My modesty standards as an Apostolic Pentecostal woman

Welcome

Hello, ladies. Is modesty a topic that’s been weighing on your mind lately? Are you new(ish) to church or starting to question some of your outfits? Let’s talk about what modesty means and how we can set up guidelines for ourselves to live out our values. This conversation is in gentleness; many of us converts have come to navigate this topic as adults. I know it is not easy to make changes or figure out where to draw the line. Seek the Lord on the matter.

Disclaimer

Friendly note to say these views are my own. I’m not officially representing my church’s views here or a denomination (my church is WPF). Though my convictions are in line with what most Apostolic Pentecostal churches teach on modesty, some of my personal choices may be more conservative. If you have questions about modesty standards, I encourage you to talk to your pastor’s wife.

Scripture

Let’s look at the scriptures first.
 
1 Timothy 2:9-10
In like manner, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefastness and sobriety; not with braided hair, and gold or pearls or costly raiment; but (which becometh women professing godliness) through good works.
 
1 Peter 3:1-5
In like manner, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, even if any obey not the word, they may without the word be gained by the behavior of their wives; beholding your chaste behavior coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner aforetime the holy women also, who hoped in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands:
 
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Or know ye not that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have from God? and ye are not your own; for ye were bought with a price: glorify God therefore in your body.
 
Romans 12:1-2
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service. And be not fashioned according to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
 
(All scripture taken from the American Standard Version)

What it means to be modest

To be modest is to be decently covered, be a person of discretion, be pure, and be proper for a person professing to live a godly life. It’s not about shame or negative perspectives on the body. It’s valuing what you’re keeping covered. It’s discretion. It’s to behave and appear in a manner aligned with holiness. It’s to not dress or appear in a way that seeks sexual attention from anyone other than your spouse.
 
Whether woman or man, modest dress and behavior prevents lust and temptation to fornication, adultery, and other sins. No one is responsible for another person’s sins, but we can put up a guardrail against such unwanted attention with the way we present ourselves. A heart after God is a heart that does not desire to lead others into sin or temptation.
 
If our hearts are in a place that we desire to obey the biblical instruction to glorify God with our bodies and to be holy, we will desire modesty. We don’t desire to indulge in sin or lead others into sin. We don’t desire to draw attention to our bodies for a type of attention that should only take place within marriage. Modesty is aligning our behavior and appearance with our principles based on scripture, guidance from our churches, and personal conviction. In these modern times, we may be more conservative in our standards than what the church a person goes to teaches – as so many churches no longer teach on the matter. So, let’s talk about how we live out our values on modesty.

My modesty journey

I did not grow up in church. Modesty wasn’t something I considered until after I became a Christian in 2005. I didn’t truly start to dress modestly until I became Apostolic Pentecostal in 2011. You wouldn’t believe it if you know me now, but I used to be that woman in short shorts, tank-tops, low-cut shirts, and tight clothing who did not care how much skin showed or what people thought of it. For years I kept some old jean shorts to turn into a purse; you wouldn’t even need to cut the legs off because they were that short. I thought modesty rules were oppressive.
 
After becoming Christian, the concept of modesty was something that grew on me with time. Less shorts, more regular jeans. Less strapless or sleeveless, more tee-shirts. There were no standards though. I never sat down and thought about where to draw the line or what my values were. At the time, modesty was something I associated with a shamefulness of being immodest. I never heard churches talk about it and I rarely heard Christians talk about it.
 
I remember being brand-new to the Apostolic Pentecostal church. Most everyone was dressed modestly (at least in church). I had never been in a room full of people where the women wore dresses or skirts all the time. It was the first time I’d ever been around gender distinction like that. It felt so old-fashioned at first. There was a purity to it. I thought it was beautiful in its own way. Since childhood, I had always admired women in modest dresses or long skirts. I thought it was beautiful. I had a few long skirts, and I always felt so feminine in them. This felt right to me. In a way, I had always been drawn to that lifestyle. It just wasn’t the way I lived.
 
This was also the first I’d ever heard of “holiness standards”. This is where I developed my modesty standards. They’ve grown over time. It was a transition. I felt convicted to stop wearing pants shortly after beginning there. No one told me to. It was something I wanted. The remainder of my modesty standards followed. Most of the changes I made were out of personal conviction. Some of the changes I made were with guidance from my church at the time when I couldn’t figure out where to lay a boundary.
 
