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I went to a great college in my area, and graduated with zero student debt. I then worked at another college for 4 years. Here is everything I learned about getting an education frugally.

For over 1,000 ways to save money, get a copy of my workbook Happily Frugal. Click the button below to check out that page.

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Here are 50 ways you can save money when going to college.

Choosing your school

Choose an in-state college. Tuition will be cheaper than out-of-state.
Go with a public college over a private college.
Choose one of the cheaper schools in your state. Quality education doesn’t have to be high price.
Choosing a local school allows you to skip a lot of the campus expenses.
Consider community colleges. If you don’t have one near you that has the program you want, look around at community colleges that offer online programs.
Online colleges are often cheaper.

Paying for school

If a student is able to, utilize their state’s program to take classes at a college during high school. It’s free to the student.
If you are a veteran, use your GI Bill. Veterans and active military may have several programs that they qualify for.
If you work at the college, you may get free tuition or get a discount.
Your employer might contribute to your degree.
Sometimes a person with an associate’s degree can get hired on and the company will pay for their bachelor’s degree.
Switch jobs to a company that does offer help with the cost of higher education.
Apply for grants.
Apply for scholarships every semester.
Leave student loans as a last resort.
If you do get student loans, pay them off as soon as possible.

Your program and classes

Know what you are going for before you start.
Have an advisor or an experienced peer help you plan out your schedule so you are sure your classes count towards your degree program.
You can get your associate’s degree at a community college. Then transfer for your bachelor’s degree.
Talk to your transfer college before taking classes to make sure your associate’s classes will be accepted.
Don’t bite off more than you can chew taking too many classes only to get overwhelmed and drop out. It’s okay to go part time. Go at the pace that is right for you.

Textbooks and supplies

Swap textbooks with your friends as long as your class doesn’t require an access code.
Wait until class starts to see if you need the book.
Double-check if the book is required or recommended.
Be careful not to order multiple formats of the same book such as hardcover, loose-leaf, or digital.
Know the return policy of where you bought the book. Keep the receipt.
Keep new books in new condition (and unwrapped if it’s in shrink wrap) until class starts and you’re sure you’ll need the book.
Shop around to compare prices from different textbook retailers and buying directly from other students.
Price matching on textbooks is available at some college bookstores.
Buy your textbooks used.
Rent your textbooks.
E-book textbooks are usually cheaper than buying new print books.
You may also be able to rent the digital version.
If you work at the bookstore, you will likely get an employee discount on textbooks.
Sell your textbooks back at the end of the semester.
If your college isn’t buying back that textbook, try selling it to a website that buys used textbooks. I recommend price checking those websites before going in to see what your college will offer.
You can also sell your textbooks on the internet directly to the buyer.
Purchase your school supplies outside of the school bookstore. Notebooks, paper, pens, folders, book bags, etc… are much cheaper at regular stores.

At the bookstore or campus store

Shop clearance.
Shop the sales.
Follow their social media for announcements on good deals.
Show up to events at the bookstore. For example, orientation events for new students may offer a free t-shirt. Graduating students may also get a free shirt. They often have free snacks or drinks at their events.
Enter to win giveaways and contests at the bookstore. They have them throughout the semester.

Being on campus and general college student life

Live off-campus. Have roommates if you need to.
Every piece of food on campus is overpriced. Pack a lunch or snacks from home.
Take advantage of student discounts. Many places offer student discounts that are unadvertised. You could get discounts at restaurants, movie theaters, and more.
If you are a member of a society, you may get discounts at a variety of places.
Get familiar with the resources available to students at no extra cost.
Ask what bonuses are offered to students at your school. For example, my college had a printing credit of $7.50 a semester. You could print out about 150 pages without having to pay. My college also has free Microsoft Student for all current students to be able to download.
Go to events on campus that are offering freebies and discounts.

College can be a wonderful investment that provides education, professional growth, and personal experiences that broaden a student’s mind. It is possible to pursue these things without tremendous debt.

How did you save money on your college education?

How much did you end up paying for your degree and college experience? Tell me in the comments below.

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Why don't Apostolic Pentecostal women cut their hair? (An explanation of uncut hair teachings)

9/7/2024

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We don’t cut it. We don’t trim it. We don’t take scissors to it or do anything to shorten it. We also leave it natural without artificial dyes. Why? In a world where we are told “split ends” look bad and you must chop your hair for beauty and color it for attraction, why would any woman choose to leave her hair natural?

As Apostolic Pentecostal women, we leave our hair uncut and natural because of the way we interpret 1 Corinthians 11:3-16.

1 Corinthians 11:3-16 (King James Version)

3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

4 Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head.

5 But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.

6 For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.

7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.

8 For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man.

9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

10 For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels.

11 Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.

12 For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God.

13 Judge in yourselves: is it comely that a woman pray unto God uncovered?

14 Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?

15 But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.

16 But if any man seem to be contentious, we have no such custom, neither the churches of God.

Verse 15 says that long hair is a glory to a woman. We desire that.

Verse 6 says that it is a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven. We don’t want to appear in a way that is shameful or inappropriate for a woman professing holiness.

It also mentions in verse 14 that it’s shameful for a man to have long hair.

We can see this is part of gender distinction. The men have short hair. The women have long hair. There is more to it than that.

What does it mean for a woman to be shorn? That term isn’t used very often anymore. Many modern English translations use the term “cut off” her hair. We can make the assumption that implies short hair because in our world today for a woman to “cut off” her hair means something drastic, but assumptions are not biblical interpretations. We are living in such a different time. For centuries and centuries, traditional gender roles including dress and hair length were the norm. Well into the 1800s, many women did not cut their hair. Long hair was considered beautiful and glorious. In the 1900s feminism influenced women to become rebellious and manlike. They began wearing pants and cutting their hair short. Even 100 years ago, it was often considered scandalous and disgraceful for a woman to cut her hair short. It was rebellious even by the world’s standards of the 1920s when it became fashionable to bob their hair as influenced by the flappers (women of that era who dressed immodestly with short skirts and behaved indecently). Despite the insanity of modern times, even the secular world finds it shocking when a woman shaves her head. Even the world knows that long hair is glorious and feminine.

At that time this was written to the Corinthians, there were pagan temple prostitutes that were distinguished by their shaved heads. It’s reported that some cultures also shaved a woman’s head as a punishment for adultery. Women of God were not to look like these women living a life of sexual sin. And when these prostitutes and pagans would come to believe in Jesus and come into the church, it was quick to see they were a convert because of their hair. In the Jewish Encyclopedia 6th edition on page 158 it says “Among women long hair is extolled as a mark of beauty (Cant. iv. 1, vii 6). A woman’s hair was never cut except as a sign of deep mourning or of degradation (Jer. vii. 29; comp. Deut. xxi. 12).” Given this history, it appears that uncut hair would have been the norm in the early church.

Those who are younger women today seeking answers on this topic only have a rebellious world to measure what is normal in our culture. That does not model for us what godly women did in the early church or for centuries after that standard was established.

What did it mean in the days the letter was written to the church in Corinth? In verse 6 when it says “to be shorn”, the Greek word is “keirasthai”. The listed Strong’s concordance 2751 lists “Keiro” as a verb defined as “to shear” with usage “I shear, cut the hair of”.

Merriam Webster defines shear as
Transitive verb
1a: to cut off the hair from
1b: to cut or clip from someone or something
1d: to cut or trim with shears or a similar instrument

Interestingly, before scissors were called scissors they were called shears.

This is why we don’t cut our hair. We believe the bible is still relevant today. We believe this is still for us. We follow the teachings of the early church. Even if it is contrary to what is considered normal in our culture, we are set apart for the Lord and follow after His ways. Sometimes following the bible will be counter-cultural. We won’t argue reasons to resist obeying this.

Dedicating our hair to be uncut is an act of obedience. We are obeying the scriptures even if it is a sacrifice for our flesh’s desires or personal preference.

This is a covering for us (verse 15). There is power on our head when we obey this (verse 10).

If you are on the fence about whether or not to follow this, I encourage you to obey the scriptures and see how it changes your perspectives. Sometimes we don’t have full understanding of something until after we follow it. The Holy Spirit may give you conviction on this or allow it to be weighing on your mind if you are cutting your hair. Once you stop cutting your hair, you will see things differently. You will see a godly beauty in what is His design. Natural hair is not chopped; it is not straight across; it does not look like a blade has been taken to it. It is not what the world calls most attractive. Remember as holy women we are called to adorn ourselves in godly ways, not worldly ways (1 Timothy 2:9-10, 1 Peter 3:3-4). What is beauty as a godly woman is different than what is beauty to a world that seeks to define women by their body’s level of attraction. Our natural hair often reflects nature. The branches of a willow tree are thicker at top and thin out near the ends. Yet we see its beauty. The natural ends of uncut hair often split like tree roots. Yet this reflects nature, and is not ugly. It’s not about length. Some of us have hip length hair. Others have knee length (and on occasion even longer). Still others only grow to the middle of their back. There are many Apostolic women that have long and thick hair. There are also many who have thin hair and struggle to get it to grow due to health reasons or aging. The glory is in the obedience to God.

Holiness is always right. This is a holiness standard in all Apostolic Pentecostal churches because it has been the practice of Christian women since the beginning of the church and it was the practice of Jewish women before that. Be willing to be set apart (2 Corinthians 6:17).

We leave our hair uncut and natural to be obedient to scripture, covered as we pray, and to have power (authority) on our heads as long hair is our glory (honor).

Tell me where you are at in your uncut hair journey in the comments below.

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How can people save money on groceries? Here are over 100 ways!

1/7/2024

The cost of groceries has skyrocketed astronomically in this inflation. Many families are struggling to buy food. Many can’t buy as much as they want. Though I can’t fix the inflation, I can tell you all the ways that I save money on groceries. There are over 100 options here!

I’m the author of Happily Frugal. My money management workbook has over 1,000 ways to save money. Let’s talk about ways to save on groceries. Make sure to get your copy today to get more with the money you have. Learn more here.

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The top 10 things

1. A budget is essential.
2. Skipping the restaurant or drive-thru saves a lot.
3. Menu planning is a massive money saver.
4. Know what you have at the house before you go grocery shopping. Organize your kitchen. Keep an inventory of your pantry.
5. List out what you need before you leave the house. Don’t go to the grocery store without a written plan of exactly what to get.
6. Choose the affordable stores to shop at.
7. Buy in bulk.
8. Focus on whole foods. Choose fewer prepackaged meals.
9. Cook from scratch. Make it yourself whenever you can.
10. Have a garden and preserve your food.

General savings tips

Get rewards cards at grocery stores and drug stores. They’re free and you’ll get deals you couldn’t get without them.
Buy bigger and buy in bulk. That goes for food and toiletries. There are rules to buying in bulk though.
- You have to be able to afford to buy more than you have to have right now.
- You have to know you like that product and that brand.
- You have to know it will not go bad before it is all used up.
- You have to have room for it in your fridge or in your house.
- Do compare the price per ounce in the different size packages. On occasion, bigger packages are more expensive than the midsized container.

Investing in a deep freezer will allow you to buy food in larger amounts which is cheaper. There are a lot of things that would be more affordable if you could buy it in bulk and freeze it. An extra freezer is also beneficial for gardening.

Buy generic brands or store brands. Generic can be just as good as name brand.
Take advantage when stores are willing to match local competitor’s ads.
Certain stores also have an app that will reimburse you if local competitors have lower prices on specific items.
Some grocery stores offer a senior discount or senior days.
Some stores offer discounts when you use your own cloth shopping bags instead of the plastic bags. It’s better for the environment and if it’ll save you money, why not?
Consider signing up for emails from the stores you shop at regularly. Many emails offer discounts.

Real life tip: It would help to not go grocery shopping when you are hungry.
Be aware of expiration dates. Throwing away food that has expired is like throwing away money. If you know something is going to expire soon, use it up as soon as you can. You can go through your pantry every month and put the food that will expire within the next month or two in a separate section to be used first.
Go get your groceries instead of paying for a delivery service.
If you need to have your groceries delivered, make sure you aren’t allowing substitutions. If they are out of the brand you wanted, the substitute item may be more expensive than what you had budgeted for.

Where to shop

Learn what the low-cost grocery stores are in your area. Explore different stores. You may also want to try different areas. Grocery stores in higher income areas are often more expensive especially if they are a specialty store. Lower-income neighborhoods have more affordable groceries.
Shop at discount stores.
There are also bakery outlets.
Shop at Farmer's Markets. It's healthier and good for the local economy (always support your local farmers). I have noticed Farmer’s Markets in higher income areas are more expensive than the grocery store. Markets in lower income areas have lower prices. Try smaller markets as well.
Look for home produce stands in your community.
Try pick-your-own farms.
Be willing to go to more than one store. Even with the low-cost stores, each one has their items that are better than others. If you’re in the habit of going to the grocery store once a week, consider rotating what stores you shop.

Prepare before you go

Know what you have at the house before you go buy groceries and can't remember what you need. Keep an inventory of your pantry.
Know what you are getting before you go shopping. Have a list of exactly what you need to get for the time period before you plan to go grocery shopping again.
Get into a routine of checking sales, looking for coupons, glancing through rebate apps, and planning out what you are going to buy.

Menu planning

Use coupons. Check out the next chapter for the 101 on couponing.
Menu plan before you go grocery shopping. Make sure to make use of what you have in the house.
Plan your meals around what is on sale. You can look at the grocery ads in the Sunday paper. Nowadays, you can check the website or the store’s app to see what the sales are.
Menu plan with what’s in season.
Buy more whole foods and less prepackaged readymade meals.
Cook from scratch as much as possible to save the most on your food budget.
Portion control to eat healthy serving sizes. Overeating leads to overspending.

What food to buy

Look at the food that is marked down. It will need used soon, but these savings add up.
You can also ask employees when food gets marked down. Get to know the clearance habits of your local grocery stores.
Don't get more than a few dollars’ worth of unplanned items. Pay attention to how many things you pick up that you did not plan for in the budget.
Shop the sales. It doesn’t have to be somewhere you normally shop. If you see a good deal on groceries you need, try stopping by.
Limit the snacks. Prepackaged snacks add up to big expenses especially with kids. Put a healthy limit on how many snacks a day and what kind of snacks.
Buy the whole version instead of the prepared version. For example, buy the fruit itself instead of the container with the same fruit already cut.
Choose the cheapest option of the food you want. For example, boxed pancake mix is cheaper than frozen pancakes. Buying bags of dry beans is cheaper than canned beans. Buying the potatoes to make mashed potatoes is cheaper than buying potatoes in a box and much cheaper than buying mashed potatoes ready for the microwave. When you are deciding what you want to eat, look at the price differences with all the ways you can buy that food to make.
Eat less meat. Meat is expensive to buy. Making it part of the meal instead of the main course will save you some money. Having vegetarian days of the week will save you money.

Make it yourself

Find someone to teach you how to really cook if you don't know how. If you've got the basics down, you should be able to experiment with videos and cookbooks. You’ll learn as you go.
As you go through the grocery store, ask yourself if you can make something yourself instead of buying it. Do you know how? And do you have the time? The majority of things we buy that are prepackaged we can actually make ourselves in the home kitchen.
There are some things that it’s cheaper to buy readymade. Consider the cost of storebought vs. homemade.
Make freezer meals.
Can food that is a readymade meal.
Soups can be made at home instead of buying soup in a can.
Buy oats to make oatmeal on the stove instead of instant packets.
Pancake mix and waffle mix is very cheap compared to buying frozen waffles and frozen pancakes. Make it yourself from a box mix or from scratch.
Consider side dishes available at the store that you can actually make yourself. For example, hashbrowns are simply shredded potatoes. You can make potato wedges and fries yourself too.
Grate your own cheese instead of buying shredded cheese in the bag.
Making pizza at home is much cheaper than most pizza places. Even with buying the pizza crust at the store, this is still a big money saver.
Make butter in a mason jar, hand mixer, or butter churner.
Apple butter can be made at home.
Make gravy from scratch.
You can make all your own sauces, jams and jellies, preserves, and such.
Start with learning biscuits and breads. If you can learn how to make these very low-cost foods from scratch, you will always have something filling to eat.
- Make your own biscuits. The rolls of biscuits at the store cost three times as much compared to making your own. Drop biscuits are very easy to learn how to make. Then move on to rolled biscuits. Along with that, you can use glasses/cups to cut the biscuits instead of buying a biscuit cutter.
- Make rolls yourself.
- If you can make biscuits, you can make English muffins.
- Make tortillas at home.
- Learn how to bake sandwich bread. It’s extremely cheap to make. The taste of fresh bread is worth the time it takes.
- Dessert breads have many possibilities. You can make banana bread, apple cinnamon bread, pumpkin bread, monkey bread, and so much more.
- Try your hand at creating sourdough bread.
- Eventually, you can learn how to make artisan breads as well.
- Bagels can be made at home too.
Instead of purchasing baked goods packaged and ready to eat, look at the boxed option. These are low-cost and still easy to bake.
- Cake mix in a box is significantly cheaper than buying a cake from a bakery.
- Boxed mix for brownies is also much cheaper than buying brownies already baked.
- Muffins are cheap and easy to make from a boxed mix.
- You can take your muffin mix and make bread from it too.
Any luxury baked goods you see in the grocery’s bakery section can be made from scratch for less money. There are many things our generation has become accustomed to others cooking for us. We are able to make these things on our own. It saves money. It tastes better fresh. If you enjoy cooking, you’ll certainly save your family money on groceries. Here are some examples of things we can skip buying at the store and make ourselves.
- Basic sheet cakes are easy to make from scratch.
- You can also make your own icing.
- Make cupcakes.
- Make muffins.
- Cookies are easy and fun to bake from scratch.
- Cinnamon rolls are easy to learn how to make.
- Cobblers and crumbles are easy to make.
- Pie takes a little effort to learn, but you can do it.
- Cheesecake is a hard one to master, but you can learn to make your own.
- Donuts are easier to make than you think.
- Learn how to make your own pastries of all kinds.

You can make your own noodles.
Try making veggie noodles from zucchini or butternut squash. It’s lower carb, healthier, and can be free if you grow your own veggies. Sweet potato noodles are also a tasty option.
Use a flour grinder or countertop grain mill to make your own flour.
Try your hand at making condiments. You can make mayo, ketchup, ranch dip, tartar sauce, pickles, and more.
Learn how to make snacks at home. For example, potato chips can be made at home. Many snack bars can be made in the home kitchen. Pretzels can be made in your kitchen too.
Even some candies can be made in the home kitchen such as chocolate covered pretzels, muddy buddies, buckeyes, fudge, potato candy, and more.

I know we don’t have the time to make everything ourselves. These are simply some examples of ways you can save money by making food at home. Remember a lot of these things can be frozen or canned. You can make it in advance. You don’t have to make each one of these things the day you want to eat it.

Try it out and gain the skill.

Use those skills if you need to financially
or if you prefer to because homemade food tastes better.

Beverages

Cut out soda pop and sugary beverages.
Make water your main beverage.
Get your water from the tap (provided that you have safe drinking water).
Single serve coffee cups are far more expensive than buying coffee by the container.
If you consistently only have one cup of what you usually get in the single serve cups, try buying a container of instant coffee or cappuccino. You stir it in hot water like you do with hot chocolate. You can make one cup at a time without adding the tiny cups to the landfills or adding the cost to your grocery budget.
Buying the larger containers of coffee is cheaper per serving.
Make your own iced coffee at home. This is easy and saves so much money.
Buy hot chocolate in the container instead of individual packets.
Buy beverages in bulk.
Buy your beverages in liters or gallons instead of buying individual bottles.
If you drink tea, make it from tea bags. It is significantly cheaper to make sweet tea using a large box of 100 tea bags than it is to buy sweet tea by the gallon.
You can also buy your tea in loose form.
Buy powdered drinks to mix at home instead of buying the container ready-to-drink. You can buy containers of powdered tea, powdered lemonade, packets of juice, etc…
Juice concentrate is cheaper than buying juice in the bottle.
For cooking with milk, use cans of evaporated milk instead of fresh milk in the gallon.

Gardening

Grow your own food as much as you are able. You can grow vegetables and fruits. You can also grow herbs for cooking. You can even grow plants to make medicine with.
Some things can be grown from kitchen scraps.
Collect seeds from your food.
Network with family and close friends to grow different things and trade.
Some people also forage for mushrooms or berries. It’s important to know what is safe and can be eaten.

Food preservation

Preserve your garden food.
Preserve fresh food you bought too.
Freeze food.
Can your food in mason jars.
Dehydrate food.
Freeze dry fruits and veggies and even entire meals.

Use it all

Don't throw away leftovers.
If you don’t want to eat the same thing again, use your leftovers in something new.
Save the grease from the skillet. You can sauté vegetables in it. You can make gravy with it. You can scramble eggs with it.
When you bake a turkey or whole chicken, save the stock to make soups with.
One way to avoid waste is to choose items that aren’t disposable. For example, you can choose to cover a dish with aluminum foil or you can choose to buy a casserole dish with a lid that can go in the oven. Be intentional about avoiding disposable items when you are able to.
Reuse deli containers and any containers with a lid that you get from the grocery store.
Reuse empty containers of butter and sour cream for storing leftovers.
Reuse twist ties from your bread bags.
Wash and reuse glass containers from sauces, pickles, etc. You can also reuse the plastic containers from peanut butter or jars like honey-roasted peanuts.
Before throwing away small containers your food came in, consider its use in the garden to start seedlings.
Before throwing something away, look at it and think about what else it could be used for.

What are your favorite ways to save money on groceries?

Tell me in the comments what you are doing to save money on groceries.

Get your copy of Happily Frugal to learn over 1,000 ways to save money. Live more comfortably with the money you do have. It's a financial lifestyle and money management workbook. Living frugally is a lifestyle.

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A bible study on receiving the Holy Spirit (getting the Holy Ghost) by Leanna Mae

10/6/2024

Have you received the Holy Spirit since you believed? What it means to receive the Holy Spirit can be a controversy among different churches. Some say we receive it automatically when we believe. Others say we have to pray for it. Some say it’s essential. Others don’t. What does the bible say? We should be following the example the early church laid as the foundation for us. If they got the Holy Spirit then, we can have it today too. We must be sure to follow the bible and pursue the same things the early church did.

This is taken from the book, The Subject of Salvation. There is a slideshow and more content on the bible study page. You can also read my own story of receiving the Holy Spirit here.

Let’s look at the scriptures and then discuss what they mean.

Scriptures

I’ve chosen a few highlighted verses here. All of the scriptures on the topic are referenced in the image above.

(All verses in the text are taken from the American Standard Version.)

Ezekiel 36:27-28 And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep mine ordinances, and do them. And ye shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers; and ye shall be my people, and I will be your God.

John 3:3-8 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except one be born anew, he cannot see the kingdom of God. Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb, and be born? Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except one be born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born anew. The wind bloweth where it will, and thou hearest the voice thereof, but knowest not whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.

John 4:23-24 But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and truth: for such doth the Father seek to be his worshippers. God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship in spirit and truth.

John 7:37-39 Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me and drink. He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, from within him shall flow rivers of living water. But this spake he of the Spirit, which they that believed on him were to receive: for the Spirit was not yet given; because Jesus was not yet glorified.

Acts 1:8 But ye shall receive power, when the Holy Spirit is come upon you: and ye shall be my witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea and Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth.

Acts 2:1-4 And when the day of Pentecost was now come, they were all together in one place. And suddenly there came from heaven a sound as of the rushing of a mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. And there appeared unto them tongues parting asunder, like as of fire; and it sat upon each one of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.

Acts 2:38 And Peter said unto them, Repent ye, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ unto the remission of your sins; and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Acts 4:31 And when they had prayed, the place was shaken wherein they were gathered together; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, and they spake the word of God with boldness.

Acts 8:12-17 But when they believed Philip preaching good tidings concerning the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women. And Simon also himself believed: and being baptized, he continued with Philip; and beholding signs and great miracles wrought, he was amazed.
Now when the apostles that were at Jerusalem heard that Samaria had received the word of God, they sent unto them Peter and John: who, when they were come down, prayed for them, that they might receive the Holy Spirit: for as yet it was fallen upon none of them: only they had been baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus. Then laid they their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit.

Acts 10:44-48 While Peter yet spake these words, the Holy Spirit fell on all them that heard the word. And they of the circumcision that believed were amazed, as many as came with Peter, because that on the Gentiles also was poured out the gift of the Holy Spirit. For they heard them speak with tongues, and magnify God. Then answered Peter, Can any man forbid the water, that these should not be baptized, who have received the Holy Spirit as well as we? And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then prayed they him to tarry certain days.

Acts 19:1-7 And it came to pass, that, while Apollos was at Corinth, Paul having passed through the upper country came to Ephesus, and found certain disciples: and he said unto them, Did ye receive the Holy Spirit when ye believed? And they said unto him, Nay, we did not so much as hear whether the Holy Spirit was given. And he said, Into what then were ye baptized? And they said, Into John’s baptism. And Paul said, John baptized with the baptism of repentance, saying unto the people that they should believe on him that should come after him, that is, on Jesus. And when they heard this, they were baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus. And when Paul had laid his hands upon them, the Holy Spirit came on them; and they spake with tongues, and prophesied. And they were in all about twelve men.

