • Granola bars
  • Toast with jelly or jam or preserves
  • Bread and butter
  • Hard boiled eggs
  • Pizza rolls
  • Pin rolls
 
LUNCH (higher carb meals)
Casseroles, sandwiches, subs, pizza, pasta
  • Pot pies
  • Chicken and dumplings casserole
  • Casserole dish of potatoes, carrots, chicken, and cream of soup
  • Pantry dump casserole – canned veggies, canned cream of soups, topped with biscuit mix
  • Peanut butter sandwich
  • Grilled cheese  
  • Chicken patty sandwiches
  • Turkey dogs or hot dogs
  • BLT (bacon, lettuce, and tomato on bread with mayo)
  • Tuna sandwich
  • Lunch meat sandwich 
  • Sloppy joes
  • Burgers
  • Pizza
  • Macaroni and cheese
  • Goulash  
  • Chili mac 
  • Spanish rice casserole
  • Tuna noodles
  • Cheesy potato and green beans casserole
  • Chicken and broccoli alfredo
  • Spaghetti (leave out the meat to save money)
  • Chili Sgetti (angel noodles, red kidney beans, diced tomatoes, sauce)
  • Ravioli
  • Any pastas that don’t require meat or expensive cheese
 
DINNER (lower carb meals)
Salads, soups, stews, chili, stir fry, tacos, burritos, fajitas, wraps, chicken, fish 
  • Salad
  • Tomato soup
  • Potato and broccoli soup
  • Chicken noodle soup
  • Chicken and veggies soup
  • Veggie soup
  • Veggie stew (potatoes, carrots, green beans, corn)
  • Chicken and dumplings 
  • Cabbage rolls with turkey sausage
  • Chili
  • Chicken stir fry (chicken, veggies, peppers)
  • Stuffed green peppers
  • Potatoes and hash
  • Tacos
  • Burritos
  • Veggie fajitas (peppers, tomatoes, sauce, in a wrap)
  • Chicken fajitas
  • Turkey wrap
  • Fried chicken
  • Chicken strips
  • Baked chicken (lots of recipes that fit a low budget)
  • Country fried chicken topped with white gravy
  • Chicken nuggets
  • Filet of fish
 
SIDE DISHES
  • All things potato
    • Mashed potatoes 
    • Baked potatoes
    • Fries
    • Potato wedges
    • Hash browns
    • Tater tots
    • Scalloped potatoes
    • Baked sweet potatoes
    • Sweet potato fries
    • Yams
  • Carrots
  • Peas
  • Green beans
  • Corn
  • Broccoli
  • Brussel sprouts 
  • Fried squash
  • Butternut squash fries
  • Roasted butternut squash
  • Fried tomatoes
  • Baked or fried apples
  • Applesauce
  • Baked beans
  • Rice: white, brown, or Spanish rice (all are very cheap)
  • Packages of flavored rice
  • Fried rice with vegetables
  • Stuffing
  • Cornbread
  • Deviled eggs
  • Onion rings
  • Coleslaw
  • Macaroni salad
  • Potato salad
  • Rolls
  • Garlic bread
  • Bread and butter
  • Fish sticks  
 
DESSERT  
  • Ice cream
  • Frozen yogurt
  • Frozen pudding
  • Hot or cold pudding
  • Popcorn
  • Cake – homemade cake even from a box is very affordable
  • Dump cake
  • Cupcakes  
  • Homemade funnel cake
  • Churros
  • Bread pudding 
  • Brownies    
  • Gelatin dessert   
  • Cookies
  • Pie
  • Apple crumble  
  • Blueberry buckle
  • Buckeyes
  • Peanut butter fudge
  • Puppy chow
  • Smores
  • Smores in a pan
  • Rice Krispie treats
  • Potato candy
  • Caramel apples
What are some low-cost meals you have in your family? Comment below.
We all have times that money is extra tight and the food budget is crunched. Here is a list of extremely low budget foods.
 