Over the years, I settled into my own style of modesty. You can absolutely still have your own style. You may be more feminine and like to dress up. You may be a woman who is more Plain Jane, and there’s nothing wrong with that. T-shirts and maxi skirts are modest too. You don’t have to wear high heels and be all dolled up. You can be tie-dye, boho, or basic. It’s not all lace and frills. Find your genuine style.

Addressing the heart

The heart leads the behavior and the attire. What does your heart desire? How do you want to live? How do you want to appear? Firstly, I want to avoid sexual sin and avoid leading others into such temptation. Secondly, I want to appear in a way that is consistent with my profession of faith. If an outfit were to ever be able to hurt my witness, that outfit needs to go.
 
If ever I feel that the way I want to dress is different than how God wants me to put together my attire, then I need to remember I lay down my flesh to follow after Christ. My pursuit of holiness is more important than any cute outfit or color lip gloss I like.
 
My heart’s desire is for holiness and a modest presentation Jesus would approve of. I came to realize the world’s perspective of modesty is not the same as God’s perspective. I refined my choices.

Behaving modestly

What good is it to dress appropriately if we behave promiscuously or in a way that seeks bodily attention outside of marriage? Proper behavior is an often-forgotten aspect of modesty. Let your actions align with the values you profess.

Clothing standards

What is a standard?
Definition: standard
Noun

• A level of quality or attainment
• An idea or thing used as a measure, norm, or model used in comparative evaluations

Adjective

• Used or accepted as normal or average

 
If you’re new to the term “holiness standards”, this may be something to stop and think about. What are standards for ourselves as Christians? How we live? How we treat others? How we witness? How we look?
 
What are we comparing ourselves to? The members of the body of Christ are supposed to live differently than the world (the sinful lifestyle of those who live to please the flesh). We are supposed to be set apart from sin. We often look different than the secular world. Yet even the secular world has standards of appearance in certain places. Go to public school or private school and there will be a dress code. Go to work for almost any employer and there will be a dress code. That is widely accepted as professionalism. Yet many oppose the idea of God’s people having standards of appropriate appearance when they profess to be working the harvest fields. Are we not representing Jesus at all times? Does it not hinder our witness to be dressed immodestly or ungodly? Standards will be on topics that we are often different on compared to the secular world or, perhaps, mainstream Christianity.
 
The instruction to be modest is a biblical instruction. One thing that I struggled with is the bible doesn’t specify what is considered modest and what is considered inappropriate. There are no instructions on sleeve length or skirt length etc. In our American culture, it’s only in recent years that people have revealed so much skin. It actually used to be illegal to go out dressed the way people do nowadays. These are things we have to seek the Lord on through prayer. If we seek his will on the matter, we’ll receive his guidance. These are matters of personal conviction. Depending on the type of church you go to, your church may (or may not) offer guidance. If your church does, there may be what we call “platform standards” for people who choose to be in leadership and be involved in things that represent the church. That is one place to look for guidance. The people involved in leadership and ministries should be modeling what the church teaches. I’d venture to say most of my modesty standards are in line with the traditional Apostolic Pentecostal teaching. A few may be more conservative. These are the standards that I have developed for myself to live out through personal conviction.

