Birth support from family and friends

This blog is for how family and friends can be a good birth support person. 
 
Come into the birth space with reverence and respect. Listen to the birthing mother. Communicate on how she wants to be cared for. Wholeheartedly support her choices that she decides are right for her. Birth is a sacred space. Supporting birth is to work on sacred grounds.
 
Do not notify anyone that she does not want to know she’s in labor. Do not announce she’s in labor. Many women want to wait until the birth is done and she’s ready for the phone calls and texts that will come with that announcement. It is her joy to announce and her timing to choose.
 
Support what she wants for her healthcare and her body throughout maternity care especially birth. Genuinely support her preferences for her birth and her baby.
 
Refrain from talking about yourself or your preferences and the choices you would make. Stay focused on supporting her. Be careful not to pressure someone to make different choices based on what you feel is best. Do not downplay someone’s birth plan or breastfeeding goals due to your own experiences not following plan. Support her and if you can’t help her through something find resources for her.
 
Encourage her. Believe in her. Meet her emotional needs. Speak her affirmations and remind her of the scriptures that comfort her.
 
Listen to what she’s saying. Hear her. We need to find balance between statements of encouragement and statements of validation. For example, if she says “My back really hurts!” and her support partner says “You’re doing great!” that doesn’t really help her. Eventually, she will feel her statements are being dismissed and no one is really listening. Acknowledge that you hear her saying her back hurts. Ask how you can help or try a few suggestions for her back pain. Encouraging statements mean a lot coming from someone you love, but we need to use active listening skills too.
 
Offer guidance on different things y’all can try. It may be better to discuss an option in between contractions rather than during. Use suggestions rather than commands. Instead of “Do this.” or “Try this.” think about saying things like “Do you want to try ____?” or “I wonder if it would help if we _____.” or “How do you feel about doing ____?” We want to speak in a way that respects autonomy and has the patient leading their care.
 
Ask for consent before trying something for the first time especially if it’s a close contact technique. For example, hip squeezes are loved by many women but if they’re not familiar with that technique it may catch them off guard to have someone come up behind them and grab them. If possible, explain or demonstrate on yourself where you’ll put your hands for a method.
 
Use the coping techniques that provide her with some relief or comfort. Communicate about what those things are.
 
Invite feedback on your support. Is she comfortable? Welcome communication such as “Let me know if anything is uncomfortable” or “Please be comfortable telling me what you like and don’t like or if you want me to adjust anything.” Pregnancy has its discomforts and sometimes what is fine non-pregnant can be uncomfortable during pregnancy especially towards the end. Also communicate that you are here to support her and please let you know if there’s anything specific she wants. Remind her to not hesitate to ask to be served. This is her time to be catered to.
 
Help her get into her rhythm and work through each contraction.
 
Nurture her.
 
Match the mother’s talkativeness. If she’s in early labor and still talking like normal conversation, follow that. If she’s in later labor and is quiet, be quiet too.
 
Meet and match. Meet her where she is at. If she needs guidance in breathing better or vocalizing in a more open way, match what she is doing. Breathe/vocalize with her. Then guide her.
 
Influence the environment to be calm and comfortable for her.
 
Pray over her and the baby. Pray together (when she’s up for talking). 
 
Worship together. Help her build worship playlists to prepare for birth. You can play worship music during labor (if she’s up for music). You can also worship without music if she prefers the room to be quieter.  
 
Simply love on her. Be by her side. Be a companion of support and comfort.
 
Offer to give the mom or couple some alone time if they want it.
 
Throughout pregnancy, discuss birth preparation. Try out the different coping techniques and comfort measures. Practice with her. Let her guide you in how support feels best to her.
 
Also throughout the birth journey, keep a servant’s heart. Offer her water to sip every few contractions. Feed her a light snack if she wants. Give massages. Warm her blanket on the baby warmer if she is cold. Keep a washcloth wet and cold to dab on her forehead or lay on her neck.
 
A note to grandmothers:
Your adult daughter is autonomous. I know the transition to grandma is a very different role than mother. All too often, grandmas come into the birth space with a leadership mindset. Your daughter does not need to be told what to do. She needs to be supported in her decisions/preferences and loved through the birth experience. Walk beside her – not in front of her leading her with directives – but by her side for the support she wants from you.

 
What did your family and friends do to support you? Comment below.

learn more about classes here

learn more about birth doula services here