  • Water from the tap
  • Anything from the garden
  • Eggs
  • Steel cut oats
  • Pancakes
  • Biscuits
  • Homemade bread 
 
  • Sandwiches
    • Peanut butter  
    • Grilled cheese  
    • Tuna  
    • Egg salad
    • Mayo, lettuce, and tomato  
  • Pantry dump casserole
  • Veggie stew (potatoes, carrots, cabbage, top with sour cream)
  • Vegetarian chili
  • Tuna noodles
  • Any pasta that is noodles with sauce and veggies or beans, but no meat or expensive cheese
  • Boxed mac and cheese
  • Spanish rice casserole
  • Bean burritos
 
  • Potatoes any way you like them
  • Green beans
  • Corn 
  • Cornbread
  • Stuffing
  • Beans
  • Rice (white, brown, Spanish, packets of flavored rice)
I hope this is helpful to you. If you would benefit from more ways to save money, invest in a copy of Happily Frugal. Get your copy today.
0 Comments

How to battle spiritually: advice for Christians

17/10/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
Be rooted. Be guarded. Be disciplined.
 
Have you ever wondered how to actually go about battling something spiritually? We’ve all heard people talk about being in battle or having something they struggle with that they’re trying to overcome. A battle is more than a struggle. A battle is a strategy to be victorious over the enemy.

Be rooted.

Know truth. If you don’t know truth from falsehood, you’re going to be fighting in a fog with no solid sense of direction. Read your bible.
Psalm 119:105 (NASB)
Your word is a lamp to my feet
And a light to my path.

Be consuming the Word of God. How often are you reading your bible? Has it been a couple of weeks or even a couple of months? This is your spiritual nutrition. Are you well-nourished in your bible study?
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 (NASB)
These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. And you shall repeat them diligently to your sons and speak of them when you sit in your house, when you walk on the road, when you lie down, and when you get up. You shall also tie them as a sign to your hand, and they shall be as frontlets on your forehead. You shall also write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Pray. How often are you talking to God? Daily? Only when you need something? Like any relationship, no communication isn’t much of a relationship. Are you spending time with the Lord? Are you listening? Do you have the Holy Spirit living inside of you? Can you find a moment? If you’re too busy to pray, you’re too busy. Reorder your priorities. Even if your prayer time in the morning is turning off your radio on your drive to work and using that time to talk to God, you can make time for Jesus. Have a routine if you need to. In the moment that you’re struggling, you need to step aside from everything and start praying.
Colossians 4:2 (NASB)
Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving;

Be guarded.

Know that the devil prowls around like a predator looking for who he can devour. You are not exempt from temptation. Know that these temptations will come and we have a way to overcome.
1 Peter 5:8-9 (NIV)
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Know what is sin. It is important that you’re paying attention when the bible calls something a sin and it is important that you choose a church that isn’t afraid to preach what is right and what is wrong.
2 Timothy 2:19 (NIV)
Nevertheless, God’s solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and, “Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.”

Also know your own weaknesses. We all have things that are a problem area for us. Be especially guarded against your own weaknesses. Use the scriptures on that topic as tools to keep your mind on the right track. Write down the verses that help you resist the temptation and stay strong in your conviction.
Psalm 119:133 (NIV)
Direct my footsteps according to your word;
let no sin rule over me.

Know what is righteousness. Are you striving to live like Jesus? Are you striving to live in a holy manner?
Romans 6:11-23 (NIV)
In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace. What then? Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? By no means! Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. I am using an example from everyday life because of your human limitations. Just as you used to offer yourselves as slaves to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness. When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Watch where you step. Don’t tempt yourself. Guard your thoughts against the temptations of the flesh.
Romans 13:12-14 (NASB)
The night is almost gone, and the day is near. Therefore let’s rid ourselves of the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let’s behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and debauchery, not in strife and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.

Be connected to believers that will cover you in prayer. It is a powerful thing when brothers and sisters in Christ lift each other up in prayer. We can battle for each other too in intercessory prayer. A friend that prays for you is a good friend. 
Galatians 6:1-2 (NIV)
Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Be disciplined.

Resist sin. You can’t overcome sin if you invite it in. Self-discipline is a big part of walking the narrow path. Refuse to indulge in what is destructive to your soul.  
1 Thessalonians 5:22-24 (NIV)
reject every kind of evil. May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.

Repentance is a necessary cleansing. None of us are perfect. If you refuse to let go of and turn from what you are battling to overcome, it will consume you.
1 John 1:8-10 (NIV)
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.