1. Shirts need to have sleeves. They need to have enough of a sleeve to cover the armpits. I don’t wear sleeveless. If a dress is sleeveless, I will wear a shirt under it or wear a cardigan that can be buttoned over it. Of course, sleeves need to be enough coverage that bras are kept hidden and straps of dress slips do not show. As far as sleeve length, this is something that has changed for me over time. When I first went to sleeves required, I was fine with any sleeves. That was an improvement from where I had been. Eventually, I followed my church’s (at the time) guidance on sleeves reaching at least halfway between the shoulder and elbow. Basically, standard tee shirt sleeves were the boundary. I was comfortable with that. I did that for many years, but from time to time I would think about going down to elbows. No one I noticed at the church I went to had the standard of covering the elbows. I felt like that balanced out with keeping the knees covered. For years I said if I were to sew my own clothes, I’d prefer the sleeves to be closer to the elbow if not covering the elbow. When I started at the church I go to now that is WPF, I eventually noticed some women had undershirts on that covered the elbow. I really liked the way that looked. It seemed more feminine. I insisted I’d be too hot in the summer. For a few years, I’d catch myself staring thinking people would have negative things to say if I did that. In 2023, it was on my mind for a couple of months. In the summer, I started experimenting with it. I liked it and it wasn’t as hot as I expected. I prayed about it a little, but didn’t feel any strong conviction. On a Sunday in July, one of the things I prayed about during altar prayer was asking for guidance on sleeve length. The next service a nice woman from church I don’t talk to often came over to tell me she had a shirt for me (I hadn’t discussed with anyone that I was considering changing my standards). She handed it to me after service. It was a pretty pink shirt with sleeves below the elbow, and it was my style of shirt. I knew then that below the elbows was my new boundary. I still didn’t have strong feelings on it. I’ve learned that sometimes conviction is a gentle message and not always something we feel fiery about.
2. Shirts need to not be low-cut. I choose shirts that are approximately within a hand width of my collarbone or higher. No cleavage or breast shows.
3. Shirts should not be loose enough to fall open and reveal anything. If a shirt is looser, I layer with a shirt or dress underneath.  
4. I don’t want my belly or back showing. If I raise my hands straight up, my shirts need to be long enough to not show that skin.  
5. I choose to wear skirts or dresses. I do not wear pants anymore. The exception to that is pajama pants I will wear at home. Unless something cannot be done safely or modestly in a skirt, I’m not wearing pants. You can do pretty much everything in a skirt. For cold weather or situations where modesty is of concern, I will wear leggings under my skirts. To me, leggings are undergarments. That’s not a negotiating piece to change my hemline. It’s more for cold weather, but can also be for exercise or more physical work. I do think a woman can be modest in pants, but that is challenging when women’s clothes are made to be form-fitting.
6. I don’t let my knees show. I prefer my skirts and dresses to be ankle-length. I can do below-the-knee as long as my knees stay covered.
7. I prefer my skirts to not have a slit. I’m okay if there is a slit as long as my standards would still be met if you cut the skirt off at the top of the slit.
8. The above standards mentioned need to be met when standing, sitting, legs crossed, kneeling, or bending over. I also need to be able to worship freely without any issues. I want to be able to lift my hands high, bow down, kneel at the altar, jump and dance without any infractions or restrictions in movement.
9. It is not okay for my clothes to be see-through. I will not buy clothes that you can see right through. If something is a little thinner than I’m comfortable with, I layer. Of course, slips are needed for many dresses. Layering dresses are useful.
10. Nothing should be clinging to my body or form-fitting. I typically avoid pencil skirts and athletic skirts for this reason. Clothes should not be tight!
11.  Nothing should be drawing attention to my body. So, I’m not going to wear a shirt with a ton of jewels or anything like that. If it’s the kind of outfit that can catch your attention from across the room, it might be a bit much. I’m all for glitter. I don’t mind sequins. I like to sparkle. Things like that I think we can still be modest even with a little shimmer or brighter colors. I like tie-dye. I don’t have anything against certain colors or patterns. I just don’t want to be having an attitude that I want to be noticed by everyone in the room. This also goes for clothing accessories. For example, there are some pantyhose or tights that are a covering and others that are eye-catching. A pair of sweater tights is a covering that increases modesty. A pair of fishnet tights is eye-catching. I won’t wear any stockings that draw attention to my legs. That kind of thing not only draws attention to the leg, but right up to the hemline potentially leading the mind above the hemline. This principle of not drawing attention also needs to be applied to shoes, hair accessories, any jewelry, etc… Personally, I don’t find it appropriate to wear attention-grabbing high heels. Where that line gets drawn is a heart matter. A little heel doesn’t hurt anything, but there’s definitely a line there. If it looks like it could be used on stage for an adult performance, maybe we shouldn’t be rocking the same heels in the house of the Lord.
12.  Nothing about my attire should be flashy or showy in a way that insinuates status or riches. We can see that adorning ourselves in expensive-looking ways is not proper for women professing godliness.

 
Overall, my outfit needs to be covering what needs covered, not clinging, not tight, not see-through or too thin, and a presentation that does not draw attention to my body.
 
Over the years, women’s clothes have become tighter and thinner. Shopping for new clothes is increasingly challenging. Jean skirts and tee-shirts are a good place to start if you’re looking to transition to similar standards.
 
Outfit check: If you’re not sure on an outfit, go through some questions like these.

