Why I was atheist: Reflections of a Christian convert

updated 2025 February 23rd

It is my hope in sharing this that it may offer insight to the atheist perspective for Christians trying to reach an individual. It helps to gain understanding of how another person views spiritual matters. I also hope that each reader would reflect on how they represent the faith and intentionally address any weak areas that may be hurting their witness.

From hardcore atheist who couldn’t stand Christians to being a devout Christian is nothing less than a powerful transformation. This is my story.
 
I was raised in a home with Christian parents of different denominations. We didn’t have a church. We did have bibles. We didn’t do bible studies or Vacation Bible School or anything like that. They taught me about God through their faith, and I accepted it as fact when I was young. By middle school the science and logic part of me had kicked in and I didn’t believe in things I couldn’t see. Around 14 I started exploring different religions. I’ve always liked to study religion. That’s certainly not a bad thing. I found Christians at school to be a turn-off for representing Christianity. They were so rude to anyone who wasn’t like them. I made some non-Christian friends and went through a Wiccan phase my freshman year of high school. I liked the earthy natural feel, but the belief in it didn’t last. Again, I don’t believe in things I can’t see or experience. I felt like there could be or maybe should be a god out there, but didn’t find a religion to fit me or that felt right to me. Perhaps my biggest turn off to Christianity was the Christian youth I encountered and their treatment of people who weren’t like them. As teenagers, they weren’t exactly friendly to others who had a different faith (or lack of) than them. My primary exposure to larger numbers of Christians came through public school. Since I was not attending church and not in churchy social circles, the main representation of Christianity I had at that age came from the public schools. From time to time, Christians will ask me about my atheist years or my conversion to Christianity because they want to share the gospel with someone. There were several reasons I was atheist. I’ll share them here. Please do continue in the blog series on my faith journey to hear the rest of the story about why and how I became Christian, why I’m still Christian, and chapters of my story unfolded.

In writing this blog, I did my best to step back into the perspectives I had before I came to know Christ. Of course, many of these issues I see differently now that I have the revelation of knowing Jesus is real. I hope this is insightful for the Christian looking to have a better understanding of why someone may be a nonbeliever.
 
Why I was atheist:

• I’m a science and logic person. I believe in what I can see and analyze. Religion seemed made-up to me. It wasn’t something I saw any evidence of. I thought people used religion to comfort themselves or to follow something “spiritual”.
• Christians are often mean to non-Christians. Being rude or talking down to someone did not make me want to join their church. I think this was primarily an issue due to the age range I was during my atheist years. I think it would have been a different experience had I been atheist as an adult and encountered a wider range of social experiences.
• Their focus on sin and threats of eternal torture if I didn’t join their club did not make me want to join their club. Telling me I will go to hell and burn for eternity if I don’t believe what they believe made me want nothing to do with them. The lake of fire is not exactly a good cover photo for a ‘Come to Jesus’ brochure. You can’t threaten someone into the Christian faith. Looking back, I don’t remember anyone telling me they were Christian because of their love for Jesus or what He did for them or how they wanted to follow Him. I remember people telling me things like “but you’ll go to hell” if you don’t go to church. That is really not a good starting point for someone who does not understand heaven and hell, eternity, salvation, or who Jesus is.
• Christians accept the sinful nature as part of their faith’s way to describe bad actions. To non-Christians, telling someone they are a sinner sends the message that they are a bad person. Why would I want to join the faith system of someone who thinks I’m a bad person? One thing I like to tell people who want to evangelize is this: Don’t preach sin at people who don’t know who the savior is. Start with sharing who Jesus is and that he died for our sins so that we can be saved. Once you share more about who Jesus is, then get into teaching what sin is.
• They can’t figure out what they believe. How can they be the one true religion if they argue over everything? The fact that there were so many denominations was a big hesitance for me. I think the number of denominations out there was a huge stumbling block for me. As an atheist, I viewed Christians as a collective whole. I didn’t know anything about why they had so many denominations or what doctrinal differences were.

• I felt like they devour their own so badly non-believers may be afraid to even step into Christian circles. If they tear down their own so harshly with heated division between denominations and doctrine, surely they would shred a non-Christian who stepped into their territory.

• The way people get puffed up and hot-headed about what they feel is true is a bridge-burner when it comes to reaching someone. Everyone thinks what they are following is true. Getting angry at people for disagreeing or interpreting things differently does not build bridges.
• As a teen, I felt like Christians seemed fake. I thought it was hypocritical of them to claim to be Christian which means they are supposed to live right and then I would see how wild some people were. They said they follow Jesus, but they didn’t live or act much different than the secular world. Again, I think this would have been a different experience had I been older as an atheist. There are many Christians who do live and behave differently because of their faith. My limited exposure to Christians of a diversity in age range influenced my perspective because my exposure was primarily teenagers.
• One thing I did see from “the outside” as an atheist was abuse scandals. Seeing abuse scandals and such go public and seeing churches that covered up crimes against children made me very distrusting of churches as a whole. Ignoring domestic violence was another big issue. Shouldn’t they be speaking out on behalf of the victims and calling out the sin that harmed them?
• They can be a bit argumentative with people who don’t believe what they do. That never recruits people to come to church or Jesus.
• I do remember the tension among Christians between those in church and those not in church. I wanted to avoid the negative vibes coming from the church crowd. They always seemed so upset that I didn’t go to church.
• Peer pressure and the desire to fit in with the mainstream isn’t a pull for me. Back then, people would act like you just had to be Christian because it’s the thing that the right people do. There was insinuation that not being a Christian meant you were not a good person… as if you must be a bad person for not believing in God. Of course, I am not going to open up to someone who thinks I’m a bad person. Build relationships with people lovingly.
• Ghosts were a reason I didn’t believe heaven and hell could exist. Christians said people went to heaven or hell, no other options. Yet I saw ghosts from the time I was very young. I actually stopped seeing them after becoming Christian. Still, I had seen ghosts before my eyes. So, the Christian idea of afterlife couldn’t be true. There had to be people trapped here. There had to be a thin veil between this world and the afterlife. Perhaps, that was a silly stumbling block of my youth. Nevertheless, that was a big reason for me to remain an unbeliever when I started questioning Christianity.  
• I seek truth, answers, and understanding. I was never interested in a superficial faith for popularity points. I felt like there was a truth out there and I wanted it but I couldn’t find it. I don’t remember anyone talking to me about truth. I would have been open to the conversation.
• I was ignorant to history regarding Jesus of Nazareth. I had no idea that the historical figure actually existed. Reference the works of Josh McDowell and Lee Strobel. The historical factors fascinate me. I like facts. When I came to know those things, I was compelled to look further into this Jesus thing.
• Trying to read the bible from the beginning was… a bit of a culture shock. When the Old Testament talked about sacrifices and such, it weirded me out. No one really explained to me what the bible was and how to study it.
• As I think back on it, the biggest thing that comes to mind is there was a lack of outreach.
• I can’t think of a single time someone shared the gospel with me until right before I became a Christian. I think when people hear that someone is atheist they think that person must hate God. That’s not always true. Not all atheists are against the idea of Christianity. They just haven’t been introduced to it well yet.
• And the big one: I wasn’t raised in church nor did I grow up studying the faith. If you want to prevent atheism in the next generation, you must raise your children in church with daily prayer in the household and bible study as a lifestyle. If you are a parent, raising children is your greatest opportunity to make disciples.