Surrender the sinful desires of the flesh at the foot of the cross. Lay it down. If you’re hanging onto something that’s destroying your spirit, you’re going to stay in that battle because you’re gripping the poison that slays you.
1 Peter 1:14-16 (NASB)
As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written: “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”

Have your mind made up to live for the Lord. That means denying the sinful desires of the flesh. That means sacrificing what is pleasurable for a season if it’s harmful to you spiritually. That means boundaries and keeping yourself on the track of righteousness.
Romans 8:5-9 (NASB)
For those who are in accord with the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are in accord with the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him.

Surround yourself with people who keep you on the path of living for Jesus. Go to church. Fellowship with other believers. Iron sharpens iron. Be a student. Be a mentor. Be at the prayer meetings. If you have people you’ve been spending time with or talking to that are negatively impacting you spiritually, consider pruning your social circle if you need to.  And if you’re tempted to fill your time with sin that decays, instead spend that time serving others and plant seeds to grow the kingdom. 
1 Peter 2:9 (NIV)
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

Remember you are called to be set apart. We are God’s holy people. We are called to live holy. Discipline yourself to maintain your separateness from the world of sin. 
2 Corinthians 6:17 (NASB)
Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,” says the Lord.
“And do not touch what is unclean;
And I will welcome you.

Worship your way through the battle. When push comes to shove and the struggle gets bigger, worship the Lord. Live for Him. Praise Him. Sing to Him. Give testimony. Speak to his greatness. Build up your faith. Get to church. Get to a prayer meeting. Have a chain-breaking prayer session in the middle of the night. Get your mind fixed on Jesus. Grow your faith, starve the desires of your flesh. Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world. Speak faith. You are an overcomer. 
Acts 16:25-26 (ASV)
But about midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns unto God, and the prisoners were listening to them; and suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison-house were shaken: and immediately all the doors were opened; and every one’s bands were loosed.

In review

Be rooted.
  • Know truth.
  • Be consuming the Word of God.
  • Pray.
 
Be guarded.
  • Know the enemy is prowling.
  • Know what sin is.
  • Also know your weaknesses.
  • Know what is righteousness.
  • Watch where you step.     
  • Be connected to believers who will cover you in prayer.
 
Be disciplined.
  • Resist sin.
  • Repent.
  • Surrender your sinful desires.
  • Have your mind made up to live for the Lord.
  • Surround yourself with people who keep you on the path of living for Jesus.
  • Remember you are called to be set apart.
  • Worship your way through the battle.
What is your battle strategy? Do you have one?
Ephesians 6:10-18 (NASB)
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.

Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist on the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, having belted your waist with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having strapped on your feet the preparation of the gospel of peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

With every prayer and request, pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be alert with all perseverance and every request for all the saints,
0 Comments

Leanna Mae's reference guide for coping with contractions

10/10/2021

1 Comment

 
Picture
Get your guide to coping with contractions by adding the free PDF below to your cart. It will be emailed to you. Download it to your phone and/or computer. Print it out and practice the techniques. Take this with you in labor.

Coping with contractions

$0.00
Add to cart
What do you think of when you hear coping with contractions? Let’s talk about what it means to cope.
 
Cope
Verb (a verb is an action word)
Definition: (of a person) deal effectively with something difficult
Some synonyms:
  • Manage
  • Get through
  • Carry on
  • Handle
  • Tackle
  • Bear up
  • Take care of
  • Endure
  • Withstand
  • Master
  • Overcome
 
So, why do I call it coping with contractions? You are doing an action right now. You sought education. You’re gaining education right now. You are planning. You are preparing. You are not passive. You are not intending to do nothing or go in unprepared. You are learning how to and practicing how to cope with a contraction. Coping is a positive action. Learning how to cope is an act of preparing for this birth. Labor is hard. Having a baby is hard no matter how you do it. Actively coping means you’re doing something to work through the journey you’re walking through one contraction at a time. I’m proud of you investing the time to learn these things and practice these methods throughout the rest of your pregnancy. There are many ways to cope with a contraction. You will find what works for you in that moment. These methods are simply tools in your toolbox of options.
 
Choose what is right for you. You have options. You have choices. Whether you want to go all natural or you definitely want the epidural, this is for you. Keep an open mind. Practice the natural techniques during pregnancy. Get familiar with this handout. Have it beside you as you labor. You may prefer different coping methods at different points. Go over this with your husband/partner and your doula.
 
 
We’re going to go over several different areas of coping with contractions.
 
