My modesty standards as an Apostolic Pentecostal woman

Welcome

Hello, ladies. Is modesty a topic that’s been weighing on your mind lately? Are you new(ish) to church or starting to question some of your outfits? Let’s talk about what modesty means and how we can set up guidelines for ourselves to live out our values. This conversation is in gentleness; many of us converts have come to navigate this topic as adults. I know it is not easy to make changes or figure out where to draw the line. Seek the Lord on the matter.

Disclaimer

Friendly note to say these views are my own. I’m not officially representing my church’s views here or a denomination (my church is WPF). Though my convictions are in line with what most Apostolic Pentecostal churches teach on modesty, some of my personal choices may be more conservative. If you have questions about modesty standards, I encourage you to talk to your pastor’s wife.

Scripture

Let’s look at the scriptures first.
 
1 Timothy 2:9-10
In like manner, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefastness and sobriety; not with braided hair, and gold or pearls or costly raiment; but (which becometh women professing godliness) through good works.
 
1 Peter 3:1-5
In like manner, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, even if any obey not the word, they may without the word be gained by the behavior of their wives; beholding your chaste behavior coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner aforetime the holy women also, who hoped in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands:
 
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Or know ye not that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have from God? and ye are not your own; for ye were bought with a price: glorify God therefore in your body.
 
Romans 12:1-2
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service. And be not fashioned according to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
 
(All scripture taken from the American Standard Version)

What it means to be modest

To be modest is to be decently covered, be a person of discretion, be pure, and be proper for a person professing to live a godly life. It’s not about shame or negative perspectives on the body. It’s valuing what you’re keeping covered. It’s discretion. It’s to behave and appear in a manner aligned with holiness. It’s to not dress or appear in a way that seeks sexual attention from anyone other than your spouse.
 
Whether woman or man, modest dress and behavior prevents lust and temptation to fornication, adultery, and other sins. No one is responsible for another person’s sins, but we can put up a guardrail against such unwanted attention with the way we present ourselves. A heart after God is a heart that does not desire to lead others into sin or temptation.
 
If our hearts are in a place that we desire to obey the biblical instruction to glorify God with our bodies and to be holy, we will desire modesty. We don’t desire to indulge in sin or lead others into sin. We don’t desire to draw attention to our bodies for a type of attention that should only take place within marriage. Modesty is aligning our behavior and appearance with our principles based on scripture, guidance from our churches, and personal conviction. In these modern times, we may be more conservative in our standards than what the church a person goes to teaches – as so many churches no longer teach on the matter. So, let’s talk about how we live out our values on modesty.

My modesty journey

I did not grow up in church. Modesty wasn’t something I considered until after I became a Christian in 2005. I didn’t truly start to dress modestly until I became Apostolic Pentecostal in 2011. You wouldn’t believe it if you know me now, but I used to be that woman in short shorts, tank-tops, low-cut shirts, and tight clothing who did not care how much skin showed or what people thought of it. For years I kept some old jean shorts to turn into a purse; you wouldn’t even need to cut the legs off because they were that short. I thought modesty rules were oppressive.
 
After becoming Christian, the concept of modesty was something that grew on me with time. Less shorts, more regular jeans. Less strapless or sleeveless, more tee-shirts. There were no standards though. I never sat down and thought about where to draw the line or what my values were. At the time, modesty was something I associated with a shamefulness of being immodest. I never heard churches talk about it and I rarely heard Christians talk about it.
 
I remember being brand-new to the Apostolic Pentecostal church. Most everyone was dressed modestly (at least in church). I had never been in a room full of people where the women wore dresses or skirts all the time. It was the first time I’d ever been around gender distinction like that. It felt so old-fashioned at first. There was a purity to it. I thought it was beautiful in its own way. Since childhood, I had always admired women in modest dresses or long skirts. I thought it was beautiful. I had a few long skirts, and I always felt so feminine in them. This felt right to me. In a way, I had always been drawn to that lifestyle. It just wasn’t the way I lived.
 
This was also the first I’d ever heard of “holiness standards”. This is where I developed my modesty standards. They’ve grown over time. It was a transition. I felt convicted to stop wearing pants shortly after beginning there. No one told me to. It was something I wanted. The remainder of my modesty standards followed. Most of the changes I made were out of personal conviction. Some of the changes I made were with guidance from my church at the time when I couldn’t figure out where to lay a boundary.
 
Over the years, I settled into my own style of modesty. You can absolutely still have your own style. You may be more feminine and like to dress up. You may be a woman who is more Plain Jane, and there’s nothing wrong with that. T-shirts and maxi skirts are modest too. You don’t have to wear high heels and be all dolled up. You can be tie-dye, boho, or basic. It’s not all lace and frills. Find your genuine style.