1. Is everything covered that needs to be covered? Knees? The 3 B’s: Back, belly, and boobs? Upper arms?
2. Is anything see-through? If so, should I layer or let this garment go?
3. Is this too form-fitting? Is it loose enough to look like a lady, but not so loose it will fall open?
4. Am I trying to draw attention or be showy?

 
 
***If you’re wondering what my modesty standards are for men, it’s quite similar. No knees showing so no shorts. No sleeveless. They also need to have sleeves approximately halfway between shoulders and elbows or below the elbow depending on their conviction. Definitely no going shirtless outside their own house. Modesty is for men too. Fortunately, when shopping for men we don’t have the obstacles of form-fitting clothing and shirts being see-through. Their clothes are also cheaper!

Expensive brands of clothing and accessories

As mentioned, there are some things I am more conservative on than the average Apostolic Pentecostal. This is one of them. I’ve noticed more and more Apostolic influencers on social media are refraining from jewelry yet adorning themselves with highly expensive purses such as large Louis Vuitton purses that cost $2,000. This is a stumbling block for many Apostolic women because branding or modesty with acceptable types of accessories is rarely mentioned. Remember, to abstain from gold and pearls (1 Peter 2:9-10, 1 Peter 3:1-5) is not about gold and pearls alone. It’s a principle of the matter. There has always been separation between the financial classes. Throughout time, rich people have distinguished their status from the poor by their appearance. They dress more luxuriously, represent wealth with their brands, adorn themselves in jewels, and intentionally show their riches by the way they look. The church is somewhere that we need to break that barrier. Rich and poor are all welcome. Today, and surely in the early church as well, if a poor person walks into a church filled with people who were clearly rich, they likely would feel they don’t belong there. That social divide will always exist. If you have holes in your shoes and can’t afford nice clothes, would you want to go to a church with millionaires who were dripping in diamonds and wearing a $5,000 handbag? Of course not. How would that affect that person spiritually to be socially outcasted due to poverty? I know several rich people that dress in the same clothing as the average person. Not every rich person flaunts it like that. If they do flaunt their wealth, it’s an instant barrier. We don’t want social barriers in the church.
 
I interpret those scriptures as an instruction to not draw attention to my body and also not pursue the type of adornment the world glorifies. I have no desire to be wearing expensive jewelry, diamond earrings, and decked out in gold. The way godly women adorn (add beauty to) themselves is different than women of the world. I have another blog on adornment. However, this matter is related to modesty in my heart because I don’t want to dress in a way that brags on riches. I find it immodest to adorn ourselves with highly expensive branding just as much as I feel we should not adorn ourselves with expensive jewelry. It’s a heart matter. I’m not rich, but that’s not the point. I don’t desire to look rich. I’m not following celebrity fashion. I’m not coveting their wealth. I’m not interested in $1,000 diamond earrings or even $100 diamond earrings. If I had that kind of money to throw around on frivolous things to enhance my look, I’d rather use that money to feed the poor. So, why are all these women professing these values choosing to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on Louis Vuitton purses? A good quality purse is not cheap. It can easily cost $100 for a purse that will last. However, spending thousands of dollars on a purse feels like it violates the whole principle here. Gold and pearls may have been the rich status symbol in the early church, but there are far more things today that boast in the same way. Some brands of purses are tens of thousands of dollars. If I won’t wear a $500 gemstone necklace because it’s too over-the-top for my values on modesty and adornment, why in the world would I want to have a $1,000+ purse? I find it to be hypocritical and in violation of modesty values how many Apostolic women would judge a $5 pair of earrings but would adorn themselves with highly expensive brands for their clothing, shoes, and purses. Remember the values behind the standards and boundaries.
 
As a godly woman who desires modesty in both skin coverage and overall adornment, I will not spend excessive amounts of money on my appearance. Nowadays, modest clothes are more expensive. A dress that meets my modesty standards can easily cost $80-$200. But there’s a line there. Celebrities and worldly idols dress themselves in $$$$ brands to show their status. I will never spend extreme or excessive amounts of money on my clothing like that. Nor will I purchase jewelry and purses that impresses the world with money. I find it immodest to spend that kind of money. I have no desire for those expensive brands the world glorifies because it represents wealth. I will say I have found items at thrift stores that I did not realize was a sought-after brand. If I realized there were any outward symbols or labels that insinuated wealth, I would get rid of it.
 