Mindset and affirmations
 
Scripture and prayer
 
Distraction from the pain
 
Breathing and vocalization
 
Visualization
 
Relaxation techniques
 
Hydrotherapy
 
Warmth
 
Cool down options
 
Movement and positioning
 
Counter pressure
 
Pain medication options
 
 
Download your free PDF handout by adding it to your cart. Save it on your phone and computer. Print it out. Get some practice. You’re going to do great!

Maternal-infant Wellness Education
with Leanna Mae

Donate
1 Comment

A birth plan guide for scheduled c-sections

6/10/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
If you'd like to easily print this, here is a free PDF you can download and save to your phone or computer and print.

Birth Plan Guide for Scheduled C-sections

$0.00
Add to cart
This is a workbook guide with fill in spaces and check boxes to know your options and choose what’s right for you and your family. Yes, this is a birth plan for a scheduled c-section. Yes, you can have one.
 
This handout was inspired by a dear friend of mine who had all 4 of her precious babies via c-section. With each birth, she became more involved with the planning and talking to her doctor about what she wanted. She learned her options. She improved her care.
That is my wish for you as well.
 
A surgical birth is a birth as valid as a vaginal birth. C-section mommas bravely go through surgery to bring their babies into the world. I honor their journeys into motherhood. It is my wish that this birth plan guide for scheduled c-sections creates a space to acknowledge their path of birth and guide families through their options and working together with their care team to create a family-centered cesarean.
 
“A birth plan for a scheduled c-section???”
 Yes.
 
“Is that a thing? You can’t control anything with a c-section. The doctor does everything.”
A lot of things are different with a surgical delivery. There aren’t as many options. It can seem like you don’t have any part of the decision-making. The steps you take to get your baby into your arms will be a different path. You still have decisions to make before and after. You will have the same decisions to make about infant care. You still have a season of preparation, though you are preparing for a surgery. You still have a season of postpartum and recovery. You can still learn about the options out there and create plans to have the best care for you and your family.
 
“But it’s a c-section, not a natural birth”
A surgical birth is still a birth. Whether your birth is vaginal or surgical, I want to acknowledge your experience and create space to support your experience. I teach about and support all types of birth. That includes any pain management preferences and any delivery method. Nearly 1 in 3 births in America are delivered surgically. You have decisions and options too, momma.

It takes tremendous love
to lay down on an OR table
and give birth by c-section.
 
That is love, momma.
That is birth. That is valid.
Your birth counts. Your experience matters.

What we’re talking about here:
 
  • What is a birth plan?
 
  • The birth plan packet for parents
    • Know before you go
    • Foundational decisions
    • Before surgery
    • During the birth
    • Post-op
    • Postpartum – the first few days in the hospital
    • Postpartum at home, the first 6 weeks
    • Neonatal care
    • Other notes
    • Adapting the original plans
 
  • Talking points for a family-centered cesarean
 
Download the workbook above by adding to the cart and going through the checkout process. It’s free and no billing information is required. It’ll be emailed to you after you check out. Print it and take your time working through the guide. Ask questions. Talk to your doctor. Talk to your hospital. Talk to other moms who have had c-sections. There is support for this type of birth too.

Maternal-infant Wellness Education
with Leanna Mae

Donate
0 Comments

Leanna Mae's birth plan guide

6/10/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
If you'd like to easily print this, here is a free PDF you can download and save to your phone or computer and print.

Comprehensive birth plan workbook

$0.00
Add to cart

birth plan fill-in form

$0.00
Add to cart
This blog is an introduction to the comprehensive birth plan workbook. Download the PDF by adding it to your cart from the top of the blog. Note that the workbook goes along with the class I teach on birth plans. It can be done on your own at your own pace, but it is easier if you take the class before you start filling in the workbook. Here’s what we talk about in this guide.
 
  • What is a birth plan?
 
  • What makes a birth plan successful?
 
  • Birth plan packet for parents
    • Know before you go
    • Foundational decisions
    • Stage 1: Labor
    • Stage 2: Delivery of the baby
    • Stage 3: Delivery of the placenta (afterbirth)
    • Neonatal care
    • Other notes
    • In case of c-section
    • Postpartum planning
 
  • The fill-in birth plan to give your OB or midwife and maternity center staff
 
  • A sample birth plan
 
Each section lists your options or provides space to write in your decisions and preferences.
 