Romans 8:5-17 For they that are after the flesh mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For the mind of the flesh is death; but the mind of the Spirit is life and peace: because the mind of the flesh is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can it be: and they that are in the flesh cannot please God. But ye are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you. But if any man hath not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the spirit is life because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwelleth in you, he that raised up Christ Jesus from the dead shall give life also to your mortal bodies through his Spirit that dwelleth in you.
So then, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh: for if ye live after the flesh, ye must die; but if by the Spirit ye put to death the deeds of the body, ye shall live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For ye received not the spirit of bondage again unto fear; but ye received the spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit himself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are children of God: and if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified with him.

1 Corinthians 6:17-20 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. Or know ye not that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have from God? and ye are not your own; for ye were bought with a price: glorify God therefore in your body.

Galatians 5:16-25 But I say, Walk by the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are contrary the one to the other; that ye may not do the things that ye would. But if ye are led by the Spirit, ye are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these: fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousies, wraths, factions, divisions, parties, envyings, drunkenness, revellings, and such like; of which I forewarn you, even as I did forewarn you, that they who practise such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, self-control; against such there is no law. And they that are of Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with the passions and the lusts thereof.
If we live by the Spirit, by the Spirit let us also walk.

2 Timothy 1:13-14 Hold the pattern of sound words which thou hast heard from me, in faith and love which is in Christ Jesus. That good thing which was committed unto thee guard through the Holy Spirit which dwelleth in us.

Elucidation of this topic

To elucidate is to explain or make something clear. We are interpreting the scriptures here piece by piece.

The Holy Spirit is a gift. (Acts 2:38)
The Spirit is sent in the name of Jesus. (John 14:26)
The Spirit resides with you and will be in you. (John 14:15-17)

The Holy Spirit is the spirit of truth. It guides us. (John 14:16-17, 26)
It is a helper. (John 14:16-17)
God chose us to pour out his Spirit on. He is our God and we are his people. It is given to believers. We receive the promise of the Spirit through faith. (Ezekiel 36:27-28, Galatians 3:14)

Some people say you receive the Spirit automatically when you believe, but in the bible they prayed to receive the Spirit. (Acts 8:12-17, Acts 19:1-7)
God will give you the good gift of the Holy Spirit if you ask him. (Luke 11:9-13)

People need to repent before baptism of both water and Spirit, but you can receive the Spirit before baptism (Acts 10:44-48) or after baptism (Acts 8:12-17, Acts 19:1-7).

When people received the Holy Spirit, they had the evidence of speaking in tongues (Acts 2:3-4, Acts 10:44-48, Acts 19:1-7). Without there being evidence of being born of the Spirit you wouldn’t know if somebody had received the Spirit. In Acts 8:12-17 Peter and John knew that they did not have the Spirit, then they prayed for them, and they knew they had received the Spirit. Also in Acts 19:1-7 Paul knew that the disciples in Ephesus had not received the Holy Spirit. They were baptized and it says the Holy Spirit came on them and they spoke in tongues.

You have to be born of the Spirit to enter heaven. (John 3:3-8)

You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. (Acts 1:8)

Don’t stop at receiving the Holy Spirit. Walk in the Spirit. Live by the Spirit. (Galatians 5:16-25)
You can live according to the flesh or live according to the Spirit. People who live according to the Spirit set their minds on things of the Spirit and those who live according to the flesh set their minds on things of the flesh. If you are in the flesh, you cannot please God. However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit if the Spirit of God dwells in you. (Romans 8:5-17)
If you do not have the Spirit of Christ, you do not belong to Christ. (Romans 8:9-11)

You are a temple of God. His Spirit lives inside you. (1 Corinthians 3:16)
We know that God abides in us by the Spirit that he has given us. (1 John 3:24)

If we live by the Spirit, let’s follow and keep in step with the Spirit. (Galatians 5:25)
Produce fruit by being filled with the Spirit. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)

Contemplation Questions

What does it mean to be born again?
How is a person born of the Spirit?
When did God pour out his Spirit?
Who receives the Spirit?
Do people receive the Spirit automatically or do they pray to receive it?
How do you know if you have received it? Is there any evidence?
What does it mean to live by the Spirit or walk in the Spirit?
What does it mean to focus on the things of the Spirit instead of the things of the flesh?
What kind of lifestyle/behaviors do you put down when you have the Spirit living in you?
What is the fruit of the Spirit?
Have you received the Holy Spirit?
How do you know that you have the Spirit of God living inside you?

Speaking in tongues

Speaking in tongues is evidence of receiving the Spirit. (Acts 2:4, Acts 10:44-48, Acts 19:1-7)

Speaking in tongues is prayer. We speak to God when we speak in tongues. (1 Corinthians 14:1-28)
Our own spirit prays when we pray in tongues. (1 Corinthians 14:14-15)
It builds us up spiritually. It is edifying to the one speaking in tongues. (1 Corinthians 14:4)

We should pray to interpret what we are speaking in tongues. (1 Corinthians 14:13)
Sometimes it will be interpreted. (1 Corinthians 12:8-11 and 28-31, 1 Corinthians 14:27-28)

It is not to be forbidden in the church (1 Corinthians 14:39), but there should be order in the church (1 Corinthians 14:27-28, 40).

The Spirit makes intercession for us. (Romans 8:26-27)

We are instructed to pray in the Spirit always. (Ephesians 6:18)

Contemplation Questions

What is speaking in tongues?
Why do people do it?
When do people speak in tongues?
When does somebody first speak in tongues?
Is speaking in tongues evidence of being born of the Spirit?
Is it necessary to have the evidence when you receive the Spirit?
How can it be interpreted?
What does the Holy Spirit do when you pray in tongues?
What do you feel it means when the bible talks about speaking in tongues?
Who should you pray in tongues in front of?
How often should you pray in tongues?
Have you received the Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues?

Have you received the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues since you started following Jesus? If not, seek after it today. If so, share the message. People need the Holy Ghost!

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A bible study on baptism by Leanna Mae

10/6/2024

Hello and welcome. This is an introductory bible study on baptism. It’s taken from the book, The Subject of Salvation. Please feel welcome to ask questions in the comments, and I will try to reply to each one. This is also available in slideshow form and video on the bible study page.

Baptism is one of my favorite topics. If you are seeking on this topic, I invite you to study the scriptures and pray for understanding. Getting baptized is a beautiful experience. You can read the story of my own baptism here.

Let’s talk about baptism. We’ll start with the scriptures and then get into discussing what they mean.

Scriptures

I've chosen several scriptures to highlight. All of the verses regarding baptism are referenced in the image above.

(All scriptures in the text are American Standard Version.)

Matthew 28:19-20 Go ye therefore, and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them into the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit: teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I commanded you: and lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.

Mark 16:16 He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that disbelieveth shall be condemned.

John 3:1-8 Now there was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews: the same came unto him by night, and said to him, Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God; for no one can do these signs that thou doest, except God be with him. Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except one be born anew, he cannot see the kingdom of God. Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb, and be born? Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except one be born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born anew. The wind bloweth where it will, and thou hearest the voice thereof, but knowest not whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.

Acts 2:38 And Peter said unto them, Repent ye, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ unto the remission of your sins; and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Acts 2:41 They then that received his word were baptized: and there were added unto them in that day about three thousand souls.

Acts 8:35-38 And Philip opened his mouth, and beginning from this scripture, preached unto him Jesus. And as they went on the way, they came unto a certain water; and the eunuch saith, Behold, here is water; what doth hinder me to be baptized? And he commanded the chariot to stand still: and they both went down into the water, both Philip and the eunuch; and he baptized him.

Acts 22:16 And now why tarriest thou? arise, and be baptized, and wash away thy sins, calling on his name.

Romans 6:3-8 Or are ye ignorant that all we who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him through baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we also might walk in newness of life. For if we have become united with him in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection; knowing this, that our old man was crucified with him, that the body of sin might be done away, that so we should no longer be in bondage to sin; for he that hath died is justified from sin. But if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him;

Galatians 3:26-28 For ye are all sons of God, through faith, in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ did put on Christ. There can be neither Jew nor Greek, there can be neither bond nor free, there can be no male and female; for ye all are one man in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 4:5-6 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all, and through all, and in all.

Speaking of the flood, 1 Peter 3:21 which also after a true likeness doth now save you, even baptism, not the putting away of the filth of the flesh, but the interrogation of a good conscience toward God, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ;

Elucidation of this topic

To elucidate is to explain or make something clear. We are interpreting the scriptures here piece by piece.

How did baptism start?
John the Baptist said he was baptizing for repentance, but one greater than him would come and baptize people with the Holy Spirit and with fire. Jesus was baptized. Jesus himself taught the disciples how to baptize. We learn from Acts 18:24-28 and Acts 19:1-7 that the baptism in the early Christian church that the disciples were practicing was different from John’s baptism. There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism (Ephesians 4:5-6). There is only one correct way to baptize. There is a baptism with water and a baptism of the Holy Spirit.

What does baptism mean?
In baptism, we are buried with Christ into his death and we will be united in the likeness of his resurrection. Our old self is crucified with Christ so that sin will no longer enslave us. If we died with Christ, we will live with him (Romans 6:3-8). In baptism, we are buried with Jesus and raised with Jesus through our faith in God (Colossians 2:9-13). Baptism in Jesus’ name is for the forgiveness of sins (Acts 2:38). It washes our sins away (Acts 22:16).

Who gets baptized?
Only believers in Jesus were baptized. The bible only makes mention of people choosing baptism who were old enough to choose the faith. There is no mention of babies or young children being baptized.

In Acts chapter 19 verses 1 through 7 there were people that had been baptized into John’s baptism of repentance that Paul taught about the proper way to be baptized. They were then baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus and received the Holy Spirit. If a person has been baptized and it was not done properly, they should get baptized again.

When did people get baptized?
People got baptized immediately after or soon after they believed. Those who received the word were baptized (Acts 2:41). People got baptized both before and after receiving the Holy Spirit.

How did the early church baptize people?
A biblical baptism is one of being immersed and being raised up. The words baptize and baptism are Greek words. Baptize is a transliteration of the Greek word baptizo which means to immerse. The root word is bapto which means to dip. The ‘o’ was changed to an ‘e’ to give us our verb baptize; a verb is an action word. The noun form is the Greek word baptisma which is where we get our word baptism. There was no confusion or controversy on the meaning of this when it was written. No one baptized by sprinkling or pouring on water. The Greek-speaking people understood the instruction to be baptized is an instruction to be immersed (go fully under).

We can also see from the context of scriptures this is how they baptized. Jesus was baptized in a river and it talks about him coming up from the water. In Acts 8:35-38 it says they went down into the water. Romans 6:3-8 and Colossians 2:9-13 talk about being buried with Christ and being raised with him. To be buried, you go under. To be raised, you come up. A person being baptized needs to be fully immersed in the baptismal waters.

What name should you be baptized in?
A lot of churches baptize “in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit”. There are also churches that baptize “in the name of Jesus”. Are they both the same? Does it matter? Is one a valid baptism and another invalid? Is one way right and the other way wrong? What does the bible say?

Matthew 28:19 says to go and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. In Acts 2:38 we are taught to repent, be baptized in Jesus’ name for the forgiveness of sins, and that we will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Acts 8:12-17 tells us about people who had been baptized in the name of Jesus, but still needed the Holy Spirit. In Acts 10:44-48 the Gentiles (non-Jews) received the Holy Spirit and Peter commanded them to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. In Acts 19:1-7 there were people who had been baptized into John’s baptism that Paul taught about the baptism we are supposed to have and they got baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. In 1 Corinthians 1:11-17 Paul asked the quarreling Corinthians if they were baptized in the name of Paul. After the Christian church began, every mention of a baptism that states the name it was done in says it was in the name of Jesus.

Jesus himself taught the disciples how to baptize. He made sure they had it right. Earlier in this book, I mentioned that all scripture is accurate. All of the New Testament is relevant for us. Matthew and Acts are equally accurate and relevant. Remember your interpretations of bible verses should never contradict other bible verses, but they should complement other verses. The way you interpret things should have bible verses all supporting each other. This is one of those subjects you really need to keep that in mind with. It is not a directive to listen to the instructions in Matthew or listen to the instructions in Acts. Matthew 28:19 and Acts 2:38 mean the same thing.

Some denominations say they baptize in the name of the trinity. That is not following the instructions given. Some denominations say when the bible says to baptize in the name of Jesus that is an abbreviation for “in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit”. Why would God abbreviate that? Of all things, why abbreviate something so important? And how do you get J-e-s-u-s out of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit? The interpretation that baptism in the name of Jesus is an abbreviation for baptism in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit is unbiblical. There are also denominations that say baptism in “Jesus’ name” only means in the authority of Jesus. You’re supposed to use the authority of Jesus’ name without actually saying his name?

To baptize “in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit” is to baptize in God’s titles. What is God’s name?

If you were to hand me a pen and ask me to write down my name, I would write “Leanna”. I wouldn’t write “your name”. Likewise, if I asked you to write down God’s name, you would write “Jesus”. I doubt you would write “God’s name” on the paper.
If a man wanted to write a check to pay a debt, he has to sign his name on the check for it to be cashed. Would he sign “Father, Son, and Husband” or would he sign his name? Being a son and a husband and a father are his titles. What’s his name? It’s his name that pays the debt.

The name of the Son is Jesus. Jesus tells us he has come in his Father’s name (John 5:43) and that the Father will send the Holy Spirit in his name (John 14:26). God’s name is Jesus. There is no other name by which we must be saved (Acts 4:12).

When we are instructed to be baptized in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, we know that “the name” is JESUS. We are baptized into Christ. We are buried with Christ in baptism and raised in Christ. We need to be baptized in the name of who we are being buried with and raised with and saved by — Jesus. The bible says we need to be baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Is baptism necessary?
This is an important question. Some churches say yes. Some churches say no. What does the bible say? What does God say about it? If you believe and are baptized you will be saved, but if you do not believe you are condemned (Mark 16:16). You must be born again. You must be born of water and of the Spirit. Without being born again you cannot enter heaven (John 3:1-8). We are told to repent and then be baptized in Jesus’ name for the remission of sins and receive the gift of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:38). Baptism saves us by the resurrection of Jesus Christ (1 Peter 3:21).

It doesn’t say it’s optional. It doesn’t say it’s symbolic. We are commanded to be baptized. It is cleansing. It washes our sins away. Baptism buries us with Christ and raises us with him. It is saving. It is essential.

Contemplation questions

What is baptism?
What does it mean to be baptized?
In the bible, who gets baptized?
In the bible, when do people get baptized?
Why does a person get baptized?
Do you have to be baptized?
What happens when somebody gets baptized?
Do you have to be immersed in the water (go fully under)?
What name should you be baptized in?
Are you baptized?
If yes, was it done according to the bible?
If not, are you going to be baptized the same way they did it in the bible?

Have you been baptized by immersion in the name of Jesus for the remission of your sins? If not, what are you waiting for? Find an Apostolic Pentecostal church (all of them baptize this way) and obey the scriptures. If you have already obeyed this, share the message and reach as many people as you can.

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Being a keeper at home is spiritual warfare

28/5/2024

Being a keeper at home is spiritual warfare. I do not interpret this scripture to be focused on personal finances despite many people in today’s time claiming only the rich can afford for women to stay home. The context is on what kind of behavior and lifestyle is befitting for men and women pursuing holiness. This scripture also addresses gender roles according to God’s design. This is New Testament. It is still relevant. It is still something we should seek to obey – even if it is counter-cultural.

Society has reached a point they are not even willing to discuss biblical gender roles or family dynamics because people have already made up their mind they are going to rebel against the Word of God. They criticize it. They attack women who desire this lifestyle. And they dismiss it – completely unwilling to discuss the matter spiritually (not just financially). Feminist ideologies have infected the church to the point that people despise God’s design if it doesn’t suit their lifestyle preferences.

Yet there are many of us women who see this scripture and it speaks to our hearts because God created us for this purpose and hard-wired us to fulfill this role. Women like this still exist. There are still keepers at home and many more women who desire to follow this biblical lifestyle.

No words are by accident in the Word of God. It doesn’t say unemployed woman or stay-at-home mom. It doesn’t say housewife or even homemaker. It says keeper at home. It actually doesn’t even specify wives. This is for all women.

Titus 2:1-8 (KJV)
But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded. In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you.

Verse 5 says young women are “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

It’s important to use an accurate and literal bible translation.

Different translations use different terms.

Having care of the house (Wycliffe)
Keepers at home (KJV)
Keepers of their own houses (Young’s)
Workers at home (ASV, NASB, WEB)
Working at home (ESV)
To work in their homes (NLT)
Homemaker (NKJV, HCSB)
Makers of a home (AMP)
Fulfilling their duties at home (NET)
To be busy at home (NIV)
Domestic (RSV)

This can be a little confusing when translations word it differently. Being a homemaker at heart and being a keeper at home are not the same, are they? Making a house a home isn’t the same thing as being busy (working) all the time. Domestic could surely mean a lot of things. Are we disobeying the bible if we aren’t baking enthusiasts with spotless houses? Taking care of the house makes sense when you come together as a team dividing the responsibilities of providing a home and caring for it. Is that it? Just clean the house and cook dinner? Is that falling in line with being holy and loving and chaste and good? Just make sure the dishes are done? Let’s take a look at the original languages in an interlinear bible.

Word-for-word
Self-controlled pure keepers at home kind being subject to the own husbands so that not the word – of God should be maligned

A literal translation would be
Titus 2:4-5
So that they may train the young women to be lovers of their husbands, loving their children, self-controlled, pure, keepers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands so that the word of God should not be blasphemed.

Reference: Strong’s Greek 3626 (only used once in scripture)

There are two slightly different words referenced here: oikourgous and oikourous. Early manuscripts used the word oikourgous. The origin of that word is oikos (a house, a dwelling) and ergon (work). This is why some translations say “worker at home”. Other manuscripts have the Greek text using a slightly different word. They use “oikourous” which originated from the word oikos (house) and ourous (keeper, watcher, or guardian). Thus, these manuscripts were translated to say “keeper at home”. There’s only one letter difference. I won’t attempt to declare one text more accurate than the other. Either way, these words have similar meanings.

Strong’s exhaustive concordance defines oikourgos to mean domestically inclined stating the word is from oikos and ouros (a guard; be “ware”), a stayer at home; i.e. domestically inclined (a good housekeeper) – a keeper at home.

Thayer’s Greek lexicon offers 3 meanings.

The (watch of) or keeper of a house
Keeping at home and taking care of domestic affairs
Domestic

In ancient Greece, oikos referred to the family and the house and the family’s property. Keeping watch over your house was also keeping watch over your family.

Keeper at home….

What does it mean to be a keeper at home? I don’t think that’s a statement of financial privilege as many now say in these times it’s a matter of money to stay home. I don’t think it’s a statement of household finances at all. This chapter is talking about behavior and character. Holiness in lifestyle is not restricted to the financially privileged.

I think this is a statement of spiritual warfare.

It doesn’t say homemaker in the original languages. It doesn’t say bake pies and host tea parties as we may think of nostalgic 1950s housewives perfecting the domestic arts. It makes no mention of shining the windows and having perfect appearance. Nor does it say stay home when your kids are little, then go back to work. It’s not talking about making a house a home with cleanliness and nice wax melts. Cooking and cleaning and tending to the home are aspects of housework, but the most important thing you are keeping after is precious in the kingdom.

What does it mean to be a keeper at home? A keeper is someone who is responsible for something. A keeper is defined as a person who manages or looks after something or someone. You keep after your home. You are the keeper of your children. You are the guardian of what is allowed to have access to your children. It is the mothers who are home with their children that set the environment. It is the mothers who play worship music while she is cleaning and leads prayer before lunch. It is the mothers who are present that keep watch over what their children view on a screen. They monitor the tablets and the internet and protect their children from the harm that could come. They guard the gate keeping boundaries with conviction. They keep watch for the attacks of the enemy and know the devil is prowling to snatch away the little ones. While the husbands and fathers are away at work to provide for their family, the wives keep after the home. The husbands are the head of the household, but the mothers are the keepers of the home.

Women are not unused by the kingdom.

What mothers do in the home is kingdom work.

When I think about being a keeper at home, I do not think of sitting on the couch in my pajamas scrolling through my phone all day. I think of keeping my littles home under my care instead of under secular influence. I think of how staying home allows families to homeschool and keep their children from the anti-bible indoctrination of public schools. I think of the time spent with them compared to how few hours I’d get if I were working. I think about how whoever children spend their day with is the main influence in their worldview. I think about family prayer, homemade meals at the table, the chalkboard with a daily bible verse, daily bible study, praying together, raising them in an atmosphere of worship and praise. Keeping watch over them at home is keeping watch over what has access to them. The devil always wants to snatch the children. It is the parent’s job to be on guard for the ways the enemy seeks to destroy. It is the mother who stays home that has round-the-clock guardianship over their entertainment, the screens they can see, the music that will shape their thinking, the books that will tell them about the world. Being a keeper at home is to keep guard physically and spiritually over the children God has gifted parents. Nowadays it’s also keeping them safe from the increasing crime, the school shootings, the human trafficking that is everywhere now, and the predators that lurk.

And, yes, keeping over the home also includes keeping things functioning. Cook the meals. Do the dishes. Another pile of laundry doesn’t feel like anything glorious. Cleaning the home and making it a pleasant place for your family is endless work, but it is kingdom work. This is where you raise your family. This is where your children learn to love Jesus and serve God. You are teaching them life lessons in your simple home even if there are toys everywhere.

That doesn’t mean you have to make the best sourdough bread in town. While domestic skills are necessary life skills and many homemakers need to be frugal to be able to have this lifestyle, let us not confuse the spiritual need for keepers at home with the Instagram-glorified domestic influencers (don’t get me wrong, I admire them too). No woman can excel at every domestic skill. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. This is primarily a spiritual role, not a baking competition. This role has a purpose with eternal value.

I am reminded of the gatekeepers in 1 Chronicles chapter 9:17-34. They would guard the gate and tend to the house of God. It was their job to guard the entrance and keep out anyone or anything unclean. They were stationed as gatekeepers. Verse 27 says they spent the night around the house of God because the watch was committed to them and they were in charge of opening it morning after morning. The bible even mentions here that they had charge of the utensils, the furniture, the flour. Some prepared the bread. Some were over that which was baked in pans. This was kingdom work. They were serving the house of God doing these things. It may not be a glorious position, but it is an essential position. What would happen to the house of God if no one guarded the gate? It would be defiled.

1 Timothy 5:14 (NASB 1995)
Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach;

There is also plenty to be said for keeping house without children in the home too. There is value in serving your husband instead of serving an employer. Spare time can always be used for kingdom work by serving the church or serving others in need. For countless years, it was the women who would check on the elderly and bring a meal to the sick or help a neighbor. The homemaker is the backbone of society. When you remove women from the home and they are no longer able to serve others, those in need must rely on (and pay for) companies to do what families and church ladies used to.

What would happen to your home if no one kept it? The simple things undone cause disorder and steal peace.

We can see quite clearly what has happened to an entire generation of children left to the keep of institutions to be raised by daycare all day and public school until they are an adult. Schools are highly politicized nowadays and lean so far left these kids can’t think straight. The rainbow flags fill the classroom even in elementary school, children being taught to approve of and celebrate sin. Teachers with different values are raising children born to Christian parents, and we wonder why the younger generation is losing their parent’s convictions. Their parents didn’t raise them for most of the hours in the day.

Look at what has happened in families since feminism lured women out of their homes and into the workforce.

Marriages are broken.
Nearly half of marriages end in divorce.
Overall, 69% of divorces are initiated by women. Interestingly, among couples with degrees, college-educated women initiate divorce 90% of the time.
Many couples choose not to marry at all. 40% of births are to unmarried mothers. In some states, it’s over 50%. Unmarried women are more likely to be on welfare. Ultimately, this affects our healthcare system when labor and delivery units are not being reimbursed well from state insurance leading to many units closing. The domino effect there is closing maternity units leads to worse outcomes for pregnant and birthing women as well as their babies.
Men abandon their wives and their children more than ever before.
Approximately, 1 in 4 children do not have a father in the home.
Over 18 million children do not have a biological father, adoptive father, or stepfather in the home.
These children living without an involved father are twice as likely to die in infancy, more likely to be abused, more likely to use drugs and alcohol, 7x more likely to get pregnant as a teenager, 2x as likely to drop out, more likely to commit crime, more likely to go to prison, and are 4x more likely to live in poverty.
Not to mention these single mothers often need to work multiple jobs and long hours. The less time they can spend with their children is the less influence they have over their faith and values.
Gender roles are stressed and twisted. Many women struggle being in relationships with men who expect them to work outside the home (often the same number of hours they do) but the men don’t split the responsibilities of cooking and cleaning equally the way they do finances. It puts the weight on the woman to be the breadwinner and the housekeeper.
As there are fewer and fewer masculine men who desire traditional gender roles, women lose interest in marriage.

Everything falls out of balance when Mom has to do Dad’s role too. One person can only do so much.

While many mothers long to stay home with their children, it is necessary to point out that you can’t do it alone. It takes a marriage for a woman to be able to be a keeper at home. And it takes a man willing to step up to the responsibility.

In the 1950s over 80% of mothers stayed home. By the late 1960s, that had dropped to just under half of moms. It continuously dropped reaching 23% in 1999. Now we are seeing a turn around. Around 25% of mothers are now staying home with their children.

A 2019 Gallop study found that only 39% of women prefer a homemaker role while 23% of men prefer homemaking (for themselves) over working outside the home. Women with a college degree are more likely to prefer working.