I’m not saying we can’t have nice things. It’s a matter of what the heart desires after. It’s also a matter of what we represent and how our appearance can affect our witness. To live out the principles of modesty is to not draw attention to the body whether that’s showing too much skin, acting provocatively, decorating yourself with accessories that are flashy, or adorning yourself with elite brands chased after by people whose god is money. It’s not modest to have a highly expensive appearance. That also applies to men. It’s tradition in Apostolic Pentecostal churches for men to wear suit and tie with dress shoes for church services. It’s not in the bible that you have to dress up for church; it’s simply manmade tradition. I’m not against it. Suits aren’t cheap though! I think their church suits cost more than our modest dresses. Likewise, there’s a difference between a $200 outfit for men versus a $2,000 Armani suit. That’s the only luxury suit brand I know. I just googled it and found out there are luxury suits that cost thousands of dollars. This standard of moderation in expensive attire also applies to men. No Christian should be spending $10,000 on an outfit because they covet the brand.
 
One other thing related to clothing choices is brand representation. A lot of companies speak out on controversial issues. There are some clothing companies that go against my religious beliefs or values. I choose not to purchase their products and try to not unintentionally represent their brand. I’m cautious about wearing things that outwardly show the company it’s made by. There are some brands that I’m fine with. I’m not saying we shouldn’t have any brands showing. I’m encouraging you to be mindful of what you brand yourself with. In general, I don’t like brand representation unless it is a wholesome company or cause I intentionally want to represent. Jerseys and sports are another thing to think about. What are you doing when you label yourself with someone else’s identity? At what point does being a sports fan cross into idolatry? When you’re shopping, think about any large labels that you’re wearing and what you’re representing with that.

Decency

We don’t want to dress in a way that is indecent any more than we want to behave indecently. Modest clothing represents decency in how we cover ourselves. Some other things to think about are cosmetics and accessories. Our overall appearance should be decent, modest, not flashy or extravagant, and proper for women professing godliness. All of these things used to be the norm. As our society changes and accepts more and more immodesty, those who follow modesty standards will be set apart from the mainstream.

Role models

When I was new to modesty, I was influenced by modest women at church simply by their example. I didn’t ask people what to wear and rarely asked where to draw a boundary. I noticed the women my age (early twenties at the time) who pushed the limits with standards and I noticed the women (mainly in their thirties it seemed) who noticeably had the principles of modesty in their heart. I noticed their skirt lengths, tightness of their clothes, the way they layered, and the way they behaved. They were my silent inspiration to dress in a holy manner (and learn how to get away from my previously unholy looks).  
 
I asked a lot of women where they shop at. The gals at church told me the best thrift stores around to get skirts at. There aren’t a lot of stores who sell modest skirts locally. Thrift stores were my best success. In the summertime, I used to be able to find maxi skirts in regular stores. Now, many are thin and clingy. The only local store I ever see carry ankle-length jean skirts is Cato’s. Sometimes I can find them on Amazon or even Walmart’s website. There are a growing number of online stores that specialize in modesty. Some of them, such as Dainty Jewells, are Apostolic-owned and meet all of my modesty standards. I hesitate to buy clothes online, especially if they are not elastic at the waist, because sizing can vary. If you’re shopping for modest clothes that are new, you may need to order online.

Our measuring stick

Our current secular culture cannot be our measuring stick for what is appropriate. Our church culture cannot be the measuring stick for what is acceptable. We have to seek God on the matter.
 
Our culture has changed so much in the last few decades. It wasn’t that many years ago that modesty was the norm. What was once normal is now considered extreme. Some even say legalistic. God tells us to be modest, but many Christians will tell you that modesty standards are rooted in shame and oppression. I beg to differ. It’s rooted in valuing what’s covered. It’s rooted in adorning ourselves appropriately as women who profess to be godly. It’s setting a standard of the minimum acceptable to represent the quality of our declared faith. It’s respecting ourselves enough to not chase after attention the way that worldly women do. It’s decent and proper. It’s also a biblical instruction to be modest.
 
We’d be wise not to use the mainstream secular culture as our measuring stick for what we should look like. Scanty clothing, shorts, crop tops, tanks that show off so much of a bra, skin-tight leggings, and form-fitting jeans are the attire of the world. Is that proper for us? It may feel natural if that’s what we come from, but is that how God wants his daughters to dress?
 
Seek the Lord on the matter. Be open to conviction. If your desire is to live holy, you will establish modesty standards.