There are no cookie cutters in birth. Every birth is unique. This is not a plan specifically for any location or type of pain management. This is not a natural birth plan. If you want to go unmedicated, check that box. If you want to get an epidural, check that box. If you want to wait and see how it goes, that’s okay too. This is not a hospital plan or a home birth plan. This is an educational guide to know your options and choose what is right for you.
Picture

The fill-in form

Just want the fill-in birth plan to give your OB or midwife? You can download that on its own from the top of the blog. Add to cart. Check out. Get it emailed to you immediately. Print it out and take your time filling it in. The power of a birth plan isn’t in the actual plan. Each person will have their own recipe for what’s right for them and their family. The power of a birth plan is in the process of gaining education about your maternity care.

Maternal-infant Wellness Education
with Leanna Mae

Donate
0 Comments

Consent for cervical exams during labor

4/10/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
This sign is a PDF download you can save on your phone or computer and print. Print out a copy and take this with you in your hospital bag. 

printable door sign reminding care team to ask permission

$0.00
Add to cart
Let’s talk about consent for cervical exams or any vaginal exam during labor. I’m going to divide this blog into two sections: for women and for women’s health professionals.
 
For women
 
You have full rights to bodily autonomy. You have the right to consent (give permission) regarding who has access to your vagina. That consent does not end when a woman gets pregnant. Yes, part of women’s health care is taking care of our reproductive system and sometimes that requires the care of a professional to examine, assess, diagnose, etc. We choose when to go to the gynecologist and when we get an exam. We also have the right to say stop if it is painful or uncomfortable.
 
Now let’s talk about labor. The way to confirm a woman is in labor is to check for cervical dilation. This is done through a vaginal exam. Your progress in labor will also be assessed by checking cervical dilation. Here’s what you need to know. You still have the right to say yes or no. You still have the right to consent. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Health professionals and hospitals do not hold authority over your body. You can say no. You can say wait. You can say stop. You can say yes to one person and no to another. These are patient rights. Every woman giving birth in America has this right. You need to know that. You don’t have to ask permission to say no. If someone does say no and an exam is forced, that is sexual assault.
 
For many labor and delivery nurses, doing cervical exams are a routine part of the job. This is something they do every shift. I know these nurses and doctors are talking more and more about consent and how to be more respectful when approaching this care, and I know many of them never got any training on how to have this conversation. They may be in the routine of saying they’re going to check a patient. It is not a bad thing to openly communicate with your care team. Here are some things you can do.
  • Print this attached sign and hang it on the door or by the computer.
  • When it comes time for the nurse to check, say “I’d like to talk about consent first.”
  • When you get admitted to the hospital and each shift as you get a new nurse, you can have this conversation. “I require consent before every vaginal exam.” This is not a bad conversation to have. It’s not negative. It’s not confrontational. It’s your body and you’re entitled to remind other people of your right to consent. This is a patient right.
 
If someone coerces you or tries to force you,
  • If you’re in an office setting, leave. Do not go back. Fire them and let them know why. Report it.
  • If you’re in the hospital or birthing center, you can say that you do not consent. You can remind them that you have the right to decide who you’re comfortable with being there and when.
  • You can ask for a different nurse and tell the nurse manager why you are uncomfortable.
  • You can file a complaint with the facility.
 
To prevent further issues (if this has become an issue), you can wear pants until it’s time to deliver. You can keep a support person with you at all times who will sit in front of you until you give permission. You can talk to a patient advocate.
 
It’s not normal for exams to be forced or coerced, but it does happen. I don’t want you to go into the situation expecting it or being afraid of it. I want you to be aware that you have the right to consent and to know how to communicate your boundaries.
 
 
For women’s health professionals
 
I hear you talking about consent for this and I applaud you for improving care. I know this is an awkward part of your job. I know that patient rights and things like consent or declining anything is not something they teach much on in college and it may not be something they talk about at your facility. Here are some pointers.
 
Of course, never do an exam without saying something first. Instead of saying you’re going to check them now, ask them if you can check them and maybe mention the reason why. Instead of gloving up first and then mentioning it, get permission before going for the gloves.
 
Remind her of her rights. Affirm her authority over her body and right to consent. If she is okay with an exam right now, once you’re ready tell her “Let me know when you’re ready for me to start.” This simple sentence gives the patient more control.
 