If a mother financially must leave her children to make money elsewhere, she is tasked with finding childcare that aligns with her Christian values. Sometimes it takes a village, but it is a shame when women have to do it all. We are designed to be inter-dependent.

What about families that can’t afford it?
That’s absolutely valid. It is getting harder and harder to survive on one income. It used to be a man could support a large family on his own from one job. When more and more women went into the workforce, the economy adapted to a two-income household. Then marriages fell apart and single-parent poverty became a plague. There is no easy solution. Following the world’s ways of chasing money will only make it harder for women to stay home with their littles. The world’s solution is to eliminate the children. Have abortions. Go on birth control. Choose smaller family sizes for financial reasons. Choose to be “child-free”. For most households, choosing biblical gender roles means genuine financial struggle. It takes sacrifice to make it work. Godly women must choose a man who is in alignment with following this lifestyle even when it’s hard. And the women who stay home often must be frugal and self-sufficient. The bible is not against women working from home or having an income. Proverbs 31 makes it clear that women often worked with their hands to create things (at home) they could sell. That didn’t require them to leave their homes for a 9 to 5. Our priorities must be in order. It is the husband’s job to provide. It is the wife’s job to tend to the work of the home. He is the head of the household; she is the keeper of the home. Both must manage money very well to make it work in today’s economy that begs for a two-income household to maintain a culturally expected standard of possessions.

What happens spiritually when the biblical (traditional) family unit falls apart?
When men stop going to church with their families, their wife and children are far less likely to stay in church. As we’ve surely all seen, once daddy is gone many children stop coming. There are always exceptions and people who stay in church despite the odds, but realistically the father leads the family in church attendance for the majority of families. Women are more likely to work in career fields such as retail or restaurants that require them to work on Sundays thus making them unable to attend church. Many single mothers work multiple jobs and are simply unable to schedule in church as well.

The demise of the biblical family unit as God designed it is one of the greatest threats to the continuation of the church. Each generation goes to church less and less. Without children in church, the older generation passes away and there aren’t enough young families to fill the pews. Without families in church, eventually churches don’t have enough tithing members to keep the doors open.

Tragically, most churches no longer teach biblical gender roles or family structure at all because it has become so controversial. If you want revival, you have to bring back and strengthen the family unit.

What does the devil want for the family?
He wants destruction. The enemy’s goal is to get the family out of church and away from God. He wants to keep you distracted and too busy for the bible study you wish you had time for and the prayer life you need. The devil is always prowling and he seeks to destroy marriages and the family unit so he can snatch the children. If he can’t rip apart your marriage, he’ll surely exhaust many women in their pursuit of work/family balance while they chase after money and still try to be a homemaker.

Society is training women for college and career with focus on money and material items. Meanwhile, God’s design for marriage and family is increasingly criticized and abandoned. Even in conservative churches, many women choose the way of the world following their careers instead of staying home to take care of their family. Few churches teach their congregation to follow biblical gender roles and let the wife be a keeper at home when financially possible.

What does God want for the family?
God wants a family that serves Him and glorifies Him. He wants holy people set apart from the world who live righteously despite being surrounded by promiscuity and all kinds of sexual sin. He wants purity for his people. He designed the family unit as a system with a purpose. He wants obedience to his design. Gender is his creation. Gender roles is his structure. God wants men that lead and women that submit to that godly leadership. Children are a blessing. Guard the young ones spiritually. Will you strive to follow that design?

What happens if the gatekeeper leaves the family unguarded?
The enemy is at the gate.

Keep your home – the whole house. Keep after your children. Keep after your marriage needs. Keep after your territory. Guard what God has given you.

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Over 120 ways to save money on your wedding

7/5/2024

Learn more about the book

Hello to the frugal brides out there. Are you searching the internet trying to figure out how to afford the wedding you want? It’s so much more expensive than we realize, isn’t it? I want you to have your dream wedding. I know realistically you have a budget. We can’t all spend tens of thousands on this big event. I’ve compiled a list of over 120 ways to save money on your wedding. This is taken from my book, Happily Frugal. Make sure to get your copy and utilize the workbook. It has check boxes in each section of the budget as categorized below.

Learn more about Happily Frugal here.

Learn more

It’s wedding time. We have 5 goals.

Be united in marriage as husband and wife.
Have the wedding of your dreams.
Do not borrow money from anyone. The days of parents paying for weddings should be over. It’s 100% the couple’s responsibility to pay for their big day.
Stick to your budget.
Have one of the happiest days of your life.

All 5 of these things are possible. You can have a dream wedding on a budget.

The average wedding in America costs $33,391!!!
That’s according to The Knot’s survey for 2017 weddings.
That doesn’t even include the honeymoon. That’s a lot of money!
Let’s talk about how to not spend that much money.

Here are over 120 ways you can save money on wedding expenses.

Following these money saving methods could easily allow you to have a nice wedding for $5,000 or less. With a really tight budget, it is possible to have a simple wedding for less than $1,000. A low budget wedding is not a bad wedding. All weddings are beautiful.

priorities

First thing first, know that you do not need everything wedding pros tell you that you need. You do not need to pay ridiculously high prices for what you want. You do not need the grandest material items or the hottest styles. What you need is to stay focused on what you are doing. You are getting married. You are being united with the person that you love. You are not throwing an elaborate party for the sake of throwing a party. A wedding reception is a celebration of two lives being joined. It’s not a show off of how much money you have. Keep in mind what really matters.
Skip the wedding planner if that doesn’t fit into your budget.
Strive to do this without going into debt. What amount of money are you comfortable spending? How long do you have to save up for that?
Create a budget carefully. Be determined to stick to your budget, but also make it realistic. This is your wedding. You want what you want. Don’t deprive yourself of everything nice. Just don’t go overboard.
In your budget, prioritize the top things that are most important to you. For example, the rings, the photos, and the video footage will last your entire marriage. The food will last a few days. The flowers will last a little while. The decorations are for one day. The dress will only be worn for a day or two. Decide what the top things are that you don’t want to skimp on.
Be selective with who you choose to invite. The bigger the wedding guest list the bigger the budget needs to be.
Be serious with RSVPs. If you give them the privilege of being invited to your wedding – which means you want them there enough to pay for it – then you deserve the courtesy of a timely response. RSVP is required to save your seat.
Don’t invite dates. It is way too expensive to invite your cousin and a fill in the blank date that you two don’t even know.
Ask if there are discounts for paying in full early.
Negotiate when the prices are too high. If you can’t afford it, then get it somewhere else. That business may or may not be able to be flexible with their charges. They do have a business to run and their own bills to pay.
Don’t tell the vendors it’s for a wedding if you don’t have to. Renting a reception hall for a family gathering and a wedding can be two different prices. The same goes for cakes and flowers.
Pass on the fancy rehearsal dinner. Keep the rehearsal casual.
Strive for simple.

the location for the ceremony and reception

Don’t get married in a big city like New York, LA, or any metro area. Prices will be much higher. Get married somewhere that wedding vendors don’t have a lot of clients. It is much cheaper to get married in a rural area.
Have your wedding during the week instead of on the weekend.
Have your wedding outside of peak wedding season. Weddings are usually held May through November. If you can get married sometime in December through April, this will save you money.
Have your wedding in the morning and be home by that night. Reception vendors tend to charge more for later bookings.
Have your ceremony and reception in the same place instead of paying for 2 separate places to be rented and decorated.
Choose a more affordable venue. Your church may be free or low cost. Parks are very affordable. Event centers that aren’t wedding specific are less money.
If you are having a small wedding, a backyard wedding with family and friends can be beautiful.

the stationary

Skip the save-the-date announcements. They are cute, but the cutesy gifts can be pricey. You can go digital with your save-the-date.
Make the invitations yourself. You can buy fill in the blank cards in bulk or print your own invitations if you have a printer that can print cards or photos.
Order custom-made invitations and other stationary directly from a printing company.
Make the programs yourself or with family and friends.
You can also make other paper crafts yourself such as the name tags for the tables.
To save on stamps, hand deliver the invitations to the people you know you will see or can easily stop by their house.
You can also hand deliver some of the thank you cards.
Buy blank thank you cards in bulk at low-cost stores. There’s no need for thank you cards to be custom-made for your wedding.
For an extremely tight budget, you could skip the stationary and go with a more casual invitation style. You can make digital invitations to email out to your guest list. Digital invites are free to do.
You could also compromise between paper invites and digital invites. Buy paper invitations for family and close friends. Send a digital invite to everyone else.

the wedding party

Don’t let the wedding party get too big. The more bridesmaids and groomsmen you have the more money you are spending. Think about how much money you have to spend on each bridesmaid: their dresses, their shoes, possibly their jewelry, the flowers they’re going to carry, the gifts you’re going to buy them, etc… It adds up quickly. Then there’s attire and gifts for the groomsmen. Best man and maid/matron of honor may get additional gifts. There’s also the ring-bearer and the flower girl(s). The bigger the wedding party the bigger that part of the budget has to be.
Rent the attire for the wedding party.
Try shopping right after prom or homecoming.
Shop for your bridesmaids’ accessories such as shoes and purses somewhere besides the bridal shops and formal retailers. Department stores can have cute accessories.
You can make your own bridesmaid dresses.
Pre-owned bridesmaids’ dresses are still good dresses.
There are a lot of nice dresses that aren’t made for formal occasions. Your bridesmaids could get matching dresses from any store. The wedding party doesn’t have to be formal. I’ve also seen bridesmaids wear matching skirts and dress shirts or sweaters. That’s affordable and can be worn again.
Consider letting the wedding party not be 100% matching. Let them go with a color and choose their own dress. That may give some flexibility in each person’s budget.
Sometimes a bride and groom will ask the wedding party to purchase their own attire.
Skip hiring a makeup artist for the bridal party.
Skip paying for manicures for the bridal party.
Skip the wedding party. Focus on the bride and groom. It’s all about the couple anyway. Some people are content without a wedding party. For others, they dream of having their sisters and friends as bridesmaids. Do what is right for you.

the bridal attire

Some brides choose to buy a dress for the ceremony and another dress for the reception. Purchasing only one dress is a big money saver.
It’s not uncommon for women to buy a new dress for the rehearsal. That’s not necessary. You can skip that for a little savings.
Designer brands are going to cost quite a lot more. Choose a brand that isn’t associated with high price tags.
Choose simple elegance. The more elaborate a dress is the more expensive it is going to be. It’s up to you how much you’re comfortable paying for a dress intended for one day.
Shop at bridal stores that are in less visited areas. They are more likely to have lower prices than stores in big cities.
Buy a dress off the rack and alter it yourself.
Choose less expensive fabrics for your wedding dress.
Consider renting a wedding dress.
The bride can buy a formal dress not labeled as a wedding dress. You may be able to order it in white. You can also wear a colored dress. There are gorgeous dresses out there in many colors that would make a great wedding dress. While brides are spending around $1800 on average for the dress alone, ordering a formal dress not intended for brides can easily be less than $200.
If you or someone close to you is very talented at sewing, you can make your own wedding dress.
A pre-owned wedding dress is fine.
You can borrow a wedding dress from a friend.
You don’t have to buy new clothes. There are a lot of people who get married in clothes they’ve owned for a while. Not having a $$$$ wedding dress doesn’t make your marriage less valid. Do what you can with the budget you have. It’s okay for the bride to wear a nice church dress and the groom to wear a suit he regularly wears to church.
Choose to buy outfits that you can wear again. It used to be common for women to wear colored dresses and that dress would then become a nice church dress.
Casual weddings are the right fit for some couples. You’re allowed to wear a sundress for your wedding. The groom is allowed to wear khakis and a button up shirt with or without a tie.
Make your own veil.
Skip the veil if you want to.
Don’t buy your shoes from a bridal store. You can get dress shoes at a department store.
You can also wear nice shoes that you already own. If you’ve got a pair of shoes you love that would look great, why not?
Style your own hair or have a close friend do your hair.
Go light on the jewelry and accessories. A simple look is a timeless bride.

the rings

As with all things, shop around. A diamond ring of similar style and quality can be very different prices depending on where you’re shopping. Christmas time and Valentine’s Day always have sales on wedding rings.
Save money by getting fewer carats of gold.
You can save a lot by going with a diamond that’s fewer carats. The carat of a diamond is its weight. Try buying just shy of a carat and half carat mark.
You can save a large amount of money by choosing a gemstone other than a diamond. A diamond is beautiful and it is traditional, but there are other beautiful gemstones. White sapphire can be a more affordable option for a similar look. If she loves rubies, why not consider a ruby with small diamonds on the side? Do inquire about the durability of daily use on the gemstone of interest. Diamonds are the hardest gemstone and good for wedding rings. Some gemstones may be too soft to wear every day for 50 years.
Cubic zirconia or moissanite can be an option.
You would save a lot of money if you chose plain wedding bands with no gemstones.
Something else you can do is to get plain bands when you get married. Then save up the money to buy your dream rings.
She doesn’t have to have an engagement ring plus a wedding band. One ring is perfectly beautiful.
Tungsten is a cheaper metal that can be used as an alternative to gold. They also come in a variety of colors and patterns.
Titanium wedding bands are cheaper than gold, but look fairly similar to white gold.
Stainless steel rings are a very affordable option. They are long lasting and very durable. They can look pretty similar to gold rings. They also come in colors. You can get a stainless-steel band for under $20. The cheapest ones are plain bands. They can have patterns on them. They can have diamonds or other gemstones. They’re very creative looking. You may be able to get both his and her rings plus engravings for less than $50. Stainless steel bands may not be what you had in mind, but if you don’t have room in the budget for gold and diamonds this allows you to have a very affordable set of rings.
Wooden rings are also an option. They can be plain or have gemstones.
You can find decent pre-owned wedding rings for sale. A vintage ring from a family member can be sentimental… and free.
Silicone bands only cost a few dollars.
While rings are the norm in our culture, they are not absolutely necessary. Some religious groups do not wear jewelry at all. Others may not wear rings out of their own personal preference. It is possible to get married without a ring for either spouse. Couples may or may not purchase rings at a later date.

the wedding cake and other food

The more guests you have the more food you have to buy. Smaller weddings are more affordable.
Consider catering from restaurants instead of catering companies.
Don’t serve alcohol.
Have a morning wedding with coffee and brunch instead of a meal.
Skip serving a meal to a large group of people by having an evening wedding with dessert afterwards.
Have a buffet.
Wedding cakes do not have to be tiered. You can get sheet cakes for much, much cheaper. You can have multiple smaller cakes of different flavors with different looks for a lot cheaper than you can have one big, fancy cake. You could make several round cakes that are one layer, creatively display them on a cake table with decorations, have the same amount of food to eat, and save a ton by it not being tiered.
Have the family get together and bake smaller cakes. Of course, you want people that are good at baking and cake decorating using recipes that you two have tried and like.
Make your own wedding cake.
Choose a cake alternative such as cupcakes or pie.
For a smaller wedding with only close family and friends, have a potluck. You provide the main dish. Ask family and friends to bring in side dishes and desserts to share.
It’s a waste of money for leftover food to be thrown away. Make sure people take home the food or donate it.
If you’re going to have favors that are food, see what you can make yourself or purchase in bulk affordably.
If your budget is really tight and you are having a small wedding, you can do the ceremony at a low-cost location such as church, a park, or even at home. Then have everyone go out to eat at your chosen restaurant after the ceremony. Or you could have your ceremony near restaurants and people can bring their food back to the church or to a park for a picnic. A wedding at the park followed by a picnic is an option.

the flowers

Choose flowers that are native to your area. Exotic flowers are a gorgeous way to break the bank.
Choose flowers that are in season where you live.
Choose less expensive flowers. Roses are gorgeous, but not inexpensive. There are plenty of other flowers that are pretty that don’t cost as much.
You can get flowers from Farmer’s Markets and grocery stores cheaper than a floral shop. Many also have beautiful flowers. Inquire about purchasing in bulk or planning ahead to order for your wedding day.
In season, purchase directly from a flower farm.
Go with smaller or simple bouquets.
Grow your own flowers. Ask family and friends to help you with this. This does require an engagement that lasts long enough to be able to plant them and tend to them. You also need to be able to arrange them nicely in a timely manner.
Again, the size of the wedding party is going to increase costs. The maid of honor and each bridesmaid will have a bouquet.
Fake flowers from craft stores can be a budget option.
Have the flower girls scatter fake flower petals from a crafts store. That’s cheaper than real flower petals and you don’t have to worry about stains. You could put them back in the box after the wedding to be passed on to your family and friends.
Your centerpieces at your reception don’t have to have flowers. You could do a few flowers on certain tables, but choose non-floral décor for the guest tables.

the decoration

Hit the clearance section after the season is over. If you know you’re getting married next year in October, buy the decorations this November and December.
Make the decorations yourself. Go to an affordable craft store and make the decorations at home.
There are tons of baskets, jars, and decorative glass to be found at thrift stores. Get creative.
Instead of matching centerpieces, try decorating each table with its own unique look using what you can find.
If you have bought linens and accessories, keep them to let family and friends borrow for their events or donate them to the church to be used by others for free. If your family or any friends do this, consider borrowing what they offer.
Depending on the area you live, you may be able to rent decorations for a few days cheaper than it costs to buy them.

entertainment

If you are having a live band, musicians, or a DJ, stick to the schedule to avoid being charged for going over the time stated in the contract.
Use CDs with a good stereo instead of paying for a live band.
Make your own playlist and connect it to a speaker.
If you do want live music, ask someone you know that would enjoy taking a little bit of their time to play an instrument and/or sing.

photography and videography

Choose a photographer who is experienced, but fits the budget. Make a reasonable budget for this. Photography is an expensive business to run. I do recommend ordering photos through your professional photographer. One bad way to save money is getting the photo disc and ordering prints from your local department store. The quality of the photos will not be the same.
Ask guests to take pictures with their cameras or even their phones and send them to you within 2 weeks so you have all the pictures that were taken.

the honeymoon

One week is cheaper than two. A weekend getaway is likely affordable even by those with a strict budget. Make the most of this new chapter in your life.
Make your honeymoon somewhere in the continental U.S. that is not a common tourist destination. Of course, leaving the country will be your most expensive option. A tourist destination will be expensive. What are the biggest things you want from your honeymoon? Do you want to be on a beach? Do you want to be in a cabin stargazing while nestled in the mountains? Where are all the places you can get that? Choose lesser-known beaches or mountain towns. You can also look at the surrounding areas to your dream honeymoon. What are the options within an hour of that dream destination that’s a bit out of your budget? A hotel 20 minutes from that tourist town can be a very different price than the hotel in that tourist town’s downtown area right next to all the activities. You may be able to afford that destination you thought you couldn’t if you stay a short commute away.
Schedule your honeymoon outside of peak travel season.
Rent somewhere that has a fridge and stove so you can buy groceries and cook instead of eating out.
If needed, you can take your honeymoon a while after the wedding. Take a few paychecks to save up some money for the honeymoon.
Some people will skip a honeymoon for financial reasons. Nobody wants to miss out on their dream honeymoon, but forgoing a honeymoon is a reality for quite a few couples. If you can’t afford to do a honeymoon now, maybe you can save up and have a really nice couple’s vacation for your one-year anniversary.

One more thing...

I should mention one more thing. Eloping is an option. You could have a last-minute wedding in a park with family and friends. You could do a casual ceremony at your church and skip the formal reception. Courthouse weddings are a choice. Eloping can be a financial choice. It could be a personal preference of the couple. Either way it’s the most affordable way to get married. Do what’s right for you.

All of these things being said, you certainly don’t have to do each one of these things. Figure out your budget. Do what you are able to within that budget. Plan your dream wedding. Get as close as you can.

Here are two more things you can do...

Here are 2 more things that can give you more money in your wedding budget.

Start saving back for your big day long before you get engaged. Single ladies do this all the time. Envelope budget, bride-to-be!
Once you are engaged, utilize chapter 6 in this book to the max. Take your savings and add the money to your wedding budget.

What did you do to save money on your wedding? Tell me in the comments below.

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What I actually do as a doula

22/9/2023

You’ve heard that a doula is a professional support person for birth, but maybe you’re not sure what that means exactly. Here is a breakdown of the things that I do prenatally, at the birth, and postpartum.

Prenatally

We have a couple of prenatal appointments.

Our first appointment includes the intake. This is where I get to know the family and more about what they want for their birth. I ask about learning styles, preferences on a lot of things, and go through a list of things they may want more information about.
We talk about birth plans! I want to know what is important to them. Things don’t always go as planned, but it always matters to me to know what matters to them. I want to know what’s most important, what they are looking forward to most, what they fear, and how they feel on different things such as pain management or interventions.
We also talk about their experience so far in the healthcare system with their maternity care. I ask them how they feel about their care, how they are being treated, how communication is going, etc.
We talk about patient rights.
We also talk about navigating communication in the healthcare system.
If they are not happy with their care, I offer insight on birth locations and providers that may align more with the care they are looking for.
My favorite appointment is the class on coping with contractions. We talk about a lot and really focus on learning the different options for preparing to labor.
I assist the dad in learning how to take care of his wife during birth.
If momma wants to have other family members or friends support her birth, they are invited to the prenatal on coping with contractions. I will teach them how to support birth as well.
If they need it, we can go over the basics of childbirth education. In that, we also talk about ways to help labor progress and what kinds of things I can do that may help them have a shorter labor and smoother birth.
If needed, I also have a breastfeeding basics class we can do an additional appointment for.
If requested, I can attend one prenatal appointment with their provider.

Outside of those appointments, we keep in touch.

I’m available by phone whenever they need me. That’s not just for the birth. If they have questions prenatally, they can text me anytime.
The client may give me a quick update after prenatal appointments with their provider.
I check in by text every now and then to see how everything is going.
I am always available for education and support related to their pregnancy, birth, postpartum, or healthcare. Ask me anything.
I share resources in the community or online that they have asked for or I think may be helpful to them.
I email or text educational links and videos.
I write handouts and blogs by request.
I can also research questions for them so they don’t have to take the time to do so. Want to know the top-rated car seat? I’ll do that research for you. Looking for statistics on something? Let me hunt that down for you. This saves the parents time, and I enjoy research.
As we reach the end of the pregnancy, I double check my list of the topics they wanted more information on.
I also send emails/resources to prepare for postpartum.
Of course, I send breastfeeding education as needed.
My goal is to get mothers and their husbands as prepared for birth educationally, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as I can.
I also pray for my clients to have healthy babies and healthy pregnancies + births.

Throughout the pregnancy, we communicate regularly. I get to know them better and that allows me to serve them better at the birth.

At the birth

When it’s time for the birth, I come as soon as they want me to. Some want me right away. Others want to let things pick up for a bit first. Some want me to meet them at home. Others want me to meet them at the hospital. If she goes into labor naturally, it tends to be at night. There’s something about going out to my van in the middle of the night carrying all my bags in the cool air under the stars that I absolutely love. It’s invigorating. I’m a night owl to the core, and am more than happy to head out to work at 2am.

Support looks different depending on where she is at in labor. This is also highly individual. In early labor, things are generally pretty casual. I may be fairly hands-off because she doesn’t need any hands-on support yet. As things get more intense, I get more hands-on. There’s a stereotype that women don’t like to be touched during transition. For some, that’s true. For others, they get clingy during transition (which is actually my preference). What support looks like is going to vary a lot from person to person and birth to birth. I always tell my mommas what I need most from them is to be comfortable communicating with me. Don’t hesitate to tell me what you want and don’t want. I am here to serve you.

LABOR
Here are some things that I typically do during labor. What needs done when is a very intuitive process.