Addressing the heart

The heart leads the behavior and the attire. What does your heart desire? How do you want to live? How do you want to appear? Firstly, I want to avoid sexual sin and avoid leading others into such temptation. Secondly, I want to appear in a way that is consistent with my profession of faith. If an outfit were to ever be able to hurt my witness, that outfit needs to go.
 
If ever I feel that the way I want to dress is different than how God wants me to put together my attire, then I need to remember I lay down my flesh to follow after Christ. My pursuit of holiness is more important than any cute outfit or color lip gloss I like.
 
My heart’s desire is for holiness and a modest presentation Jesus would approve of. I came to realize the world’s perspective of modesty is not the same as God’s perspective. I refined my choices.

Behaving modestly

What good is it to dress appropriately if we behave promiscuously or in a way that seeks bodily attention outside of marriage? Proper behavior is an often-forgotten aspect of modesty. Let your actions align with the values you profess.

Clothing standards

What is a standard?
Definition: standard
Noun

• A level of quality or attainment
• An idea or thing used as a measure, norm, or model used in comparative evaluations

Adjective

• Used or accepted as normal or average

 
If you’re new to the term “holiness standards”, this may be something to stop and think about. What are standards for ourselves as Christians? How we live? How we treat others? How we witness? How we look?
 
What are we comparing ourselves to? The members of the body of Christ are supposed to live differently than the world (the sinful lifestyle of those who live to please the flesh). We are supposed to be set apart from sin. We often look different than the secular world. Yet even the secular world has standards of appearance in certain places. Go to public school or private school and there will be a dress code. Go to work for almost any employer and there will be a dress code. That is widely accepted as professionalism. Yet many oppose the idea of God’s people having standards of appropriate appearance when they profess to be working the harvest fields. Are we not representing Jesus at all times? Does it not hinder our witness to be dressed immodestly or ungodly? Standards will be on topics that we are often different on compared to the secular world or, perhaps, mainstream Christianity.
 
The instruction to be modest is a biblical instruction. One thing that I struggled with is the bible doesn’t specify what is considered modest and what is considered inappropriate. There are no instructions on sleeve length or skirt length etc. In our American culture, it’s only in recent years that people have revealed so much skin. It actually used to be illegal to go out dressed the way people do nowadays. These are things we have to seek the Lord on through prayer. If we seek his will on the matter, we’ll receive his guidance. These are matters of personal conviction. Depending on the type of church you go to, your church may (or may not) offer guidance. If your church does, there may be what we call “platform standards” for people who choose to be in leadership and be involved in things that represent the church. That is one place to look for guidance. The people involved in leadership and ministries should be modeling what the church teaches. I’d venture to say most of my modesty standards are in line with the traditional Apostolic Pentecostal teaching. A few may be more conservative. These are the standards that I have developed for myself to live out through personal conviction.
 

1. Shirts need to have sleeves. They need to have enough of a sleeve to cover the armpits. I don’t wear sleeveless. If a dress is sleeveless, I will wear a shirt under it or wear a cardigan that can be buttoned over it. Of course, sleeves need to be enough coverage that bras are kept hidden and straps of dress slips do not show.  
2. As far as sleeve length, I prefer it to reach at least halfway between my shoulder and my elbow. If I were to sew my own clothes, I’d prefer the sleeves to be closer to the elbow if not covering the elbow. That’s just my personal preference.
3. Shirts need to not be low-cut or loose enough to fall open and reveal anything. I choose shirts that are approximately within a hand width of my collarbone or higher. No cleavage or breast shows. If a shirt is borderline questionable, I wear a cami under it just in case.
4. I don’t want my belly or back showing. If I raise my hands straight up, my shirts need to be long enough to not show that skin.  
5. I choose to wear skirts or dresses. I do not wear pants anymore. The exception to that is pajama pants I will wear at home. Unless something cannot be done safely or modestly in a skirt, I’m not wearing pants. You can do pretty much everything in a skirt. For cold weather or situations where modesty is of concern, I will wear leggings under my skirts. To me, leggings are undergarments. That’s not a negotiating piece to change my hemline. It’s more for cold weather, but can also be for exercise or more physical work. I do think a woman can be modest in pants, but that is challenging when women’s clothes are made to be form-fitting.
6. I don’t let my knees show. I prefer my skirts and dresses to be ankle-length. I can do below-the-knee as long as my knees stay covered.
7. I prefer my skirts to not have a slit. I’m okay if there is a slit as long as my standards would still be met if you cut the skirt off at the top of the slit.
8. The above standards mentioned need to be met when standing, sitting, legs crossed, kneeling, or bending over.
9. It is not okay for my clothes to be see-through. I will not buy clothes that you can see right through. If something is a little thinner than I’m comfortable with, I layer.
10. Nothing should be clinging to my body or form-fitting. I typically avoid pencil skirts and athletic skirts for this reason. Clothes should not be tight!
11.  Nothing should be drawing attention to my body. So, I’m not going to wear a shirt with a ton of jewels or anything like that. If it’s the kind of outfit that can catch your attention from across the room, it might be a bit much. I’m all for glitter. I don’t mind sequins. I like to sparkle. Things like that I think we can still be modest even with a little shimmer or brighter colors. I like tie-dye. I don’t have anything against certain colors or patterns. I just don’t want to be having an attitude that I want to be noticed by everyone in the room. This also goes for clothing accessories. For example, there are some pantyhose that are a covering and others that are eye-catching. A pair of sweater tights is a covering that increases modesty. A pair of fishnet tights is eye-catching. I won’t wear any stockings that draw attention to my legs. That kind of thing not only draws attention to the leg, but right up to the hemline potentially leading the mind above the hemline.  
12.  Nothing about my attire should be flashy or showy in a way that insinuates status or riches. We can see that adorning ourselves in expensive-looking ways is not proper for women professing godliness.