I know the last thing you want is to make someone feel violated or like she has no choice but to let you do something she is uncomfortable with. I know your heart is to take good care of people. Patient rights is something we’re talking more about nowadays. And how wonderful that is when you think of what women’s health care or any hospital care was like over the last century. We’ve come a long way. Talking about consent is something we need to normalize.
 
You can also use this flyer on your unit. Take it to your management and talk about doing some training or practice on consent.

Maternal-infant Wellness Education
with Leanna Mae

Donate
0 Comments

Ways to use a birth scarf

4/10/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
If you'd like to easily print this, here is a free PDF you can download and save to your phone or computer and print.

Plenty of ways to use a birth scarf

$0.00
Add to cart

What is a birth scarf?

A birth scarf is simply a long piece of fabric that is used as a tool during birth. They can also be used during pregnancy and postpartum.
  • You can use a rebozo. That is the birth scarf that is a cultural practice in Mexico and Central America.
  • You can use a woven wrap intended for babywearing.
  • You can buy fabric and make your own with basic sewing skills. 9 or 10 feet is a good length. I’d recommend about 24 inches wide. Good fabrics are strong and durable that you can really pull on: linen, jacquard cotton (think fabric tablecloth), cotton, or silk. You don’t want anything that stretches easily, tears easily, or is thin. You want the fabric to be continuous without sewing pieces together.
  • With basic sewing skills and a low budget, try a long tablecloth folded to fit your comfort (probably in half). You can also buy a sturdy canvas drop cloth for painting and sew it. Make it about 10 ft. by 2 ft.
  • You can also use a spare sheet folded over. A twin flat sheet folded longways can do many of the support methods, but isn’t long enough to do all of them.   

Where do you find birth scarfs?

  • You can purchase through online retailers.
  • Note: It is only an authentic rebozo if it’s made in Mexico or Central America. If you purchase a rebozo, please buy from indigenous people. Using rebozos for birth support is part of their culture.
  • Woven wraps can be bought through online retailers or local baby stores.
  • Check your local fabric stores to see what they have available.
  • Local department stores may have a good size tablecloth. You can order fabric tablecloths online.
  • An old bedsheet you already have can be used.
  • You may be able to find a sheet or possibly a long tablecloth at thrift stores.
  • Borrow a birth scarf from a friend.

Caution and consent

CAUTION
There are a few things you do NOT want to do with a birth scarf.
  • Do not try to flip a breech or reposition a baby with this.
  • You do not want to jiggle or sift rigorously when using any abdominal support techniques. Always be gentle. You are handling a baby as well.
  • Ask your provider before using if you have an anterior placenta.
  • If the woman has low or high blood pressure or any cardiac issues, be cautious about which techniques you use. 
 
CONSENT
Always ask the mother’s permission before using this tool. Explain each technique to her before practicing. Make sure she is comfortable. Ask for feedback.

How do you use them?

DURING PREGNANCY 
These techniques can also all be used during labor.
 
Sifting
  • Sifting the boat: Lay the birth scarf out on floor. Have the woman lay in the center of the scarf with the bottom of the scarf just under her buttocks. There are two ways to do this.
    • Sift gently as if you are sifting flour.
    • Take both ends of the scarf and gently rock side to side.
  • Belly sifting: Have her get on hands and knees or on her knees while resting her arms on a couch or birthing ball. Wrap the middle of the scarf around her belly. Take the sides of the scarf and gently lift the belly and sift. If she is using a birth ball for this position, the support person can lift up and the woman can sift at her own pace.
 
Lifting
  • Abdominal lift with a partner behind pulling up on the scarf
  • Abdominal lift with back crisscrossed and the woman pulling over her shoulders to lift the belly
    • With this technique, add support by having her partner come behind her to lift up from her lower belly.
  • You can also have her sitting on a birth ball and wrap the scarf around her belly gently pulling up from behind her to take some pressure off.
 
Counter pressure
  • With the woman on hands and knees, wrap the scarf around her belly bringing the sides of the scarf together over her lower back. Using one hand to gently tug on the scarf (pulling up towards you), use your other hand to apply counter pressure to the sacrum.
  • Tie a big knot over her lower back with the scarf. Press into it for counter pressure or she can lean into the wall to add pressure. 
  • With a scarf tying a corn bag or rice pack to her back, she can lean into the wall for mild counter pressure or have someone press into the bag.  