Physical support:

Hip squeezes for days. I do a lot of counter-pressure.
Prenatally, we talk about and practice different coping techniques. I take notes on what they like and what they don’t. When it comes time, I gently remind them of the things they can do. I never tell them what to do. I always word it as options and there are always alternatives. It’s 100% okay to say you don’t want to try that right now. We’ve got plenty of things to choose from.
I offer suggestions on coping if they seem like they need it.
I offer suggestions on positioning.
I get out the support supplies I bring. I also get out the supplies in the hospital room such as birth balls, peanut balls, squat bars, etc. I’ll give a quick reminder how to use them. In labor, I won’t go over all the options with each support tool. I’ll give one or two and see how she feels about it.
Throughout labor, I will offer different support supplies or bring them near if we need them. I find some support tools are better at different points in labor. What we do in early labor is different than what we do in transition. Typically, people pick a few tools and those are what they prefer. No one uses all the tools in the bag, and that’s okay. We’ll find what works best for her specifically.
I come with my walking shoes on. We walk the halls a lot. We also squat in the halls, do counter-pressure in the halls, and smile at the other mommas doing the same. As we are walking, I carry whatever she needs me to. If she’s on a wireless monitor that has a box and strap, I’ll carry it for her. If she has an IV, I’ll roll it. And I might fan her with the hand fan I keep in my front pocket as she labors. One of the things I usually have in my pockets is a hand fan.
This one might sound weird, but I pay attention to how long it’s been since she peed. A full bladder can hinder the uterus from contracting. If I notice their contractions are spacing out, I’ll ask if they need to pee. Sometimes they have a hard time knowing if they have a full bladder because there is increasing pressure from the baby moving down.
If they get nauseas, I keep alcohol swabs in my pocket. I can dodge for an emesis bag quickly. If they throw up, I clean them up (and the floor or whatever it hit).
Bloody show can happen before labor or not. It can be a little bit or a lot. Sometimes it’s drip drops. Other times it runs down their leg a bit. If they get messy, I glove up and wipe them off. If it’s on their thighs, I always ask if they’re comfortable if I clean their thighs off before I touch them.
I am big on consent. I check in with her often to see what she wants, how she’s feeling about it, what she’s okay with, if she’s comfortable, and seek feedback from her. We talk about this prenatally as well. I always want people to feel safe with me. For example, in my class on coping with contractions I teach hip squeezes for counter-pressure. I will ask if she’s comfortable if I squeeze her hips. Anything that might be personal space for them, I want to check in and make sure they are comfortable with that kind of touch. I know for me birth is normal life and I’m both aware and comfortable, but for them this type of care is vulnerable and they may not know what to expect.
If they want to get in the shower, I help them with that. I will get the water going, help them into the tub/shower, and stay by their side. Sometimes I will take the showerhead and spray hot water on their back. Other times, I will do counter-pressure while they are in the shower. If they want to actually shower and get cleaned up, I can help with that. They may want a full shower especially if they’ve been in labor a while or they may just want hot water on their back. The shower is a great option when active labor is getting intense.
If the exercise of labor is making her warm, I’ll grab a cool washcloth. These are great on the forehead or neck. I also have ice packs I can fill up with ice or cold water for her to hold onto or put on.
On the other hand, if she’s cold I’ll go get her a warm blanket and try to keep her cozy. Sometimes people will go back and forth between hot and cold with all the hormones.
Another way I support them physically is by bringing a drink of water to them. Depending on the hospital, I may be the one to go refill the water or it may be a nurse.
I also bring them their snacks. If she needs me to open it and/or hand it to her, I’m right here.
I do whatever I can to comfort the laboring mother and help her cope with the process.
If she needs a hand to hold, I’m here. If she needs to lean on me, feel welcome. Whatever you need, let me know or just go ahead and we’ll roll with it.
The mother leads how hands-on or hands-off she wants people to be. If she wants hands-on support, I’m right there. If she wants to lay down and rest a few minutes, I’m either on the couch or sitting on the chair by her side. If she needs some space, I totally understand.

If she gets an epidural, I sit by her while she rests. I keep watch. We can chit-chat if she’s up for it. I can help the nurses reposition her, but I won’t reposition a patient with an epidural by myself. If there are two nurses in the room, they may do it. If there’s one, I help. Whether or not they want help varies by the individual nurse. Even with an epidural, I am still helping with peanut ball positions.

Emotional support and mindset:

I encourage.
I also listen and validate. I hear you. If you tell me your back hurts, I’m not going to say something like “You’re doing great!” I’m going to ask if you want to try the TENS machine or get in the shower or whatever I can suggest to actually help you. I hear you.
I pay attention to how they are coping. When the mind hits its limits, the body may need something else for relief.
I talk to them in between contractions. I try not to talk to someone during a contraction while they are focusing.
I follow her lead on how talkative we are. In early labor, we chat more. As things progress, we get more quiet and calm. We go more inward and intuitive with the process. There is a quietness to labor. There’s a lot of in between moments.
I hold space for her. I’m here. Whatever you need, I’m here to support you. Sometimes that looks like companionship coming alongside someone in moments that they are coping well on their own.
Labor is a process to get their baby from their womb to their chest. I occasionally direct their mindset to be focused on the purpose here by talking about the baby. How much do you think she’ll weigh? He’ll be here soon. If they have a name picked out, I think it helps to use their name and talk about the person that is joining their family.
We can talk through things and process things. If she has a decision to make and she wants to talk through it, we do that. If she needs help processing how things are going, we can talk about it.

Spiritually:
I run a Christian business. My classes and doula services are faith-based. In the coping with contractions class, we talk about trusting in Jesus, having scriptures to remind us of truth, and we have faith-based affirmations.

If they’ve got flashcards made with scriptures, we can hang them up in the birth space if they want to.
If they have affirmations made, we can hang those as well.
I do have flashcards and pens in my doula bag if they want to make them. I also have tape.
I have several playlists of worship music. I encourage them to make a playlist with the kind of worship music they like. If they don’t get time to do that, we can either pick something as we go or we can use my playlists. Worship is the thing that changes the atmosphere more than anything else. They may prefer things to be quieter, but if they are up for music let’s worship during labor.
If they want to, we can pray. I pray for my clients prenatally and pray on the way to them or the hospital as well. Some want to pray together and others don’t. It’s totally up to them.
We also talk about God throughout care. I try to keep things Christ-centered.

Environmentally:
The environment of the birth space is also something I work on.

I want to nurture a calm environment.
I can dim the lights for them or go turn them off.
I can put up string lights. I adore these!
If we are at home, we can light candles. If we are in the hospital, I can put out electric candles or battery-operated tealights.
If they brought anything that comforts them, I may ask them if they want that item. Sometimes they’ll bring their own blankets because hospital blankets aren’t very cozy.
If mom is up for it, we can play worship music or nature music. I have plenty of playlists with worship music. I also have a whole bunch of playlists with nature music, rain sounds, ocean sounds, soft piano, and other soothing sounds. All of those playlists are publicly available on YouTube.
I strive to cultivate the birth space to be how she wants it to be.

Socially:

I will ask prenatally who they want there at the birth. I can help them facilitate communication on this.
I’ll usually hit the call button for them. Sometimes they get nervous or are hesitant to hit the button. Let me know what you need and I’ll let them know.
Depending on the topic, I can talk to the staff about what they want. The patient has to answer any medical questions and anything they have to consent to, but if it’s things like “She wants to know if she can have Zofran.” or “Are there any more pillows available?” I’m more than happy to talk to the staff for the momma in labor.
We can navigate communicating with the staff. If there’s something that’s bothering the mom, let’s talk about how we can address it. If she has questions but doesn’t know quite how to ask about something, I can offer suggestions for communication. If there’s an issue with a lack of consent, I will direct attention to the patient by saying things like “Are you okay with ____?” politely and very much in front of the healthcare worker who did not get consent as they should. Or if it’s something like her wanting to emphasize part of her birth plan, I can aid in communication with the staff and we can talk about what that looks like first.

Progress:

One of the things I do in addition to support is help aid labor progress. We’ll do lots of movement. A natural birth is an active birth. I’ll help the birthing mother be calm and relaxed as much as possible. We’ll use things like dim lighting to help melatonin kick up the oxytocin. We’ll get on the birth ball. We may use a peanut ball. I’ll ask what station baby is at with each exam, and I’ll recommend positions based on fetal station to help them through that section of the pelvis. Doulas do more than support birth. We help labor go faster and smoother as well.

Education:
I am passionate about education. I love to teach. I continue teaching in the birth.

I answer whatever questions I can.
If it’s a question their provider or nurse needs to answer, I can use the call button for them or remind them about the question next time they come in the room.
I explain what things are and what they are for.
If something is being done and I can tell momma doesn’t know what’s going on but the staff isn’t explaining it, I’ll explain what they’re doing (or ask mom if she has any questions).

Also:

I take a thousand pictures. I don’t have a professional camera. I have an iPhone and I will literally take hundreds of pictures.
I support the dad as well. I help him help her. I guide him in coping techniques and supporting birth. I check in to make sure he is staying hydrated and has eaten something.
I guide the other support people in how they can support this momma.
I get to stay at the bedside. That is unique to doula work. The nurses spend little time at the bedside. Even if they are in the room, they have to focus on meds and monitors and charting. They don’t get to help very much with labor support. One of my favorite things about doula work vs considering going into nursing is that I genuinely get to be at the bedside taking care of people.
I’m a steady person that doesn’t clock out or trade out. That brings them comfort to have someone consistent. In the hospital, they see the doctor very little before delivery. The nurses pop in and out, but may have more than one patient. They do shift work. You will go through several nurses during your time in L&D. There are techs and other workers who make their way in and out of the room as well. Then there are baby nurses and sometimes NICU. That doesn’t count postpartum nurses and lactation consultants. There may also be residents and students that all trade out with shift work. I stay. You will have the same doula your whole pregnancy, your whole labor no matter how many days it is, during delivery, and after birth. After so many hours, I may need to run home to tend to my family or take a shower. I try really hard not to need to leave people though. If that means I’m there for 20some or 30some or even 40some hours straight, that’s why I pack a bag. When the hours pass and it seems like it’s shift change already, I’m not leaving you.

DELIVERY

Sometimes delivery comes quickly and other times we have more time to work with. If there’s time before we start pushing, I like to have a couple things ready. I want to make sure her water is full. I like a freshly cold washcloth ready. Lip balm needs to be out and quickly accessible because all that breathing baby down can cause chapped lips. I also like to put peppermint oil on cotton balls inside a sandwich bag she can sniff if she gets nauseas. That’s what I like to have set up.
Prenatally we go over options for delivery positions. Sometimes those plans change. Before we get to that point, I’m going to ask if she still wants such and such. A good provider will try different positions and different pushing techniques to find what works best for that person. What works well for one doesn’t always work well for another. It can be a good thing to try different positions.
Depending on the provider and staff, I may help coach pushing. This is more likely with midwives.
I may be the one (or one of the people) counting if that is the style of pushing they are doing.
I am at the bedside right next to her during delivery. If she is delivering on her back with her legs in stirrups/leg rests, I am likely holding a leg (if she is okay with this position).
I’ve got sips of water to give, lip balm to put on as needed, and I may be putting a cool washcloth on her.
I give reassurance that things are going normally (when they are). It can be overwhelming to deliver a baby, especially when things are taking a while and surely feels far longer than it is.
I check on Dad and any support people to see if they are doing okay. I also want to make sure in advance (if there’s time) that Daddy and any support people have had something to eat in recent hours and have water to sip on. Delivery can actually take a few hours. Especially first-time mommas, they may be pushing for 2 or 3 or sometimes even 4 hours.
One of my goals during delivery is to calm and steady. Sometimes daddies and lay support people can get panicky when it comes time to push.
I take pictures as able. Sometimes I will hand my phone off to one of the staff so they can get some great shots of the delivery. If the mom wants me to, I can focus on pictures and step back a bit to get photos of the delivery. We talk about in advance what kinds of pictures she wants and doesn’t want.

What if she has a c-section?
In a c-section, I can come in the OR and sit by the mother for delivery. I’m a hand to hold and someone to talk with the momma. We can play music if she wants. I can take pictures. Doulas are for c-sections too. The OR can be a scary place, and I believe the attitude of the people around her make a difference in her birth experience.

What if there are complications?
It depends on what’s going on. In most cases, I am able stay right by her side. In some cases, I may need to step back if it’s an emergency. Or I may be right there if it’s an emergency. It depends on what’s going on and largely depends on how the provider + staff responds. Really more than anything else it depends on if that hospital and that particular provider and those particular nurses are comfortable working with a doula at the bedside during the specific event. In cases where I do have to step back, I will return to her side as quickly as possible.

One of my biggest goals in a medical complication or an emergency is to be the calm presence. I want to stay by their side and comfort them. If they know something is going on and they don’t understand what is happening, I don’t want them to look up at me and see fear or panic. No matter what, God is in the room. There’s a whole team in here to take care of this. They train for this. If I’m able to stay at the bedside, I will be talking to the momma during the complication and trying to offer comfort or distraction (if distraction is appropriate). I want to be calm and comforting during complications. I think that makes a big difference in experiencing complications. If the people around freak out, that’s a drastically different birth experience than if the people surrounding her stay calm.

RIGHT AFTER BIRTH

I take as many pictures as I can. I know those first moments after birth the memory can become a blur. I want to photograph every little detail, the wrinkles on the baby’s toes, the vernix on their skin, their parent’s hands on them, all the things. I will try to take videos too. I want the parents to have a clip of their baby’s cry on their first day here.
I stay by Mom’s side during stage 3 (delivery of the placenta).
If able (and this depends on the staff) we can show the parents the placenta.
I encourage skin to skin during the golden hour.
I stay on typically an hour or two after delivery. I sometimes stay longer than that. It depends on their needs. I want to get them settled in and comfortable before I go.

Postpartum

We schedule our postpartum follow-up appointment whenever the mother wants to. It can be a week later or 2 months later. Whatever works for her. That postpartum appointment is to discuss the birth, process through things if need be, ask about her healing physically, make sure the baby is doing well, assess breastfeeding, and ask how the whole family is doing.
I check up on mental health again about 2 months postpartum.
I personally end services at 12 weeks instead of 6 weeks because I want to make sure they are stable and well-adjusted.
If they have any questions about newborn care, they are welcome to ask. I can text info, send videos, share resources, or refer to the appropriate source.
In the early postpartum days, we may continue to talk/text fairly often. As the weeks go on, they settle into their new family and we talk less.
At 3 months postpartum, I formally close services. I’m still here though if they need to contact me.

Breastfeeding support

The level of breastfeeding support a doula provides is going to depend on the additional credentials she has gained. Some have lactation training and some do not. I am a certified breastfeeding specialist. I am able to help with establishing breastfeeding and uncomplicated cases. If there are issues with lactation or the baby’s ability to eat, I may need to refer to pediatricians or IBCLCs.
I teach breastfeeding positions.
I teach how to get a proper latch.
I answer their questions.
If they haven’t breastfed before, we’ll go over the basics.
After the birth and again at the postpartum appointment, I will check on baby’s latch.
I’ll check in via text and ask how breastfeeding is going. I want to make sure baby is gaining weight well and diapers are what they should be for a healthy breastfed baby.
We can do additional appointments for lactation support if needed.

Overall

Overall, it is my job to help a woman and her husband/partner prepare for the birth physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
I want to improve outcomes. Doulas make a difference. Read this blog to learn more about how doulas improve outcomes.
I want to improve their birth experience. I want you to feel safe, respected, and honored during your birth experience. I want you to feel well-cared for. I want you to be empowered. I want you to be supported. That’s why privately hired doulas that don’t work for the hospitals are such a great asset.
I take the time during each pregnancy to really get to know that family and think on how I can best support them.
I stay with you. I don’t clock out. After so many hours, I may need to go home for a break to check in with my family, feed my pets, take a shower, get something to eat, etc. I try really hard not to need to leave. Sometimes labor can last a few days. I do have pets that have to be fed. I need to eat as well. Usually, my family can take care of things at home and I can stay with the momma as many hours as she needs. Typically, I am able to stay even if that means working 40 hours straight (after about 30-35 hours awake I need a little nap). I don’t want to clock in and clock out. I want to genuinely come alongside families and journey with them.
I continue to check-in with families postpartum.
And I pray for my clients and students.

This is what I do as a doula.

As Christians, we are each called to serve others. I love that God called me to serve in this way. It’s a beautiful career. If you had a doula at your birth(s), what was your favorite thing she did for you?

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Extremely low budget foods

23/6/2023

Learn more about Happily Frugal

We all have times that money is extra tight and the food budget is crunched. Here is a list of extremely low budget foods. If you need a list of over 100 ways to save on food, read Happily Frugal.

This is from chapter 12 in my book, Happily Frugal.

Breakfast

Eggs and toast
Oatmeal from steel cut oats
Pancakes
Muffins

Lunch or dinner

Peanut butter sandwich
Grilled cheese sandwich
Tuna sandwich
Egg salad sandwich
Mayo, lettuce, and tomato sandwich
Pantry dump casserole
Veggie stew (potatoes, carrots, green beans, top with sour cream)
Vegetarian chili
Tuna noodles
Any pasta that is noodles with sauce and veggies or beans, but no meat or expensive cheese
Boxed mac and cheese
Spanish rice casserole
Bean burritos
Spaghettios

Side dishes

Biscuits
Hashbrowns
Homemade bread
Bread and butter
Potatoes any way you like them
Green beans
Corn
Cornbread
Stuffing
Beans
Rice (white, brown, Spanish, packets of flavored rice)

Snacks

Hard boiled eggs
Crackers and peanut butter
Cheese and crackers
Toast with butter or jelly

Dessert

Popcorn
Gelatin dessert
Pudding
Cake that is homemade – even from a box it’s cheap per serving
Muffin bread (take 2 muffin mix bags and make a loaf with it)

Others

Anything from the garden

What else can you think of? Comment below.

Get Happily Frugal Here

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Birth support from family and friends

17/3/2023

This blog is for how family and friends can be a good birth support person.

Come into the birth space with reverence and respect. Listen to the birthing mother. Communicate on how she wants to be cared for. Wholeheartedly support her choices that she decides are right for her. Birth is a sacred space. Supporting birth is to work on sacred grounds.

Do not notify anyone that she does not want to know she’s in labor. Do not announce she’s in labor. Many women want to wait until the birth is done and she’s ready for the phone calls and texts that will come with that announcement. It is her joy to announce and her timing to choose.

Support what she wants for her healthcare and her body throughout maternity care especially birth. Genuinely support her preferences for her birth and her baby.

Refrain from talking about yourself or your preferences and the choices you would make. Stay focused on supporting her. Be careful not to pressure someone to make different choices based on what you feel is best. Do not downplay someone’s birth plan or breastfeeding goals due to your own experiences not following plan. Support her and if you can’t help her through something find resources for her.

Encourage her. Believe in her. Meet her emotional needs. Speak her affirmations and remind her of the scriptures that comfort her.

Listen to what she’s saying. Hear her. We need to find balance between statements of encouragement and statements of validation. For example, if she says “My back really hurts!” and her support partner says “You’re doing great!” that doesn’t really help her. Eventually, she will feel her statements are being dismissed and no one is really listening. Acknowledge that you hear her saying her back hurts. Ask how you can help or try a few suggestions for her back pain. Encouraging statements mean a lot coming from someone you love, but we need to use active listening skills too.

Offer guidance on different things y’all can try. It may be better to discuss an option in between contractions rather than during. Use suggestions rather than commands. Instead of “Do this.” or “Try this.” think about saying things like “Do you want to try ____?” or “I wonder if it would help if we _____.” or “How do you feel about doing ____?” We want to speak in a way that respects autonomy and has the patient leading their care.

Ask for consent before trying something for the first time especially if it’s a close contact technique. For example, hip squeezes are loved by many women but if they’re not familiar with that technique it may catch them off guard to have someone come up behind them and grab them. If possible, explain or demonstrate on yourself where you’ll put your hands for a method.

Use the coping techniques that provide her with some relief or comfort. Communicate about what those things are.

Invite feedback on your support. Is she comfortable? Welcome communication such as “Let me know if anything is uncomfortable” or “Please be comfortable telling me what you like and don’t like or if you want me to adjust anything.” Pregnancy has its discomforts and sometimes what is fine non-pregnant can be uncomfortable during pregnancy especially towards the end. Also communicate that you are here to support her and please let you know if there’s anything specific she wants. Remind her to not hesitate to ask to be served. This is her time to be catered to.

Help her get into her rhythm and work through each contraction.

Nurture her.

Match the mother’s talkativeness. If she’s in early labor and still talking like normal conversation, follow that. If she’s in later labor and is quiet, be quiet too.

Meet and match. Meet her where she is at. If she needs guidance in breathing better or vocalizing in a more open way, match what she is doing. Breathe/vocalize with her. Then guide her.

Influence the environment to be calm and comfortable for her.

Pray over her and the baby. Pray together (when she’s up for talking).

Worship together. Help her build worship playlists to prepare for birth. You can play worship music during labor (if she’s up for music). You can also worship without music if she prefers the room to be quieter.

Simply love on her. Be by her side. Be a companion of support and comfort.

Offer to give the mom or couple some alone time if they want it.

Throughout pregnancy, discuss birth preparation. Try out the different coping techniques and comfort measures. Practice with her. Let her guide you in how support feels best to her.

Also throughout the birth journey, keep a servant’s heart. Offer her water to sip every few contractions. Feed her a light snack if she wants. Give massages. Warm her blanket on the baby warmer if she is cold. Keep a washcloth wet and cold to dab on her forehead or lay on her neck.

A note to grandmothers:
Your adult daughter is autonomous. I know the transition to grandma is a very different role than mother. All too often, grandmas come into the birth space with a leadership mindset. Your daughter does not need to be told what to do. She needs to be supported in her decisions/preferences and loved through the birth experience. Walk beside her – not in front of her leading her with directives – but by her side for the support she wants from you.

What did your family and friends do to support you? Comment below.

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Birth support from husbands

17/3/2023

This blog is for how husbands can be a good birth partner and support their wives throughout the birth journey.

Support is going to be unique to each person. What’s her love language? How do you comfort her outside of pregnancy and birth?

Your presence and emotional involvement matter most.

Above all, it is daddy’s job to be her safe space and protect her birth space.

Do not notify anyone that she does not want to know she’s in labor. Husbands, hear me on this one. If she has spent the entire pregnancy saying she doesn’t want her parents or your parents to know until after the birth, when you call/text them anyway you are betraying your wife. What your wife wants when she’s giving birth to your child should take priority over what any other woman (your mother) wants.

Guard the boundaries with visitors and contacts (cell phones going off) so she can focus on what her body needs to do.

Support what she wants for her healthcare and her body throughout maternity care especially birth.

Be her advocate.

Encourage her. Believe in her. Meet her emotional needs. Speak her affirmations and remind her of the scriptures that comfort her.

Listen to what she’s saying. Hear her. We need to find balance between statements of encouragement and statements of validation. For example, if she says “My back really hurts!” and her support partner says “You’re doing great!” that doesn’t really help her. Eventually, she will feel her statements are being dismissed and no one is really listening. Acknowledge that you hear her saying her back hurts. Ask how you can help or try a few suggestions for her back pain. Encouraging statements mean a lot coming from someone you love, but we need to use active listening skills too.

Offer guidance on different things y’all can try. It may be better to discuss an option in between contractions rather than during. Use suggestions rather than commands. Instead of “Do this.” or “Try this.” think about saying things like “Do you want to try ____?” or “I wonder if it would help if we _____.” or “How do you feel about doing ____?” We want to speak in a way that respects autonomy and has the patient leading their care.

Use the coping techniques that provide her with some relief or comfort. Communicate about what those things are.

Invite feedback on your support. Is she comfortable? Welcome communication such as “Let me know if anything is uncomfortable” or “Please be comfortable telling me what you like and don’t like or if you want me to adjust anything.” Pregnancy has its discomforts and sometimes what is fine non-pregnant can be uncomfortable during pregnancy especially towards the end. Also communicate that you are here to support her and please let you know if there’s anything specific she wants. Remind her to not hesitate to ask to be served. This is her time to be catered to.

Help her get into her rhythm and work through each contraction.

Nurture her.

Match the mother’s talkativeness. If she’s in early labor and still talking like normal conversation, follow that. If she’s in later labor and is quiet, be quiet too.

Meet and match. Meet her where she is at. If she needs guidance in breathing better or vocalizing in a more open way, match what she is doing. Breathe/vocalize with her. Then guide her.

Influence the environment to be calm and comfortable for her.

Pray over her and your baby. Pray together (when she’s up for talking).

Worship together. Help her build worship playlists to prepare for birth. You can play worship music during labor (if she’s up for music). You can also worship without music if she prefers the room to be quieter.

Simply love on her. Be by her side.

Sometimes daddies struggle seeing their wives in pain. It can be tempting to want her to have pain relief. If she does not want an epidural, don’t push her to get an epidural. Make peace with this pain having a purpose – to bring forth life. This is something her body is designed to do. Trust in that. If she feels like she failed at her goals, this will impact how she views her birth experience for the rest of her life. On the flip side, it’s okay if she genuinely changes her mind on her own. Support her in however the journey goes.

As labor intensifies, the support she needs will change. This is normal. If you have a doula, the doula will guide you in support throughout the process. Remember your presence and emotional involvement is the greatest support. Love her through it.

Know that we never really know how a woman will feel during labor. Some want to isolate; others want to stick close to their comfort people. Some want to hug on you; others don’t want to be touched. Some are quiet; some are loud. All of these things are normal and okay. Don’t take it as rejection if a laboring woman gets to a point that she doesn’t want to be touched. Her body can get overwhelmed with stimulation as it comes closer to delivering.

Throughout pregnancy, discuss birth preparation. Try out the different coping techniques and comfort measures. Practice with her.

Also throughout the birth journey, keep a servant’s heart. Offer her water to sip every few contractions. Feed her a light snack if she wants. Give gentle massages. Warm her blanket on the baby warmer if she is cold. Keep a washcloth wet and cold to dab on her forehead or lay on her neck.

As her partner in life, your love and support make an unforgettable influence in her birth experience. You don’t have to know all the tricks or have all the support tools. Be there. Be involved. Protect her. Make her feel safe. Love on her. Listen to her. Serve her in this time of need.

What did your husband do to support you? Comment below.

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Leanna Mae's birth plan fill-in form

17/3/2023

Hi! I’m Leanna Mae. I’m an author, women’s health educator, and birth doula in Ohio. I teach a class on birth plans. This fill-in birth plan is from chapter 6 in my let’s talk birth plans class. At this point in class, most students have decided where they are giving birth, what kind of provider they want, and the practice they’ve chosen. In chapter 3, we have discussed all the different options and routine/common interventions they may be offered. Chapter 6 is about summarizing your goals.

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This birth plan is for filling in a written summary of your preferences and how you feel on these options. This is for the parents to help them draft and decide their choices. You can also share this with your doula. I want you to write how you feel about each of these things. What are you okay with and not okay with? You are filling in the blank spaces with the choices/preferences that are right for you. There are no checkboxes or cookie cutters here. This birth plan is uniquely for you. Make your own recipe.