 
Overall, my outfit needs to be covering what needs covered, not clinging, not tight, not see-through or too thin, and a presentation that does not draw attention to my body.
 
Over the years, women’s clothes have become tighter and thinner. Shopping for new clothes is increasingly challenging. Jean skirts and tee-shirts are a good place to start if you’re looking to transition to similar standards.
 
Outfit check: If you’re not sure on an outfit, go through some questions like these.

1. Is everything covered that needs to be covered? Knees? The 3 B’s: Back, belly, and boobs? Upper arms?
2. Is anything see-through? If so, should I layer or let this garment go?
3. Is this too form-fitting? Is it loose enough to look like a lady, but not so loose it will fall open?
4. Am I trying to draw attention or be showy?

 
 
***If you’re wondering what my modesty standards are for men, it’s quite similar. No knees showing so no shorts. No sleeveless. They also need to have sleeves approximately halfway between shoulders and elbows. Definitely no going shirtless outside their own house. Modesty is for men too. Fortunately, when shopping for men we don’t have the obstacles of form-fitting clothing and shirts being see-through. Their clothes are also cheaper!
 
One other thing related to clothing choices is brand representation. A lot of companies speak out on controversial issues. There are some clothing companies that go against my religious beliefs or values. I choose not to purchase their products and try to not unintentionally represent their brand. I’m cautious about wearing things that outwardly show the company it’s made by. In general, I don’t like brand representation unless it is a wholesome company or cause I intentionally want to represent. Jerseys and sports are another thing to think about. When you’re shopping, think about any large labels that you’re wearing and what you’re representing with that.

Decency

We don’t want to dress in a way that is indecent any more than we want to behave indecently. Modest clothing represents decency in how we cover ourselves. Some other things to think about are cosmetics and accessories. Our overall appearance should be decent, modest, not flashy or extravagant, and proper for women professing godliness. All of these things used to be the norm. As our society changes and accepts more and more immodesty, those who follow modesty standards will be set apart from the mainstream.

Our measuring stick

Our current secular culture cannot be our measuring stick for what is appropriate. Our church culture cannot be the measuring stick for what is acceptable. We have to seek God on the matter.
 
Our culture has changed so much in the last few decades. It wasn’t that many years ago that modesty was the norm. What was once normal is now considered extreme. Some even say legalistic. God tells us to be modest, but many Christians will tell you that modesty standards are rooted in shame and oppression. I beg to differ. It’s rooted in valuing what’s covered. It’s rooted in adorning ourselves appropriately as women who profess to be godly. It’s setting a standard of the minimum acceptable to represent the quality of our declared faith. It’s respecting ourselves enough to not chase after attention the way that worldly women do. It’s decent and proper. It’s also a biblical instruction to be modest.
 
We’d be wise not to use the mainstream secular culture as our measuring stick for what we should look like. Scanty clothing, shorts, crop tops, tanks that show off so much of a bra, skin-tight leggings, and form-fitting jeans are the attire of the world. Is that proper for us? It may feel natural if that’s what we come from, but is that how God wants his daughters to dress?
 
Seek the Lord on the matter. Be open to conviction. If your desire is to live holy, you will establish modesty standards.