Other methods
  • A scarf can also be used to tie an ice pack or heat pack (corn bag, rice sock, etc) on her lower back leaving her free to walk around. 
  • Shake the apple tree.
 
 
DURING LABOR
 
For squatting
  • Over the door rope: Tie a big knot in one end of the scarf. Throw that over the door and close the door leaving the unknotted portion to hang on the side that you are. You can then use that scarf as a rope to lean into as you squat. Lean on the side of the door that is opposite of the way it swings (If a bedroom door swings in, lean on the hallway side of the door instead of the bedroom side so it can’t swing on you).
  • The door knob squat: Find the middle of the scarf. Leaving the door hanging open, wrap the scarf around both sides of the door handle. Use the scarf as support while squatting. 
  • If you are in a hospital and the bed has a birth bar, you can wrap the scarf around that and use it to assist in a squat. You can also straddle a peanut ball or sit on a birth ball in front of the birth bar and use a scarf to lean into.
  • Have a partner sit in a chair with the scarf over their shoulders. The laboring woman can squat in front of the chair and lean into the scarf for stabilization. (Her back to the partner’s front)
  • For a squat with more support, have the mother straddle a peanut ball and lean into the scarf wrapped around her partner (her back to the partner’s front or her facing the partner).
  • With two partners, you can use a birth scarf for a lap squat. Have one partner sit in a chair with knees apart. Have the laboring woman sit on that partner’s lap facing them (straddling). The second partner is behind the person in the chair. Using a scarf under that woman, she can gently drop her hips and hang between the seated partner’s knees.
 
Other methods
  • Use the scarf for a double hip squeeze with two people.
  • Use it with the seated knee press (counter pressure).
  • Spread the scarf over the partner’s shoulders. She can then grip the scarf and lean into her partner.
    • Do this standing. She can be facing her partner or have her back to the partner’s front and scarf wrapped around both.
    • Do this leaning.
    • Do this on a birth ball facing each other.
    • You can also do this on a birth ball with the mom’s back to the partner’s front.
 
 
DURING DELIVERY

  • Throw the scarf over the birth bar on the hospital bed to pull on while squatting or semi-reclined.
  • Tug-of-war: Have a support person use the scarf as a tug of war while she is bringing her baby down. 
 
 
POSTPARTUM

  • Belly support can be a comfort postpartum. You can wrap the scarf around the postpartum belly and tie it in the back or wrap it around again and tie it to the side. If you find you like that support, look into Bengkung belly binding. 
  • If a scarf is long enough and made of durable material, it can be used for babywearing.
  • If there are no fringes, cut it and use it as a baby blanket.
  • You can shorten it, hem it, and use it as a nursing cover.
There are 34 ways listed here.
How will you use a birth scarf?

Maternal-infant Wellness Education
with Leanna Mae

Donate
0 Comments

Birth support supplies

4/10/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
If you'd like to easily print this, here is a free PDF you can download and save to your phone or computer and print. This PDF has check boxes for you mark off as you gather the support supplies you want.

Birth Support Supplies for comfort and non-medicinal pain management

$0.00
Add to cart
These are supplies and tools to use. You may want to buy these things during pregnancy to prepare for the birth. There are also many other methods of coping with contractions including movement, positioning, hydrotherapy, counter-pressure, massage, and more. 
 
If there are any other supplies you use to provide comfort during labor or cope with contractions, feel welcome to comment on the blog. I may add it to the list.
 
 
 
Hydrotherapy 
  • A big water jug to stay hydrated 
  • Have extra ice ready.
  • Washcloths
  • A cooler with ice water to dip washcloths in
  • A crockpot of warm water to put hand towels or washcloths in for the comfort of a relaxing warm compress
  • You can also use a ceramic dutch oven to preserve dry warmth. Throw some hand towels in the dryer. Fold them into a dutch oven to keep warm. If you don’t have a dutch oven, you can use a slow cooker (crock-pot) with a lid.
 
Also, you will need towels to dry off if you are getting in and out of the tub or shower. Water is a wonderful method of natural pain relief and relaxation. Get some towels that you don’t mind getting dirty.
 