Yes, it is a few pages long with all the blank spaces to write. If I am your doula, I am willing to read every word you write. It is important to me to know what’s important to you, what matters most to you, what you’re okay with, and even what you’re nervous about. A birth plan like this is a great communication tool. I want to know how you feel about these options.

This is not the birth plan you’ll give your doctor or midwife and L&D nurse. For the medical staff, it’s best to do a condensed version that is one or two pages.

In the blog, I will explain what I want to know and sometimes why I want to know that under each section.

Feel welcome to download your own copy (for individual use only) of the fill-in birth plan form.

Know before you go

Here are a few things to have planned that aren’t usually discussed in birth plans. Don’t forget about pet care and backup transportation plans. This section is self-explanatory.

Childcare arrangements while you are at the hospital or birthing center:
Pet care arrangements:
Do you have anyone to watch your home for you?
Transportation plans for when you’re in labor and headed to the maternity center:
Who do you want at the birth?
List your birth team. For example: provider, doula, birth photographer…

Your fill-in birth plan for you and your doula to discuss

Write your overall birth goals in this section.
This is something I like having on the first page. As soon as I look at your birth plan, I want to be reminded of what your goals are. I think this paragraph is a good introduction. Tell us what is most important to you.

What are you looking forward to the most? What are you most excited about?
I love to know what families are most excited about. It’s helpful to me to know what those really special things are for them so I can do my best in a support role to help them get that, and also take pictures of those moments for them.

How can your care team help you have the health care and birth experience that you want?
I really want to know what you want from your care team. What kind of care are you looking for? If autonomy is what you want most, tell us. If encouragement is what you want most in regards to support, let us know that so we can do our best to be what you need.

Is there anything that you feel very strongly against?
This is something I really want to know. If there’s anything you feel strongly against, please make a note of it. You can provide context if you want to or just highlight it.

What about strongly in favor of? I want to know anything that you feel really strongly about.
If there’s anything you very much want or feel strongly in favor of, let me know that too. I pay attention to those things and do my best to support you.

If you will, share any fears you have. You can communicate these with your care team.
This is something that is so helpful to me. It helps me know what to watch for to prevent those fears or help you navigate them with additional support. It gives me a better idea of what kind of support people need. It’s also something we can work on prenatally. Is there any education I can provide that will help you understand the topic better? Is it something you need to talk through? Knowing any fears – especially big ones – is helpful for me as a doula and also for your medical care team.

Write any notes of special importance in this section.
If someone is a survivor of domestic violence or assault or any kind of trauma, if they’re comfortable sharing that with me here is a place to note that. If a birthing woman does not want any males in the room, let me know here. If this is a rainbow baby or it took a long journey of infertility to get here, these are things to note. If you are in recovery from drug use, please tell me that before we’re in a situation that you’re being offered drugs that could lead to relapse. Is there anything that you want your doula or staff to know about?

STAGE 1: Labor

Induction – How do you feel about elective induction? Sometimes inductions are medically necessary and the best way to have a healthy outcome. If induction is not needed, write down how you feel about it. Do you want to avoid induction? Or schedule that birthday party?

Induction method if you do get induced – If you do need to or choose to get induced, do you have a preference on the method? Anything you want to avoid? Or something you prefer to try first? Have you asked your chosen hospital what options are available for cervical ripening?

Pain management – Do you want to go unmedicated? Or do you want the epidural? Some locations also offer laughing gas or IV pain meds. How strongly do you feel about those preferences? Have you chosen your doula yet?

Movement and positioning – Freedom to move is standard practice nowadays; still tell me your thoughts on this.
Do you have anything specific in mind that you want to make sure is offered or supported? In your own words, what are your plans for this during labor?

Monitoring and assessing progress – We talked a lot about this earlier in the birth plan class. We talked about things like monitoring baby’s heart (continuous, wireless, or intermittent with a doppler), cervical exams to assess labor progress, and how momma will be monitored. How do you feel about all that? Do you prefer continuous monitoring or intermittent? Minimal exams?

IV or saline lock – A saline lock is a common alternative to routine IV fluids. Saline locks have become mainstream in many places.

Augmentation – We talked a lot about how labors can be sped up or revved up a bit if things aren’t progressing well. How do you feel about Pitocin? Do you prefer non-medicinal ways to strengthen contractions?

Medications – Do you have any preferences on medications in labor? If you are GBS+, do you plan to do the antibiotics to prevent infection?

Food and drink – How do you feel about hospital policies that don’t support eating in labor? Do you plan to bring your own snacks and drinks?

Environment – This one is important to me as a doula because part of what a doula does is try to nurture the environment the birthing mother wants.

STAGE 2: Delivery of the baby

Intended place of delivery – There are different types of hospital beds that may be available in labor and delivery. Waterbirth is available in some hospitals and birthing centers. Some facilities also have birth stools.

Position if you have a preference for or against – Do you have a preference on what position to be in for delivery? Or a position you do not want to be in? Changing positions throughout delivery can help bring the baby down.

Pushing – Do you want the staff to direct your pushing or leave you be? Any thoughts on pushing techniques or breathing techniques?

Episiotomy – Is this something you are okay with at your provider’s discretion without consent or do you require consent? Or are you not okay with this intervention at all?

Instrument assistance if needed – Do you have any preferences on this?

Who catches – Would you like your husband to catch? Would you like assistance in pulling your baby out yourself?

Other notes on delivery –
If there’s anything else you want or don’t want for delivery, make a note.

STAGE 3: Delivery of the placenta (afterbirth)

Medication – Do you want routine Pitocin to prevent postpartum hemorrhage?

Cord clamping – How long do you want to wait? If you have a preference beyond what is standard practice at your chosen facility, be specific.

Cord cutting/burning – Who do you want to cut the cord?

Placenta – Are you planning to do anything with the placenta afterwards? Or do you want to see it before they take it?

Other notes on stage 3 – Is there anything you want or don’t want regarding the delivery of the placenta?

Neonatal care

Skin to skin – Skin to skin is pretty standard now. Any preferences on this?

Vernix – Do you want to rub in the vernix?

Golden hour – Have you thought about visitor restrictions in the first hour or so after birth?

Feeding – Are you planning on breastfeeding? How long? Are you planning on formula feeding? Do you have a plan for which formula to use?

Separation – If you don’t want baby to be taken out of the room without a parent, let them know. It’s common to take baby to a separate room in some facilities.

Bathing – Delaying the newborn bath is becoming common practice. How long do you want to delay? Do you want the nurse to bathe or one of the parents?

Testing – Is there anything you want to do differently with the standard testing such as the metabolic screening?

Medications – Erythromycin ointment and the vitamin K shot are routine. As of current, the Hepatitis B vaccine is also routine. How do you feel about each of those? You can opt in or opt out.

Circumcision – What are your plans for circumcision if you are having a son?

Other special instructions regarding baby care – Things that could go here would be things like plans to cloth diaper in the hospital.

In case of c-section
No matter how much a momma wants a natural birth, it’s good to have a just in case plan for a surgical birth. What do you want us to know about supporting you through a c-section? How do you feel about the idea of having a c-section? It’s helpful to let your doula know that.

OTHER NOTES
Is there anything else you want to note for your care team? It could be things like “no students” or letting them know you have a birth photographer.

There you have it. That’s a quick rundown of the fill-in birth plan I give my students and clients. Download your copy today.

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Lifeline to a Soul by John K McLaughlin (BOOK REVIEW)

9/3/2023

Imagine being inside a classroom that is inside a prison, and it’s your job to teach the inmates how they can start a business when they get out. What do you think? How do you feel about your students? What kind of potential do you think they have?

In the memoir, Lifeline to a Soul, John McLaughlin tells of his years teaching entrepreneurship to prisoners. As a teacher through a community college, John had the opportunity to reach students most of the world doesn’t have access to. Going behind the gates and through the guards, he found aspiring business owners and former business owners with real-world experience in a surprising place.

He shares his experiences – both good and bad – working with the prison system and trying to inspire and prepare his students. He shares stories and lessons learned as well as good business advice. If you are interested in small business, this book will be helpful to you. If you are a teacher of any kind, you’ll benefit from the wisdom he shares that applies to all types of classrooms. As an independent teacher myself, I found myself nodding a lot to the things he learned and the challenges he faced. We truly do grow from our students. His passion for teaching is evident. His perseverance is impressive.

I have to say I was impressed with the business aspirations of his students. It was heartwarming to hear some of their success stories. I’d like readers to also examine their assumptions about felons and learn some of the things that led people down that path. He even weaves in addressing social issues, risk factors for prison, and ways we can do better at supporting re-entry.

Author, John McLaughlin, takes us along his journey painting a well-written picture of his unique time inside a prison, how it affected his students, the success stories, how it affected him, how it grew him as a teacher, and the lessons he learned in his memoir, Lifeline to a Soul.

The book releases 2023 April 4th.

You can learn more about what John is doing these days to foster inmates turned entrepreneurs at www.LifelineToASoul.com

As a teacher and a small business owner myself, I enjoyed this book. I didn’t want to put it down. I was drawn into his story from the first chapter. He details his experience so well I could visualize it in my head and feel the ups and downs I often found myself relating to. Anyone who is interested in teaching or investing in the re-entry population would benefit from reading this book.

Click here for the Amazon link.

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Social media this childbirth educator recommends pregnant mommas should follow

12/2/2023

We are living in the era of shared information. Social media offers an abundance of professionals and experts who share their wisdom to help others. I am thankful for these people and what they freely offer the world. If you have any more accounts you recommend that offer education on women’s health or infant care, comment on the blog. These are some of the accounts that I subscribe to that I find the most helpful for my students/clients.

Gentle disclaimer: While some of these accounts avoid political talk, others do get into it here and there. Some of these accounts may have different political beliefs, religious perspectives, and type of language you prefer.

Many of these accounts are on multiple platforms. Search for their name or business.

MFM

Babies After 35, Dr. Shannon Clark
Amanda Horton MD

OBs

Dr. Sterling OBGYN
Mama Doctor Jones
Paging Dr. Fran
Dr. Daoud
Baby Momma Doc, Alex Shurling MD OBGYN
My Doula Doc
Dr. Bill Chun
Birthing Instincts, Dr. Stuart Fischbein
Nathan Riley OBGYN
Shawn Tassone MD

Midwives

Jamie Guertin CNM, A Midwife Nation
Miri the Birth Nerd, Miriam Halliday
Knitted Together Birth Services, Sarah and Kelly
Ohio Midwife, Emily Schultz
North Texas Birth Experiences, Angie Heffner

Labor and delivery nurses

Mama Nurse Tina
Labor Nurse Mama, Trish Ware
Mommy Labor Nurse, Liesel Teen
The Labor Mama, Lo
Labor Junkie RN
Jen Hamilton
Nurse Sydney
BabyTalk.BirthNurse, Hanna
Bundle Birth

Postpartum or mother/baby nurses

Kara the baby nurse

Doulas

Jackie Woodfin
Growing Your Nest Birth Services – Kimberly Williams RN
Growing with Chelsea

Childbirth educators

Built to Birth, Bridget Teylor
The Baby Academy US

Education for optimal maternal and fetal positioning

Spinning Babies
Body Ready Method
Optimal Maternal Positioning

Exercise/fitness for birth prep or postpartum recovery

Body Ready Method
4th Trimester Fitness Method, Emily Wannenburg
Serenity Life Doula, Krisha Crosley
Mamastefit

Birth photographers

Birth Becomes You
Monet Nicole
Aniston Paige Photography, Kalli

Lactation consultations and breastfeeding support

Lactation Hub
New Little Life with Allison
Kassi Reyes RN IBCLC
Done Naturally, Summer J Friedmann IBCLC
Rachel’s Lactation Consulting

Babywearing

Wrap Your Baby, Diana
Moby Wrap
Solly Baby

Others

Dr. Beach Gem 10
Dr. Darria
Best Start Parenting Center
Aishwaryamwellness, Dr. Kavitha Venkatesan, DOMP, Dcsc, MPT, PhD

If you have any other accounts you recommend that share a lot of education and help other women learn more about women’s health, please feel welcome to comment below.

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The B.R.A.I.N. acronym for medical decisions

23/1/2023

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B.R.A.I.N. + AP acronym

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The BRAIN acronym is for making medical decisions.

Health professionals have recommendations. You have options. If you’ve been presented with a recommendation that you’re not sure on, here is an acronym you can use to help you make a decision. BRAIN + AP

Ask the following:

B – What are the benefits of this? What benefits are there to what is being offered? If it’s a medication or intervention, why is it being recommended? If you decide yes on an issue, what are the potential benefits to going that route?

R – What are the risks of this? All medications have side effects and risks. Most interventions and some testing do as well. It is important to weigh the risks against each other when weighing multiple options. Also consider the likelihood of those risks.

A – What are the alternatives to this? Do any of the alternatives align with your values or preferred approach to healthcare more?

I – What is my intuition telling me? Intuition is a powerful tool.

N – What happens if we do nothing? Is it safe to wait and see?

I also recommend you ask questions. Do you feel like you need more information on it? If this is a medication, what category does it rank in for safety during pregnancy or breastfeeding?

Additionally, pray about it. We should make decisions prayerfully and follow the lead of the Holy Spirit.

BRAIN + AP

If your current situation is not an emergency, there should always be time for the patient to make a decision. Only the patient is the rightful decision-maker over what kind of care they receive. Even in an emergency, there should be communication from/with your healthcare team. If you feel you need it, you have the right to take time to think over the decision.

What are some situations you have used this in?

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Is Halloween holy? Should Christians partake in it?

29/10/2022

Halloween seems to be growing as a hot issue dividing Christians over abstaining or partaking. More and more are choosing to stop celebrating it or attending any related events. I am a former atheist who became a Christian in November of 2005. When the following October came around, I realized I had no desire to have anything to do with my lifelong Halloween traditions. Though I grew up with the average 80s babies Halloween costumes and candy traditions, I had come to associate the holiday with the pagan Samhain I celebrated as a Wiccan. I went through a Wiccan/Pagan phase as a teenager before going back to atheist. Because of that, I knew the history and what it’s really all about. When I became a Christian, I wanted nothing to do with such darkness or anything even related to paganism, witchcraft, evil spirits or ghosts, etc. Yet, at the time, I knew very few Christians who felt the same. I walked away from darkness to follow Jesus. It baffled me that so many who claimed to walk in the light played in darkness for several weeks this time of year. I realize they almost never know the depths of it like someone who was previously on the other side. Let’s dive in. Shall we?

I remember having fun dressing up as a kid. When I was in 4th grade, I dressed up as a Christmas tree because I was ready for Christmas. The candy was great. We had fun going trick-or-treating. It seemed innocent. I had no idea it was anything religious. It wasn’t until I was introduced to Wicca at age 14 that I first heard of Samhain. Originally, this was a pagan religious festival with Celtic roots. They celebrated the harvest and prepared for the winter. They also had spiritual beliefs about the veil between the world of the living and the dead/spirits being thin at this time. They had rituals, sacrifices, and offerings. They feared angering their gods if they did not participate in the holiday. They would sometimes dress up as monsters or scary things. Over the years, traditions expanded. Jack-o-lanterns were a Samhain practice. Spirits would be invited and entertained. In the religion of Wicca, Samhain is a big holiday. It’s considered the witch’s New Year. For Wiccans, this holiday is actually part of their religion and something they celebrate. I’ve heard people who identify as witches say this is a sacred holiday for them. At this point, I hope it is clear that Samhain is a spiritual/religious practice and a pagan holiday.

So, how does that tie in to Halloween? As Christianity grew, church leaders tried to overtake paganism. One of the ways they did that was by ‘overriding’ their holidays. In the 9th century, the pope of the Catholic church declared All Saints’ Day (also known as All Hallows Day) on November 1st and November 2nd for All Souls’ Day (also known as the Day of the Dead). All Saints’ Day is about celebrating the saints of the Catholic church. This religious practice included praying for the dead and visiting cemeteries. All Souls’ Day is about remembering and honoring the faithful who have died. This includes praying for the dead so they may be lifted out of purgatory into heaven. The pagan practices remained the same despite the introduction of these holidays attempting to switch the time of year’s focus to practices of the Catholic church. With the attempt to make this pagan holiday more Christian, October 31st became All Hallows Eve which later became known as Halloween. Heavily practiced in Ireland and Scotland, immigrants brought the traditions to America. Tricks were commonly played by people who blamed it on fairies. Trick-or-treating became a tradition of dressing in costume, walking from house to house singing for the dead, and homeowner’s gifting cakes as a treat. Throughout the years, these pagan practices became part of American culture too. It’s so ingrained in our culture that many do not see it as a spiritual practice at all. It’s simply carrying on the traditions of their own childhood and having fun with their families.

It is clear that Halloween is a pagan spiritual practice regarding the dead, the mystical, the spirits, false gods, and witchcraft. The question is: Should Christians partake in pagan spiritual practices? What about just the fun stuff such as costumes, candy, and trick-or-treating without celebrating any of the spiritual beliefs that contradict the Christian faith??

Can you even do that anymore? Is it even possible to partake in the “innocent” aspects without exposure to dark things and anti-Christian practices? Every year it seems Halloween gets darker. The decorations get more and more morbid. Disturbing scenes fill the yards and houses all across America. The costumes get more wicked. The crime gets worse. The sick and twisted things they show on TV get even more gruesome. People and pets are harmed. Children are poisoned and endangered from drugs and nails and such in their candy. All things occult increase: witchcraft, spells, tarot cards, Ouija boards, mediums, divination, horoscopes, and such things. How desensitized are you to the blatant darkness of Halloween? Do you even notice anymore when blood and gore and fake dead bodies decorate your street? Have you noticed more open Satanism, Wicca, witchcraft, and pagan rituals being publicly practiced?

Satanists do not celebrate Halloween as a religious practice, but they certainly have some interesting quotes on those who do celebrate it. Their website acknowledges Halloween as embracing darkness and releasing their demonic cores. “Satanists embrace what this holiday has become, and do not feel the need to be tied to ancient practices. This night, we smile at the amateur explorers of their own inner darkness, for we know that they enjoy their brief dip into the pool of the “shadow world.”” is a quote from the holiday section of their FAQ on the Church of Satan website. More and more people who worship the devil and practice witchcraft or magick are using Halloween to celebrate their ways. In some cities, Satanic churches offer Halloween events to introduce people to their religion.

What are you entertaining yourself with? Are you decorating with things that symbolize darkness and evil? Are you watching movies about witchcraft and demons? Are you dressing up as something that would cast you into hell if you actually lived that way? What you entertain yourself with says a lot about what’s in your heart.

Many make excuses to partake in Halloween. The candy is innocent. The costumes are cute. The kids have fun going trick-or-treating. The older folks have fun passing out candy. Not participating would mean the kids are missing out. People will think you’re judgmental if you’re against it. You’ll offend people if you don’t join in.

The scripture speaks for itself. True Christians who are following Jesus should not be walking in darkness even if it’s a widely celebrated holiday.

SCRIPTURES

Sorcery and witchcraft

Deuteronomy 18:9-14 When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord; because of these same detestable practices the Lord your God will drive out those nations before you. You must be blameless before the Lord your God. The nations you will dispossess listen to those who practice sorcery or divination. But as for you, the Lord your God has not permitted you to do so. (NIV)
Revelation 21:8 But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.” (NIV)

There are many, many verses warning against witchcraft, sorcery, and such practices. That could be a blog in itself. It is clear that there is no biblical way to defend the participation of such things.

Beware the deception

2 Corinthians 11:14 And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. (NIV)

I included this verse to point out that Satan himself can appear innocent. Know the Word of God!

Darkness

Ephesians 5:8-12 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. (NIV)
1 Corinthians 10:21 Ye cannot drink the cup of the Lord, and the cup of devils: ye cannot be partakers of the Lord's table, and of the table of devils. (KJV)
1 John 1:6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. (NIV)
Isaiah 5:20 Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. (NIV)

We come out of darkness to live for the Lord! We can’t do both. We can’t walk in fellowship with Jesus and also hang out with demons at their table or feast (or holiday).

Holiness and separation

1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil. (KJV)
2 Corinthians 6:17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you. (KJV)
2 Corinthians 7:1 Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. (KJV)
1 Peter 2:9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light; (KJV)
Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (NIV)

It doesn't say it's acceptable to hang around the den of witches and demons as long as you're not really doing anything bad or that it’s fine to take part in their festivals if you're only there for the free food. If your parents warned you not to go to a certain house because it’s dangerous, is it okay if you’re in the foyer? Don’t step into it at all. Have no appearance of evil. Don’t practice evil. Don’t walk in darkness. Don’t act like it. Don’t dress up like it. Don’t talk like it. Don’t hang out in those places. Don’t dabble in it. Don’t even look like you partake in it!! If that doesn’t make you feel conviction, you need the Holy Ghost! Come out from among them and touch no unclean thing. It’s hard to wiggle your way into the fun stuff only without touching something unclean. Just a little bit of exposure… normalizing… desensitizing. The devil knows he can use fun stuff to ensnare in dark stuff. Invite you into the fun and friendly. Hook you on what you like. He knows you think you can stay away from the dark stuff, but he hooks you on what you’re willing to be entertained with.

Celebrating and partaking in the things that are against God affect your relationship with God. Yes, it does.

Is it worth it to walk away from Jesus to partake in a witch’s holiday and pagan practices that go against the truth of God… so that you can have fun? Is it worth it to risk dabbling in witchcraft and sorcery if those who practice such things go to hell? Realize there are spiritual implications to Halloween. This is not just a costume. This is more than candy. Is it worth it to teach your children to practice what the bible clearly says will send them to hell? And what message does it send if they can dress up as a witch for Halloween and it’s fun, but if they grow up to actually practice witchcraft they will be thrown into the fires of hell?

The enemy wants to take your children captive before they are even old enough to live for the Lord. He wants to plant roots in their mind that his ways are fun and the Lord’s ways of holiness are restrictive. Plant those thoughts young and it’s easy to get them to rebel against the church. Desensitize them to the occult. That way when they see these warnings from the bible right in front of their eyes, they’ll be less likely to feel conviction because they’re used to seeing it. They’ve grown up with it all around them. Their parents let it into the house. Maybe their church even let it in the parking lot (trunk or treat). Even if they feel convicted, the strength of it will fade the more it is normalized in their life. Eventually, they will probably entertain themselves with it and what they entertain is what will enter their mind and ultimately their hearts. That is one reason we must keep ourselves separate. It’s dangerous to water down our reaction to what could endanger our soul.

The devil has done well at watering down the perception of dark practices. Television has exposed us casually for decades. Children’s shows and books and toys have introduced kids to friendly and fun sorcery (Harry Potter, anyone?). Disney movies excellently portray the things of darkness to be entertaining. Animation and costumes make it lightheartedly safe for children. Spell books are now sold in mainstream stores such as Walmart to children for Halloween. People think it’s a joke. I remember being a Wiccan who had spell books. I remember casting spells. I remember practicing witchcraft. I assure you these things are not just a joke. They are of the devil!

You cannot pursue holiness and partake in Halloween at the same time.

There are many who consider themselves Christian, but they have mixed their life with the occult practices in our culture. They watch Hocus Pocus, entertain themselves with witches and demons for fun, dress up like devils, take part in the dark and spooky, dance with evil spirits, do witchy things as part of their culture like it has no impact on their religion, and many of these believers go to church. Some even lead churches. There are pastors, ministers, entire churches who practice paganism. Woe to them for giving acceptance to such things and go against God to dabble in paganism and sorcery for a season.

The devil has ensnared so many Christians into the pit of Halloween that the enemy can now boast he has Christians defending his side. Even the non-Christians know this is pagan. Even the atheists wonder why Christians partake in Halloween. Even the witches question the authenticity of their Christian friend’s faith when they join in on the witch’s big holiday. Yet Christians now boldly proclaim their offense at being judged for this wicked participation. They cry with a social media victim card clearly having no concern for the coming day that their soul is judged by the one who determines heaven or hell. And these “Christians” are out here attacking those Christians who abstain. If that’s not the schemes of the devil getting the “church folk” to pressure people to join his kingdom. Meanwhile, the other side of Christians often walks on egg shells terrified to be labeled offensive for abstaining from what they feel is wicked. They hide their convictions as much as they fear the social reaction to the word “holiness”. A few sound the alarm. There is a spiritual impact to this practice.

Is it worth the fun to partake in the witch’s holiday and pagan practices? No more than the pleasure of sin is worth condemning your soul for eternity. You should find the nature of this darkness repulsive. This practice is increasingly vile! You should be disturbed by the things of darkness. Are you?

Have nothing to do with occult practices. Don’t dabble. Don’t mingle. Don’t even have the appearance of being involved.

Come out from among them. Be separate. Repent and cleanse yourself from the defilement. Be holy.

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How to baptize a pickle in ancient Greek

8/10/2022

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There is a very old recipe on how to make pickles. If you’re familiar with canning, you know that pickles are cucumbers put into a solution (recipe) that turns them into pickles. What does that have to do with baptism?

In my book, The Subject of Salvation, I share the neat language lesson that the words baptize and baptism are actually transliterations. They are Greek words that have been transliterated into English.

Baptize is a transliteration of the Greek word baptizo which means to immerse. The root word is bapto which means to dip. The ‘o’ was changed to an ‘e’ to give us our verb baptize; a verb is an action word. The noun form is the Greek word baptisma which is where we get our word baptism.