 
Soothing heat
  • A heat pack filled with corn or rice (you may want more than one)
 
 
For positioning
  • Pillows
  • Birth ball
  • Peanut ball
  • Rebozo or birth scarf (often used for counter-pressure as well)
  • A birth rope or hammock to lean into or squat with
 
 
Massage tools
  • Massage ball roller
  • Handheld massage tools
  • Tennis balls (to rub on her back)
  • Any back and shoulder massagers the mom likes
  • A scalp massager
  • Massage oils or lotion
 
 
Aromatherapy
  • Essential oils or calming fragrance oils
  • A diffuser
 
 
To distract from the intensity of contractions
  • Stress balls or swim balls to squeeze during a contraction
  • A wooden comb in the hand on acupressure points
 
 
Pain relief
  • TENS machine
 
 
Supporting the best mindset
  • Birth affirmations
  • Faith-based devotions
  • Encouraging scriptures
 
 
Other things
  • A hand fan
  • An electric fan to sit by (labor is exercise!)
  • Soft lighting (low lighting is often more relaxing for mom than bright lights on)
    • Salt lamps are nice
    • String lights or twinkle lights are a nice way to have low lighting
  • Music that she finds encouraging or calming
 
P.S. Don’t forget batteries (and backup batteries) for anything that needs it. Bring a spare charger for your phone and tablet.
 
 
Pro tip: Hire a DOULA.

Maternal-infant Wellness Education
with Leanna Mae

Donate
0 Comments

Bible verses for birth encouragement and comfort

4/10/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
If you'd like to easily print this, here is a free PDF you can download and save to your phone or computer and print.

Encouraging scripture to use for birth

$0.00
Add to cart

Scripture to encourage you
during your preparations for birth and during your birth

 
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
 
 
1 Samuel 1:27
 I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.
 
 
Psalm 30:5
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
 
 
Be still and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)
 
 
Psalm 56:3
When I am afraid, I will trust in you.
 
 
Psalm 139:13-14
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
 
 
God knows the plans he has for you. He has plans to prosper you and give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
 
 
John 16:21
A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.
 
 
He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. (Philippians 1:6)
 
 
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
 
 
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
 
 
God did not give us a spirit of fear. He gave us a spirit of power and love.
(2 Timothy 5:7)
 
 
Cast all your cares on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)
 
 
 
What other scriptures encourage you for birth? Comment below.

Maternal-infant Wellness Education
with Leanna Mae

Donate
0 Comments

Christian faith-based affirmations for birth

4/10/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
If you'd like to easily print this, here is a free PDF you can download and save to your phone or computer and print.

Christian faith-based birth affirmations

$0.00
Add to cart

Faith-based affirmations
to prepare for birth


Speak life and faith into your birth.
Add your own devotional statements. Handwrite them.
Hang them up to prepare for birth.
Have them on index cards to read during labor.
Have your husband, family, and doula speak these truths in the birth room.
 
 
God is with me through this. Jesus is in the room and by my side.
 
 
God is my rock, my strong tower, and my shelter from the storm.
 
 
Christ gives us a peace that passes all understanding.
 
 
When I am weak, God is strong.
 
 
The Lord has me and my baby in his hands. Take comfort. He will carry me through this.
 
 
The pain that I’m feeling doesn’t compare to the joy that is coming.
 
 
God designed my body to give birth. He made me to be this child’s mother.
 
 
God has a plan and a purpose for my children’s lives.
 

God has chosen the day to bring this child into the world in his perfect timing.
 
 
Jesus is in control. Even when I feel like I’m losing control, he wraps me in his arms. I am his. He will not forsake me.  
 

He will not leave me. I am his. He is with me always.
 
 
My Heavenly Father has given me the good gift of this child. He has knit this baby in my womb. He will help me in the journey to deliver this child into the world.
 
 
There is power in the tongue. I will speak faith, I will speak trust, and I will speak victory as I bring forth this new life.

Maternal-infant Wellness Education
with Leanna Mae

Donate
0 Comments
<<Previous
    Thank you for visiting!
    ​Have you
    read my
    beautiful books yet?
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • About Leanna
  • My books
    • where to purchase
    • Happily Frugal
    • The Subject of Salvation >
      • bible study
      • Bible reading schedules
    • Lactation Lessons From Leanna
    • Lessons on the Author Life
  • My blogs
    • blog topical directory
    • blog timeline directory
    • the scroll
  • Maternal Infant Wellness Education
  • Classes I teach
  • Birth & Breastfeeding Support
  • Christian Birth and Breastfeeding Professionals
  • Recommended reading
    • request a book review
  • Contact
  • Donate