In modern times, there is some controversy over whether baptism requires full immersion or whether sprinkling/pouring on water is acceptable. In the early church, they fully immersed someone in baptism. That is why we Apostolic Pentecostals still baptize by immersion. We practice what the early church did.

The New Testament was written in Greek. The Greek-speaking people understood the instruction to be baptized is an instruction to be immersed and go fully under in the water.

But did you know the word baptize used to be used in other contexts?

Around 200B.C. there was a Greek poet and physician, Nicander of Colophon (modern day Turkey), who had a recipe for making pickles. In this recipe, the instruction was to bapto (dip) the cucumber in boiling water and then baptize (immerse) it in a vinegar solution. The dip in boiling water would cleanse the outside. Immersing it in vinegar is what transforms it to a pickle.

Once these cucumbers were baptized in the solution, they became pickles. They were transformed. Their nature was changed. They could never go back to the way they were before.

Acts 2:38 (KJV)
Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

When I learned about this recipe, my thought was “Be immersed in the name of Jesus”. How powerful is that perspective? Be immersed. Be immersed in the name of the Lord. Be changed. It changes our nature when we immerse ourselves in following Jesus. Be changed. Become a new creature. Go down in the water in the name of Jesus and come up cleansed. Be transformed. Then I thought about the verses referencing the baptism of the Holy Ghost. Wow. That’s fire. What happens if a person immerses themselves in the Holy Spirit? The point of this blog is to address the controversy over whether baptism requires immersion, but I wanted to share those powerful thoughts about immersing ourselves in the name of Jesus and the Holy Ghost.

We are buried with Christ and raised with Christ when we get baptized in his name (Romans 6:3-8). We are a new creation when we are in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). We can never go back to our former ignorance. We are changed. We are transformed. Our nature is different. After baptism, let’s live in a way that we are immersed in the name of Jesus.

If you’d like to learn more about baptism, there is a bible study on my website here and blogs on baptism as well as other faith-related topics on my page Written by an Apostolic Pentecostal Woman.

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Adornment as a holy woman following Jesus

23/9/2022

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Be adorned.
Be adorned appropriately for a woman professing holiness.

This message was strongly spoken to me as I was almost asleep. What did it mean? I knew the scripture laid on my heart at the time it was spoken, but I realized I didn’t have full understanding of it. I had been studying the topic of jewelry and where to draw the line with accessories. It went along with my modesty blog and the series I had planned. My plans were to study and address the specific topics. When I thought of a woman adorned, I had an image in mind. I pictured big diamonds, gold, expensive jewelry, high-cost clothes, a painted face, Hollywood name brands, riches. I felt the need to look up the definition of adorned. Doing so changed my whole perspective on this topic.

What does it mean to be adorned? As a worldly woman? As a godly woman?

1 Timothy 2:9-10 (American Standard Version)
In like manner, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefastness and sobriety; not with braided hair, and gold or pearls or costly raiment; but (which becometh women professing godliness) through good works.

1 Peter 3:3-4 (American Standard Version)
Whose adorning let it not be the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

To adorn is defined as “to make more beautiful or attractive”.
Synonyms: enhance, beautify, prettify, embellish, and bejewel. Ornament and “add ornament to” are also listed.

What is an ornament?
Noun: a thing used to make something look more attractive but usually having no practical purpose
Verb: make (something) look more attractive by adding decorative items

Are earrings an ornament??? I had never thought of it that way.

For so many years, I interpreted these two scriptures, 1 Peter 3:1-5 and 1 Timothy 2:9-10, that it was about being flashy. I thought of it as a principle of how we shouldn’t look rich or be showing off. No dripping in diamonds. No sporting gold chains like the world. No expensive jewelry. No elaborate hairstyles (I later learned that back then women would braid jewels and fancy things into their hair to show off). We shouldn’t set our desires on worldly riches and symbols of status. It also could deter people from joining others at church if people seem to be of higher income status than the visitors. Be modest. Be humble in our appearance. Let’s not be all about our looks. Character matters more.

I still agree with that. I still think that’s an accurate interpretation and a guideline we should live by. I think there’s more to it though. Adornment is more than a list of items not to wear.

I had never even questioned these things before I started going to an Apostolic Pentecostal church. I’d read these verses before, but never studied them. I’d never heard them taught before. I used to wear a lot of jewelry and I always wore makeup. For years, I did not want to leave the house without makeup. I was uncomfortable with people seeing my naked skin, redness and flaws. Not having any jewelry on made me feel like I wasn’t fully dressed. I put my earrings in as part of putting my outfit on. I’d wear a wrist full of bracelets and often a necklace sometimes two at a time. It made me feel prettier. I felt more confident when I was done up.

Even after becoming Apostolic (in 2011) and starting to dress modestly, I still continued with the cosmetics and accessories. I cut back a lot. I was more natural with the makeup, less eye-catching. I took out my 2nd and 3rd earrings leaving just the first hole because I thought that was more modest. I wore jewelry a lot less than I did before (because I felt expected to not wear it at all). I considered following the traditional Apostolic way with the no jewelry or cosmetics, but I didn’t understand why they did it. I didn’t see it in scripture, and I had no conviction on it for many years.

Why

Why do Apostolic Pentecostals not wear cosmetics or jewelry? Why do the women look so different from what is mainstream in our culture? The long hair, the skirts, no pants, no makeup, no nail polish, no jewelry… Why do they look set apart this way? Let’s talk about what the scriptures say on how we should look and let’s talk about navigating boundaries. Figuring out where to draw the line on this certainly requires seeking the Lord on the matter and obeying the lead of the Holy Spirit.

Disclaimer

Friendly note to say these views are my own. I’m not officially representing my church’s views here or a denomination (my church is WPF but I am independent of denomination). If you have questions about standards, I encourage you to talk to your pastor’s wife.

Scriptures

Let’s look at the scriptures first. I want to keep it focused on New Testament here. There are plenty of verses in the Old Testament that show God’s people wearing jewelry. They wore earrings, nose rings, bracelets, and more. They wore gold. There are also stories of them using their gold to make idols. They’d draw attention to themselves (Isaiah 3:16-26). Is it the jewelry or the behavior? I could get wrapped up in trying to make heads or tails of that for years.

1 Timothy 2:9-10
In like manner, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefastness and sobriety; not with braided hair, and gold or pearls or costly raiment; but (which becometh women professing godliness) through good works.

1 Peter 3:1-5
In like manner, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, even if any obey not the word, they may without the word be gained by the behavior of their wives; beholding your chaste behavior coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner aforetime the holy women also, who hoped in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Or know ye not that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have from God? and ye are not your own; for ye were bought with a price: glorify God therefore in your body.

Romans 12:1-2
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service. And be not fashioned according to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

(All scripture taken from the American Standard Version)

Worldly adornment

What ways do we add beauty to ourselves when we are living in the world? How do we make ourselves more attractive in the secular way of life?

More skin showing equals more sex appeal. It is common in the world for women to try to be more attractive to men by showing more of their bodies.
We dress up. We add beauty with our clothing.
We dress in an attractive way. We choose jeans that make our backside look good. Many women choose revealing clothing to attract attention to her body. Those shirts are more low-cut. Those clothes are tighter.
We wear high heels because for some reason being ready to break an ankle is sexy.
Makeup is one of the first things we do to hide our flaws and make ourselves look better. We cover our skin so you can’t see any blemishes. We highlight. We add color to our lips so we look more attractive. We paint our eyes to be wanted.
We paint our nails to feel pretty.
Many women get fake nails, fake eyelashes, fake hair extensions, etc. We add artificial things to our bodies to look more enhanced in our feminine beauty.
We cut our hair and dye it to make it feel fresh.
We go tanning.
Perfume is put on to smell appealing.
We adorn ourselves with ornaments, gold, jewels, beads, whatever jewelry we like to make ourselves feel like we’ve got some sparkle to us.

In some cultures, women are very extravagant in their adornment. Their makeup, body art, gold, and jeweled decoration from head to toe is attention-grabbing enough that you don’t even see the person behind the paint and ornaments. Some drape themselves in jewelry, even connecting gold chains from ear piercing to nose piercing. Others paint their face with so many layers and colors you can’t see their real skin. We call it beautiful.

We dress to impress. We show off our bodies. We add accessories to feel more beautiful. We focus our beauty on our appearance. Have you ever noticed that? In the secular world or in the mainstream, a woman’s beauty is all about her body. She modifies it, paints it, decorates it with jewels, dresses it immodestly or extravagantly because the world tells us this is beauty. But is this what beauty is all about in God’s eyes?

Godly adornment

1 Timothy 2:9-10 says to adorn ourselves with

Modest apparel
Shamefastness
Sobriety
Through good works

And not with braided hair, gold, pearls, and costly raiment (expensive clothing)

In 1 Peter it says to let our adorning be

The hidden man of the heart
The incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit

Not the outward adorning of braiding the hair, wearing jewels of gold, or putting on apparel

Instead of focusing on beautifying the body, we should focus on beautifying who we are as a person.

The way we adorn ourselves as godly women is not to be about outward adorning. It’s not about appearance. It’s not about being beautiful by expensive clothes and fancy jewelry and elaborate hair. No, a godly beauty is much deeper than that. A godly beauty is modest, not revealed, not drawing attention to the body. It is of godly spirit and heart and character. It is a woman made more beautiful by her good works.

It's not the body that we focus on adding beauty to. It’s the way we live. It’s the way we walk by the Spirit. It’s the fruit we produce. It’s the good works we do. It’s the behavior of a woman professing holiness.

We are a temple of the Holy Spirit. We are called to be separate from the world. We present our bodies as holy, and we renew our minds to be transformed to what is acceptable in God’s ways.

Godly woman,
Do not focus on adding beauty to yourself by decorating and revealing your body. Add beauty to who you are by how you live for the Lord. Make yourself more attractive with godliness and good works.

A note to the godly men,
Looks catch attention, but be intentional with looking at who she is. Look for a godly woman living a holy lifestyle. Be attracted to godliness, good works, a meek and quiet spirit, modesty, and decent appearance.

Where to draw the line

Once my focus shifted from the list of what not to wear to the root being about adornment for holy women following Jesus, that transformed my understanding of what these verses are all about.

That also left me wondering where to draw the line. Can we still wear the things of the world that add beauty? Is jewelry okay in moderation? Are cosmetics okay if our heart is in the right place? Many would say it’s a heart matter. I think it’s primarily a holiness matter.

2 Corinthians 6:17 (American Standard Version)
Wherefore
Come ye out from among them, and be ye separate,
saith the Lord,
And touch no unclean thing;
And I will receive you,

2 Corinthians 7:1 (ASV)
Having therefore these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.

1 Peter 1:14-16 (ASV)
as children of obedience, not fashioning yourselves according to your former lusts in the time of your ignorance: but like as he who called you is holy, be ye yourselves also holy in all manner of living; because it is written, Ye shall be holy; for I am holy.

You, woman of God, be separate.
Come out from amongst them.
Cleanse yourself from all defilement.
Be holy.

Interestingly, the opposite definition of defilement is purification or sanctification. Is it impure to dip yourself in the world’s ways of adornment while also pursuing holiness and a separateness from the ways of the world?

These are the messages that I see in these scriptures.

Be modest. I have a separate blog on my personal modesty standards here.
Women of God adorn themselves differently than women of the world.
Don’t adorn yourself (add beauty) like the world does.
We need to glorify God with our bodies. We are a temple of the Holy Spirit.
We need to be holy and be separate from the ways of the world. We need to be clean from anything that is defilement or is impure.

Where do you draw the line? That’s a matter of personal conviction, and one you’ll have to seek the Lord on. Take time to think on these things:

adornment as a godly woman
adornment in the world
dressing for attention, purposely drawing attention to your body by the way you put together your appearance
modifying your body – cosmetic surgery, permanent makeup (basically tattooed makeup), tattoos, piercings, tanning
body art – henna, body painting, gluing on decorations, etc
cosmetics – hair dye, makeup for your face, nail polish, fake nails, perfume
jewelry – expensive jewelry, inexpensive jewelry
accessories – purpose vs decoration, cost of accessories, pantyhose/tights, shoes (attention-grabbing), hair accessories (moderation)

I won’t preach that I have all the answers and people need to do as I do. You need to seek this out on your own. We all grow at our own pace. Be gentle with your journey; God is patient and compassionate.

One thing that is hard with this is the “Well she does that” way of thinking. There are so many good people out there who adorn themselves in the ways of worldly beauty but they are still good Christians. There are so many sweet and kind women with glittery eyelids, colored lips, and fake nails. It’s hard to let go of thinking “well she does that” as a way to justify also doing that. She has her own walk with God. So do you. This is entirely up to you where you draw the line for your own body’s adornment. It’s not a judgment on other women if you feel convicted to stop wearing something or abstain from something that happens to be common in our culture.

There’s also a lot of “If not this, then why that?” questions I’ve grappled with. There are plenty of hypocrisies to wade through. If not fake pearl earrings, then why fake pearls in the hair? What some lack in jewelry, they make up for in hair accessories. How are earrings wrong, but a whole headband of pearls is fine? If not nail polish, then why are French manicures accepted in so many Apostolic churches? After all, dollar store nail polish is humbler than dropping $40 on fake nails. If not necklaces, why jeweled broaches on the shirt? If not bracelets, then why watches with jewels when plain watches serve a purpose just fine? If not jewels or gold or pearls, why is clothing with fake jewels or ornaments not considered too much? If not slits in the skirt so it doesn’t lead the eye up, why high heels and fishnet tights that draw attention to the legs and also lead the eye up to the hemline? What about the hypocrisy of people who don’t wear jewelry in general, but they choose to buy extremely expensive wedding rings? I understand the rings have a purpose and I fully support the wearing of wedding rings, but is it necessary to buy a ring so flashy you can see it across the room? I could go on, and these issues vary from church to church. One church in town may push the limits with every accessory they can get away with while another church in the same city is more authentic to the principles behind the standards there.

There’s also something to be said for following your pastor’s lead and the traditions of Apostolic Pentecostal people for the sake of being in alignment with what your congregation does and doesn’t do. On the one hand, there is unity in that. I’m aware the bible says to obey our pastors and submit to them because they keep watch over our souls as those who will give an account (Hebrews 13:17). On the other hand, each person has to have their own faith and they should do so genuinely. No one should be expected to deny or hide their beliefs so they can conform to someone else’s beliefs. Matters of personal conviction are between you and Jesus.

Overall appearance

Overall, it is a privilege to be set apart from the world. It is a privilege to represent Christ. As women, we are especially privileged to be more noticeably different from the world as the mainstream culture pulls in the opposite direction of traditional church teachings. How great it is for people to be able to tell just by looking at us that we are dedicated to living for the Lord.

Our adornment should be different than the secular world. We should not be seeking after beauty focused on attraction to the body. Focus on becoming a more beautiful and attractive woman by being a good and holy Christian.

Modest. Humble. Natural.
Untainted with the world’s idea of beauty.
Pure. Undefiled. Chaste.
A quiet and meek spirit.
Godliness. Good works.
This is godly beauty.

How do you want to be adorned as a holy woman following Jesus?

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Why I quit wearing makeup

19/9/2022

I threw it all away. I laid it all out, looked at it for a while, and scooped it up tossing it in the trash. All of my makeup – even my once beloved lip gloss – trash, never to be worn again.

It was 2020 September 26th. It wasn’t an easy thing to do when the conviction became undeniable. Two years later, I have no regrets. I actually love not wearing makeup. It’s freeing to not be expected to paint my face and cover up what I really look like so society can approve of my beauty.

Ironically, when I think of when I quit wearing makeup my mind goes back to when I started feeling like I always needed makeup to be seen outside my house. I distinctly remember a middle school friend telling me I would actually be pretty if it weren’t for my acne. At that point, I didn’t wear makeup very often. After that, I wore it always. I was afraid of what people would say if they saw my imperfect skin.

Growing up, makeup was an expected part of womanhood. All the women in my family wear makeup. I remember being in 4th or 5th grade when the expectation started for me to wear makeup like the girls at school had started to. I wanted to do and wear what the popular girls were. (Thankfully, that phase didn’t last long because I couldn’t care less now what the popular people are role modeling.) And I remember those middle school trips to the local stores so we could buy cosmetics, standing in the aisle trying to figure out what shade my skin was for foundation and wondering if that made me too pale to be beautiful in an era of tanning salons. I had no idea there were some women who didn’t wear it at all or even some religious groups that were against it. I thought all women covered up this way. It’s beauty. It’s protection from what people might say or think. So, I caked foundation in attempts to appease the world. I colored my eyes and lips. I adorned myself in coloring not natural to me so others would say I look pretty. Secretly, I always hated it. Though I liked the purple eyeshadows and anything that glittered, I hated feeling like I couldn’t let my natural face be seen.

Some women love makeup – not me. I wore it daily in middle school and high school. This was many moons ago. In my twenties, I didn’t wear it very often. It was a dress up kind of thing, not an ordinary day sort of attire. Our culture is so determined to make women look a certain way. It wasn’t uncommon for people to tell me to wear makeup. I had some people in my life that absolutely insisted I put makeup on or let them do it with hurtful mention to my facial redness. I always hated that. Makeup made me feel ugly. Anytime a ‘friend’ wanted to have fun doing my makeup I always felt so ugly. They’re covering me up because they don’t like the way I look. Some even feel you won’t get a man if you don’t wear makeup. I hated it.

Something changed in 2011. A seed was planted that didn’t come to bloom until 2020. I started going to an Apostolic Pentecostal church. The church teaches against makeup, though not much is spoken of it. I had never been in a room full of women with bare faces before. It was normal there to not wear makeup. I remember thinking there was a beauty to their simplicity. It was natural beauty. Yet my face was red and I often covered it up fearing what others might think.

As the time passed, I wore makeup less and less only giving in to a full face of makeup when friends wanted to play and do my face paint. At the same time, I am independent and rebellious. I don’t like being told what to do. I held on to some things the church teaches against because I didn’t see anything in the bible against these things and hanging on to them was a way to assert my dominance over my life. When I backslid in 2014, I started wearing makeup more. Lip gloss was my favorite. For me, it was also freedom. I liked it. It was actually the only makeup I liked wearing.

Fast-forward to fall of 2019 and I had left church claiming I would never go back. God strongly tugged me to a new church. I walked in that night wearing extra makeup and extra jewelry with two shades of purple lipstick on to make it darker. I am independent. I am not a woman to be controlled. I will never submit to rules I don’t agree with and don’t see in the bible. Don’t try to control me. I have my own beliefs and my own walk. I’m not here to follow the crowd.

Some things changed after I got back in church in November of 2019. Other things took time to grow. One thing I never understood before was the no makeup thing. It didn’t make any sense to me. Makeup made me feel ugly, but I’d wear it because I was self-conscious about my flawed and imperfect complexion. Someone might see how red I am. Someone might not like it. Someone might point it out. I typically wouldn’t even take selfies without makeup. I was afraid to be seen. At the root, I didn’t love myself enough to love raw me. But the more you see natural skin, the less you feel self-conscious about your own. The more you see other women with imperfect skin and acne and rosacea, the more you feel comfortable being yourself.

I got more comfortable with me and the way I naturally look. And I started losing desire for makeup. More and more, it became something I didn’t want. Somewhere along the way I learned to find the beauty in my imperfect face. I stopped being bothered by my flaws. I stopped wanting to look flawless like the magazines and the models and the YouTube influencers with their makeup videos. I reached a point where I could just be me. No longer did I worry about leaving the house and someone noticing my facial redness. I even lost interest in the lip gloss I used to love.

And then conviction came. I had gone several months without wearing makeup. I knew I was getting to a point that I didn’t want it anymore. The Lord had been dealing with me on it for months. I started seeing makeup differently. When I would see it on other people, it wasn’t beauty anymore. It was a covering – a mask almost – and it felt off. Spiritually, it started to feel like this was a worldly practice and I was being led away from that. I knew in the bible cosmetics were mentioned with whores, but there was nothing that specifically said not to wear cosmetics. I suppose being in my 30s I didn’t realize that for many generations it was considered inappropriate by many Christians for women to wear makeup. The customs of the people have changed. The church now looks just like the secular world in most cases. What was once separate is now blended. And we’re free, right? But something just didn’t feel right about it anymore. I knew this was conviction. It was hard to obey that at the time. I knew I needed to let it go, and I knew it wouldn’t be right to keep what I had in case I changed my mind. I gathered it all. I laid it out thinking long and hard about what I was letting go of. What would people say? What about my redness? Would I look too plain? I threw it all away.

It's funny to remember how hard it was to obey the conviction because after some time away from it my perspective changed. Not only do I have no desire for makeup, but it’s actually repulsive to me. The idea of painting my face with cosmetics makes me cringe. I have learned to fully accept my flawed face. I love the person in the mirror. To be completely honest, when I see makeup at the store I often turn my head in disgust. I have absolutely no interest in makeup at all. I won’t even wear it on my wedding day.

What’s the whole point in writing this blog? If you’re reading this, you may be searching the internet for this topic. This may be something weighing on your mind. Let me remind you of a few things. You don’t have to cover up who you are. Get comfortable with how you naturally look. Surround yourself with people who accept you without makeup. You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to. On the religious note, seek the Lord on the matter. I don’t think it’s sinful to wear makeup. Worldly? Yes. It’s one of the top ways women of the secular world adorn their bodies to be more attractive. Sinful? I have no scripture to clearly speak against it. All we can look at is the example set in the bible that painting our faces, especially in a seductive way or for sexual attention, was a practice done by whores. For some, they may find that irrelevant now as our culture has changed and makeup is the norm for all women including believers. For others, they may feel that we need to be separate from the ways of the world and not adorn ourselves with cosmetics and jewelry and such like the secular world does. If you do find yourself feeling conviction on the matter, be open to the direction the Lord is pulling you in and be obedient to his lead. You may struggle to lay it down, but after you have some time away from it the thought of putting makeup on will feel so weird. Natural is beautiful too. Natural skin, natural nails, natural hair… some consider it plain in this dolled-up society, but others of us find beauty in the simplicity.

Where do you fall on this topic? Yes to all makeup or yes to modest makeup in moderation or perhaps yes just to natural-looking makeup? Or no to all makeup? Comment down below and tell me where you’re at with this topic.

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1 Corinthians 11 and uncut hair: Why I completely stopped cutting my hair

14/9/2022

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I had read it, but I didn’t process it. I didn’t study it. In the 5 years I had been Christian, I’d never heard a minister preach on hair length or even gender distinction at all. Several times I had read Corinthians without stopping to think on this issue. After all, it’s become so common in American culture for women to have short hair and men now having long hair that it’s easy to forget how many hundreds of years went by that this was unaccepted. Was the tradition of short hair for men and long hair for women cultural or biblical?

One of the first things I noticed when I was new to the Apostolic Pentecostal church was the women were all wearing skirts, dressed modestly, and their hair was usually long. Not only was it long, but it looked natural. No dye, no unnatural color, no highlights, no layers, no chopped appearance. I came to learn that for most of them their hair was uncut. Yes, they do not cut their hair. Traditionally, they do not even trim it.

I had never heard of any church or denomination teaching this. I certainly didn’t mind the look. I’ve always loved long hair. I’ve had short hair several times when I was younger, and I hated it. I prefer my hair hip length if I can get it to grow that long. All these women at church looked so beautiful. They looked so feminine, but in a different way. It wasn’t feminine in a worldly way with makeup and nails and accessories to strut a womanly look. It was deeper than that, purer than that. In a way, it fascinated me to see this whole group of people look like men and women used to. It felt like finding something of old that you don’t see often anymore.

But why did they all follow this way?

1 Corinthians 11:3-16 (NASB)

3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

4 Every man who has something on his head while praying or prophesying disgraces his head.

5 But every woman who has her head uncovered while praying or prophesying disgraces her head, for it is one and the same as the woman whose head is shaved.

6 For if a woman does not cover her head, have her also cut her hair off; however, if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, have her cover her head.

7 For a man should not have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man.

8 For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man;

9 for indeed man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake.

10 Therefore the woman should have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels.

11 However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.

12 For as the woman originated from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God.

13 Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered?

14 Does even nature itself not teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a dishonor to him,

15 but if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her? For her hair is given to her as a covering.

16 But if anyone is inclined to be contentious, we have no such practice, nor have the churches of God.

Was this cultural? Verse 16 implies that it was not. “But if anyone is inclined to be contentious, we have no such practice, nor have the churches of God.” To be contentious is to be argumentative or controversial. I take that as, ‘If you want to argue about this, we as a church don’t even have any practices.’ Of course, the churches had their practices and their way of life.

When I thought about it, hadn’t it always been tradition among Christians and Jews for there to be gender distinction with clothing and hair length? Perhaps, modern times are not the right gauge to use to measure what is acceptable to God.

I knew this was something I didn’t fully understand. I wanted to know. Was it okay that I cut my hair? Is trimming fine? Should it be uncut? Should it be natural? What do I do or what do I stop doing? I struggled to understand, especially with so little actually spoken on this topic.

To be honest, I struggled with this topic for years. My hair is thin and the ends get damaged easily. I was introduced to the idea of uncut hair in 2011, but I didn’t have conviction on it or real understanding. I grew my hair as long as I could, but would continue to trim the ends once or twice a year to make it healthier. Until recently, I spent all those years interpreting this that hair needed to be long but did not need to be uncut. Still, every time I would trim my hair I felt so conflicted on whether or not it was okay. It always bothered me so much to ‘need’ to trim my hair. I’d get all worked up about it. Every time I would revisit the issue.

Searching the internet was little help. There are so many opinion pieces out there saying things every which way. One thing that I found works for me is to look at different ways people interpret something and test that against scripture for a process of elimination. I’ve heard a lot of things when this topic comes up. Let’s take a look at 10 of them (aside from people who will distract by switching the topic).

1 Ignore
This seems to be what most people do, but this is New Testament. So, I don’t see how it’s valid to say it’s not relevant.

2 Say it was cultural at the time, but give no explanation
This seemed to be the main reaction when I would bring up the topic with non-Apostolics. They said it was cultural, but they didn’t actually talk about the culture. They just thought that it wasn’t for us anymore.

3 Men having short hair and women having long hair is still relevant and something we need to follow.
This is in line with scripture.

4 It’s disgraceful for a woman to have her head shaved or her hair cut off.
Cut off short or cut at all? I would think it’d be hard to notice a little trim. Cut short though is certainly noticeable. For countless years, this was a disgrace. In the Old Testament, when a woman was taken captive they shaved her head. Even today despite the insanity of modern times, even the secular world finds it shocking when a woman shaves her head. Even the world knows long hair is glorious and feminine. What about short hair though? Cultural norm or biblical disgrace? It’s hard to make such judgment calls when we do not desire to control or offend. We have to make these decisions for ourselves.

5 Women need to have uncut hair.
I think this is where the confusion comes in. Does it need to be uncut or does it need to not be cut off as in cut short? We’re going to get into that more.

6 Women need to have a covering. Wear a head covering at least when praying.
There are some conservative churches that teach this: Amish, conservative Mennonite, other Plain societies, Orthodox, historically Catholic churches did as well. It seems more common in the Eastern world than the Western. However, verse 15 says that if a woman has long hair her hair is given to her as a covering.

7 A covering is needed for women, but their long hair counts as a covering.
This is in line with scripture. That also begs the question: Should women with short hair wear a covering?

8 This is only about praying or prophesying uncovered.
While that does technically fit, what about where it says long hair is a woman’s glory? Shouldn’t we always be ready to pray? I wouldn’t want to have to go get a head-covering to pray with if I can have a covering with me always.

9 This is about authority in the household. The man is the head of woman, and she should have a symbol of authority on her head.
I don’t know that I understand how this is a symbol of authority, but the scriptures are there. Still, how is saying this an excuse to not be obedient to this? There are some that say this is just for wives. I can see where they get that from verse 3, but the words chosen are men and women. It doesn’t say wives only. Besides, shouldn’t unmarried women be prepared to get married and look like a wife?

10 These verses are about shrine prostitutes. Shaved heads were for prostitutes. This was an issue in Corinth. The instruction is to not look like them.
I find this response particularly interesting. I’ve heard many people try to dispute women having uncut hair or requiring long hair by saying that these verses were about prostitutes. Let’s get into this one. At that time this was written to the Corinthians, there were pagan temple prostitutes that were distinguished by their shaved heads. It’s reported that some cultures also shaved a woman’s head as a punishment for adultery. Women of God were not to look like these women living a life of sexual sin. And when these prostitutes and pagans would come to believe in Jesus and come into the church, it was quick to see they were a convert because of their hair. So, they were instructed to wear a covering over their hair because being shorned was disgraceful. However, for the women with long hair no covering was needed because their long hair was given to them as a covering. And people use this as a reason to not have distinction. Wouldn’t that mean that the women of God had long hair? Wouldn’t that mean that the people following Jesus looked different than the pagans? They lived different. They looked different. I can’t help but wonder how this relates to modern times. When we’re studying the history of the church, it’s easy to think of things as way back then. Isn’t it the same thing now? Christians often live and look different than non-Christians. How often can you immediately recognize a new member to the church? Why? Because they look like the world, right? Back then the prostitutes were distinguished by their shaved heads. Think about it today. If someone comes into church looking like a prostitute looks in modern times, you know that they are a visitor or a new convert (and it’s great that they are there!). What happens? Gradually, their looks change along with their inner transformation. Now what would you think if one of those women who resembled a person living a life of sexual sin started prophesying? Most would hesitate to listen to someone who looked like that. If we live for the Lord and walk a lifestyle of holiness, we look different than those walking a lifestyle of sin. You can look right and live wrong, but if you live right and you look like you don’t how does that affect your witness? Should a person dressed disgracefully be leading the prayer group? No. (It’s not that they can’t have a heart for God, but they haven’t matured enough to lead if they are lacking in the basic fruits of holiness.) The principle behind this is not that different. We are called to be set apart. Those who follow Jesus should not dress or put together their appearance in a way that resembles those who live a life of sexual immorality.

Another thing I learned that goes along with this is in the Jewish Encyclopedia 6th edition on page 158 it says “Among women long hair is extolled as a mark of beauty (Cant. iv. 1, vii 6). A woman’s hair was never cut except as a sign of deep mourning or of degradation (Jer. vii. 29; comp. Deut. xxi. 12).” Given this history, it appears that uncut hair would have been the norm in the early church. Aren’t we continuing the faith and practices of the early church?

I’ve heard quite a few things over the years when this topic has come up. Many ignore or say it’s not relevant in our culture. Let me ask you this. Is our culture living for God right now? Are we a holy nation? A righteous people? Abstaining from sin and impurity? No. Should current culture be our measuring stick for what’s acceptable to God? No.

Let’s test these different interpretations. What fits scripture?

It’s New Testament. It’s relevant for us. It is not cultural for the times. It’s not just the church in Corinth. If anyone wants to be argumentative about it, the churches of God have no other practice (verse 16).
Men should have short hair and women should have long hair (verses 14-15, 6).
It is a dishonor for a man to have long hair (verse 14).
Long hair is a glory for a woman (verse 15).
A woman’s long hair is a covering to her (verse 15).
It is a disgrace for a woman to be praying or prophesying when she is shorn or shaven (verse 6).

To cut off short or cut at all? That is the thing that I struggled with understanding. I will confess it was 11 years into being Apostolic before I really understood this. It wasn’t until researching for this blog that I learned more of the history and the language and finally felt like I had understanding. I’m being transparent here because this blog is about sharing my journey in coming to understand this aspect of the faith lifestyle. I don’t profess to be a professional minister. I simply share my faith and invite people to hear my faith journey.

One thing that was a hangup for me was in my family we differentiate between cutting and trimming. Are you going to get your hair cut or just trim it? It's treated as different things. I brought that language difference from the world into my interpretation of scripture. I didn't think trimming was really cutting your hair.

Bible translations were a big factor in my confusion. Older translations including King James Version and the American Standard Version say “shaven” in verse 5 and “shorn or shaven” in verse 6. However, modern English translations talk about it being cut off or shaved.

King James Version
But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.
For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.

American Standard Version
But every woman praying or prophesying with her head unveiled dishonoreth her head; for it is one and the same thing as if she were shaven. For if a woman is not veiled, let her also be shorn: but if it is a shame to a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be veiled.

New American Standard Version
But every woman who has her head uncovered while praying or prophesying disgraces her head, for it is one and the same as the woman whose head is shaved. For if a woman does not cover her head, have her also cut her hair off; however, if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, have her cover her head.

NET
But any woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered disgraces her head, for it is one and the same thing as having a shaved head. For if a woman will not cover her head, she should cut off her hair. But if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, she should cover her head.

ESV
but every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head.

NIV
But every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head—it is the same as having her head shaved. For if a woman does not cover her head, she might as well have her hair cut off; but if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, then she should cover her head.

At this point, I would get confused with what translation is accurate. All the modern English ones I look at say to cut off. And I only pay attention to translations that are focused on literal translation. I avoid anything paraphrased or loosely phrase for phrase. Yet the older translations say shorn.

I am definitely a modern English gal. All these years I’ve been reading not to “cut off” our hair, and I had an image in my head of short hair that had been chopped. Perhaps, my mistake in that was the image that came to mind was an assumption more than an interpretation. The only way to cut hair is to cut some off. Cutting off an inch at the ‘dead ends’ is still cutting off.

Am I understanding what it means to be shorn? Some dictionaries list this as to cut short or nearly shave. Others define it simply as to cut. Common context is to compare is to shearing a sheep and cutting their hair short (taking off their covering). Is that an accurate comparison? How was the word used when these translations were written? To get to the bottom of a question when I feel bible translations are confusing, I go straight to the original. An interlinear bible is a great study tool. In the interlinear bible, it translates it to English as “disgraceful to a woman to be shorn or to be shaven let her cover her head”. In verse 6 when it says “to be shorn”, the Greek word is “keirasthai”. The listed Strong’s concordance 2751 lists “Keiro” as a verb defined as “to shear” with usage “I shear, cut the hair of”.

Merriam Webster defines shear as
Transitive verb
1a: to cut off the hair from
1b: to cut or clip from someone or something
1d: to cut or trim with shears or a similar instrument

Interestingly, before scissors were called scissors they were called shears.

We could certainly split hairs on the controversy over whether it is supposed to be uncut or simply be long. We could talk about the what ifs. What if somebody’s hair hits the floor? What if somebody’s hair won’t grow? What if they have health issues that make their hair fall out? What if their hair is thin? What if the ends are damaged? What if it doesn’t look as good as it would if you cut it?

Okay. Those are valid questions. Do they matter though? You need to refine your idea of beauty. The world convinces you that women need a fresh cut, a new color, a bold look. They train you to think that your hair must not have split ends (even though the ends of hair will split no matter what). A chopped straight across is beauty agenda is not the same thing as godly beauty. Natural hair is beautiful. Long hair is beautiful. There is a feminine elegance that takes years of dedication to achieve. Uncut hair has a different kind of beauty to it.

We each have to decide for ourselves how we interpret this and what we will follow. As for me, I think it’s still an instruction for us. If the bible says we aren’t to be shorned and shorn means to shear and shear means to cut, should we cut it? I won’t argue that it could mean to cut short. I agree that cutting short is disobedient to this scripture. Nevertheless, to shear technically means to cut (period) regardless of the context we usually use it in. So, I don’t want to. I want long hair. I want glorious hair. I want the covering. I want to be obedient to scripture the best I understand it. I interpret this as I, as a woman professing holiness, need to have uncut hair and however long it grows is up to the Lord.

And that is why Apostolic Pentecostal women do not cut their hair.

This is something that as women we each have to figure out what it means and what we are going to do about how we interpret it. I share this blog because it was a hard topic for me, and I know there are women searching the internet for this topic as I was for so many years. I invite you to consider these things and take time to think on it, pray about it, and genuinely seek the Lord on the matter. We all take time to grow. I feel like it’s unfortunate that it took me 11 years to understand what could have taken a day if someone had taken the time to really explain this matter. I hope this blog is enough to teach you that you don’t spend a decade feeling conflicted or going back and forth.

If you are a seasoned saint in the faith, I nudge you to bring up the topic with the newer in Christ and open a discussion on these scriptures.

If you have any questions, you are welcome to comment on the blog. Questions are always welcome; answers are always honest.

As for me

After studying this scripture and the historical context behind it, I interpret it that women are to have uncut hair. That is still relevant for us. I no longer cut my hair, trim it, take scissors to it in any way, or do anything to try to get rid of the ends as they naturally are. I leave my hair natural. I also don't dye it or do anything to alter its natural state such as getting perms.

I remember being afraid to make the commitment to not cut it. What if it gets really bad? What if the ends are damaged so badly people say something about it? What if people think natural hair looks bad? What if it thins out even more? What if? I obeyed anyway. After I made that commitment to obey this scripture, the worries went away. My hair has some split ends. I'm okay with that. It doesn't bother me. I realized one day that it reflects nature in other ways. I thought of how weird it would look if we chopped a willow tree so all their beautiful willows were straight across and not different lengths. Sometimes the way the "split ends" branch out reminds me of tree roots. God doesn't want us chopping off our hair to fit the world's idea of beauty. He doesn't want us with wild hair that makes us look rebellious against him. We are called to be set apart for holiness. I came to a point that I felt complete peace in obedience about my hair being uncut. I never had peace about it when I spent a decade tossing and turning over this issue trying to figure it out. In hindsight, that hesitation was a nudge to study this scripture and understand it better.

If you are new to uncut hair, talk to other ladies in your church about hair care. Many of us use oils or leave-in conditioner on our ends to keep them moisturized and prevent damage. You can also seek advice on styling if you've never had longer hair before. There are several Facebook groups for Apostolic Pentecostal hair.

Study these scriptures and pray on the matter.

Resources:

www.biblegateway.com to look at different scriptures

https://biblehub.com/interlinear/1_corinthians/11.htm for the interlinear of 1 Corinthians 11

https://biblehub.com/greek/keirasthai_2751.htm The Greek word for “to be shorn”

https://biblehub.com/greek/2751.htm Strong’s concordance for shorn

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shear Webster’s definition of shear

https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/singular-of-scissors Scissors used to be called shears

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/97/Jewish_Encyclopedia_Volume_6.pdf Jewish encyclopedia referencing women’s uncut hair on page 158 (169 in the PDF)

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Why I stopped wearing pants and went to skirts or dresses only

3/9/2022

35 Comments

I wore pants almost exclusively for the first 22 years of my life. I rarely wore skirts, and when I did they were short. In 2011, I made the switch to skirts or dresses exclusively. Why? Personal conviction. This has always been my own choice. I’m sharing this blog – not to persuade others to do the same – but to share my story for those who are interested in making this change in their own lives.

I had always found long skirts and dresses to be beautiful in this gently feminine way. Around 2010, I had bought a couple of plaid skirts from Kohl’s. I believe those were the first below-the-knee skirts I’d ever had. I really enjoyed wearing those. It felt womanly. I’d wondered why some religious groups have women wear dresses or skirts only, but I’d never really explored the idea. Towards the end of 2010, that was something that kept crossing my mind.

First exposure to this lifestyle

The first time I ever walked among people who had the traditional gender roles with clothing was when I started going to an Apostolic Pentecostal church in January of 2011. Sure, I had seen women from Plain churches wearing their traditional dresses. I live in Ohio and there are many Mennonites as well as some Amish families not too far north of me. I had always thought their way of dressing had a beauty to it – feminine, modest, classic in a way. They were separate though. I wasn’t in those social circles and I had no friendships with anyone of that faith-based lifestyle. This was different. I was actually going to church with people that dressed and lived set apart from the mainstream (or “normal”) ways of the secular world. I remember looking around the church thinking how beautiful it was. It felt like finding something of old that you don’t see often anymore.

My initial thoughts

The dresses were feminine and yet not showing off skin to be beautiful. The skirts were long and many were loose, wrapped around them in a way that covered a woman yet still offered dignity. It was modest. It was womanly. But was it wrong for a woman to wear pants? I’d always worn pants. Of course, it didn’t seem wrong. That’s how I was raised. The jeans tightly wrapped around my thighs were not something I had ever questioned. How could it be wrong? Women have rights. We can wear what we want. Yet there was something that intrigued me about this wardrobe choice of theirs. I felt drawn to it.

Giving consideration to the idea

I bought a few long skirts. I’d never had ankle-length skirts before. I was afraid they’d be hard to walk in. I actually found them easier to walk in than pants. They were so comfortable! It felt like a nightgown. My legs were free. The skirts were flowy and feminine, even for someone like me who was more of a tomboy. I liked it. Something about it felt right. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was specifically, but it felt right. Of course, I still wore pants. You have to, right? I mean in the winter it gets cold and sometimes pants are more practical and if you don’t wear pants people will think you’re a religious nut. I kept thinking about it though. Could I choose to stop wearing pants? It was noticed by others that I was wearing a lot of skirts.

Wondering what God wants

I was still new in church (at the Apostolic church) and, while most women wore skirts, nobody ever really talked about why. I tried finding what the bible says about it using a concordance, but found no directions for gender-based clothing. There’s Deuteronomy 22:5 that says “The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.” (KJV), but there’s nothing that says pants are for men and skirts are for women. Besides, clothing varies in different cultures and changes over time. Nowadays we have men’s pants and women’s pants, and they are not the same. The word “abomination” got to me and I wondered what God considered to be for men and for women.

Has society strayed?

I started thinking about women’s clothing and gendered expectations over the years. It’s only been in the last couple of decades that it was socially acceptable for women to wear pants. For hundreds and hundreds of years, women wore beautiful dresses and long, flowing skirts. In the 1800s some women started wearing pants – some for practicality or comfort, others as a symbol of the women’s rights movement. During World War 2, women went to work in the factories and donned factory-safe work clothes while so many men were away at war. It wasn’t until after that it became common for women to wear trousers and such. Still, it wasn’t until the 1960s and 70s that it really became socially acceptable to wear pants. Women took to wearing what was once for men as a sign of equality. I have an aunt who still remembers when she was in school and they started being allowed to wear pants to school. It has not been that many years. I was born in the 80s and just in that short time it has become odd for a woman to not wear pants. What’s right? Was this just culture? Are modern times the most progressive and righteous? Is the historical way more biblical?

I prayed for conviction and I got it

This weighed on my mind a lot. I liked skirts more and more. And I secretly struggled more and more with feeling like I didn’t want to wear pants. It felt wrong. I continued doing it because I had always done it. Also because it was expected of me to look and live like my family. I was more of a tomboy though and often wore shirts from the men’s department. I would put on a pair of pants and feel so bothered that I’d go change into a skirt. I couldn’t explain it. That’s just how I felt.

This was back in my dark days of working at Kohl’s. It was early 2011. I was a freight assistant working 3rd shift unloading the semi-trucks. I typically wore a tee-shirt, jeans, and steel-toe boots to work. It was a physically demanding job, and there was nothing womanly about it. It was very much a man’s job. There I was – the not-so-outdoorsy tomboy – who prided herself on being strong enough to do a “man’s job”. Granted, it tore my body up and left me with arthritis at a young age, but I was determined to be strong as a man. My position was usually standing at the edge of the dock with the boxes being unloaded onto a skate wheel conveyor. It would get very cold on winter nights standing in that spot for hours. Even with pants, my legs would freeze and my hands would go numb despite gloves. The idea of wearing a skirt sounded insane.

If you read my testimony blogs, you’ll know that it was at this job I met a coworker who invited me to the Apostolic church and gave me a bible study. His name is Billy. I had started going to this church, but I was still wearing pants often. I came into work one night and Billy and I had on the same outfit – same shirt, same pants. That was the night the Lord opened my eyes and I realized I was wearing men’s clothes. I wanted to stop wearing pants, but I was afraid it would upset people. I prayed for conviction. This was also the story where I learned if you pray for conviction, you will get it. Another night at work not too long after that, I wore a pair of olive-green cargo pants. They were looser so I thought they were more modest and okay. I squatted to put a box away and they ripped open at the crotch. I spent the rest of the night with a bit of a breeze and a lot of conviction. That was my last time wearing pants (until I backslid). That might all sound incredibly silly or ridiculous, but this was how I felt. I realize this isn’t an instruction given in scripture. This was and is a matter of personal conviction.

Making the switch

I had so many pants and not many skirts. I didn’t want to get rid of my pants. I wanted to turn them into skirts. My sewing skills are basic at best, but I had hopes. I really struggled with guilt! I had just gotten several pairs of pants for Christmas. I think this was February of 2011 that I made the switch. We were very poor, and if I could get new clothes they almost always came from thrift stores. Getting something brand new was a special treat. My Mom and I had gone on a shopping splurge for Christmas, and she bought me not just one but several pairs of pants. I liked them! They are cute. I wanted to wear them, but I felt like I shouldn’t. That was something I really struggled with. I still remember the pair of jeans she liked the most on me. It might have actually been a couple years since I’d gotten brand-new pants. I felt like I was wasting her money and not being appreciative of the gifts she got me.

I also had to get up the money to go and buy new clothes. This was a $9 an hour job and I didn’t have much to replace my wardrobe. It is definitely expensive to replace an entire wardrobe with modest clothing and skirts below the knee. Modest clothes are often more expensive than mainstream clothing. It was years before I had the money to buy a modest dress, the kind that Apostolic women often wear to church. I found a few thrift stores that tend to have longer skirts, and I got them as able.

I didn’t necessarily announce it publicly, but I did tell those close to me I didn’t want to wear pants anymore. The reactions were not warm and fuzzy.

People's reactions

My family thought I had joined a cult. They were very against this conviction of mine. It was mentioned often and repeatedly. They were upset. I won’t get into details or tell stories here, but I will emphasize that my family was bothered by this choice of mine. That didn’t slide by quickly. It lasted months. It took a long time for them to seem okay with my choice. They are supportive of it now.

Friends and coworkers didn’t like the changes I was making. They started teasing me often for a few weeks, then every now and then for the following few months. It took a long time for people to adjust to my new normal. I didn’t understand why the same people who complimented me on how nice I looked in a skirt when I still wore pants now thought I looked like a religious extremist in the same skirt. I also didn’t understand why they were now making fun of my long hair which was exactly the same length as it was when I wore pants and people would call it beautiful.

Church folks didn’t say much, but I did realize my sense of fashion didn’t really align with theirs. I’m more Plain Jane. I’ve become okay with that.

I was surprised that strangers treated me differently. Men started opening doors for me and treating me more like a lady. In general, I was given more respect when dressing modestly and wearing skirts. That part I did not expect.

My own reaction was one of guilt and struggle at first, but eventually peace. This was a genuine conviction and it did not waver. I loved skirts more and more. I did not miss pants. I had no desire for them.

Wearing pants again

I backslid at the end of 2014 and started wearing pants again in Spring of 2017 if memory serves me correct. Even though I had been out of church for several years, I continued to wear skirts and not wear pants out of conviction. The conviction remained no matter how far I backslid. The only reason I even started wearing pants again was because I was painting apartments with my brother and doing so in a skirt was frustrating. It’s easier to climb ladders and paint and such while wearing pants. I went with my cousin to the Salvation Army thrift store and picked out a few pairs of pants just for painting. I think I got 5 pairs. It felt so weird trying them on. Having fabric wrapped around my legs was uncomfortable, a bit smothered. It felt so revealed. It felt wrong.

Other people rejoiced that I wore pants again. My family was so glad I looked “normal again”. There were a lot of compliments. No one seemed to care that I was bothered by it. This didn’t feel right to me. Before long, I started wearing pants again all the time. Besides, who was I to look holy when I wasn’t even going to church anymore?

It never stopped bothering me. Every single time – and I do mean literally every single time – I would put pants on I thought of my conviction to wear skirts. I didn’t really like the way that I looked in pants. I do like the way I look in skirts.

Coming back to church

I came back to church in autumn of 2019. A few short weeks after coming back, I was doing laundry one day and realized there were no pants in the laundry piles. I had gone back to wearing skirts without ever making an intentional decision to do so. It felt right. I thought about it and quickly decided to return to my convictions. I threw away all my pants and my shorts. I did not care. I did not feel guilty. I was glad to purge it.

Then and now

It’s 2022. It is now 11 years after I first felt the conviction to stop wearing pants. I still feel that way. I think that I will always dress this way. I still have the same general fashion style. I just wear skirts instead of pants. It feels right to me. This feels like me. It’s something that I love. I do not miss wearing pants at all; I have zero desire for that. I love my skirts.

I do feel a strong personal conviction to wear skirts out of modesty and also out of gender distinction. While the bible doesn’t specify which kinds of clothes are okay for which gender, I do feel that gender distinction is a biblical principle. We can see in Deuteronomy 22:5 that there must have been a clear distinction between men’s and women’s clothes for cross-dressing to be an abomination. In 1 Corinthians 11 there is distinction between hair length for men and women. I don’t think that is ever going to age out or become irrelevant. Looking at current times, the lines are blurred more and more. First clothing, then hair, then gender itself has left the path of what God’s people have traditionally done. The more society blurs the two genders, the more I cling to the old-fashioned ways. I can’t help but notice those who are blurring the lines are not living for God. Therefore, I will not adhere to their principles.

Most of the people that know me have adjusted, although there are still some who are bothered by my appearance. I’ve never heard a man speak against a woman dressing modestly or in traditional gendered clothing. I have seen some women get angry over another woman choosing to not wear pants. Over the years, I’ve learned to be confident in my choices and not be upset by other people having different opinions. I used to be so afraid to offend people. I was hesitant to talk about anything to do with my faith-based lifestyle. The more you love your choices, the less you care who disapproves.

When I meet new people and they only see me wear skirts, they generally assume it’s a religious matter and they don’t expect me to wear pants. The subject doesn’t usually come up, but if it does I’m comfortable talking about it. I’m open to questions or explanations.

One thing that has changed over the years is defense to explanation. When I was younger and newer to the faith, I always felt like I had to defend my faith. I got a lot of criticism on my beliefs, especially regarding my appearance. I got to a point that I was in attack mode without realizing it. I was quick to defend my actions. Even in the blogs I would do on my religious beliefs or lifestyle, I would often start with some kind of disclaimer that I’m not trying to control anybody or tell them what to do and I don’t want to offend anyone. Yet I can tell when I go back and read the old deleted blogs that I was on the defense from the very beginning. At some point, I became confident enough that criticism does not bother me anymore. My attitude switched from declaring and defending my faith to sharing and explaining my faith. That’s something to think about if you find yourself on a similar path.

Why I do it

Wearing skirts is a choice. I love it. Here’s why I do it.

I feel personal conviction from the Lord, and I obey that.
Modesty is so much easier with a skirt or dress because they are loose and not revealing the outline of my figure.
I do believe gender distinction is a biblical principle.
It feels feminine.
They are comfortable!
It feels right to me.
It’s also easier to witness. We women are privileged to be set apart as obviously Christian when we dress this way. I can’t tell you how many times total strangers have asked me about my faith or where I go to church because of my skirts. I’ve been in stores or at work and had people randomly ask me where I go to church without me even saying a word. I’ve had so many women (that I would never expect this from) tell me they wish they could wear skirts like that all the time. Older women have told me how refreshing it is to see younger women dressing modestly and feminine. It always surprises me how many women feel drawn to this way of dressing.

If you’re considering switching to skirts only, I encourage you to try it out. Seek in prayer. Be open to revelation and conviction. If you try it and decide it’s not for you and you don’t feel convicted to do so, you can always go back to pants. You’re free to choose how you dress. If you feel drawn to dress this way, listen to the tug.

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Ways to use a birth ball

27/8/2022

What is a birth ball?

A birth ball is simply an exercise ball that we use in labor and at the end of pregnancy.

You can buy them on Amazon or from Premier Birth Tools. Make sure you get the right size for your height. If you are 4’8” – 5’10”, get the 65cm ball. If you are 5’11” or taller, get the 75cm ball. They do take 2 or 3 days to fully inflate.

These are excellent for pregnancy and labor. They’re nice to have around the house too.

Where do we put the ball?

On the floor in an open space
On the floor next to the bed or couch or chair to stabilize yourself
Next to the hospital bed (use the railing for stability)
On the bed (home or hospital)
On the couch
And even in the shower

What do we do while sitting on it?

You can sit on it for good posture. It may be more comfortable to sit on than furniture.
Sway (for comfort)
Have the partner on the bed/couch/chair with mom in front and a rebozo wrapped around the Dad’s shoulders & back. Mom can face Dad or have her back to his front. This offers support and partner involvement while she uses the birth ball.
Have a support person behind the mother using a rebozo for an abdominal lift.
A support person behind her can also do counter-pressure or massage while momma is on the birth ball.
To get baby deeper in the pelvis, do hip circles (clockwise, then reverse). With hip circles, we want to avoid using our legs to move the ball. Focus on really moving the pelvis. Think of it like a hula hoop.
You can also do figure 8s on the ball.
Do cat/cow pelvic tilts on the ball with emphasis on tucking the pelvis to help baby engage in the pelvis.
If baby is in the mid-pelvis, shift your hips one side at a time for asymmetrical movement.
If you have an open shower (hospital may have this), you can bring the birth ball in the shower with you while your doula sprays hot water on your back.

What do we do while leaning on it?

Hands and knees (on the floor or the bed) leaning on the birth ball for comfort
While in hands and knees resting face and arms on the ball, you can use a rebozo to lift or sift the belly.
To open the pelvic inlet, rock the ball forward and back while on all fours with knees wider than ankles.
You can also have your husband or doula behind you helping rock your hips.
To open the pelvic inlet, turn ankles inward and have knees further apart while you lean on it (no rocking or rolling required, just lean).
If baby is in the mid-pelvis, do hip lunges.
To open the pelvic outlet, turn knees inward and have ankles farther apart than the knees.
You can also place the ball on the hospital bed, your bed at home, on a couch, or in a chair. Lean against the ball and sway.
You can also shake the apples while the pregnant or laboring mother is in all fours leaning on the birth ball.

More ways...

When you’re postpartum, you can use the ball to sit and bounce baby.
Use it to swap with your computer chair sometimes.
Keep your birth ball to use as an exercise ball.

This list has over 20 ways to use a birth ball. Tell me your favorite ways in the comments.
If you have any other ways you use(d) a birth ball, I'd love for you to share with one another in the comments.

Curious which birth ball I use?
Check out my list of recommended birth support supplies here.

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My modesty standards as an Apostolic Pentecostal woman

2/8/2022

18 Comments

Welcome

Hello, ladies. Is modesty a topic that’s been weighing on your mind lately? Are you new(ish) to church or starting to question some of your outfits? Let’s talk about what modesty means and how we can set up guidelines for ourselves to live out our values. This conversation is in gentleness; many of us converts have come to navigate this topic as adults. I know it is not easy to make changes or figure out where to draw the line. Seek the Lord on the matter.

Disclaimer

Friendly note to say these views are my own. I’m not officially representing my church’s views here or a denomination (my church is WPF). Though my convictions are in line with what most Apostolic Pentecostal churches teach on modesty, some of my personal choices may be more conservative. If you have questions about modesty standards, I encourage you to talk to your pastor’s wife.

Scripture

Let’s look at the scriptures first.

1 Timothy 2:9-10
In like manner, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefastness and sobriety; not with braided hair, and gold or pearls or costly raiment; but (which becometh women professing godliness) through good works.

1 Peter 3:1-5
In like manner, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, even if any obey not the word, they may without the word be gained by the behavior of their wives; beholding your chaste behavior coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner aforetime the holy women also, who hoped in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Or know ye not that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have from God? and ye are not your own; for ye were bought with a price: glorify God therefore in your body.

Romans 12:1-2
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service. And be not fashioned according to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

(All scripture taken from the American Standard Version)

What it means to be modest

To be modest is to be decently covered, be a person of discretion, be pure, and be proper for a person professing to live a godly life. It’s not about shame or negative perspectives on the body. It’s valuing what you’re keeping covered. It’s discretion. It’s to behave and appear in a manner aligned with holiness. It’s to not dress or appear in a way that seeks sexual attention from anyone other than your spouse.

Whether woman or man, modest dress and behavior prevents lust and temptation to fornication, adultery, and other sins. No one is responsible for another person’s sins, but we can put up a guardrail against such unwanted attention with the way we present ourselves. A heart after God is a heart that does not desire to lead others into sin or temptation.

If our hearts are in a place that we desire to obey the biblical instruction to glorify God with our bodies and to be holy, we will desire modesty. We don’t desire to indulge in sin or lead others into sin. We don’t desire to draw attention to our bodies for a type of attention that should only take place within marriage. Modesty is aligning our behavior and appearance with our principles based on scripture, guidance from our churches, and personal conviction. In these modern times, we may be more conservative in our standards than what the church a person goes to teaches – as so many churches no longer teach on the matter. So, let’s talk about how we live out our values on modesty.

My modesty journey

I did not grow up in church. Modesty wasn’t something I considered until after I became a Christian in 2005. I didn’t truly start to dress modestly until I became Apostolic Pentecostal in 2011. You wouldn’t believe it if you know me now, but I used to be that woman in short shorts, tank-tops, low-cut shirts, and tight clothing who did not care how much skin showed or what people thought of it. For years I kept some old jean shorts to turn into a purse; you wouldn’t even need to cut the legs off because they were that short. I thought modesty rules were oppressive.

After becoming Christian, the concept of modesty was something that grew on me with time. Less shorts, more regular jeans. Less strapless or sleeveless, more tee-shirts. There were no standards though. I never sat down and thought about where to draw the line or what my values were. At the time, modesty was something I associated with a shamefulness of being immodest. I never heard churches talk about it and I rarely heard Christians talk about it.

I remember being brand-new to the Apostolic Pentecostal church. Most everyone was dressed modestly (at least in church). I had never been in a room full of people where the women wore dresses or skirts all the time. It was the first time I’d ever been around gender distinction like that. It felt so old-fashioned at first. There was a purity to it. I thought it was beautiful in its own way. Since childhood, I had always admired women in modest dresses or long skirts. I thought it was beautiful. I had a few long skirts, and I always felt so feminine in them. This felt right to me. In a way, I had always been drawn to that lifestyle. It just wasn’t the way I lived.

This was also the first I’d ever heard of “holiness standards”. This is where I developed my modesty standards. They’ve grown over time. It was a transition. I felt convicted to stop wearing pants shortly after beginning there. No one told me to. It was something I wanted. The remainder of my modesty standards followed. Most of the changes I made were out of personal conviction. Some of the changes I made were with guidance from my church at the time when I couldn’t figure out where to lay a boundary.

Over the years, I settled into my own style of modesty. You can absolutely still have your own style. You may be more feminine and like to dress up. You may be a woman who is more Plain Jane, and there’s nothing wrong with that. T-shirts and maxi skirts are modest too. You don’t have to wear high heels and be all dolled up. You can be tie-dye, boho, or basic. It’s not all lace and frills. Find your genuine style.

Addressing the heart

The heart leads the behavior and the attire. What does your heart desire? How do you want to live? How do you want to appear? Firstly, I want to avoid sexual sin and avoid leading others into such temptation. Secondly, I want to appear in a way that is consistent with my profession of faith. If an outfit were to ever be able to hurt my witness, that outfit needs to go.

If ever I feel that the way I want to dress is different than how God wants me to put together my attire, then I need to remember I lay down my flesh to follow after Christ. My pursuit of holiness is more important than any cute outfit or color lip gloss I like.

My heart’s desire is for holiness and a modest presentation Jesus would approve of. I came to realize the world’s perspective of modesty is not the same as God’s perspective. I refined my choices.

Behaving modestly

What good is it to dress appropriately if we behave promiscuously or in a way that seeks bodily attention outside of marriage? Proper behavior is an often-forgotten aspect of modesty. Let your actions align with the values you profess.

Clothing standards

What is a standard?
Definition: standard
Noun

A level of quality or attainment
An idea or thing used as a measure, norm, or model used in comparative evaluations

Adjective

Used or accepted as normal or average

If you’re new to the term “holiness standards”, this may be something to stop and think about. What are standards for ourselves as Christians? How we live? How we treat others? How we witness? How we look?

What are we comparing ourselves to? The members of the body of Christ are supposed to live differently than the world (unbelievers, the sinful lifestyle of those who live to please the flesh). We are supposed to be set apart from sin. We often look different than the secular world. Yet even the secular world has standards of appearance in certain places. Go to public school or private school and there will be a dress code. Go to work for almost any employer and there will be a dress code. That is widely accepted as professionalism. Yet many oppose the idea of God’s people having standards of appropriate appearance when they profess to be working the harvest fields. Are we not representing Jesus at all times? Does it not hinder our witness to be dressed immodestly or ungodly? Standards will be on topics that we are often different on compared to the secular world or, perhaps, mainstream Christianity.

The instruction to be modest is a biblical instruction. One thing that I struggled with is the bible doesn’t specify what is considered modest and what is considered inappropriate. There are no instructions on sleeve length or skirt length etc. In our American culture, it’s only in recent years that people have revealed so much skin. It actually used to be illegal to go out dressed the way people do nowadays. These are things we have to seek the Lord on through prayer. If we seek his will on the matter, we’ll receive his guidance. These are matters of personal conviction. Depending on the type of church you go to, your church may (or may not) offer guidance. If your church does, there may be what we call “platform standards” for people who choose to be in leadership and be involved in things that represent the church. That is one place to look for guidance. The people involved in leadership and ministries should be modeling what the church teaches. I’d venture to say most of my modesty standards are in line with the traditional Apostolic Pentecostal teaching. A few may be more conservative. These are the standards that I have developed for myself to live out through personal conviction.

Shirts need to have sleeves. They need to have enough of a sleeve to cover the armpits. I don’t wear sleeveless. If a dress is sleeveless, I will wear a shirt under it or wear a cardigan that can be buttoned over it. Of course, sleeves need to be enough coverage that bras are kept hidden and straps of dress slips do not show. As far as sleeve length, this is something that has changed for me over time. When I first went to sleeves required, I was fine with any sleeves. That was an improvement from where I had been. Eventually, I followed my church’s (at the time) guidance on sleeves reaching at least halfway between the shoulder and elbow. Basically, standard tee shirt sleeves were the boundary. I was comfortable with that. I did that for many years, but from time to time I would think about going down to elbows. No one I noticed at the church I went to had the standard of covering the elbows. I felt like that balanced out with keeping the knees covered. For years I said if I were to sew my own clothes, I’d prefer the sleeves to be closer to the elbow if not covering the elbow. When I started at the church I go to now that is WPF, I eventually noticed some women had undershirts on that covered the elbow. I really liked the way that looked. It seemed more feminine. I insisted I’d be too hot in the summer. For a few years, I’d catch myself staring thinking people would have negative things to say if I did that. In 2023, it was on my mind for a couple of months. In the summer, I started experimenting with it. I liked it and it wasn’t as hot as I expected. I prayed about it a little, but didn’t feel any strong conviction. On a Sunday in July, one of the things I prayed about during altar prayer was asking for guidance on sleeve length. The next service a nice woman from church I don’t talk to often came over to tell me she had a shirt for me (I hadn’t discussed with anyone that I was considering changing my standards). She handed it to me after service. It was a pretty pink shirt with sleeves below the elbow, and it was my style of shirt. I knew then that below the elbows was my new boundary. I still didn’t have strong feelings on it. I’ve learned that sometimes conviction is a gentle message and not always something we feel fiery about.
Shirts need to not be low-cut. I choose shirts that are approximately within a hand width of my collarbone or higher. No cleavage or breast shows.
Shirts should not be loose enough to fall open and reveal anything. If a shirt is looser, I layer with a shirt or dress underneath.
I don’t want my belly or back showing. If I raise my hands straight up, my shirts need to be long enough to not show that skin.
I choose to wear skirts or dresses. I do not wear pants anymore. For cold weather or situations where modesty is of concern, I will wear leggings under my skirts. To me, leggings are undergarments. That’s not a negotiating piece to change my hemline. It’s more for cold weather, but can also be for exercise or more physical work. I do think a woman can be modest in pants, but that is challenging when women’s clothes are made to be form-fitting.
I don’t let my knees show. I prefer my skirts and dresses to be ankle-length. I can do below-the-knee as long as my knees stay covered.
I prefer my skirts to not have a slit.
The above standards mentioned need to be met when standing, sitting, legs crossed, kneeling, or bending over. I also need to be able to worship freely without any issues. I want to be able to lift my hands high, bow down, kneel at the altar, jump and dance without any infractions or restrictions in movement.
It is not okay for my clothes to be see-through. I will not buy clothes that you can see right through. If something is a little thinner than I’m comfortable with, I layer. Of course, slips are needed for many dresses and skirts. Layering dresses are useful.
Nothing should be clinging to my body or form-fitting. I typically avoid pencil skirts and athletic skirts for this reason. Clothes should not be tight! I like my dresses and skirts to be more flowy than form-fitting.
Nothing should be drawing attention to my body. So, I’m not going to wear a shirt with a ton of jewels or anything like that. If it’s the kind of outfit that can catch your attention from across the room, it might be a bit much. I’m all for glitter. I don’t mind sequins. I like to sparkle. Things like that I think we can still be modest even with a little shimmer or brighter colors. I like tie-dye. I don’t have anything against certain colors or patterns. I just don’t want to be having an attitude that I want to be noticed by everyone in the room. This also goes for clothing accessories. For example, there are some pantyhose or tights that are a covering and others that are eye-catching. A pair of sweater tights is a covering that increases modesty. A pair of fishnet tights is eye-catching. I won’t wear any stockings that draw attention to my legs. That kind of thing not only draws attention to the leg, but right up to the hemline potentially leading the mind above the hemline. This principle of not drawing attention also needs to be applied to shoes, hair accessories, any jewelry, etc… Personally, I don’t find it appropriate to wear attention-grabbing high heels. Where that line gets drawn is a heart matter. If it looks like it could be used on stage for an adult performance, maybe we shouldn’t be rocking the same heels in the house of the Lord. As for me, I don't wear high heels because they are designed for sex appeal.
Nothing about my attire should be flashy or showy in a way that insinuates status or riches. We can see that adorning ourselves in expensive-looking ways is not proper for women professing godliness.

Overall, my outfit needs to be covering what needs covered, not clinging, not tight, not see-through or too thin, and a presentation that does not draw attention to my body.

Over the years, women’s clothes have become tighter and thinner. Shopping for new clothes is increasingly challenging. Jean skirts and tee-shirts are a good place to start if you’re looking to transition to similar standards.

Outfit check: If you’re not sure on an outfit, go through some questions like these.

Is everything covered that needs to be covered? Knees? The 3 B’s: Back, belly, and boobs? Upper arms?
Is anything see-through? If so, should I layer or let this garment go?
Is this too form-fitting? Is it loose enough to look like a lady, but not so loose it will fall open?
Am I trying to draw attention or be showy?
Does this align with my values or does this outfit hinder my witness as a godly woman professing modesty?

***If you’re wondering what my modesty standards are for men, it’s quite similar. No knees showing so no shorts. No sleeveless. They also need to have sleeves approximately halfway between shoulders and elbows or below the elbow depending on their conviction. Definitely no going shirtless outside their own house. Modesty is for men too. Fortunately, when shopping for men we don’t have the obstacles of form-fitting clothing and shirts being see-through. Their clothes are also cheaper!

Expensive brands of clothing and accessories

As mentioned, there are some things I am more conservative on than the average Apostolic Pentecostal. This is one of them. I’ve noticed more and more Apostolic influencers on social media are refraining from jewelry yet adorning themselves with highly expensive purses such as large Louis Vuitton purses that cost $2,000. This is a stumbling block for many Apostolic women because branding or modesty with acceptable types of accessories is rarely mentioned. Remember, to abstain from gold and pearls (1 Peter 2:9-10, 1 Peter 3:1-5) is not about gold and pearls alone. It’s a principle of the matter. There has always been separation between the financial classes. Throughout time, rich people have distinguished their status from the poor by their appearance. They dress more luxuriously, represent wealth with their brands, adorn themselves in jewels, and intentionally show their riches by the way they look. The church is somewhere that we need to break that barrier. Rich and poor are all welcome. Today, and surely in the early church as well, if a poor person walks into a church filled with people who were clearly rich, they likely would feel they don’t belong there. That social divide will always exist. If you have holes in your shoes and can’t afford nice clothes, would you want to go to a church with millionaires who were dripping in diamonds and wearing a $5,000 handbag? Of course not. How would that affect that person spiritually to be socially outcasted due to poverty? I know several rich people that dress in the same clothing as the average person. Not every rich person flaunts it like that. If they do flaunt their wealth, it’s an instant barrier. We don’t want social barriers in the church.

I interpret those scriptures as an instruction to not draw attention to my body and also not pursue the type of adornment the world glorifies. I have no desire to be wearing expensive jewelry, diamond earrings, and decked out in gold. The way godly women adorn (add beauty to) themselves is different than women of the world. I have another blog on adornment. However, this matter is related to modesty in my heart because I don’t want to dress in a way that brags on riches. I find it immodest to adorn ourselves with highly expensive branding just as much as I feel we should not adorn ourselves with expensive jewelry. It’s a heart matter. I’m not rich, but that’s not the point. I don’t desire to look rich. I’m not following celebrity fashion. I’m not coveting their wealth. I’m not interested in $1,000 diamond earrings or even $100 diamond earrings. If I had that kind of money to throw around on frivolous things to enhance my look, I’d rather use that money to feed the poor. So, why are all these women professing these values choosing to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on Louis Vuitton heels and Gucci purses? A good quality purse is not cheap. It can easily cost $100 for a purse that will last. However, spending thousands of dollars on a purse feels like it violates the whole principle here. Gold and pearls may have been the rich status symbol in the early church, but there are far more things today that boast in the same way. Some brands of purses are tens of thousands of dollars. If I won’t wear a $500 gemstone necklace because it’s too over-the-top for my values on modesty and adornment, why in the world would I want to have a $1,000+ purse? I find it to be hypocritical and in violation of modesty values how many Apostolic women would judge a $5 pair of earrings but would adorn themselves with highly expensive brands for their clothing, shoes, and purses. Remember the values behind the standards and boundaries. A Gucci bag is more showy than a pair of fake pearl earrings. Yet many Apostolic women would judge the one with earrings and give acceptance to the plethora of worldly accessories with brand representation that is today's gold and pearls and costly raiment (1 Timothy 2:9-10).

As a godly woman who desires modesty in both skin coverage and overall adornment, I will not spend excessive amounts of money on my appearance. Nowadays, modest clothes are more expensive. A dress that meets my modesty standards can easily cost $80-$200. But there’s a line there. Celebrities and worldly idols dress themselves in $$$$ brands to show their status. I will never spend extreme or excessive amounts of money on my clothing like that. Nor will I purchase jewelry and purses that impresses the world with money. I find it immodest to spend that kind of money. I have no desire for those expensive brands the world glorifies because it represents wealth. I will say I have found items at thrift stores that I did not realize was a sought-after brand. If I realized there were any outward symbols or labels that insinuated wealth, I would get rid of it. I'm uncomfortable wearing brands sought-after for their status.

I’m not saying we can’t have nice things. It’s a matter of what the heart desires after. It’s also a matter of what we represent and how our appearance can affect our witness. To live out the principles of modesty is to not draw attention to the body whether that’s showing too much skin, acting provocatively, decorating yourself with accessories that are flashy, or adorning yourself with elite brands chased after by people whose god is money. It’s not modest to have a highly expensive appearance. That also applies to men. It’s tradition in Apostolic Pentecostal churches for men to wear suit and tie with dress shoes for church services. It’s not in the bible that you have to dress up for church; it’s simply man-made tradition. I’m not against it. Suits aren’t cheap though! I think their church suits cost more than our modest dresses. Likewise, there’s a difference between a $200 outfit for men versus a $2,000 luxury-brand suit. There are suits for men that cost thousands of dollars. You may have heard about celebrity preachers wearing high-dollar brands, sneakers that cost $500+, and decorating themselves in gold. This standard of moderation in expensive attire also applies to men. No Christian should be spending thousands of dollars on an outfit because they covet the brand.

One other thing related to clothing choices is brand representation. A lot of companies speak out on controversial issues. There are some clothing companies that go against my religious beliefs or values. I choose not to purchase their products and try to not unintentionally represent their brand. I’m cautious about wearing things that outwardly show the company it’s made by. There are some brands that I’m fine with. I’m not saying we shouldn’t have any brands showing. I’m encouraging you to be mindful of what you brand yourself with. In general, I don’t like brand representation unless it is a wholesome company or cause I intentionally want to represent. Jerseys and sports are another thing to think about. What are you doing when you label yourself with someone else’s identity? At what point does being a sports fan cross into idolatry? When you’re shopping, think about any large labels that you’re wearing and what you’re representing with that.

Decency

We don’t want to dress in a way that is indecent any more than we want to behave indecently. Modest clothing represents decency in how we cover ourselves. Some other things to think about are cosmetics and accessories. Our overall appearance should be decent, modest, not flashy or extravagant, and proper for women professing godliness. All of these things used to be the norm. As our society changes and accepts more and more immodesty, those who follow modesty standards will be set apart from the mainstream.

Role models

When I was new to modesty, I was influenced by modest women at church simply by their example. I didn’t ask people what to wear and rarely asked where to draw a boundary. I noticed the women my age (early twenties at the time) who pushed the limits with standards and I noticed the women (mainly in their thirties it seemed) who noticeably had the principles of modesty in their heart. I noticed their skirt lengths, tightness of their clothes, the way they layered, and the way they behaved. They were my silent inspiration to dress in a holy manner (and learn how to get away from my previously unholy looks).

I asked a lot of women where they shop at. The gals at church told me the best thrift stores around to get skirts at. There aren’t a lot of stores who sell modest skirts locally. Thrift stores were my best success. In the summertime, I used to be able to find maxi skirts in regular stores. Now, many are thin and clingy. The only local store I ever see carry ankle-length jean skirts is Cato’s. Sometimes I can find them on Amazon or even Walmart’s website. There are a growing number of online stores that specialize in modesty. Some of them, such as Dainty Jewells, are Apostolic-owned and meet all of my modesty standards. I hesitate to buy clothes online, especially if they are not elastic at the waist, because sizing can vary. If you’re shopping for modest clothes that are new, you may need to order online.

Our measuring stick

Our current secular culture cannot be our measuring stick for what is appropriate. Our church culture cannot be the measuring stick for what is acceptable. We have to seek God on the matter.

Our culture has changed so much in the last few decades. It wasn’t that many years ago that modesty was the norm. What was once normal is now considered extreme. Some even say legalistic. God tells us to be modest, but many Christians will tell you that modesty standards are rooted in shame and oppression. I beg to differ. It’s rooted in valuing what’s covered. It’s rooted in adorning ourselves appropriately as women who profess to be godly. It’s setting a standard of the minimum acceptable to represent the quality of our declared faith. It’s respecting ourselves enough to not chase after attention the way that worldly women do. It’s decent and proper. It’s also a biblical instruction to be modest.

We’d be wise not to use the mainstream secular culture as our measuring stick for what we should look like. Scanty clothing, shorts, crop tops, tanks that show off so much of a bra, skin-tight leggings, and form-fitting jeans are the attire of the world. Is that proper for us? It may feel natural if that’s what we come from, but is that how God wants his daughters to dress?

Seek the Lord on the matter. Be open to conviction. If your desire is to live holy, you will establish modesty standards.

I've added an image below that is a summary of my personal standards. Some of these things are common standards in Apostolic Pentecostal churches. Other things I am more conservative on. If you are looking for guidance on developing your own modesty standards, this image is a quick reference. You don't need to be as conservative if that's not your conviction. There are plenty of godly woman who are less strict. There are a few of these that go against what is commonly accepted in Apostolic culture today (such as high heels and eye-catching tights). Seek the Lord on the matter. Pray about it. Follow his lead. Be open to conviction as you grow in your journey.

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